CHAPTER 7
Hutch
I made a very quick exit from Starsky's place, not trusting myself to stay any longer. I drove away but pulled up just around the corner, needing some time to think. Everything had happened so fast that I hadn't had a chance to absorb everything I needed to. I needed some space before facing Louise. What the hell was I going to do? I remembered Huggy's birthday and how tired Starsky had been, and I felt the rage building up inside me again. She hadn't told me that Starsky had called, and I was going to face her on that crime at least. I started up the car and drove home with a purpose.
"Hello, Ken." I was surprised to find that she came up to me and put her arms around me, but I pushed her away.
"Louise, we've gotta talk!"
I watched her mouth tighten as she realized I was serious and not very happy with her.
"I know, Ken, and I've been thinking about our argument. It was so stupid...we shouldn't fight over your friend. He's not worth it..." she stopped when she saw my face.
"Louise, let's get one thing straight! He is worth it--he's my best friend and my partner. I love him like he was my brother, and if you can't accept that, then you'd better work out just what is important to you."
Louise looked stunned. "You'd choose him over me?"
"I shouldn't have to choose, Louise! I don't want to have to pick between you and him. It's ridiculous, since I love you both in different ways. However, I will NOT have you decide for me who should be my friend, or tell me I shouldn't be there when a friend needs me. I wouldn't dream of doing that to you, and I expect the same courtesy from you." I could feel my rage building up as I saw her stunned expression. "For God's sake, you're a nurse, you know what he went through with the shooting! You know how I love him. You said that's what got your attention in the first place, how much I loved my partner. You saw what his near death did to me and yet you expect me to hold back now?"
"YES!" She shouted. I could see she was getting angry now, but I was beyond caring. We had to sort this out.
"I did notice how much you cared about him and my heart went out to both of you, but I never guessed that I'd have to share you with him. Ken, we're going to be married in three weeks and we're trying to build a life together. I do NOT want to have a third person in our marriage, and I think you should ask yourself if you would allow me to go around tucking my best friend in bed. Or whether you'd be thrilled at the prospect of me going out of town three weeks prior to our marriage. I'd say the answer would be NO! All I'm asking is you show me that I am important to you. Just once."
"I guess you don't know me that well, after all, because I would NEVER try to keep you from being with a friend who needed you. EVER! As for sharing me with him, you don't want to share, you want me all to yourself, and I don't work that way. Starsky has seen me through some real tough times, and has always been there for me. I want to--and intend to--do the same for him. This is a really difficult time for him and I'm gonna be there for him. I'm sorry, Louise, but that's the way it is."
"The really stupid thing about this argument is that he'd be a great friend to you, too, if you gave him the chance. He is a terrific person, and if you weren't so blinded by jealousy, you'd see that. He has a big and forgiving heart and is one of the kindest people I've ever met. But he's hurting at the moment and is suffering some sort of confidence crisis. I AM going to be there for him, like it or not. Which brings me to another point. He called me a few weeks ago and wanted to talk to me. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!" I knew I was shouting, but all I could see was the tiredness in Starsky's face, and the knowledge that he'd needed me and I hadn't been there was more than I could bear.
"Because you had indigestion and the last thing you needed was to go traipsing over to his place. He's a big boy..." she stopped, probably my expression warned her not to go on. After an interminable time, she came up to me and put her hands on my arm.
"Ken, I'm sorry. I've just never had the sort of friendship you share with Starsky. My loss, I guess. I just love you so much that I want to be with you all the time...I'm sorry that I didn't tell you he called. I promise it will never happen again."
I remained silent, unsure of how to proceed with this. I was still furiously angry with her, but my emotions were overwhelming at that time and I didn't know where to turn.
"Ken, please forgive me. Blame it on pre-wedding nerves if you like. Panic at the thought of you not being here with me." She moved into my arms and started to kiss me. I was still angry, but I needed the comfort she offered and I found myself responding to her as our kiss deepened. We separated slightly so we could move toward the bedroom. I wasn't convinced that our problems were solved, but I was just so tired and wanted to be comforted, and the arms around me and the warm body pressing against mine, promised me at least a reprieve from the stormy day that I'd just endured. We made our way into the bedroom.