He was going to it. Sean Cameron was absolutely going to call Miss Ellie Nash. Maybe. Problem number one, he quickly discovered, was that he didn't have her extension number at the hospital. Problem number two, was that he had no guts.
The first issue was easily enough solved. He called the front desk, pretended to be her father, and got the number, no questions asked. The second proved to be a little more difficult. He dialled one number, then hung up. Dialled two, and hung up. Dialled all but one, and hung up again. He went through that particular routine for nearly an hour, grateful that he'd had the good sense to do it on a Saturday, and that he didn't have much homework.
He frittered away the rest of the day playing with Bueller and working on upcoming school projects--and that was saying something!--before he finally forced himself to return to the phone. It was after supper, and he knew if he didn't do it soon, he never would. Hands shaking, he turned the dial of the ancient phone.
It took five rings before he got an answer.
"Hi, Ellie?"
He was astonished to be greeted by a very familiar male voice, but one that he couldn't quite place. "One minute."
"Hello?" It was Ellie this time, sounding vaguely confused.
"Ellie? It's Sean. I, uh, almost thought I had the wrong room, there." He chuckled nervously. Great, he thought. I sound like a complete idiot. Way to go, Cameron.
"What? Oh that was... Um, Spinner's here," she said.
Sean was more than a little bit confused. He was unaware of the blossoming relationship (if it could be called that) between Spinner and Ellie, but he decided not to ask about it for now. "How are you doing?" he asked. Once more, he wanted to smack himself. The very fact that she was in the hospital spoke for itself.
Ellie was careful to keep her voice level, despite the fact that Spinner was rolling his eyes and reaching for her hand. "I'm okay. But um, this isn't a great time, so if you could tell me why you're calling that would be good."
Sean took a deep breath. It was, he supposed, now or never. Of course, he knew as he thought it that he was being a tad melodramatic, but the panicked sense of urgency remained. "Ellie, I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry I left you behind. Stuck you with the rent. That I couldn't be there for you. And I'm sorry I said we couldn't be together. The truth is, I need you Ellie. You said you needed me, but I need you, too."
Ellie let her hair hide her face, hoping Spinner wouldn't pick up on what was happening. "No," she said softly. "No, Sean, we can't do this. You were right. We're not ready to be together again. Not now, and maybe not ever." She could hardly get the words out. "I have a boyfriend, Sean. I should have told you, but we weren't exactly talking. It's time for both of us to--to move on." It was taking every ounce of self-control for her not to burst out crying, or to beg for him to come and hold her and love her and save her. "Take care of yourself, Sean. And we'll talk sometimes, still. But..." She couldn't finish--she couldn't even hang up. The phone dropped out of her hand, and for a moment, Sean was able to catch snatches of the dialogue in the room.
"El, what was that all about?" It was, of course, Spinner's voice.
"It's nothing," Ellie said, her voice weak. "Just Sean. He wanted to make sure I was okay. That's all it was." Sean heard the bed creak, and then the dialtone. It took him a moment for all of it to sink in, for him to realize that Ellie, this time, had rejected him. But it wasn't the rejection that bothered him--it was that he couldn't have her--could maybe never have her. He was lucky, he supposed, that he didn't have the guts to follow her lead and stick a razor in his wrist.
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Ellie was glad that she was a decent actress. It took a minute to pull herself together, but she soon resumed conversation with no trace of her emotion showing. Spinner was blabbing about something sports related (as usual), leaving Ellie to her own thoughts as long as she pretended to look interested. Spinner didn't care that much, anyway--as long as he could talk, he was happy, and didn't require the same in return--in fact, he tried to avoid it. In his mind, that made Ellie the perfect girlfriend. That, and her inherent 'hot-ness' as he often bragged to his friends. He was also quick to mention how good she was in bed. Ellie was aware of that last fact, and she knew vaguely that it should have bothered her, but it really wasn't a major concern at that particular time.
Ellie hated herself for saying no to Sean. She hated herself for hating herself for saying no to Sean. And she hated the fact that if he were in front of her, she would have tried to tear his clothes off and sleep with him. She was brought back to reality when Spinner leaned forward to kiss her. She pushed him away gently.
"No PDA, okay?" she said. "Not in here. Not with the nurses staring at us." He pouted, but eventually relented. "But when I get out, I'll make it up to you, okay?" She gave him her own pouty look, which quickly turned his into a greedy smile.
"And that's why you're mine," he said.
"My shrink wants me try pills," Ellie offered up to him. "She thinks it might help me. Something about depression. She hardly knows me, yet she thinks she can snap her fingers and make me happy." He gave her a disgruntled look. "Sorry," she said. "Tell me more about your sports stuff. Educate me. I know nothing about it."
"Why was Sean calling you?"
"Spin, I told you. He just wanted to make sure I was all right. It's not a big deal."
"How did he even know you were in here? He is your ex. I'm allowed to worry."
Ellie sighed. She'd been fearing this. Spinner was the jealous sort, and prone to mini tantrums. It often took some work to placate him, but placating was what she did best. "Spinner, you're my Hormone Boy. I'm with you, okay? Not Sean. Things between Sean and I are over. They don't exist. There is no Ellie and Sean. It's Ellie and Spinner. Freak Girl and Hormone Boy. And I made that clear to Sean. You heard what I said." She felt neauseous saying it, but at that moment, keeping Spinner seemed to be the most important thing in the world. She hoped he wouldn't notice that she'd side-stepped his question.
He leaned forward and gave her a kiss, and this time she let him get away with it. "I wish I could bust you out of here," he said. "I miss you."
"I miss you too." The words were automatic. She'd been parroting his words lately, agreeing with whatever he said because it was easier than thinking about what she was doing. At least when he had part-ownership of her body, she didn't have to consider the impossibilities of love and the idiosyncracies of a relationship. She could let her body do the talking for once.
But god how she wanted Sean. When she was with him, she didn't have to think either--she could let herself be happy, instead of numb. And she still had the oppotunity to think--or at least she always had--if she so desired, which often she did. She let out a breath and turned back to Spinner, pasted a smile on her face, and made herself numb.