((Sometimes I people ask me how I can believe in faeries, magic, fantasy and dreams. The session before I wrote this gave me the answer to their question, or partly at least. I felt true, physical pain, and my stomach ached like Kyries did. You might think me very silly and female and girly - but that feeling was and is to be experienced by any person who have or will ever feel true, but unhappy, love. Roleplaying doesn't get much better. And yes, the Primarch of the Raven Guard was named Corax. I assume the name was chose for the character in the game, to honor that Primarch. I've become a sucker for the W40K world, mythology, history etc.

Spoiler and story recap: The group arrived to what used to be gramps camp, now surrounded by a wall built by Nibblit. A few days recovery was needed, during which Stell disappeared to go get someone. The priest, Markus, had been affected by the sights he'd seen and was half mad. When Stell returned, Corax was with him. A few tests were conducted by the two and everyone cleared, including the priest, with some help. Corax then rewarded each of the group with some token, and went away. Stell ordered everyone to get onboard their old, trusty ship, and somehow Eli managed to smuggle onboard all of gramps stuff including him. In space somewhere, an Eldar ship hailed and docked, and left a blonde youth. Had something to do with the future. Corax won when they went sparring, and it will now be four months in the warp, to set off gramps at Nocturne. Eli and Imbra quarrelled, and we'll see where we end up.))

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My head is exploding, I'm so angry at Eli and Imbra. Thickheaded clods! So, he lied - I kind of left it to where it was even back then, but to Imbra it still matters. As for me, he's still one of us and can be trusted when we need to. Stell wouldn't let him keep company otherwise. They're still quarreling upstairs. I've hid in the cargo room, nothing here but gramps barracks.

It was indeed interesting to see his old camp transformed. Nibblit had built a wall around it - not a straight one, but a very Nibblit one. It was occasionally painted red, and had guard towers and weapons. I think Eli had some issues about the grott having all those weapons at his disposal, until grandpa assured him that he could remote-control them. Well, I'm just happy I was able to get in the shower first of us, and sleep on the mattresses as soon as possible. Still as tired as before the stasis-coffins, body was aching like nothing else.

My power-armour had been most nicely redone. No symbols anymore, a few alterations in shape here and there, and painted all black. I trained every day to get more used to it. At least, until Stell came back.

He brought with him Corax.

I guess I must have been beaming with happiness when I was finally able to give him back his bolter. He put it right in his holster where it belonged, which had been empty for fourteen years.

Happiness is temporary, as is pain. But pain seem to last much longer than happiness. He no longer is a Scout, I am told, but a full-fledged Astartes. One of those we have seen only as statues or in books. He is free from his mission - about which I do not really know anything - and free to return to his Chapter. But he chose to stay with the Grey ones.

I can't believe it hurts this bad. To see how much, how unbelievably much, above me he is... Who am I to bear it?

Joy at reunion, devastating sadness at... well, at reality. Whatever I believed would happen to feelings and to me, this was not even near. My stomach was hurting, sometimes still do. I had to clench my fingers to stop me from whimpering or worse, let any sign of sadness or the tears threatening, show. Though I wish only to be his equal, to follow him and witness his deeds, I feel unbearably weak and silly. I feel like a silly child. Not at all myself. Not at all worthy, of anything.

But worthy we were, of the appreciation of - I suppose - his and the Grey. Imbra got Stell's old sword, re-worked now to a fine quality indeed. An amazing gift. Eli recieved the favor of keeping what he had - and this will indeed sound a little brutal - looted from his Inquisitor. Markus had the greatest honor of all. He will forever be inscribed among the greatest heroes of the glorious Empire, somewhere deep underground where the Grey ones have their headquarters. And he was restored to his senses, amazing also, and perhaps to those who do not know, the greatest gift. Myself, I was stunned. Bestowed upon me were a scabbard and sword from Coraxs' own chapter - though I still do not know quite which one that might be, my knowledge in those matters are exceeded by far by Elis' - and a small box, no larger than two hands pressed together. Made out of adamantium, it is engraved with flames in ceramite, and contains a scale. It is green, as large as the palm of my hand, very sharp around the edges and a little furrowed. I treasure it, though I have so far only the vaguest theories about what it might really be. Regardless of what it is, it is precious to me. The thought that it might have been something personal from himself, only had time enough to be printed here. I am a fool, but not necessarily that stupid.

Then, since grandpa tech-priest have helped us so much, Eli agreed to get him away from Agrippina and somewhere else. I happily agreed. Now, he's onboard the ship, hid deep inside the pile made out of his many barracks. Stell never suspected anything, which is lucky. The grott is in a stasis-field among the many paintings at the captain's deck, to keep him out of trouble and out of the suspicion of others - I take the opportunity, at times, to steal glances of the pictures of heroes long gone the captain has got there. Oh, and reminder to myself - try find the correct spelling of ChinSher, Shin'sher or whatever it might be.

Now, we have been joined by something I am not sure whether to like or not. It is an Eldar calling himself Dal. In the middle of space, an Eldar ship came flying toward us, and docked. The captain seemed to have been expecting that. Three went over to us, two went back. The third apparently "has to be here" in order for things to go right. As long as he is acknowledged by Stell, and Stell is the one who more or less let him join, then I am satisfied with it. It has pointy ears, beautiful if unnatural eyes, very smooth face and body and blonde hair. I guess I am supposed to see it as superior, and if one holds out against Corax in a sparring game that long, I can at least show it - him - my respect. Emperor knows, though, I am more than wary around him. Stell, by the way, of course had business elsewhere to attend to - I hope that elsewhere will not be Nemesis again, when we went to let him off.

Any kind of group thinking is lost on Imbra and Eli right now, apparently. I got in such a foul mood hearing them. But, they talk, which is an improvement. On the good side for the group, I am quite able to handle my sword now. That is great, maybe some day I will give Corax more than five seconds of resistance when sparring.

Sometimes I stare out into nothingness for too long. If this is so stupid, why does my mind insist on doing it? Sensibility apparently never was part of the equation. This journey will be taking four months on its first leg. The rest, we don't know. Though, maybe it is time I got that face of mine fixed. Talking of scars, Coraxs' body is more or less nothing but scars. I chanced to see some of them when he and Imbra were training. Glory to the Emperor, for His sacred children, those favored ones, are truly the essence of mankind and more! Why, praying would be a good idea. I have not done nearly enough, in fact, I enjoy it too much to consider being done. His divine light guides us all. Yes, a prayer and some training. If that does not help my mood I shall simply have to write some more.

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