CHAPTER 5

Hutch

As we drove back to Starsky's place, I glanced over at him. He'd been very quiet since we'd left the precinct and I could see he was deep in thought. He turned to look at me briefly and grinned slowly. I guess I grinned back but it was an effort. The thought of what he was putting himself in for scared the hell out of me. The thought of losing him scared the hell out of me. Was it worth it? The enormous risk that he was insisting on taking? I didn't think so, but I knew I couldn't resist him on this. It was important to him, so I'd just have to make sure I was there to protect him.

"Are ya gonna go home?" I was surprised at the question. "Ya know, see Louise?"

"Not yet. We're gonna read the file and get this sorted. I'll go back later. Guess I should give her a call from your place." I was reluctant to start anything with her, but realized I really should call. How I wish I could start the day again. Everything seemed to be going wrong all of a sudden, and I still couldn't believe Louise's attitude.

I looked at the quick frown that appeared on Starsky's face. What was he thinking?

"Listen, Starsk, I don't want you to be worried about me and Louise. If it's meant to work out, then it will. If not..." I tried to shrug nonchalantly. I never could fool Starsky properly, but I was surprised at his reaction, which occurred as we got out of the Torino at his place. He turned to grab me and stared closely at me.

"You listen to me, Hutch. Don't you go blowin' anythin' with Louise just 'cause she don't like me! You deserve all the happiness in the world and you'd be a great dad, ya know! I figure one of us ought to..."

I was stunned and grabbed hold of him.

"You get this, partner! She's gotta realize that we're partners, and if she can't accept that, then how can I make it work? I've got one lousy marriage behind me and I don't want another one! Whatever happens, Starsk, you're not to worry about it!"

"Just promise me, Hutch, promise that you'll try to work it out with her." I looked at the anxiety in my best friend's face. I sensed I was missing something, that I wasn't picking up on what he was really telling me, but my mind was still reeling from what the day had brought me and I wasn't in the best frame of mind to sort out puzzles.

"Starsk..."

"Look, I know how much you value our friendship and partnership but, that's not all there is to this world. You deserve a family..."

"Starsk, I've got a family--me and thee--if I remember correctly!" I was confused, not sure whether we were communicating properly even now. "I'm not gonna make any rash decisions but, Starsk, I'm not gonna get married for the sake of it. Whatever happens, you and me are partners forever. Just you remember that." Starsky gave up; I saw a look of resignation flash across his face as he shrugged. He must have realized that we didn't have enough time to mess around. We went into his apartment. Why did I feel I was still missing the point?

"I'll get us some beer and you call Louise." He left me to make my phone call .I was still uneasy about Starsky, but I knew I had to concentrate on my phone call to Louise first.

"Hello," her voice sounded cold.

"Hey, it's me. I'm at Starsky's..."

A moment of silence greeted me. "Surprise, surprise. Are you going to come home after you've tucked him in for the night?"

I held my temper with difficulty. "I'll be home later. We've got some stuff to sort out; he's gonna take the case in Las Vegas." I tried to be as pleasant as I could.

"I see. How long do you think you'll be?" the voice was expressionless.

"As long as it takes, Louise! Then we'll talk."

"Oh yes, Ken, we will talk. Are you planning on going with him?"

I didn't want to lie to her, but now wasn't the time to get into it.

"We'll talk when I get home, Louise." She hung up on me.

Starsky came back carrying two beers and threw me a can.

"How'd it go?"

I shrugged. "So-so. Fireworks tonight I guess, but I'll deal with it. Let's read the files. I need to know what you're gonna be up to. Remember--you've gotta promise me not to worry about this."

Starsky sat down next to me and grinned weakly. "Best friends don't have to promise."

I was thrown by the reference to Terry. She and Starsky had used the phrase many times, up to the terrible week she'd died. I'd seen him nearly destroyed by her death, but somehow he'd survived it. My tough, stubborn partner certainly had more than his fair share of blows in this life. How I wished I could protect him from these hurts. I realized again just how well Terry had fit in with our unusual lifestyle, and had to fight back a sudden surge of grief for the loss of a good friend. It still snuck up on me, even after all these years. God knows what it did to Starsky. As usual, Starsky picked up on my mood and squeezed my hand.

"Louise might not be Terry or Gillian, but she could still make you happy if you give her a chance." Starsky was determined to be fair and wanted me to be happy, but I couldn't accept what he was saying now.

"Not if she tries to mess with our friendship, Starsk. I could never be happy without that."

"You and me will always be friends, blintz. Nothin' can change that, and I guess I've just started to believe in that again." He looked directly at me. "You remember, too. Always. I won't ask ya to promise..." There were a few minutes of silence as we contemplated what we'd just said.

I could see the concern in his eyes, but I didn't know what to say. Yes, I loved Louise, but I wasn't about to rush home to her to sort things out. Not on the eve of my partner and best friend leaving to take on a dangerous assignment. If she couldn't see that, then I had to face it--we had problems. I wasn't yet ready to face them. No matter what he said, I couldn't be happy with a woman who couldn't accept my partner and best friend in my life, and I had the very serious issue of her not telling me when Starsky called. Whatever happened, we would be bound to argue over that issue, especially as I wasn't prepared to let it go.

It was time to move on. We started reading the files.