CHAPTER 13
Starsky
I walked straight past Louise and into Hutch's room, where he was still unconscious. When she approached me, I just glared at her which made her back down.
"You're not gonna keep me from sayin' goodbye. Don't worry, I ain't gonna wake him up, but I do want to see him again and no one is gonna stop me!"
"David..." but she gave up. I was vaguely aware of steps leaving the room, but mostly I was concentrating on the figure lying so still on the bed.
I was trying to gather my strength, for I needed every iota of strength I possessed to carry this out. In a strange way, I was starting to feel that we'd been approaching the end of our partnership for a long time. Gunther had almost made it inevitable the day he put the hit out on me. Didn't they say all good things must come to an end? I choked back a sob. I did have a choice. I could quit being a cop but stay in LA and we'd stay friends, but I knew in my heart it wasn't that simple. If I stayed around, we'd both want to continue as partners and I wasn't sure Hutch wanted to quit the department. I wasn't going to make the decision for him. I knew I couldn't continue to be a cop, although it went deeper than that now.
I'd held my own against the thugs, and in my heart I knew that I'd stopped Hutch from being killed. However, it came back to one thing. Hutch got shot trying to help me, and I felt too old and too tired to deal with this anymore, and I was sure Hutch couldn't deal with me being shot again. Hutch had a chance at a new life, with a woman who could make him happy. Well, she would if I was out of the picture. I seemed to be the sticking point with her and I did believe she loved him. The signs had been there all along for me to read--but I'd been too stubborn, and maybe too scared, to take note. No more. I was going to take heed of the warnings and walk away. I loved him too damn much to stay. Louise had been right, I was Hutch's greatest weakness and he was mine. I couldn't watch him getting hurt anymore, especially when it was because he was helping me.
Life had changed forever for both of us when Gunther shot me. Maybe we should have said goodbye then, but, God forgive me, I couldn't do it. I needed him then and I needed him if I wanted to stay in the department. I'd still hoped that would be possible, and during my long recovery, it had been the lifeline I had clung to. The belief and hope that we could go on as we had before, that the me and thee team would survive. But it had been a pipedream. I simply couldn't do this anymore and this was the best solution. To walk away while we both could. He'd been shot, but I'd been assured by the doctor that he'd be fine with rest. It really was time to say goodbye.
As I looked at the sleeping face, I realized with some surprise, just how young he looked, and beautiful. Not normally a word that I would use to describe a man, but my Hutch did look beautiful and at peace. Not worrying about me, just sleeping peacefully and at rest. My hand started shaking as I reached out to touch his forehead gently. Oh, God, this was going to kill me, leaving the other half of my heart.
"Be happy, Hutch." I knew I'd have to write him a letter and explain everything, but I needed this final contact. I wasn't aware of the tears that were falling, as I remembered all the years we'd had together. How I'd searched high and low for him when he went missing, and I'd finally found him in his car over a cliff. The memories of the plague which still sent shivers down my spine. I really thought I'd lost him then, but my strong partner had survived. His first run-in with Forest and the wild, dirty junkie that he'd been. Even in the midst of his pain and confusion in the alley, he'd hugged me. We'd cried together and laughed together.
I remember him holding me in an alley, too, the time that Bellamy had poisoned me and I had believed that I was going to die in a matter of hours. He'd made me feel safe and loved, so much so that I'd wanted to hold on. As scared as I had been of dying, I'd been scared of what would become of him. My partner, so often misunderstood by people, keeping everyone at a safe distance, everyone except me. I'd been truly privileged to know the real Ken Hutchinson as few others did. Then the Gunther nightmare. We'd survived it all, only now I knew it was time to say goodbye. I would never have a friend like Hutch again, and I would never let anyone get as close as he was to me.
"Goodbye, my friend." I stumbled out of the room to find Louise staring at me.
"You remember this, lady, this is my decision, not yours. You look after him..." I couldn't say anymore. My eyes were filled with tears as I left, not giving her a chance to talk to me.
I knew that I should see Dobey, but I wasn't up to seeing anyone just then. I needed to get out, but luck really wasn't running with me and I found our captain at the end of the corridor.
"Dave?" I guess he thought something must have gone wrong with Hutch.
"Cap'n..." God this was going to be hard. "I'm leavin'. Hutch will be okay..."
"Dave!" He caught me as I swayed but I managed to brace myself.
"I'm gonna get my wallet and stuff. I'll write an official resignation letter, but..." Suddenly I found myself crumbling. I couldn't do this, who was I kidding? Then I remembered the vision of Hutch being shot. Yes I could. I pulled away from a stunned Dobey and ran out of the hospital. At least I knew he'd be okay. I had no idea whether I would be, or where I was going to go. Leave Las Vegas, leave LA, leave Hutch. My world, my life as I had known it, was over.
Hutch
I woke up feeling sore and groggy. Suddenly I remembered – I'd been shot. STARSKY! I tried to get out of bed, but was prevented from moving by Louise.
"Starsky! Where's Starsky?" I looked at Louise in confusion. Wasn't I in Las Vegas?
"Louise, what are you doing here?" I was feeling very weak and confused.
"Thanks, Ken, for asking about me!" I winced at the bitter note in her voice, but I still wanted to know where my partner was.
"Starsky? Where is he?" Already I was drifting off. "Is he okay?"
"Yes, Ken, he's fine. Just go to sleep and we'll have a long talk in the morning." Funny I thought I remembered Starsky touching my forehead like Louise was doing, but I must have been mistaken. I'd sort it all out in the morning.