CHAPTER 21

Starsky

It was late by the time we got back to Vicki's apartment and we were both tired. We'd stopped for a meal and chatted comfortably. I was still looking for Hutch at times, but I was enjoying her company and she was very entertaining. I still had the remnants of a headache that I always got as a result of drinking too much, but I could tell she wanted to talk and wasn't about to give up.

"Okay, David," she handed me a cup of coffee and sat down next to me. "I think it's time we talked some more."

"Anything in particular?" I decided to play ignorant. The mealtime chat had been lighthearted and I'd hoped that I'd be let off the hook.

"Funny boy! What else is going on with you? I was joking about the seduction, but you jumped as if I'd shot you… Oops, sorry." She was clearly apologizing for the unfortunate choice of words but I just grinned at her. It wasn't talking about my shooting that hurt, it was everything else.

"What's going on with you, David? Am I so unattractive?"

I couldn't help but smile at that ridiculous comment. "Come on, Vicki. You know you're not."

"You know what caught my attention about you in the first place? You were so embarrassed to find yourself in a room full of scantily clad women. That was very refreshing to me, but I never thought you were all that innocent! You just seemed like a little boy in a candy store. When I got to know you better, I realized you were a lovely, sweet man, but again, not as innocent as you appear. Come on, David. Who are you kidding? That killer smile, those baby blues. So what gives? Does the thought of a relationship with a woman scare you? Why?"

I shrugged, but I was amused by her assessment of my character. How Hutch would laugh. "Already told you Vicki, that things are different now, and I'm not so comfortable with women…"

"David Starsky! What the hell are you talking about?" I was startled at her curse but found myself responding to her. She was certainly determined to get answers from me.

"I got shot, Vicki, in the chest and abdomen--three times. I'm not exactly the catch of the year." I looked away, not wanting to see the pity in her eyes. I was feeling quite sorry enough for myself. Somehow, putting it into words made it sound sort of silly. There was nothing silly about what I looked like now. I had many scars from over the years, but the damage that Gunther's bullets had done was extensive. There wasn't much clear skin on my chest now, and I couldn't help but feel self conscious.

"I do not believe you, David! I knew you were feeling down on yourself, but how can you doubt yourself so much? Is that how you think people judge you? On what you look like? You must know some pretty shallow people, and I don't mean Ken."

"Are you telling me you wouldn't be repulsed by this?" I was shaking as I lifted my shirt, for the first time showing someone other than medical staff, or Hutch, my scars. I was determined to make my point.

She touched my chest gently, tracing the scars with her finger.

"Oh, David, you were badly hurt, and I wish I could take that away from you. But this doesn't change you, the real you. The kind and gentle man that helped me and my daughter. The wonderful, fiercely loyal friend and partner to your partner. You're the same inside. I know that, I'm sure Ken knows that, too. How can you doubt it?"

I found myself breaking down again at the sincerity in her voice. There was no repulsion, only warm sincerity and caring. Had I been wrong all along? As I felt her arms wrap around me, I allowed her words to sink in. Oh, God, what had I done? Finally, the curtain of gloom that had enveloped me was lifting and Vicki, with her bright, unbiased outlook, was forcing me to take a long, hard look at myself. But I was not the same, or was I? I took refuge in her arms and allowed her warmth to comfort me.

Finally, breaking the embrace, I looked into her lovely face and smiled warmly at her. "I guess you think I've been pretty stupid…"

Her hand touched my mouth. "Shhh. No, David, not stupid, just very badly hurt. It's time to sort yourself out…" She was interrupted by the sound of her door being smashed in and we both jumped up in horror as Lloyd, obviously drunk, forced his way into the living area, glaring at the two of us on the sofa.

Hutch

I was still very tired the next morning, despite having slept heavily. Normally I would have spent the night tossing and turning but, I'd really pushed myself to my limits. Also, I did have some peace of mind knowing where Starsky was. I only hoped that he'd still be there. I showered and dressed as quickly as I could. My wound was still very sore and I knew I'd have trouble with it, but my priority was getting to my stubborn partner. There was a knock on the door and I staggered to it, very pleased to see Huggy who greeted me with concern. I guess I looked a sight even after my sleep, but I just grinned and we headed off to the airport. Dobey hadn't been able to return with me but he'd arranged for Huggy to accompany me, no doubt worried that I'd drive myself into a collapse. It wasn't all that unlikely, since I was definitely still worn out physically, not to mention the extreme anxiety I was feeling. I was grateful for the concern Dobey was showing, and for Huggy's willingness to come with me. I was truly blessed with good friends. The flight was uneventful, with Huggy seemingly realizing that I wasn't up to talking much. I glanced at him and I could see the tension in his face, reminding me that I wasn't the only one who loved Starsky. He and Starsky had been friends for a long time, too. I patted his arm.

"It's okay, Hug. We'll find him and bring him home."

"What if he doesn't want to come home? Have you thought about that, Hutch?" I looked at the concern in Huggy's eyes and I realized his concern wasn't just for Starsky.

"He's got some stuff going on, Hug, I know that. I don't much care if he doesn't want to come back to the department, but he's still going to come home…" I couldn't continue, not wanting to face the facts that my fears about this were very strong. I didn't know what I would do if he refused, but I knew that we'd at least talk and somehow I wouldn't lose him.

We had landed in Las Vegas on time and caught a taxi to Vicki's apartment. Please let him be there, please! Chaotic thoughts were racing through my mind, as we left the taxi and made our way into the building. Finally, we arrived and I was suddenly very nervous. What if he was angry with me? Then again, it was me who had reason to be angry and I was going to make him understand that.

I knocked on the door, after exchanging a glance with Huggy. Huggy hadn't been sure about coming all the way with me, but I could see he was still concerned about my condition, and to be honest, I knew I'd need him to keep me going if Starsky had left. No answer. I closed my eyes in defeat, after a second knock brought no response. I turned toward Huggy to speak when he indicated that I should keep quiet. I listened carefully. There was definitely someone in there, I could hear something. Groaning--muffled, but definitely groaning--and the sound of something falling moved me to action. I turned the door handle, surprised it wasn't locked, and what I saw took my breath away. Vicki, sitting on the sofa, bound and gagged, looking at me desperately. Her apartment was totally trashed and my partner, my best friend in the whole world, was tied to a chair and gagged, bleeding from a wound on his head and, judging by the angle of his head, unconscious. I raced over to Starsky and I guess Huggy went to untie Vicki, because as the gag was removed she started talking to me. I was barely aware of her, as I carefully removed the gag from Starsky's mouth and checked over him quickly for other injuries. I lifted his head gently and could see he was unconscious. I untied his wrists and ankles, wincing with pain as I saw how the belts had cut into his wrists.

"Call an ambulance, Huggy!"

"Oh, Ken, I'm so glad you're here! Lloyd came in last night and went crazy! He panicked when he knocked David out, and left us here. We've been here for hours like this and I don't think David's good."

She'd moved over to me, and between us we laid Starsky on the ground. My handswereshaking as I touched his face, trying to see if he showed any signs of consciousness.

"How long has he been unconscious?" My voice was husky with fright, realizing he could have serious injuries.

"He's been in and out, showing signs of confusion and agitation. He couldn't move much, being tied down, but he did get really agitated a couple of times. I think he was calling for you, Ken, but it was muffled. We've been tied up for about five hours. Lloyd came in drunk and threw me against the wall. I was stunned and couldn't move when David tried to stop him from hitting me again. I don't think he meant to hurt David, because he really panicked when he fell. He pushed David and he fell, hitting his head hard on the coffee table. He tried to rouse him, but it didn't work and he tied him up. I tried to stop him but…" I looked into her lovely face, noticing for the first time the bruises on her face.

"It's okay, Vicki. It'll be okay. Hug?"

"Yeah, Hutch, the ambulance is on the way." I watched as Huggy led Vicki over to a chair and sat her down. I just sat there, cradling Starsky's head, talking to him, although I knew he wasn't conscious. "Dear God, please don't let me lose him, not now. I'll take better care of him, I promise, I'll make sure he knows how much I love him." I must have spoken aloud, but I hadn't been aware of it.

"He knows, Ken, believe me, he knows." I looked at Vicki, wishing I could believe her, but before I could put my thoughts into words, the ambulance arrived and I found myself being gently pushed out of the way. I watched as they started to check Starsky's vitals, trying to stay calm by taking deep breaths. He had to be okay, he just had to be.

Suddenly, Starsky got agitated again and started hitting out, almost as if in a panic. The paramedics tried to calm him down, but he was oblivious. They'd brought a gurney in and I realized they were going to apply restraints to him.

"We're going to have to restrain him. We can't risk sedation in view of his head injury, but…"

I couldn't stand it and I pushed my way past, grabbing one of his flailing hands, ignoring the annoyed gasp of one of the paramedics.

"Easy, Starsk, easy, babe. It'll be okay, I'm here. They're not gonna hurt you, no one's gonna hurt you." He calmed down almost instantly, although he showed no other signs of realizing I was there.

"You don't need to restrain him, he's not violent. He's just confused, that's all." I held on tightly to his hand, willing him to stay calm.

"Sorry, sir, but we will have to restrain him. If he acts up in the ambulance, it could be dangerous for us as well as him. But you can ride in the ambulance with him." I just stared at the paramedic. I'd had no intention of not going in the ambulance, but I realized they were only trying to help him.

Vicki was assuring the other paramedic that she was fine and would meet us at the hospital. She'd come in with Huggy. I looked at her in gratitude and followed my partner to the ambulance.