A.N – Here's Donny, to anyone who reads/reviews please let me know if he 'sounds' right. It's his 'running thoughts', if they get lost please let me know. Also, if you think it would work better in 3rd person say so! Thanks.

Time Since Departure; 3hrs 52mins 08secs …

Well, that isn't the sort of conversation you expect to have over dinner is it? Of all the things I was expecting to hear, that was most definitely not it. In fact it was the sort of thing that you would expect to come from Raph. How he managed to just sit there, say that and then get up and leave with scarcely a care in the world, I'll never know. Leonardo was always the dependable one, sure Raph is loyal; suicidally so if I am perfectly honest, but I always thought you knew where you stood when it came to Leo. Goes to show what a brilliant brother I turned out to be doesn't it?

Master Splinter has been encouraging us to acknowledge our real feelings. Do you want to know what I'm really feeling right now? Other than numb, I'm angry, I never thought I could get this angry at anyone or anything … but right now I'm furious. Leo and I were meant to be close. Close? know that's rich coming from me now, sitting here, beavering away in order to distract myself from everything. Hey, guess what we were so close he couldn't even tell me what was going on inside his head. I thought I was his confidant. And he couldn't duck out of practice just once to say 'Don …can we have a word? or 'Donny I need to say something' He couldn't even ask for help. What did he think I'd do? Get upset? Because if he did, he's succeeded in getting that reaction now. I never thought I would think of Leo as insensitive or cold but my opinion is rapidly changing. It was so perfectly planned, so incredibly methodical the way he came into the kitchen, with everything pre-packed, solely to say those two little words, "I'm leaving." I'm leaving? Packed up and ready to go? Why? Where? He didn't even have all the answers, let alone a worthwhile explanation. I've never known Leo not to have everything planned out to some extent. Sure he would turn to me to fill in the gaps, but he always knew what it was he wanted. In some ways it's scaring me to think on how lost he has become.

Maybe he is using Raphael as an excuse, he was so determined to leave and be damned to the rest of us after all. I have to admit that when we saw him crossing the lair we all thought he was going to … God, I've not even spoken to Raph or Mikey yet. I don't even know what they are doing, I left the kitchen before Raph did and came straight into my lab. I don't know much about what is happening around me right now, but I am pretty certain that he is responsible for making Mikey cry. I've got the radio on, my tools out and I'm trying to get his … well, I'm trying to focus on my work, but I can still hear him sobbing quietly in his room. I hope someone goes through to see him soon. Looking after Mikey tends to be Raph's territory, and if I am perfectly honest that is pretty funny to think about. But right now? Right now, I think Raph has gone out, though he might be with Splinter, talking or being calmed down.

I hate this. I hate this sense of loss; and no one has died. I hate the fact that there is no easy way to fix this. Most of all I hate not knowing what to do next, I can still hear crying coming through the walls, and I don't even know if someone has gone through yet. I hate the fact that Raph is being quiet, Leo has been trying to shut Raph up for years and I've never known Raph to do anything unless he wants to. In fact I've never Raph to be quiet; I swear he was a breath away from going after Leo and begging him to stay earlier. I don't even know if he has gone out, maybe he tried and Master Splinter made him come back? Maybe … but oh, I don't know. I know I hate not knowing the answers, so that is a start isn't it?

But do you want to know what the worst part is? If he walked back through that door right now apologising, even if it was to sneak back in to inform me that it was a prank … that he is just pranking Raph or something, I don't think I could forgive him. He said he was leaving because he couldn't face the possibility of growing to hate Raph, he told us he wouldn't be able to live with himself if that came to be the case. But what about me? I hate the fact that thanks to our 'fearless leader' I'm filling up inside with hate … in fact right now I'm not sure I even want him to come back. And I think it is that that I hate the most.

God … I'm hating an awful lot right now, maybe it will get better. Maybe.

--

Mikey is still crying, so I pack away my tools, pick up his console and go through. It's taken me all night to do this, but perhaps it will put a smile back on his face. It's worth a try isn't it?