A/N: I took a while to update this one that you would have thought I
went to the Bahamas or something… Anyway, some of you guessed right. I
hit a writer's block with the situation I had crawled myself into, and
if you read As You Wish's latest chapter, you'll know what another
impediment was.
Disclaimer: I wish I may, I wish I might, own Inuyasha in my wildest dreams tonight.
Behind the Masquerade
Wretched Welkin
It was the strangest feeling she had ever experienced. It was so dark, so empty, and all she saw around her was some almost translucent covering that was forcing her to stay in the tube she was falling through. The only noise around her was the buzz of the wind, much like if she was falling from the sky. But, like everything strange happening, she wasn't scared of this free fall.
She turned her head to look up, but only saw the darkness from where she had descended from. She looked down and only saw more darkness that was yet to fall through.
However, all at once, she was suspended in the middle of the clear tube, everything around her seeming to stop in time, even the darkness. She wasn't sure how darkness could be stopped, but taking a look up again, she saw light---something that wasn't frozen. She looked down again and saw a bright snake-like substance writhing below her. Gazing closer, she realized it was some scenes playing, in a line of someone's…memories.
"Mine," she whispered breathlessly, but not a word was heard. It was absolute silence, like the scenes that were quietly playing below her.
"Your last chance…" a mysterious voice suddenly drifted to her ears, and Kagome turned to her left, staring off into the darkness. There was nothing there.
"Are you ready…?" This time it came from the right, but as she glanced in that direction, there was no sign of life either. Was this life though?
"There are some stories in history that get passed down through time, and as it passes through people, the reality gets buried under exaggerated deeds."
"Who is this?" Kagome asked, but all she realized that was happening was that her mouth was opening and closing, without an utter of her voice coming out.
"Truth gets buried too…but are you ready to continue your story? Or would you…finish it? Would you want your life story to be a tale of tragic lovers who never realized the truth…or would you want your story to be just another passion story that history seems to always be filled with? Either way, the accuracy of your life and the real pain will be either exaggerated or understated, respectively…"
Kagome stared off into the part of the darkness the voice had came from this time, but the words slowly registered in her head.
"Are you ready for the truth…? You may have agreed with that man, but like history, his truth is buried underneath lies. This is your last chance for peace…choose."
"I…" Kagome started, but realized no one could hear her. Flitting a look up to the light, she felt her eyelids droop. It was all too enticing, to finish her life. But then, she could also realize what the 'truth' was…and she couldn't give up now.
She pointed down, towards the scenes of memories.
"Life and Death is a cycle…you realize you'll die one day anyway. But, I must commend, it takes courage to fight Death, but much more to fight through Life. You'll have so much more to experience…I think you'll understand the next time we meet."
Kagome felt time slowly start to move again, as the darkness swirled around her once more. When she gazed up, the light was gone, and while she was doing this, the memories were slowly circling her in something almost like a coil of scenes.
She looked around, watching all the different memories that were all her own? Most of them, she couldn't even remember, although the people seemed so…familiar? Then like a dog being let out of its cage, the memories were let go of their leash and they attacked her.
She shut her eyes when she saw them head for the side of her head, and dig its way into her mind. It wasn't painful, and rather, she felt a numbing sensation as scenes played at an incredible rate, dancing before her closed eyelids.
It was like learning everything in a minute, but instead, she was only learning what she had lost. It was an absolute rush, to be filled with knowledge in a single minute while falling through free air. She was retaining everything, and it was overwhelming.
"People will remember you for living in a fairytale…but you're only living in reality."
Kagome felt the darkness and tube abruptly ripped away as her speed defied the law of gravity and began to slow down. She covered her eyes, for the light shining was too bright for her sight, and the minute she felt her soul collide with something, she didn't realize she was back in her body and had shot up, taking in sharp breaths.
However, as the numbness subsided, it was replaced with a newfound pain. She coiled an arm impulsively around her middle and could feel something wet rub off onto her arm. Lifting the arm gently away from her stomach, she saw a blotch of red covering her skin and she stopped breathing for a moment as she stared at it.
Blood.
"Don't move," a new voice told her, and she looked up, half conscious of the pain in her body and the other half conscious on the other two beings in the room. She recognized both instantly.
"You're the maid at his castle…" she whispered, staring down at the white maid who was still donning a maid outfit, but holding a mirror. She turned her attention to the other, "And you're the demon who kidnapped me to see Naraku the other day…"
"At least we know your memory is fine," the taller said, grabbing a roll of bandage from the table in the dark room. She walked slowly towards Kagome, her eyes shadowed and void of emotions. "How does it feel to be alive again?"
"I'm…alive…?" Kagome whispered, more to herself than Kagura. "Why…How…?"
"Naraku," Kagura suggested dryly, as she used a hand to push Kagome's back and straighten her posture. This caused Kagome to take in a sharp, pained breath, considering how it seemed like her rib cage was broken and the push had caused pain to flow through her upper body. The wind demon didn't say sorry, but she was much gentler as she removed the old bandage from around Kagome's middle.
When Kagome was sure she could take in shallow breaths without hurting her ribs too much, she took some time to think. That however, led to some quick thinking and remembering. "He made a deal with me when I was dead!"
Kanna took a step towards her, facing Kagome and putting the mirror in front of Kagome's stomach so that the girl could see the damage inflicted upon her body as Kagura took off the last wrap. Kagome had to grimace when she saw the torn skin and red flesh exposed, and turned her face away from the scene. She had to clench her teeth when Kagura began reapplying the new bandage, touching the sensitive skin a bit too roughly for Kagome's tastes.
"He's…a cheating…" Kagome murmured as she realized what she had to do now.
"Bastard? Asshole?" Kagura suggested as she ripped the bandage from the roll and tied it into a knot around the princess' abdomen.
"And much worse…"
"Kagura…don't say that…" Kanna said in her flat voice, although some hint of concern could be heard underneath. "He might hear you…"
"For saying the truth?" the wind demon challenged, as she turned a frowning expression towards her older sister.
"We belong to him…" Kanna muttered in a low voice, as she lowered the mirror from Kagome's view and held it to her chest as usual.
"Heh…" was Kagura's answer as she strolled out the door with her fan to her face, head held up high. She turned around to direct her attention to Kagome and said, "Naraku said we're to look after you for five days, then you're to go back to complete your task." With that all done, she turned around again and walked out without a glance back.
Kanna stayed for a few seconds, before she too, without even a rustle of clothing, rotated around and walked out the door, following her sister. But she didn't disappear without a small whisper that could be heard only by Kagome as Kanna closed the door.
"Why live to betray…"
With only Kagome left, she stared at the doorway for a moment while being painfully aware of her injuries. She strained her ears to listen for anything, anyone, but only the distant pattering of rain was heard. If falling through the air without memories was strange, she bet what she was feeling right then took second place.
It was a strange feeling to be alive again after dying. She could breathe, and everything around her was real. She had felt pain in death too, but there was also the pain she felt rushing through her whole body, now that she was alive.
The silence was welcoming, although the dark aura around her felt like a thick blanket of evil, suffocating her. She slowly lowered her body back onto the bed and took in a grateful breath when she completed the task with only a small sting of pain through her stomach.
This position however, caused her to stare up at the dark ceiling as she ran over her thoughts again. Screw certain things being strange. Everything was strange right now. Being in Naraku's castle, being alive, everything happening so suddenly, her life being tied to Naraku's…being fully aware of pain…
Physically and mentally.
Her whole body hurt, but as she remembered everything, she was also aware of the emotional pain. She felt like her own soul had been battered and abused, and unlike physical injuries, her emotional wounds felt like it could consume her forever.
She was painfully aware of her emotions in a time like this.
She missed Sango.
She missed Shippo.
She missed Miroku.
She missed absolutely everything at the Komiya kingdom.
…She really missed Inuyasha…
And the hardest thing to fully comprehend was that she had actually agreed to Naraku's pain, conscious of the costs or not. The man had made her agree to help him, and the worst thing to realize was, she couldn't back out of it. She had sealed the contract with her words, and she knew he made everyone keep their words. He would kill people if she didn't do as she was told…
Kanna's words were devastatingly true at this point as Kagome turned her head to the side and closed her eyes.
Why did she choose to live when in the end she would only betray…?
She knew she had chosen this path and it was she who wanted to finish her life story. It was no one's fault but her own to agree to Naraku's demands, and she hated how this was a lose-lose situation. "I hate my life…" she whispered, and although she had heard many people say those words before, she really meant them…
~*~
The silence around the dinner table was disturbing, when people only walked in to seat themselves and eat, without a 'hello' or a 'dinner looks good today.' King Komiya blamed no one and even he found it a bit strange to be sitting in a room where people had been massacred. But he accepted it because that was what he had to do as king. People died and he had to learn to continue living each day as if the past day hadn't occurred.
"Where's Sango, Inuyasha, Rin, and the kitsune cub?" he asked out of plain curiosity, his voice one of nonchalance.
Everyone looked up from their plates in what seemed like an accusing gaze with only Sesshoumaru calmly eating like he hadn't heard anything.
Miroku decided to answer after King Komiya looked around in a hopeful manner at the entire table. "Sango won't come down, Inuyasha is somewhere, Rin is somewhere, and Shippo is…somewhere as well," he muttered in a low voice as he pushed a pea around the outer contours of his plate.
"Well…that tells me a lot," King Komiya commented, a hint of sarcasm in his voice as he let the subject drop and decided it was hopeless to try and start a conversation for the next week. Maybe he had been asking too much of them…forgetting took time after all. But that didn't mean he had to push urgent matters to the side for everyone's sake. "Sesshoumaru, what do you think is the best action we should take now?"
Lady Komiya, who had been quiet the whole time, touched her husband's arm lightly. "Darling…" she started, "I don't think today is the day to talk about war."
"Nonsense, I am not going to subject to depression like everyone else. These matters are pressing…the more time we allow the topic to slack off, the more time we are sacrificing. Who knows how long it would take the wolves to retaliate? As demonstrated by the Battle of the Path, they are unpredictable."
"Well said, father," Sesshoumaru commented as he gracefully put a spoon of food in his mouth. "Grieving is a pathetic emotion."
"I never said grief was pathetic, Sesshoumaru. I, as the king, just need to continue my job and keep this kingdom protected."
"Grieving over someone is still a sign of weakness. I always said Inuyasha was vulnerable to such emotions."
"Do not talk about your brother in such a way."
"Half-brother," Sesshoumaru immediately corrected, before adding, "Sorry, father."
King Komiya let out an exasperated sigh as he refrained the urge to drive his fists into a wall. Well, Inuyasha had to inherit his violent natures from one of his parents…
"I think I'll go find Inuyasha," Miroku cut in before King Komiya had the time to continue discussing battle plans with his son. The man got up from his seat and bowed down politely to everyone before turning away from the dinner table and walking towards the door.
King Komiya stared at him, a bit confused before understanding surfaced. He couldn't handle listening to more planning after a friend had died, so he was seeking solitude with another mourning member. "Tell Inuyasha I hope he feels better soon."
"Or jump off the roof and commit suicide if he suffers too much."
King Komiya turned to his elder son. "Sesshoumaru! How many times must I tell you to stop being so unpleasant to your brother?!"
"Half-brother."
Miroku slipped out of the door as King Komiya suddenly snapped and let out a growl reminiscent of Inuyasha in his bad mood swings. He coolly walked down the corridor, King Komiya's yelling slowly growing softer as he traveled further away from the dining room. He headed straight for the garden, having spied Inuyasha in the sakura tree earlier. If his luck held, the hanyou would still be lodged up there in his miserable state.
Poor fool. He should have told Kagome he cared about her…
"Can I ask you something?"
Miroku turned around at the soft feminine voice (not that he wouldn't turn around at any type of feminine voice) and spied Kikyou staring at him calmly with a leveled gaze, her grey eyes burning into his violet ones. A bit surprised at seeing Inuyasha's fiancée, he only managed to smile, answering, "What is it?"
Kikyou's glimpse fluttered to the ground for a moment before it went back up to the pervert, gazing even harder into his eyes. "Please tell Inuyasha that if he needs me, I'll be in my room. That is, if he needs to talk."
Miroku stared at her for a moment. Kikyou liked Inuyasha a lot too, didn't she? Since Kagome was out of the picture now, would Kikyou and Inuyasha marry? Would this girl, standing right in front of him, be his cousin's future wife?
In a way, Kikyou and Inuyasha would make the perfect couple.
But if one had to look at it from another point of view, they seemed too wrong to even consider pursuing any romantic relationship.
Miroku gazed firmly at Kikyou for another moment, her own stare never relenting, and he answered, "I'll tell him."
Kikyou nodded as she turned around, whispering a what seemed to be reluctant, "Thank you," before trotting evenly down the corridor towards the stairs, forcing Miroku to stare at her curves for a second before mentally slapping himself and facing away as well.
He continued down the corridor he had been on before the interruption, a frown on his face. He had promised himself that the first step to showing Sango he was actually serious about her was to stop 'appreciating' other women. "Damn, I'm an idiot," he whispered a bit, before turning out into the front doors.
The two new guards he passed were talking a bit, but instantly straightened when they saw one of the princes coming. Miroku sighed a bit. He missed the old guards who were serious about their job, but they had been murdered during the assault yesterday.
The skies were slowly beginning to darken, the first stars of the evening showing through the thick clouds. Surprisingly, there had been spontaneous bursts of sprinkles every once in a while during the day, but it ceased to actually come down in torrents. Perhaps he should be happy about that because he didn't fancy the thought of trudging through the soaked grass, trying to find his sad excuse of a cousin.
Seeing a shaded silhouette among the blossoms as he neared the tree, Miroku slowed down his pace, his gaze held upon the bulk of flesh sitting atop of a branch. Inuyasha hadn't said anything yet, or even acknowledged him, and Miroku wondered whether if it was because he was too deep into his thoughts, or just chose to ignore him. Any other time, Inuyasha would have yelled at Miroku to keep his distance.
"Inuyasha?"
No answer.
He supposed Inuyasha was choosing to ignore him.
"Want to talk?"
Miroku waited for another answer, the wind blowing his ponytail gently as he stared at the hanyou, his back turned towards Miroku. The sun was just beginning to slowly set over the horizon as it bathed the foliages of the sakura tree in brilliant shades of orange. Inuyasha, however, continued to remain mute.
"Your father told you to feel better," Miroku informed gently, moving to the trunk of the tree. "Kikyou told you that if you need someone to talk to, she's up in her room."
There was still no reaction.
"Oh, and Sesshoumaru told me to tell you that if you're suffering too much, then just jump off the roof and commit suicide."
The wind blew just a little harder this time around as Miroku found a comfy spot to sit, his back against the trunk. Luckily for him, that part of the ground had dried up, and he sighed happily as he looked up at the darkening skies. Much to his surprise as well, Inuyasha actually answered to that comment.
"The bastard finally said something that sounds helpful."
Miroku turned his head to look straight at the hanyou, his eyes narrowing as he glanced extra hard at his cousin. "You're not really thinking about jumping off the roof, right?"
"No."
"Okay, good."
"The cliff sounds more enticing."
Miroku couldn't help but roll his eyes a bit. "Try committing suicide and I'm afraid I'll have to tie you to this tree and starve you until you relent."
"You can starve me to death."
"Inuyasha, now you have me worried," Miroku answered more seriously, his eyebrows coming together in irritation. "You sound like your world has ended."
"It hasn't. I'm not going to commit suicide…I just need to think."
Miroku went back to his sarcastic self. "You actually think?"
"Well, I guess it would have helped if I had actually used my brain during the battle, huh?"
"You're pathetic."
"I know."
Miroku sighed in an infuriated manner. "I already made fun of you enough. Isn't it about time to shove me in the closet, or beat me to a bloody pulp? You not being violent scares me."
The whole time, Inuyasha refused to look down at the other man. "Leave me alone, asshole."
Miroku smiled pleasantly. "Finally, some vulgar word out of your mouth…"
"And you're calling me pathetic…"
"And you're the one who agreed you were."
"Just get lost."
"I'm afraid I know my way around here too well to get lost."
"Then shut the hell up."
Miroku chuckled lightly as he turned away from Inuyasha and leaned against the tree again, allowing the wind to continue playing with his short boyish tresses. The sun had set by now, although it was still a bit too bright to allow it to be considered night yet.
It was a strange feeling in the air. It was a bit tense between the two men, but it was also a comfortable silence that hung around in the air. Miroku was left to his own thoughts while Inuyasha continued thinking about his problems.
However, Miroku decided that he should just cut to the chase and ask the question he had been meaning to ask Inuyasha ever since he suspected it. It had seemed so plain and simple that any others might have overlooked it, but there had definitely been something…
"Inuyasha, did you like Kagome?"
For the first time that day, Inuyasha turned around to glare down harshly at Miroku, his golden eyes trying to burn a hole into the cousin's head. Perhaps the question had been one that was hard to answer, or maybe perhaps he just couldn't answer it, but Miroku only received silence and a glare from the hanyou.
However, it was all the answer he needed.
He continued his questioning.
"Will you marry her even though you know it wouldn't be fair to her?"
The hanyou retreated back to his desolate position as he closed his eyes, his claws digging deep into the bark of the tree. "I don't know."
"Do you like Kikyou?"
Inuyasha bit his lower lip as he silently pondered whether to beat the other man into the ground or not. The normal, fine Inuyasha would have, but he was too tired to really perform much hostility in this phase. But the answer to that question could ruin anything and everything if he gave the wrong one. But to be truthful…
"I don't know."
"Inuyasha…you're not being fair to Kikyou or yourself…or to anyone for that matter. Why can't you just choose the obvious choice?"
"There is no obvious choice."
Miroku clenched his own fists at the answers he kept obtaining from the hanyou. They were never direct and always tried to avoid the subject…how long did Inuyasha think he needed to mourn? To regret? To run away from what he shouldn't be running away from? "You're killing yourself, Inuyasha."
That left another stressed silence between the two, the stars already spreading across the skies as the true night descended upon them, bringing a sense of calmness with it. There was the distant crashes of the waves on the shores as Inuyasha quietly answered:
"A part of me already died with her."
A/N: Well, don't worry everyone. In the next chapter, Kagome and Inuyasha unite. ^__^
Disclaimer: I wish I may, I wish I might, own Inuyasha in my wildest dreams tonight.
Behind the Masquerade
Wretched Welkin
It was the strangest feeling she had ever experienced. It was so dark, so empty, and all she saw around her was some almost translucent covering that was forcing her to stay in the tube she was falling through. The only noise around her was the buzz of the wind, much like if she was falling from the sky. But, like everything strange happening, she wasn't scared of this free fall.
She turned her head to look up, but only saw the darkness from where she had descended from. She looked down and only saw more darkness that was yet to fall through.
However, all at once, she was suspended in the middle of the clear tube, everything around her seeming to stop in time, even the darkness. She wasn't sure how darkness could be stopped, but taking a look up again, she saw light---something that wasn't frozen. She looked down again and saw a bright snake-like substance writhing below her. Gazing closer, she realized it was some scenes playing, in a line of someone's…memories.
"Mine," she whispered breathlessly, but not a word was heard. It was absolute silence, like the scenes that were quietly playing below her.
"Your last chance…" a mysterious voice suddenly drifted to her ears, and Kagome turned to her left, staring off into the darkness. There was nothing there.
"Are you ready…?" This time it came from the right, but as she glanced in that direction, there was no sign of life either. Was this life though?
"There are some stories in history that get passed down through time, and as it passes through people, the reality gets buried under exaggerated deeds."
"Who is this?" Kagome asked, but all she realized that was happening was that her mouth was opening and closing, without an utter of her voice coming out.
"Truth gets buried too…but are you ready to continue your story? Or would you…finish it? Would you want your life story to be a tale of tragic lovers who never realized the truth…or would you want your story to be just another passion story that history seems to always be filled with? Either way, the accuracy of your life and the real pain will be either exaggerated or understated, respectively…"
Kagome stared off into the part of the darkness the voice had came from this time, but the words slowly registered in her head.
"Are you ready for the truth…? You may have agreed with that man, but like history, his truth is buried underneath lies. This is your last chance for peace…choose."
"I…" Kagome started, but realized no one could hear her. Flitting a look up to the light, she felt her eyelids droop. It was all too enticing, to finish her life. But then, she could also realize what the 'truth' was…and she couldn't give up now.
She pointed down, towards the scenes of memories.
"Life and Death is a cycle…you realize you'll die one day anyway. But, I must commend, it takes courage to fight Death, but much more to fight through Life. You'll have so much more to experience…I think you'll understand the next time we meet."
Kagome felt time slowly start to move again, as the darkness swirled around her once more. When she gazed up, the light was gone, and while she was doing this, the memories were slowly circling her in something almost like a coil of scenes.
She looked around, watching all the different memories that were all her own? Most of them, she couldn't even remember, although the people seemed so…familiar? Then like a dog being let out of its cage, the memories were let go of their leash and they attacked her.
She shut her eyes when she saw them head for the side of her head, and dig its way into her mind. It wasn't painful, and rather, she felt a numbing sensation as scenes played at an incredible rate, dancing before her closed eyelids.
It was like learning everything in a minute, but instead, she was only learning what she had lost. It was an absolute rush, to be filled with knowledge in a single minute while falling through free air. She was retaining everything, and it was overwhelming.
"People will remember you for living in a fairytale…but you're only living in reality."
Kagome felt the darkness and tube abruptly ripped away as her speed defied the law of gravity and began to slow down. She covered her eyes, for the light shining was too bright for her sight, and the minute she felt her soul collide with something, she didn't realize she was back in her body and had shot up, taking in sharp breaths.
However, as the numbness subsided, it was replaced with a newfound pain. She coiled an arm impulsively around her middle and could feel something wet rub off onto her arm. Lifting the arm gently away from her stomach, she saw a blotch of red covering her skin and she stopped breathing for a moment as she stared at it.
Blood.
"Don't move," a new voice told her, and she looked up, half conscious of the pain in her body and the other half conscious on the other two beings in the room. She recognized both instantly.
"You're the maid at his castle…" she whispered, staring down at the white maid who was still donning a maid outfit, but holding a mirror. She turned her attention to the other, "And you're the demon who kidnapped me to see Naraku the other day…"
"At least we know your memory is fine," the taller said, grabbing a roll of bandage from the table in the dark room. She walked slowly towards Kagome, her eyes shadowed and void of emotions. "How does it feel to be alive again?"
"I'm…alive…?" Kagome whispered, more to herself than Kagura. "Why…How…?"
"Naraku," Kagura suggested dryly, as she used a hand to push Kagome's back and straighten her posture. This caused Kagome to take in a sharp, pained breath, considering how it seemed like her rib cage was broken and the push had caused pain to flow through her upper body. The wind demon didn't say sorry, but she was much gentler as she removed the old bandage from around Kagome's middle.
When Kagome was sure she could take in shallow breaths without hurting her ribs too much, she took some time to think. That however, led to some quick thinking and remembering. "He made a deal with me when I was dead!"
Kanna took a step towards her, facing Kagome and putting the mirror in front of Kagome's stomach so that the girl could see the damage inflicted upon her body as Kagura took off the last wrap. Kagome had to grimace when she saw the torn skin and red flesh exposed, and turned her face away from the scene. She had to clench her teeth when Kagura began reapplying the new bandage, touching the sensitive skin a bit too roughly for Kagome's tastes.
"He's…a cheating…" Kagome murmured as she realized what she had to do now.
"Bastard? Asshole?" Kagura suggested as she ripped the bandage from the roll and tied it into a knot around the princess' abdomen.
"And much worse…"
"Kagura…don't say that…" Kanna said in her flat voice, although some hint of concern could be heard underneath. "He might hear you…"
"For saying the truth?" the wind demon challenged, as she turned a frowning expression towards her older sister.
"We belong to him…" Kanna muttered in a low voice, as she lowered the mirror from Kagome's view and held it to her chest as usual.
"Heh…" was Kagura's answer as she strolled out the door with her fan to her face, head held up high. She turned around to direct her attention to Kagome and said, "Naraku said we're to look after you for five days, then you're to go back to complete your task." With that all done, she turned around again and walked out without a glance back.
Kanna stayed for a few seconds, before she too, without even a rustle of clothing, rotated around and walked out the door, following her sister. But she didn't disappear without a small whisper that could be heard only by Kagome as Kanna closed the door.
"Why live to betray…"
With only Kagome left, she stared at the doorway for a moment while being painfully aware of her injuries. She strained her ears to listen for anything, anyone, but only the distant pattering of rain was heard. If falling through the air without memories was strange, she bet what she was feeling right then took second place.
It was a strange feeling to be alive again after dying. She could breathe, and everything around her was real. She had felt pain in death too, but there was also the pain she felt rushing through her whole body, now that she was alive.
The silence was welcoming, although the dark aura around her felt like a thick blanket of evil, suffocating her. She slowly lowered her body back onto the bed and took in a grateful breath when she completed the task with only a small sting of pain through her stomach.
This position however, caused her to stare up at the dark ceiling as she ran over her thoughts again. Screw certain things being strange. Everything was strange right now. Being in Naraku's castle, being alive, everything happening so suddenly, her life being tied to Naraku's…being fully aware of pain…
Physically and mentally.
Her whole body hurt, but as she remembered everything, she was also aware of the emotional pain. She felt like her own soul had been battered and abused, and unlike physical injuries, her emotional wounds felt like it could consume her forever.
She was painfully aware of her emotions in a time like this.
She missed Sango.
She missed Shippo.
She missed Miroku.
She missed absolutely everything at the Komiya kingdom.
…She really missed Inuyasha…
And the hardest thing to fully comprehend was that she had actually agreed to Naraku's pain, conscious of the costs or not. The man had made her agree to help him, and the worst thing to realize was, she couldn't back out of it. She had sealed the contract with her words, and she knew he made everyone keep their words. He would kill people if she didn't do as she was told…
Kanna's words were devastatingly true at this point as Kagome turned her head to the side and closed her eyes.
Why did she choose to live when in the end she would only betray…?
She knew she had chosen this path and it was she who wanted to finish her life story. It was no one's fault but her own to agree to Naraku's demands, and she hated how this was a lose-lose situation. "I hate my life…" she whispered, and although she had heard many people say those words before, she really meant them…
~*~
The silence around the dinner table was disturbing, when people only walked in to seat themselves and eat, without a 'hello' or a 'dinner looks good today.' King Komiya blamed no one and even he found it a bit strange to be sitting in a room where people had been massacred. But he accepted it because that was what he had to do as king. People died and he had to learn to continue living each day as if the past day hadn't occurred.
"Where's Sango, Inuyasha, Rin, and the kitsune cub?" he asked out of plain curiosity, his voice one of nonchalance.
Everyone looked up from their plates in what seemed like an accusing gaze with only Sesshoumaru calmly eating like he hadn't heard anything.
Miroku decided to answer after King Komiya looked around in a hopeful manner at the entire table. "Sango won't come down, Inuyasha is somewhere, Rin is somewhere, and Shippo is…somewhere as well," he muttered in a low voice as he pushed a pea around the outer contours of his plate.
"Well…that tells me a lot," King Komiya commented, a hint of sarcasm in his voice as he let the subject drop and decided it was hopeless to try and start a conversation for the next week. Maybe he had been asking too much of them…forgetting took time after all. But that didn't mean he had to push urgent matters to the side for everyone's sake. "Sesshoumaru, what do you think is the best action we should take now?"
Lady Komiya, who had been quiet the whole time, touched her husband's arm lightly. "Darling…" she started, "I don't think today is the day to talk about war."
"Nonsense, I am not going to subject to depression like everyone else. These matters are pressing…the more time we allow the topic to slack off, the more time we are sacrificing. Who knows how long it would take the wolves to retaliate? As demonstrated by the Battle of the Path, they are unpredictable."
"Well said, father," Sesshoumaru commented as he gracefully put a spoon of food in his mouth. "Grieving is a pathetic emotion."
"I never said grief was pathetic, Sesshoumaru. I, as the king, just need to continue my job and keep this kingdom protected."
"Grieving over someone is still a sign of weakness. I always said Inuyasha was vulnerable to such emotions."
"Do not talk about your brother in such a way."
"Half-brother," Sesshoumaru immediately corrected, before adding, "Sorry, father."
King Komiya let out an exasperated sigh as he refrained the urge to drive his fists into a wall. Well, Inuyasha had to inherit his violent natures from one of his parents…
"I think I'll go find Inuyasha," Miroku cut in before King Komiya had the time to continue discussing battle plans with his son. The man got up from his seat and bowed down politely to everyone before turning away from the dinner table and walking towards the door.
King Komiya stared at him, a bit confused before understanding surfaced. He couldn't handle listening to more planning after a friend had died, so he was seeking solitude with another mourning member. "Tell Inuyasha I hope he feels better soon."
"Or jump off the roof and commit suicide if he suffers too much."
King Komiya turned to his elder son. "Sesshoumaru! How many times must I tell you to stop being so unpleasant to your brother?!"
"Half-brother."
Miroku slipped out of the door as King Komiya suddenly snapped and let out a growl reminiscent of Inuyasha in his bad mood swings. He coolly walked down the corridor, King Komiya's yelling slowly growing softer as he traveled further away from the dining room. He headed straight for the garden, having spied Inuyasha in the sakura tree earlier. If his luck held, the hanyou would still be lodged up there in his miserable state.
Poor fool. He should have told Kagome he cared about her…
"Can I ask you something?"
Miroku turned around at the soft feminine voice (not that he wouldn't turn around at any type of feminine voice) and spied Kikyou staring at him calmly with a leveled gaze, her grey eyes burning into his violet ones. A bit surprised at seeing Inuyasha's fiancée, he only managed to smile, answering, "What is it?"
Kikyou's glimpse fluttered to the ground for a moment before it went back up to the pervert, gazing even harder into his eyes. "Please tell Inuyasha that if he needs me, I'll be in my room. That is, if he needs to talk."
Miroku stared at her for a moment. Kikyou liked Inuyasha a lot too, didn't she? Since Kagome was out of the picture now, would Kikyou and Inuyasha marry? Would this girl, standing right in front of him, be his cousin's future wife?
In a way, Kikyou and Inuyasha would make the perfect couple.
But if one had to look at it from another point of view, they seemed too wrong to even consider pursuing any romantic relationship.
Miroku gazed firmly at Kikyou for another moment, her own stare never relenting, and he answered, "I'll tell him."
Kikyou nodded as she turned around, whispering a what seemed to be reluctant, "Thank you," before trotting evenly down the corridor towards the stairs, forcing Miroku to stare at her curves for a second before mentally slapping himself and facing away as well.
He continued down the corridor he had been on before the interruption, a frown on his face. He had promised himself that the first step to showing Sango he was actually serious about her was to stop 'appreciating' other women. "Damn, I'm an idiot," he whispered a bit, before turning out into the front doors.
The two new guards he passed were talking a bit, but instantly straightened when they saw one of the princes coming. Miroku sighed a bit. He missed the old guards who were serious about their job, but they had been murdered during the assault yesterday.
The skies were slowly beginning to darken, the first stars of the evening showing through the thick clouds. Surprisingly, there had been spontaneous bursts of sprinkles every once in a while during the day, but it ceased to actually come down in torrents. Perhaps he should be happy about that because he didn't fancy the thought of trudging through the soaked grass, trying to find his sad excuse of a cousin.
Seeing a shaded silhouette among the blossoms as he neared the tree, Miroku slowed down his pace, his gaze held upon the bulk of flesh sitting atop of a branch. Inuyasha hadn't said anything yet, or even acknowledged him, and Miroku wondered whether if it was because he was too deep into his thoughts, or just chose to ignore him. Any other time, Inuyasha would have yelled at Miroku to keep his distance.
"Inuyasha?"
No answer.
He supposed Inuyasha was choosing to ignore him.
"Want to talk?"
Miroku waited for another answer, the wind blowing his ponytail gently as he stared at the hanyou, his back turned towards Miroku. The sun was just beginning to slowly set over the horizon as it bathed the foliages of the sakura tree in brilliant shades of orange. Inuyasha, however, continued to remain mute.
"Your father told you to feel better," Miroku informed gently, moving to the trunk of the tree. "Kikyou told you that if you need someone to talk to, she's up in her room."
There was still no reaction.
"Oh, and Sesshoumaru told me to tell you that if you're suffering too much, then just jump off the roof and commit suicide."
The wind blew just a little harder this time around as Miroku found a comfy spot to sit, his back against the trunk. Luckily for him, that part of the ground had dried up, and he sighed happily as he looked up at the darkening skies. Much to his surprise as well, Inuyasha actually answered to that comment.
"The bastard finally said something that sounds helpful."
Miroku turned his head to look straight at the hanyou, his eyes narrowing as he glanced extra hard at his cousin. "You're not really thinking about jumping off the roof, right?"
"No."
"Okay, good."
"The cliff sounds more enticing."
Miroku couldn't help but roll his eyes a bit. "Try committing suicide and I'm afraid I'll have to tie you to this tree and starve you until you relent."
"You can starve me to death."
"Inuyasha, now you have me worried," Miroku answered more seriously, his eyebrows coming together in irritation. "You sound like your world has ended."
"It hasn't. I'm not going to commit suicide…I just need to think."
Miroku went back to his sarcastic self. "You actually think?"
"Well, I guess it would have helped if I had actually used my brain during the battle, huh?"
"You're pathetic."
"I know."
Miroku sighed in an infuriated manner. "I already made fun of you enough. Isn't it about time to shove me in the closet, or beat me to a bloody pulp? You not being violent scares me."
The whole time, Inuyasha refused to look down at the other man. "Leave me alone, asshole."
Miroku smiled pleasantly. "Finally, some vulgar word out of your mouth…"
"And you're calling me pathetic…"
"And you're the one who agreed you were."
"Just get lost."
"I'm afraid I know my way around here too well to get lost."
"Then shut the hell up."
Miroku chuckled lightly as he turned away from Inuyasha and leaned against the tree again, allowing the wind to continue playing with his short boyish tresses. The sun had set by now, although it was still a bit too bright to allow it to be considered night yet.
It was a strange feeling in the air. It was a bit tense between the two men, but it was also a comfortable silence that hung around in the air. Miroku was left to his own thoughts while Inuyasha continued thinking about his problems.
However, Miroku decided that he should just cut to the chase and ask the question he had been meaning to ask Inuyasha ever since he suspected it. It had seemed so plain and simple that any others might have overlooked it, but there had definitely been something…
"Inuyasha, did you like Kagome?"
For the first time that day, Inuyasha turned around to glare down harshly at Miroku, his golden eyes trying to burn a hole into the cousin's head. Perhaps the question had been one that was hard to answer, or maybe perhaps he just couldn't answer it, but Miroku only received silence and a glare from the hanyou.
However, it was all the answer he needed.
He continued his questioning.
"Will you marry her even though you know it wouldn't be fair to her?"
The hanyou retreated back to his desolate position as he closed his eyes, his claws digging deep into the bark of the tree. "I don't know."
"Do you like Kikyou?"
Inuyasha bit his lower lip as he silently pondered whether to beat the other man into the ground or not. The normal, fine Inuyasha would have, but he was too tired to really perform much hostility in this phase. But the answer to that question could ruin anything and everything if he gave the wrong one. But to be truthful…
"I don't know."
"Inuyasha…you're not being fair to Kikyou or yourself…or to anyone for that matter. Why can't you just choose the obvious choice?"
"There is no obvious choice."
Miroku clenched his own fists at the answers he kept obtaining from the hanyou. They were never direct and always tried to avoid the subject…how long did Inuyasha think he needed to mourn? To regret? To run away from what he shouldn't be running away from? "You're killing yourself, Inuyasha."
That left another stressed silence between the two, the stars already spreading across the skies as the true night descended upon them, bringing a sense of calmness with it. There was the distant crashes of the waves on the shores as Inuyasha quietly answered:
"A part of me already died with her."
A/N: Well, don't worry everyone. In the next chapter, Kagome and Inuyasha unite. ^__^