Apologies, there was some dialogue missing here and I'm not sure what happened. I have reposted this chapter to hopefully make it a bit clearer.

CHAPTER 16

Starsky

I woke up with a very bad hangover. I'd certainly drunk more whisky than I should have and I was paying for my sins. I winced at the bright light shining in the room and pulled the blanket over my head. Hardly an auspicious start to my new life, but I was trying to drown out the pain of leaving Hutch. By now, he'd know. He would have read the letter, and I could imagine how he felt. I realized that staying in Vegas was a good move to start with, because Hutch would be looking for me back in LA. I hoped he'd be sensible, but I had a strong feeling he'd discharge himself from the hospital to come looking for me. Maybe Louise could persuade him to be careful. I was sure she'd try to convince him that my leaving was the best thing that could happen, and I hoped she would, but I knew my partner, and I knew it wouldn't be an easy thing. The only problem I had now, was that in the cold light of day, and in the midst of my hangover, I wasn't so sure it had been a good idea. I wanted to talk to him already, and I missed him so much, barely twenty-four hours since I'd last seen him. The thing is, when you have a friend that you share so much of your life with, and then they're not there, it unbalances you and that's how I felt. Unbalanced. Lost. Confused. The me without the thee. What the hell was I going to do?

I thought about my friend, Vicki, the showgirl that I'd befriended during our last stay in Las Vegas. Even thinking about that visit hurt me, for I'd been with Hutch and we'd been working on a case. Jack Mitchell, Hutch's old school friend, had died and it had been a very sad time for Hutch. The case had centered around a serial killer of showgirls and Vicki had been a showgirl at the Thunderbird Casino. An absolute knock out, she also turned out to be very warm and kind, and we'd become friends. So much so, that Hutch and I had sent her our not inconsiderable winnings from our brush with gambling. Vicki had a little daughter who'd needed an operation and it seemed the right thing to do. We figured that the money was better sent to her, than ending up in some department account and we knew that it had been the right thing to do, despite Dobey's blustering about what we'd done with the money.

I wonder if getting in contact with her now was the right thing to do. I hadn't exactly kept in touch with her over the years. We'd exchanged a few phone calls, but so much had happened since. However, I really felt the need to see a friendly face, for I'd never felt as alone as I did since I'd said goodbye to Hutch. My world had turned upside down and I had nowhere else to turn. If she shut the door in my face, or if she'd moved, then I'd have to rethink my plans, but at the moment it seemed like a solution. I remembered that her daughter lived in Boulder City with Vicki's mother while Vicki worked at the Casino. I could at least look her up. I had nothing to lose, and nothing else to do. I just had to get through the day and get rid of this hangover, although it all seemed too hard and I was so tired and sick. I wished I could phone the hospital to make sure Hutch was okay, but I knew that would be a mistake. I had to let go. God, that's what I had told Hutch to do. It's about time I listened to my own advice, but as I dragged myself out of bed, all I could see was the whisky bottle still standing there. I thought I'd finished it but there was still half a bottle. What else did I have to do? Couldn't get rid of the pain, but it sure could help dim it a little.

Hutch

Even by the time I reached the hospital doors, I felt my strength fading away. Getting shot took a lot out of you, and I was going to kill Starsky when I found him. I refused to contemplate that I wouldn't find him, or that I wouldn't be able to get through to him. He'd become lost and confused and I was going to sort him out. Usually, I was the one who went on guilt trips and over-analyzed situations, but my hotheaded partner had an idea fixed in his mind, and I needed to see him. I couldn't think about Louise anymore, or what she'd done. That could sort itself out later, although I was so angry with her. I wasn't sure how we could get past this. I put my hand out to the door, to stop myself from falling.

"Hutchinson, will you slow down!" Dobey was right behind me.

"I can't, Cap'n. Starsky has a good day's lead on me. Plenty of time to get back to LA and pack up to go somewhere else. I've gotta find him, Cap'n. You understand that, don't you?" I looked at him pleadingly, hoping he wouldn't put up a fight. I needed my strength to find Starsk, not fight with other people.

"I do understand, Hutchinson. I know how close you both are, but I want you to think about something first." I could see his concern, but I was also fairly sure I didn't want to hear what he had to say.

"Are you so sure he's wrong? Don't get me wrong, I don't condone how he's walked out for one moment. You've both been through such an ordeal, and it's bound to have taken its toll. Maybe he needs to get away."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing and I guess my face told a story.

"No, let me finish, Hutchinson," Dobey continued. "You two are the best detectives I've seen and you work exceptionally well together. Both of you drive me insane at times, but I've seen you both go through some real hell, and I don't just mean the Gunther shooting. Look at what you've gone through over the years. Is it time to call it quits? Starsky nearly died--God, he did die--and perhaps he knows you can't go through any more. Maybe it's his decision to make, after all, and you should respect it.

I was stunned. "Cap'n, he's not just talking about leaving the department, he's walking out on our friendship and partnership. I'm not about to let him go, not without a fight. You know how much he means to me, he's more my family than my own blood family." I was leaning on the door by now, wondering why I had to defend myself to Dobey.

"So you could accept it if he left the department, if he stayed in LA."

"If he wants to leave the department, and I mean really wants to leave, then yes, I can accept that. I'm not about to force him to do something he really doesn't want to do, that could get him killed. But he's got some bee in his bonnet about something, and we're talking about a lack of confidence. I can't let him just leave because he doesn't feel he can be my back-up anymore. He's proved himself to me more times than he needs to. Of course, I want him to stay in LA, but if he really wants to move on, I won't stop him..." I swallowed as I said that. I wasn't sure I'd be able to let him go. "Whatever. He can't just walk out like this, I won't let him. We've got to talk.

"What about Louise?" Dobey asked.

Why was Dobey being so difficult here? What didn't he understand?

"What do you mean? Louise? I doubt she's going to help me find Starsky!" I was almost spluttering with frustration. I'd sort out the Louise situation later...once Starsky was found.

"For God's sake, Hutchinson, you asked her to marry you. Your wedding is in three weeks, so I would expect that you do love her. I know you love your partner, but..."

"NO BUTS! I do love him. I don't like being cornered or controlled and my friend is hurting. Forget that it's Starsky, Captain! A friend who's hurting, and my future wife thinks I should dump him. What the hell am I supposed to do? I've been married to a selfish bitch before and I can't do it again."

"All I'm saying, Hutch, is that maybe she can't understand how much you care for your partner, and I can't say I'm surprised. Your partnership is a lot deeper than most, and I can see why Louise would have trouble living with it..."

"She doesn't have to live with it. She's trying to force me to make a choice and I can't live like that." I was so tired and didn't want this argument, but I could see what Dobey was trying to do. "I couldn't stand it with my father and I won't tolerate it with my future wife. It isn't just a choice between Starsky and her now, although that's how she's played it. It's a question of control and even respect. She thinks she can dictate to me who I should be friends with, and when I should see that friend. I won't live like that ever again. I also won't stand back and watch him hurt alone and, most of all, I won't lose him, not like this."

Dobey smiled grimly. "Just wanted to make sure you weren't going off half-cocked and realized what you were putting at risk."

I stared at him solemnly. "I am very aware of what is at risk, Captain. Now can I go?"

"As long as I can go with you. You're not gonna get too far in your condition. I want to have a word with your stubborn partner, too!"