((The journey took Imbra and Kyrie under Stell's command, from Hydrapurr, to Cadia where Corax joined. They began following the corrupted Inquisitor, took a brief stop by a planet close to Earth, then were sent to Agrippina under cover. Stell did not come this time. Instead, Eli and later on Markus, an old priest truly blessed by the Emperor (for he shines at times with a light deflecting even bullets). Down the spire city they went, to the very 15000 year old bottom. Along the road were Eschers with enemies, people to trade with and at last an eccentric old man, former tech priest from Mars. Living where he does "thanks" to Stell. The group now knows where the lady has gone, Stell has joined up again and Eli busied himself with taking a by Corax supervised overdose of Spook. Hence he is now a psyker, sanctioned by an angry and unwilling Stell. The others all are busy around the tech priests camp, while Kyrie merely watches, waiting to be needed with her insignificant knowledges. Once more, she pulls out her data slab. --She really is a person on her own, not just an RPG-character anymore.))
--:begin new entry:--
I have changed. It came upon me slowly, and I did not notice until all that once was had gone. Where is the cheeriness? I am as reckless as before, not thinking of my own safety as much as of getting the bastards down and bleeding. I love the look of my "cherries" flying through the air, the look of their frightened faces and the look when they're blown into tiny pieces and oblivion. I can do with the sound, though. The knowledge is what matters - the knowledge that I got them. So what if I get a little hurt in the process.
But the Kyrie who found pure joy in the simplest of things, laughed with her friends, she who could cheer up almost anyone and looked forward with anticipation to what may come next - I am not her anymore. She is gone. Instead a dull emptiness has replaced that. I still do feel, but my personality is very different now. I do what I am told at the best of my abilities, I strive for that goal I belive Stell wants me to - Stell of the Toris faction. I guess I often disappoint him, but I was the best he could get right then and I am after all expendable. If I am wasted, he will find someone better, which is of great relief to me. His saving my life was the Emperors will. Anyway. There is no joy. I barely feel the loss, though. The old life that was mine was nice. Good memories, all. Howevere, it is past. Now is now and where I am. One can only go on.
I always had a good sense of what's realistic. So I look and do not smile any more. I already know my last word will be a name. To die for him, for all and any of us, I will do without hesitation. Part of who I am, the core of me. Fight till there is nothing left. Perhaps he'd appreciate it if he knew. More than human. (Though Emperor know I am curious why he and Stell seem to be like sentient oil and water, hating every step they take together).
As I said, I am not for fuzzy fantasies and happy daydreams. I am not that stupid.
It can never be.