CHAPTER 14

Hutch

I was still sore when I woke up again, but not as groggy, and very upset to discover that Starsky wasn't with me. Louise was, but Starsky, where was he? I started to panic, knowing full well that he'd be with me if he was able to. Had he been hurt, too?

"Starsk!"

"Relax, Ken, please! David is fine. He's just not here at the moment."

I looked at her pleadingly, then relaxed. "Oh, he's resting is he? That's good, but tell him to come and see me when he wakes up. We've gotta talk." I needed to know what had happened, whether Louise knew all the details of our captivity. I'd never told her about Forest and my brief experience with heroin, although it hadn't been a deliberate evasion. The opportunity had never presented itself, although I now realized that I should have mentioned it. It was most certainly a significant event in my life. I was drifting off again before I knew it.

When I woke up again, I was distressed that Starsky still wasn't with me. Surely he didn't need to rest that long and if he did, he must be hurt. I'd lost all track of time, but whenever one of us was injured, the other one always stayed in the room until we were convinced the other would be okay. It was just the way we were, and I hadn't even seen him this time. Something must be going on. Dobey's tense face peering down at me reinforced my worry.

"Cap'n? Where's Starsk?"

"Hutch, how are you?"

"Where's Starsk? Please, Cap'n. Has something happened to him?" Memories of how I'd felt when I'd believed he was dead came flooding back. God, no, please no. I'd seen him, he'd been there, alive and well.

"He's gone, Hutch." He handed me an envelope. I looked at it blankly.

"Left? Without seeing me? I don't think so, Cap'n!" I refused to believe it. Starsky wouldn't leave me.

"Hutch, please read the letter."

But I was frightened to. I didn't want to read it, I wanted my best friend and partner to come waltzing back through the door, laughing and cheerful, telling me about the pretty nurses he was flirting with and how useful it was to have a partner in the hospital at times. I knew he'd be joking, neither of us ever wanted to see the other hurt, but we did come into contact with many pretty nurses when we ended up in hospital. Looking at the somber face of my captain, I knew it wasn't going to happen this time. Without opening the letter, I asked him what had happened.

"Please, Cap'n. What happened? Was he hurt? Were Forest's men caught?" I hadn't even sought this information as my concern for my partner far outweighed any personal concerns I might have had.

I saw Dobey sigh.

"You were shot and, from what I gather, Starsky saved you from being shot point blank in the chest. He was a mess emotionally, but unhurt physically. He blamed himself..."

"That's ridiculous. It was my fault he was kidnapped. This had nothing to do with the cultists, it was Forest's men carrying out a vendetta against me."

"I know that, Hutch, and you know that. But we both know how damn stubborn your partner is. You're the only one who can even come close to getting through to him when he's like this, and I really hope you can." I could tell how exasperated he was feeling by the swear word and his heavy sigh.

"He wouldn't have just decided to pack up and leave me here..." a horrible thought was starting to form. "No he wouldn't just leave me here, not unless..."

"Yes, Hutch, I'm sorry, but he did resign from the department. He dropped two letters off and cleared out. One letter is this one to you and the other is a resignation letter."

I went cold. NO, not after all we've been through! Starsk!

"Gotta read this letter now, Cap'n." I kept my voice emotionless.

"I'll be outside, Hutch. Louise should be back soon, too. She just went to get something to eat."

I wasn't thinking about Louise, as I stared at the scrawl on the envelope. My hands were shaking as I opened it. Starsk, what have you done, babe?

"Hutch,

You know I don't like soapy scenes and we've got pretty close to them lately! But I guess there are things I've got to tell you. Thanks, Hutch, thanks for being my friend and my partner and for the last ten years. We've had some great times, some rotten times, and then again some great times. You know what? I wouldn't swap even the rotten times, 'cause somehow when I had you to share them with they seemed bearable. You've shown me what it is like to be loved unconditionally, to be a friend and to have a friend. You're going to get married in a few weeks, Hutch, and I know you'll be very happy if you let yourself. We should have heeded the warning signs before, and I should have realized that I couldn't go back to who I was after Gunther. Who could? Can anyone come back from that abyss of hell and be the same? I don't know, but it was close, thanks to you. I can't do this anymore, and I don't want you to be hurt 'cause of me again so I'm packing it in and going. Leaving you to make your own life. I could go on, as there are lots of things I guess I should tell you, but you know me, never did like writing much. Anyway, I figure you know what's in my heart and mind now.

Love ya, blintz. Sometimes you just have to let go and I think we're at that point now. Know that I'll miss ya and thanks again, partner. Have a good life.

Love,

Starsk"

I just lay there with the letter in my lap, stunned and not believing what I had read. It was so unlike Starsky, but so like Starsky, I was reeling. I didn't hear Louise come in at first.

"Ken, what is it? You look terrible."

I just looked at her numbly.

"Starsk has left. Gotta find him," and I struggled to get out of bed. Her hands on my shoulders prevented me moving.

"No, Ken. Let him go. It's what he wanted." I looked at her in horror, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach was increasing as I came to the realization she knew Starsky had gone. Surely she wouldn't have had anything to do with his leaving? Something in her face told me what I didn't want to know and I found my temper and panic level rising.

"How the hell do you know? WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM?"