CHAPTER 19

Starsky

Vicki was proving to be a soothing influence on my wounded spirit, and despite my depression, I did find myself responding to her warmth and infectious sense of humor. After our heavy conversation, she seemed determined to cheer me up and I tried, I really did. I've always thought there is nothing worse than a miserable visitor, but I was still missing my best friend so very much. I kept looking for him, to share laughter, but he wasn't there. She seemed to understand that I couldn't talk about him anymore and set about showing me the sights of Las Vegas. I found myself wondering how the Vegas PD were progressing with the Satanists, but reminded myself that it had nothing to do with me anymore. But it was easier than wondering how Hutch was, and certainly hurt less. It wasn't going to be easy to let go.

Vicki started telling me about her life and it was good to have something else to focus on. Over the last few months, she'd become involved with Steve Michaels, an insurance salesman who wanted to marry her. She hadn't made up her mind yet, as she was very wary of men since her unfortunate marriage to Lloyd. She thought she probably loved Steve, and the relationship between Steve and Carrie was a good one, but she couldn't bring herself to commit to him. Steve was out of town for a week or so and she was trying to make a decision.

I was a bit worried about her vagueness and tension with the mention of Lloyd, but shrugged it off as a problem to be looked at later. I had enough on my plate as it was, but if she needed my help, I would certainly provide it. Since she wanted to see her daughter, we were going to visit Boulder City, where Carrie still lived with her grandmother. Carrie was now twelve and perfectly healthy, as Vicki informed me proudly. She smiled at me as she spoke, both of us realizing it was the money we'd sent her that had helped achieve this. I shrugged off her gratitude, not needing it. If anything was owed, Vicki had more than repaid it by the kindness she was now showing me. I wished Hutch were here to see her and I wished, yet again, that I could turn back the clock.

"Carrie!" A pretty girl came racing out at the sound of our car and threw herself into Vicki's arms. I stood back, enjoying seeing the deep bond that existed between them.

"Mom! I'm so glad you're here. What a lovely surprise! Nanna went shopping, but Marta is here and Daddy is coming over later."

I looked at Vicki, not surprised to see the color fade from her face. There was definitely something going on with Lloyd, but if he was still bullying her, I would sort him out. I was good for that much, anyway.

"Daddy's coming? That's nice, sweetheart. This is David, my friend."

"Hello, Carrie" I held out my hand to her and was rather surprised to find that she wasn't shy at all and grabbed my hand.

"Hello, David. Nice to meet you." I grinned at her and at her mother. If Hutch were here, this would be so great. Our winnings had been put to good use for good people.

"Carrie, I've bought you a new carriage for your train set. Why don't you go set it up. I just need to have a word with David."

"Yes, Mom. THANKS!" She grinned slyly. "You want to talk to him privately, that's okay. Don't forget Daddy is coming." She grabbed the package and skipped back to the house.

"No, sweetheart, I won't forget." I was alarmed at the fear I saw in Vicki's face.

"David, this is terrible. Lloyd will have a fit when he sees you here."

"Does he still give you trouble? You sorta skipped over the subject before."

"I know, and I'm sorry. He still sees Carrie when he's sober, but other than that I prefer to ignore his existence. Every now and again trouble flares up, usually when he's been drinking. Things were good for awhile, when he was seeing another woman, but after he broke up with Diane, he started drinking heavily again. He's not going to be pleased to see you here. Perhaps we should go."

"Vicki, you want to spend time with your daughter. If it will make it easier for you, I'll clear out…" Suddenly I was feeling vulnerable again, but I wasn't about to bring trouble to another friend of mine.

"David! Enough of that! I can handle him, but I don't want him to embarrass you. It might be best if we leave but then again, he's got to learn that we've got different lives now. You come on in. You'll love Carrie. Just be prepared for trouble if Lloyd does make an appearance. Oh, and he doesn't know about Steve. Well, he's never brought him up. I wonder sometimes if Carrie has mentioned him, but she's never said anything. I don't like to bring her into our arguments, so I try to stay neutral when talking about her daddy. For all his faults, he does love Carrie and she loves him."

I just grinned at her and agreed, but I was uneasily aware that she was still tense. She might feel confident that she could cope with Lloyd, but there was still an element of fear in her. I suspected she wasn't being entirely honest with me, but we had time to sort it out. I wondered if this was part of the reason she wouldn't commit to Steve. We made our way toward the house.

"You like trains, David?" I turned toward her.

"Trains? You bet! My partner…" I faltered as yet another memory of Hutch came back. "Yes, Vicki, I do like trains."

Vicki rubbed my arm. "That's great because Carrie will run you ragged. She may look like an angel, but she's a real tomboy. Come on, I'll send Marta home and we can have a nice afternoon. You go play with the trains and I'm going to make a few phone calls." She must have read my face, because I suddenly wondered what Steve, her almost fiancé, would think about this.

"Don't worry about Steve. He's a good man and knows the help that you and Ken…" I noticed her slip over the name. What was the use, I could never escape him. "What I'm trying to say, is that he'll be okay with this. After all, you're not planning on seducing me are you?"

I jumped at that. No I hadn't planned on seduction, but her comment reminded me yet again of how much I had changed. I couldn't bring myself to get involved with a woman, not while I was still feeling so low and not while my chest looked like a train track. That wasn't going to change in the near future. I started to shake. Just what was there for me anymore? Her innocent comment had been a sharp reminder of the bleak future I was facing.

"David, what is it? David, talk to me." She grabbed my arms and turned me around to face her. "We're friends, are you looking for more?"

I pulled away from her suddenly. "No, Vicki! I promise you that isn't it at all. It's just…" I found myself starting to break down again and could almost feel her concern. Fortunately, I was saved from saying any more by the arrival of Carrie bounding down the stairs, very excited about her train set.

"MOM! It's so cool, thanks a lot!" It was wonderful to see how well she could move and how happy she was.

"You're welcome, honey. I thought you'd appreciate it. Hey, David here likes trains. Why don't you take him upstairs?"

"YOU LIKE TRAINS? Come on!" I was lost as I was dragged upstairs.

"I'll go see Marta, and perhaps give her the afternoon off. I also need to make some phone calls. You two enjoy yourselves, and, Carrie, you play nice with David. Oh, and, David, we will talk later, I promise."

Hutch

I had totally exhausted myself with the mad dash from Las Vegas and now to find that Starsky hadn't even been home, brought me to the brink of despair. I'd phoned Huggy and Merle, but neither had heard from him and I was confused and unsure of what to do next. Part of me mocked myself for my indecision, but the pain was blurring my mind--not just physical pain either. Dobey had returned to the precinct, but he'd said that he'd come back. He wanted me to rest, my body wanted me to rest, but my heart was protesting and I knew it was important that I find my partner. I tried to put myself in his place, but for the first time since I'd met him, I couldn't do it. I had to face the facts that I had no idea what he was thinking, feeling or doing. The Starsky I knew and loved would not have walked out on our partnership. Even the Starsky who'd been so grumpy during his long recovery wouldn't have walked away. Why hadn't I recognized how much he was still hurting?

I must have fallen asleep, despite my anxiety, because I was brought to my senses suddenly by a loud knocking on the door. I jumped up and realized I must have been asleep for a couple of hours. I staggered to the door, hoping it would bring news of my missing partner. It was Dobey, looking serious.

"Cap'n?" I tried rubbing my eyes, wishing again that I hadn't been shot and didn't hurt so much. "Is it Starsky? Have you heard something?"

"There was a phone message for you at the precinct from a Vicki in Las Vegas. She said she'd found something you might be looking for."

"STARSKY!" Of course! He'd stayed in Vegas, knowing I would return here. He'd looked up Vicki, the showgirl that we'd helped and who'd always got along well with him. Why hadn't I guessed that this is what he'd do? I hadn't thought of Vicki for a long time now, but Starsky obviously had.

"I'm gonna kill him, Captain." I could barely keep my eyes open. "Gotta go back to Vegas."

"Hutchinson, you're dead on your feet. Why don't I book you on the first flight tomorrow morning and you get a good night's sleep?"

I looked blearily at him, realizing I had reached the end of my tether and at least I knew where Starsky was. If Vicki had bothered to phone me, she must be looking after him. Was it such a bad idea to get some sleep? Starsky was safe, he was with someone who cared about him, so I should be able to take the opportunity to rest, but I had a nagging feeling that I should find him as soon as I could.

"No, Captain. I'll sleep on the plane. I've got a strong feeling I should be on the next flight to Vegas and I can't ignore it."

"You're as stubborn as your partner. At least sit down while I find out when the next flight is." I smiled gratefully at my captain. My body ached and I was totally exhausted, but somehow I'd find the strength to get on the plane and catch up with Starsky. Then I'd kill him for putting me through this.