Disclaimer: I don't own the Power Rangers, or the settings where they have taken place. They are owned by Saban. I don't wish to get sued. The names of the children are mine… the song is by Sherrie Austin and called "Streets of Heaven." The song is marked in Enjoy!
Authors Note: This was a story redone, and added a chapter…. I felt it needed something more, so RR and let me know what you think!
It's been a year since Alexis's funeral, and Kimberly still hasn't gotten over her daughter's death. She he has learned how to completely shut out her emotions in front of most people, however, with doing that, Kimberly was never the same. There were days where she was in such a deep depression that she could not get out of bed, and other days, she would not talk to anyone on the phone. This was not the Kimberly everyone came to love, and no one knew how to get her back. There wasn't a day that went by where she was not at the cemetery, sitting by her daughters' grave, staring at the headstone, sometimes for twenty minutes, sometimes for three hours. Michael was in Kindergarten, and Hailey was in Pre-school, Tommy was able to be there for them in the morning and when they came home from school if needed. Kimberly sometimes couldn't do it.
"Dad." Michael says, frowning.
"Mike."
"Where's mom?"
"I don't know pal. Did you look upstairs?"
"Yes."
"Maybe she went to the cemetery."
"Again?"
"You know she goes almost every day." Tommy says, feeling bad for his children, but also for his wife. He didn't know how to help her, because he couldn't be helped. Even though he was there for his kids, he still felt empty inside, and he knew that Kim can't find herself enough to fix her whole. He knew that he had to talk to her again, and see what he could possibly do to help her. That night, he got the kids in bed and went downstairs to wait for his wife. He didn't understand what brought this week on, because she has been doing alright the past month or two. He knew he had to talk to her. She came in at nine, and saw her husband sitting in the living room.
"Hi." He says to her.
"Hi."
"How was your day?"
"Fine." She says, "I'm going to bed."
"Hold up a minute Kimberly."
"Tommy, I'm exhausted."
"Come sit with me, we need to talk."
"Can't it wait till tomorrow?"
"It could, if you could guarantee that you would actually be home tomorrow." He says, bluntly.
"What the hell does that mean?"
"It means that you are never home anymore Kimberly."
"I am too home! This was the first day I haven't been home in a month to put the kids to bed."
"Where were you?"
"What does it matter?"
"It does… where were you?"
"At the cemetery." She says, watching his facial expressions. He gave her none to work with.
"Kim…" He starts.
"What?"
"We have two kids…"
"I know that."
"Honey, I miss Alexis too, I do… and there is not a day that goes by where I don't think about her, but honey, it's not healthy you spending all of your time at the cemetery, you aren't doing our kids any good."
"They are fine."
"Kimberly, they see you maybe eight hours a day if they are lucky. It's been a year honey, you have to start turning your life around. You have to start to get…" He stops himself before he goes to far.
"Get what? Get over it? Get over my seven year old's death? Get over the fact that I was a doctor and couldn't help her at all? Get over that I wish it was me rather then my daughter? Forget that I even had a daughter before Michael and that they had a sister? Do you know what happened yesterday? No because I was here… not you."
"I didn't say anything about forgetting…"
"You sure as hell have, haven't you? You forgot about her. Well I can't forget about her Tommy."
"I haven't forgotten about her. I'm just saying, you have to move on…"
"Your right." She says grabbing her jacket, "I'm moving on." And with that she slams the door.
He runs outside, and takes her arm, "Where the hell do you think you are going?"
"OUT!" She screams, trying to break away from his firm grip.
"You've changed Kimberly. You aren't the person I married, and you aren't the person I loved."
"LET ME GO!" She screams, almost crying.
"Fine." He says, letting her go. She quickly gets to her car and drives down the street. He didn't know where she was going, but he felt confident that she would come back. When he went inside, Hailey was standing at the foot of the stairs looking like she was ready to cry. "What are you doing up honey?" He asks, picking her up.
"Where's mommy?"
"She went for a drive, but she'll be back." Tommy hated seeing his daughter so confused. She was only four, well, just about and didn't understand why her mommy keeps leaving, and doesn't smile anymore, "Why are you awake?"
"Mommy yelling." She says, leaning her head against her dad's neck.
"I'm sorry she woke you up." He says, sitting down on the couch. He looked at a picture of his three kids, which was sitting on the coffee table and smiled sadly at it.
"Daddy?"
"What?"
"Who 'dat?" She asks, pointing to Alexis.
"That's Alexis." He says, looking down at her. "You remember Alexis honey."
"No." She says. "I do not Daddy."
"She was your sister." Tommy says. He knew that one day she would forget her sister, but he didn't think that would be after a year.
"My sister?"
"Yes, she is your older sister."
"Michael…"
"Is your brother, Alexis is… was your sister."
"Where she?"
Well,
it must be kind of crowded,
On the streets of Heaven.
So tell
me: what do you need her for?
Don't you know one day she'll be
your little girl forever.
But right now I need her so much
more.
She's much too young to be on her own;
Barely just turned
seven.
So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of
Heaven?
"She's in heaven honey. She died."
"Why?"
"She had a virus in her heart." He says, taping her chest.
"Why?"
"I don't know… when she turned four and a half she got sick, and we couldn't make her better."
"Go to Doctors?"
He picks up the picture and holds it for Hailey to see, "Look, you were only two and a half when she died, see how little you were here?"
"Yes."
"She got really sick, and then she went up to heaven."
"Oh." She says, not really understanding, but agreeing with him, "Mommy?"
"She'll be home. She is just really sad about Alexis still."
"Oh."
Tommy felt himself beginning to tear up and quickly putting his tears aside, "Come on kiddo, let's go get you into bed. It's late."
"I not tired."
"Well, I'm tired, and I think that you will fall asleep very quickly." He smiles, climbing the stairs, walking past Alexis's closed door into the room next to his, and dropped the almost four year old in her bed. He went back downstairs, wondering where Kimberly was.
Kimberly drove around for a while, tears streaming from her eyes. She ended up at the one person she trusted more then anyone in the world, besides Tommy. She was glad that he moved back. She saw the lights in the house on and went up to the door, trying to get some composer incase one of the kids came to the door. She wiped her eyes, and saw a little silhouette come to the door.
"Aunt Kimberly." The child smiles, hugging her leg.
"Hi Tara." She says, putting on a fake smile for the almost eight year old, hugging her. "Where's your dad?"
"In the study. I'll get him, come on in!" She say, as she walks into the foyer, watching her niece run off to get her father. "DADDY!" She heard her call, and she crosses her arms around her, as if hugging herself. Tara and Alexis were almost the same age, and it pained Kim to see her sometimes, no matter how much she loved her. Emily comes into the foyer and smiles when she sees Kim, "Hi Kim."
"Hi Em."
"How are you?"
"I'm alright." She lies, "You?"
"I'm doing ok too." She says, "TARA! Come on honey, bed time! I didn't know you were coming over Kim."
"I didn't either. I just have to talk to Jason for a second." She says.
"Oh, is Tara getting him?"
"Yes." She says.
"TARA!"
"I'm coming!" She says running back in, hugging her Aunt "Night Aunt Kimberly."
"Good night honey." She says, kissing her head.
"Upstairs miss." Emily says, "I'll be back down. Move it Princess."
Kimberly was glad to be left downstairs alone again. She didn't have to fake a smile, then she saw her best friend emerging into the living room, "Hey." He smiles, which quickly fades as he sees her, "Are you ok?"
"Fine." She lies. "I was in the neighborhood and decided to come over and visit… and…"
Jason slowly comes over to his friend, "Kim…" He say, as her smile begins to fall. He hugs her tightly, like he has so many other nights. He rests his chin on the top of hers, just as Emily comes downstairs, she took one look at her husband and his friend and Jason looked at her, with a bit of fear in his eyes. He was just telling her last week that Kim was doing a lot better, and now, she was in the living room crying against him. Emily quietly walks back upstairs, leaving the two alone. "Come into the study with me." He says, keeping a tight grip around her.
"I'm sorry." She says, wiping her eyes, "I didn't expect to… I mean…"
"It's ok." He says, closing the study door, and takes a seat on the couch next to her, "What's going on Kimberly?" He asks, watching her turn her head away from him.
"I…" She tries to keep her composer, "Why can't I forget like Tommy. Why can't I not even think about her anymore?"
"Kim, Tommy doesn't forget about her… he does think about her… he just has to move on. You know Tommy." He says, as she starts to cry again. He pulls her close to him, "What happened Kimberly? You were doing pretty well the past few months."
"A few days ago, Hailey was sitting with me watching TV, and she looked at the picture on the coffee table, and she…" She says, trying to keep composer, but failing, "God Jason, she asked me who…" She starts crying, and Jason hugs her, "She asked me who Alexis was." Jason knew that was the one thing that she feared, her kids not remembering her oldest. He didn't say anything, just let her cry, and try and figure out words between her tears, "I knew it would happen Jason, but she only died a year ago, and Hailey doesn't remember her, and Tommy doesn't go to the cemetery anymore, he doesn't talk about her anymore, Michael looks at the picture like he knows that's his sister but can't remember a damn thing about her. I can't… I can't do this Jason!" She says, holding on to him. "Then… Tommy and I got into a huge fight, I walked out, and drove around, and came here, and I just can't do it Jase, I just can't… I don't know what more to do. My kids miss me, I can't bring myself to not go to the cemetery anymore." He continued to ramble, and Jason just sits there. "I don't know what more to do! I don't know what more I can dot.. I miss her so much… I miss her sooo much."
He listened to her cry for a few minutes, and decides to talk, "I know you miss her, and you know that I always tell you I want too, but I can't tell you I know just what you feel. She was my goddaughter Kim. And you knew that Hailey wouldn't remember her…"
"I didn't think it would be so soon."
"You just have to remind her who Alexis was. Show movies, show pictures. Hailey ill know that she had an older sister who loved her and it will help Michael keep her in his mind."
"There are some days, I want to forget that I have a daughter." She says, "I don't want the pain of her, but I'd lose all those good memories. What happens if Hailey gets sick? She is almost the same age of Alexis when she got sick… what happens if she gets it Jason? They say that it runs in the families… I can't lose another one."
"She'll be fine Kimberly."
"You can't guarantee it."
"No, I can't."
"I was a power ranger for Christ sake; I should be able to deal with death! We did every day of our lives, facing death right in the face… why can't I be strong with the death of Alexis?"
"She was your child Kim, and you have every right to be upset about this."
"Everyone tells me how much I have changed, and how I am not at all what I use to be…"
"Kim, you have changed, I'm not going to lie to you, but you know you have. We expect you too be different for a while…"
"I hate being this way Jason! I hate it…" She cries, "I'm so out of control with my life. I have never been so out of control before. I don't know what I can do to… to get my life back."
"It will take time…"
"I know, but my kids don't know me anymore. Tommy was talking about having another kid a few weeks ago, and I can't do it yet. I don't want to replace her."
"You wouldn't be replacing her, because you love her. Kim, you will never forget about Alexis, just like none of us would. You saw how sick she was… " He says, standing up, grabbing a mass card, "This was her card… this was the prayer you picked out for her, read it." He says, handing her the poem "God's Garden" "She couldn't get better here Kim, you know that… and I don't want to get all spiritual on you because I think you've been preached out… but everything happens for a reason."
"I know, but… I can't get over her. I missed one day at the Cemetery and I felt awful. I'm on edge all the time, I yell at my husband, ignore my two kids…"
"They need you too Kimberly. They need their mom."
"I know… but I look at them and see Lexi..."
"That's ok Kimberly… we aren't asking you to forget about her, we just want you back. You will be ok, but you have to want to be ok. We want the old Kimberly back."
"I don't remember who she is."
Jason kisses her cheek, "You will, and until then, I will always be here for you."
"I don't know what I would do without you." She says, hugging him. She looks at the clock, it was one am, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you up so late, I know you have work tomorrow and…"
"Work comes second to family." He smiles. "There are going to be days like this, but it will get better. One day, everything will be normal again, but until then, it's a roller coaster ride."
"What if I forget her?"
"I don't think you can…"
"I'm so scared that I will… and that Tommy is."
"You'll be ok. I promise you. Just take one day at a time."
"Thanks." She says, as they stand up, "I better get home… Tommy probably thinks I left for good…"
"Somehow I doubt that, but I do think that he'll be awake till you come in…" He says, hugging her tight, "I love you Kim."
"I love you too, thanks Jase."
"Call me tomorrow… well, later on today."
"Ok." She says, as he walks her to the car. She gets in and drives back home. Jason watches her to the end of the block and goes upstairs to bed. Emily woke up,
"Everything ok?"
"I don't think everything will ever be ok, but it seems a bit better."
"She was doing so well the other week…"
"Hailey asked who Alexis was in the picture."
"She doesn't remember her?"
"No… and Tommy got on her case and a few other things." He says, sighing.
"I hope she gets back to normal."
"So do I… but until then, we just have to be there for her." He tells her, wrapping his arms around her, "No one should have to burry their child, and I hope to god we never feel the pain those two have gone through. We are only 32, we shouldn't have to worry about death."
"I agree." She says.
"Good night."
"Good night."
Kimberly gets home, and sees the light on downstairs. She walks inside and hangs her coat up. She sighs heavily and sees Tommy sitting on the couch looking at a photo album that neither of them have looked at since her death. Kimberly looks over his shoulder and sees a picture of the first day they took Alexis home, "Do you remember this day Kimberly?" He asks, startling her. She had been quiet coming in and didn't think he heard her.
"Yes." She says, looking down.
"She was so small. We had no idea what the hell we were going to do with her." He smiles, moving over, giving her room to slide down next to him. "I was scared to death I'd drop her." He smiles.
"I remember." She says, looking at how tired she was, "That little girl gave me a horrible hair year." She smiles. They flip through a few pages, "I forgot about that picture." She says, pointing to one of her sleeping on Kim's chest, after her first birthday party.
"You two looked identical, that's for sure. She was a little Kim."
"I miss her so much."
"I miss her too." He sighs, closing the album, "I haven't forgotten about her Kimberly, I just can't keep dwelling on her death. I'll drive myself crazy. The two we still have need us. They are still our kids."
"I know… it's just so hard. Hailey asked me who Alexis was, and I just lost it again, right when I thought I finally had my life back, it fell apart again. I don't want my kids not to have a mother, and go through life like they can't ever amount to how much I loved Alexis, but I don't know how to move on…"
"It's hard, but you will. Kimberly, she's gone, and we have two great kids still. She was in a lot of pain, we both saw it."
"I just wish…"
"So do I." He stops her.
"I don't want to forget her Tommy."
"You won't."
"I don't want to have another kid because I want three… I feel like I'll replace her."
"You wouldn't. That child would be our fourth, and a totally different person then Lexi was. I'm not going to push you about having another kid… if we have one, we have one. We always wanted a big family…"
"I know." She sighs, looking at a picture of the three kids, "I'm scared that Hailey will have the virus. I can't go through another child who has cardiomyopathy."
"She will be ok, and so will you, me, Michael and any other child we decide to bring into this world. You will be ok Kimberly…. We all will."
"Let's go to bed." She says, standing up, "It's almost three, Hailey will be up in four hours."
"That sounds good." He says, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, "Where were you tonight?"
"Jason's."
"Ah." He smiles, kissing the side of her head.
That night was a turning point in Kimberly's life. She had her ups and downs still, but the downs became few. She was the mom and the girl she was before her daughter passed on. Every day was better then the last. They talked about Alexis to her siblings, and when they had another child, they told her all about her sister she never met. Kimberly and Tommy raised the three kids, Michael, Hailey and Samantha, and none of them contracted cardiomyopathy. Kimberly never forgot about Alexis, and there was always an empty whole in her heart, along with their friends and family, but like everyone told her, it got better. They lived a long fulfilling life, and watched the kids raise their grandchildren. Everyone knew about their sister Alexis, or their Aunt Alexis, and no one ever did forget about her. Kimberly was fine and her daughter was not forgotten.
I'm back! After months of having writers block… yeah I know it's another tearjerker, but it came to me and I had to put it down! I hope you all enjoyed it! Please read and Review… I am aware that it is quite a lengthy song fic, but with this content it has to be.
Thanks!
LUNA