Previously on SG-1:

Edora. He never really spoke about his time there, and taking his lead, the other members of SG-1 never mentioned it either. But after the things he had read, he needed to know...

Mission Report MO3.19

It's been two months since Edora. Two months since I last saw him. Jack is stuck off-world and we have no idea if he's even alive. I won't give up on him. Janice keeps telling me to sleep but I can't. Every time I do I just dream of him. I never should have left him. I've been trying to build this thing for weeks, the parts I need haven't arrived yet. I wish they would hurry. I need to get this done. I need to find him. I need him.

The particle accelerator worked! Teal'c managed to gate through and dug his way to the surface. When I heard Jacks voice I could have cried. He's alive. We're leaving for Edora as soon as possible.

Did I make a mistake? After three months he had given up. I can't believe he thinks we would give up on him! I spent the last 90 days working my ass off to save him and not even a thank you in return. I stood there, right in front of him, and he breezes past me and goes straight to her. I couldn't look at them. I feel crushed. He had found someone else, he had forgotten about Earth, the Stargate, and about me.

I'm such an idiot. He's my CO for Gods sake. Maybe we should have left him on Edora; at least there he was happy.

It's become so much harder. I've tried to ignore it, to throw myself into my work. At first I tried to deny it, passing it off as a stupid crush. But it's more than that. As soon as I realised I swore it wouldn't interfere with the team. I've become good at hiding my feelings, maybe too well. But I can't deny it forever, I love him.

I'm in love with my CO, Jack O'Neill. Saying it out loud just makes it seem much more real. But I can't say anything. Even if he did feel the same way I do, there's nothing we can do. At least on Edora he had a chance for a normal life, a normal relationship. Something we can never have.

Maybe I should have that talk with the General. I don't know how much longer I can go on pretending I don't love him. If I leave the air-force I wouldn't have to pretend anymore.

Jack sat for several minutes re-reading Sam's last entry. She loved him? Sam. Captain Carter was in love with him. It took a moment to sink in, he had fallen for her since the first time he met her. He would gladly give his life for her, and she was in love with him. He hard always known there was something more than just friends between him, but no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, it became more obvious everyday. Then a sudden realisation hit him as he read the last sentence again. She was leaving him. Jack started to panic. She couldn't leave him, he needed her. He loved her. For the first time in three years the full force of his feelings for the captain swelled up inside him. His heart was beating so quickly, he though it would burst. Jack hated himself for not realising how much the last mission had affected her. He had been so worried about being stuck on Edora; he didn't stop to think about the people he had left behind. He couldn't see what it was doing to her. When he saw her again he wanted grab her and never let go, but he couldn't, he wasn't allowed to. So he did the opposite. He ignored her and in doing so, hurt her much more than he realised. He would have given anything to just take her in his arms and tell her how grateful he was to her and how much she meant to him. And now she was leaving. She was going to give up her career because of him. He had to stop her, he finally knew how he felt about her, and he couldn't loose her now.

Jack had been so caught up in his own mind his had not heard the captain re-enter the room. He jumped up as his 2IC walked towards him, hurriedly clicking at the top bar of the window, trying to close it.

"Carter, I... I was looking for solitaire..." Jack mumbled apologetically, standing in front of her, barring her view of the screen.

"I thought computers were the enemy Sir?" she laughed, flashing him one of her dazzling smiles, the ones he liked to think were reserved only for him.

Looking over his shoulder Jack saw her window was gone and relaxed. He shrugged his shoulders and gave her a boyish grin,

"Not exactly the enemy Captain, more of a rival for your attention"

Sam gave a small, embarrassed giggle and moved past the colonel to her computer.

"No giggling Captain," Jack said, turning towards the door.

"Yes Sir." She replied, stifling another fit of giggles. He gave her a small wave as he left her lab. Sam sat down in front of her laptop and noticed an extra window minimized on the bottom of her toolbar. She moved the mouse over and clicked on it. A window jumped up in front of her, her eyes widened as she read.