Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans, unfortunately. Any views or opinions expressed in this fan-fiction are strictly those of the author, me. The latter statement is probably just a formality, unless I somehow work my love of all things Canadian (GO CANADA) into this fan-fiction.

Please Read and Review. Constructive Criticism wanted!

Chapter 2: How I Really Feel.

She's still crying. She has her face buried into my chest. She's hasn't moved for hours. Knowing that she's sad is crushing me on the inside. More than anything in the world, I want to comfort her. I want to put my arms around her. I want to tell her that everything will be alright. I want to tell her how I really feel about her.

'This sucks!' I scream in my head. 'I may never get another chance to talk to her. I may never get to tell her that I love her.'

The first day I met her, I developed a crush on her. She was so mysterious. There was something about her that made me want to get to know her. There was something about her that made me want to understand her. There was something about her that made me want to make her smile. I wanted to make her happy. Even though my attempts usually resulted in me getting a severe verbal beating, I never stopped. I realized that my simple crush on Raven had grown into love.

I didn't think anything could make me feel different about her. My love for her withstood all the times she yelled at me. It withstood all the sarcasm she directed at me. I thought that if I pushed hard enough, I could make her open up to me. That just made things a whole lot worse, and I have the bruises to prove it. It was by accident that I got the answers I was looking for.

Cyborg and I did something we knew was incredibly stupid. We went into Raven's room. We were worried about Raven. I was worried about Raven. I knew something was wrong, and I needed to know what it was. I just wanted to help. Cyborg and I were sucked into Raven's mind through her meditation mirror. It was unpleasant. What we saw, however, was worse. At first, Raven's mind was that of complete darkness. I still have nightmares about those freaky red eyed ravens, perched in those withered trees. I did get better, and sometimes worse, as we went along. We met Raven's emotions. Some were helpful, such as Knowledge. Others were a burden, such as Timid. We also met Rage, the emotion Raven's demon father uses to keep a hold on Raven's life. In the end, Raven saved us from Rage. She combined with all of her emotions, excluding Rage, to become a white cloaked Raven.

'She looked so angelic in white. She was so beautiful.'

I learned why she has to suppress her emotions that day. I learned that if her feelings are too strong, everything around her would be in danger. That fact was reinforced when I rented Wicked Scary. It was the only horror film that actually lived up to its name. Although she denied it, it caused even Raven to get scared. As a result, her powers went berserk. She unknowingly recreated monsters from the movie. I don't know everything that happened, because I was the first person her powers took out, but I was told that Raven eventually regained control.

Through those events, my love for her grew stronger. I know it has to be love, because any normal guy would have ran after seeing Raven's father. She, however, continued to push me, along with the rest of the Titans, away. The days went by normally from then on. Each day I grew more frustrated, due to the fact I couldn't get any closer to the woman I loved. Then Terra came. She did everything I wanted Raven to do. She laughed at my jokes. She didn't make fun of me. She wanted to be around me. However, I didn't love her. She was a sure thing where Raven was a possibility. Terra wanted to go out with me, and I had to make a choice. I had to between Raven and Terra. I chose the sure thing. I chose the one I thought cared for me. Unfortunately, she was just manipulating me. She sold out the Titans for Slade. She caused me pain. She caused Raven pain, and I can never forgive her for that. In the end, she turned her back on Slade, saving us all at the cost of her own life.

For a long time after the loss of Terra, I had locked myself in my room. All of the Titans, including Raven, tried to help me get over her. They thought that they knew that I loved her. They thought I hurt because I lost the one I love. I never loved her, so I don't know how it feels. I do, however, know how it feels to realize how big a mistake I had made. I chose someone else over the girl I loved. I chose Terra over Raven. I didn't even like Terra that much! I chose her out of frustration. I chose her because I wanted to be with someone. I chose her because I thought she liked me. I was an idiot for doing so. I love Raven. Even though she didn't love me, I should not have given up. That's why I was in my room. It hurt, knowing that I probably ruined anything I could ever have with Raven.

I felt that my chances with her were ruined then, but I knew they were when I found out about Malchior. Just thinking about him makes me angry. I am more jealous than angry, though. Raven was in love with him. He did what I never could do. He made Raven happy. I was jealous. However, like Terra, he was only playing with other people's emotions for the sake of his own ambitions. He toyed with her emotions to get what he wanted. I hate him for that. After a grueling battle, Raven managed to seal him back in the book where he was found.

I knew how it felt to be betrayed. Terra betrayed me like Malchior betrayed Raven. I also knew that it hurt Raven worse. Raven had actually loved him. However, I still thought that I was the only one who could be there for her. She needed comfort badly, but I was an idiot. She hugged me. It was everything I ever wanted. It was everything I had dreamed of, but I couldn't handle it. I didn't know what to do. I pulled away, and I instantly regreted it. I would give anything to hug her again.

Eventually, everything returned to normal. I would try to make her smile. She would remark sarcastically to my jokes. Everything was normal until there was an accident. During a battle, I was exposed to some weird chemicals. They didn't do anything to me at first, but they took their toll eventually. I began to lose control of what I did. I was forced to do things that I would never dream of doing. I eventually lost control completely. I don't remember what happened. I just remember waking up, regaining control, or whatever I should call it, and everyone was mad at me, except for Raven. They told me I had tried to hurt Raven. I didn't believe it. Raven says that I tried to protect her, but I don't know if that's true either. I feel guilty. I just wanted to be alone. She wouldn't let me, however.

She found me on the shore of our little island. She told me exactly what had happened. She reassured me. She helped me regain my confidence. For the first time, it felt like we were connected. I could see something in her eyes that was different that night. I don't know what it was, but it gave me hope. Yet, lately, she's been avoiding me. She's so confusing. I wish I knew how she felt. Her actions make me feel that she hates me, but what was in her eyes that night makes me feel loved.

I hear her struggle to regain her composure. She stands up and I hear her footsteps grow softer. She stops, and I hear her turn around.

"Please, get better soon, Beast Boy," she whispers. "I… um… miss you when you're not around."

'She… She… She what?' Thousands of thoughts and feelings erupt in my mind, but only two are dominant, hope and love.

'Maybe my chances aren't so bad after all.'

If there are any errors in the description of the episode Spellbound, please tell me in your reviews. I have not seen that episode yet.

Originaly, the parts of this chapter where Beast Boy recaps every major RaeBB moment thus far in the series were going to be a separate one-shot fic. However, since the only thing Beast Boy can do is think,I modified it and placed it here. I hope you enjoyed it.