A/N: Ask and you shall receive. Here is a sparkly, brand new chapter from your very thankful author.
Chapter 9- Mithlond: Unfriendly Feelings
He knew that with any passage of time, the people around him would change and grow into different people. He knew that Silaerín would have grown into an adult elleth by the next time he would see her. But that obviously had not prepared him for this transformation. Perhaps he always thought, no matter what her age, she would always look like the young, rounded cheek elleth they first befriended in Imladris. Maybe he had, subconsciously, hoped that she would remain that way so that he would not feel like he did now, watching her from across the table.
Elladan sighed to himself and looked down at his plate of food again, shifting the food around with his utensils, not really in the mood to eat, which was odd for him on any account. But the only thing he really wanted, or needed, to do now was stare at the elleth across from him. He glanced around at his family members and caught Elrohir's eyes. His brother gave him an odd glance, furrowing his brows in confusion for the present situation. Elladan sighed lightly, which inadvertently drew Arwen's attention in his direction. She smiled slyly, as though she knew what was going through his mind, and turned back to the conversation being had. Actually, he feared that everyone at the table knew of his new hyperawareness of Silaerín, but were being polite about it and not commenting obtusely on the matter. Well, that was unless he counted Elrohir and the berating he got from him when he stood dumbfounded looking over the elleth when she had entered the room, unable to speak with her.
Silaerín laughed quietly at something Arwen said. Elladan found it strange that he could sit and not hear anything in particular in the conversation, it a dull roar in his ears, but as soon as Silaerín had laughed, it was as clear as a bell. Numerous times had he felt himself attracted to a number of ellyth, but never before had it been like this. Elves were not supposed to act in such a manner... so consumed by one's beauty. It just did not make sense to him. Sure, he was peredhil, and not one of full Eldar blood, but it still did not excuse this. Could it be that his connection and attraction to her was on a far deeper level than he originally thought? And yet, he still could not push back the thought in his head that she was- in essence- a sister to him. And she could not and should not be seen in the purely physical manner he was now thinking of her.
And it was not until much later, when he was standing upon the balcony of his chambers and watching the bright flashes of light and listening to the rolling thunder did he decide that perhaps it was acceptable to think of Silaerín in this way. After all, they were both grown, and she too obviously had had a shock of monumental proportions when she beheld them again after so long. If Silaerín thought it acceptable to gape at them so openly like she had, with other intentions than just surprise, then he supposed it would be acceptable for him to do the same.
Even though it was a childish consolation to think of it this way, he hoped he could at least show her decency and not allow himself to become too oversensitive to her actions around him. After all, he had a choice and that was to either allow himself to be smitten with her, but still hold her close as a friend, or to completely block her from his life and mind. And the second option was the worst thing he could ever think of doing to anyone he cared so deeply for.
He sighed heavily and rested his head against the cool stone of the wall beside him. Such a paradox he was in- to wish to maintain a pure friendship with her, while he thought of her in the other, despicable ways. And then he remembered that he had yet to speak one word to her this evening. What could she possibly think of him now?
Elladan saw a figure emerge from the building to the balcony to his right and down a level from his own. He smiled, recognizing the figure to be Silaerín as she closed her eyes; the wind from the storm picked up her hair, snapping it back behind her, and caught the skirts of her gown, making them billow about her. She was truly beautiful with her slender Elven frame that had the very slight curves to pronounce the fact that she was an elleth and not an ellon. But in his mind, they were perfect curves, even if women were more voluptuous than the average Elf-maiden.
"Did my heart love till now?" Elladan muttered to himself, watching a smile come over her features as though she had heard him over the ferocity of the storm, which for all he knew, she could have. But that did not stop him from muttering to himself. "Forswear it, sight. For I have never seen true beauty until this night."
There was a loud clap of thunder then, startling him and Silaerín. She jumped and gasped at the sudden sound that had pierced the moment of quiet between gusts of wind and other rolling thunder. He laughed to himself, and leaned over the balcony, calling out, "My lady, you cannot be frightened by such a small bit of thunder."
And that made her jump back some more, looking up at him quickly as she placed a hand to her chest in an effort to quiet her wildly beating heart. She took a breath, "The next time you wish to get my attention like this, at least give me some inkling that I am not alone!"
"Aye, my lady," he replied and smiled.
Silaerín chuckled and shook her head, but did not reply to him before she went back into the room she had come from. He was confused as to why she did this without speaking to him, but the confusion dissipated quickly when he heard the soft knock at his antechamber door. With a swiftness in his steps that he had never encountered, he made his way to the door and drew the heavy wood back.
She smiled up at him, and threw her arms about his neck, holding onto him tightly. "I am so glad you are here, Elladan. Long has it been since I last had any joy like this night and seeing you."
He could do nothing but wrap his arms about her back, though he hoped she would not recognize his discomfort with the situation and the fact that she had said the joy of seeing anyone belonged to him. It was probably just because he was the only one there in front of her that she had said that, but he could still hope, could he not? He could not think of anything to respond with, so he hoped that she was content with just having his arms about her.
Silaerín pulled back slightly to look up into his eyes, "Why are you so quiet, Elladan? You have never been like this."
"I know not why," he replied, angry with himself that he had lied to her in such a blatant manner.
She frowned, but replaced it with a small smile. "Will you walk with me?"
"I would be honored, my lady," Elladan smiled and offered his arm to her.
He shut the door behind them and they started down the darkened corridor in silence. After awhile of this, and turning a few corners had disoriented him, she glanced up at him. "Why are you addressing my as 'my lady' all of a sudden? I prefer Silaerín."
"But you are a lady," he said and looked away from her. Could he really have thought of anything less intelligent to say? He determined he probably could not, no matter how hard he tried.
And she was not the least bit impressed by it either. Silaerín pursed her lips together and raised one of her perfectly arched brows in response to the comment and let out a chuckle, "Well, you definitely have not gotten any better at witty comebacks. Actually, I think you have regressed."
"What is that supposed to mean?" he questioned defensively, though he deserved it. But it was not his fault that his mind was still so busy processing the meaning of what he felt now, having seen her after all these years. It was her fault for maturing and becoming the elleth who stood beside him.
She scoffed and rolled her eyes, "You have acted peculiar all night, Elladan. Something must be wrong. I have not changed so much since Imladris, you can still speak to me of things concerning you."
He laughed lightly and looked down at the ground. How did you talk about the thing concerning you when that thing was walking along beside you? "What if I told you that the things concerning me are not things I can discuss with you?"
"Then I would say you are being ridiculous," Silaerín said. "Since when has there been anything you have not told me about? I have been privy to things from your mouth or Elrohir's I care not to hear... or even to read over this long time. And when I had expressed my wishes not to hear such things, I was still given the privilege of hearing them. What is so different about now?"
Elladan stopped in mid-stride, causing her to jerk backward slightly because she had kept walking. She spun back around to face him, her skirts twisting around and she landed against his chest. He looked down at her, meeting her eyes and he thought perhaps this was not the best idea after all. Her current position was doing nothing for his modesty or his chivalry. And he did not completely miss the heavy feeling of tension that had surrounded them when she landed against him. Silaerín was very aware of it as well by the way he could feel her respirations picking up and her heart beating quickly against his chest.
"What?" she barely was able to get out of her mouth.
"You still have that incessant need to let i everyone /i know when you are angry," he replied. "You still get that imperious tone in your voice that I considered so adorable when you were younger. But now I am not sure I like it as much."
She pushed away from him, "Perhaps it is because you are not answering my questions to the degree I would expect from you, and now changing the subject?"
He was delighted that she had not reverted back to her old ways, but in the same light, with her questioning and having a great deal of a snippy attitude, he already could tell it would be a problem for him to become accustomed to once more. But then again, he had helped create who she was today. He had made his bed, and he would lie in it. However, that too was the wrong thing to run through his mind with Silaerín in the context of a bed.
"Please, Silaerín, I have not traveled all this way to argue with you," he said quietly. "Let us start this evening over again."
Silaerín sighed and turned back to him, placing her arms about his neck again in a hug. He smiled smugly to himself, wondering if this embrace was meant as a true gesture of recreating their first meeting this evening, or if it was for her own personal gain. Whatever it was, he enjoyed it greatly. She stepped back and smiled, "It is a great joy to me that you have traveled this far to see me."
"I would have traveled much longer and through much more horrible conditions to get to you, Silaerín," he responded and took her hand in his, leaning over it to kiss the backs of her fingers. Elladan straightened himself and peered into her blue eyes, now alight with mischievousness. "What is that look I see in your eyes?"
"I worried that when I beheld you and Elrohir, that I had confused both of you because Elrohir was the one who kissed my hand," she explained. "You are the only one who has ever done that."
Elladan laughed, "I only did it because I felt bad about hiding in the wardrobe, and startling you."
"Really?" she raised a brow curiously, "I always thought you had done it to make friends with me."
He smiled and took her hand in his, leading her along the corridor, though he did not know where he was going. "I can assure that if I kiss the hand of a lady, I want much more than just friendship."
Silaerín glanced up at him suspiciously, and he realized what he had said. Would she consider it odd if he smacked himself for blurting that out like that? But she only laughed, "Aye, you wanted someone to lie to your mother for you. And it worked."
"You would have lied anyway," he said.
She sighed and rolled her eyes again, but this time in a playful way. They walked for a good distance more, down many flights of stairs and finally ended at the lowest level of the dwelling besides the dungeon below. Silaerín led him into a pitch-black room that he could not even see the outlines of things in, and she removed her hand from his. He could not hear her move about the room, but then the faint glowing of light caught his attention, followed by seven more glowing, flickering lights illuminating half of the large room around them.
"Why are we in the kitchens?" he questioned, feeling his stomach rumble and he remembered the lack of food he had at the evening meal.
Silaerín smiled, "You ate naught but two pieces of bread and a single bite of the fish. I have seen your appetite before. You must be hungry."
Elladan eyed her skeptically, "You were watching me, my lady?"
"Were you watching me?" she questioned furtively, meeting his eyes for a brief moment before turning away and beginning to gather food. A smile played on her lips as she did this, and he wanted to sink into a puddle on the ground and slink away from this.
She had caught him, and now he felt completely embarrassed that he had been caught in his not-so-stealthy behaviors earlier. He never thought that he would end up being the one embarrassed when it was said and done, especially after her problems with gawking earlier in the evening.
"Sit down," she motioned to a stool nearby and continued working. He obeyed her order, and watched her as she moved fluidly about the room, collecting a few more things before placing a tray in front of him that was much like the meal they had earlier in the evening, without the fish. "It is not a stunning success in culinary records, but it will do."
Elladan laughed, "It is just fine. After all, I am used to eating lembas for days on end when I am out patrolling."
Silaerín smiled and sat across from him, pouring wine from an opaque cask beside her and into two goblets. She handed one to him and sipped her own, "So how is it being captain?"
"I enjoy it," he sighed, and placed a piece of fruit and then cheese into his mouth before continuing. "More than I enjoy sitting through long, boring councils on things that I could care less about. At least when I am with the guard, I can be master of my ways instead of having to conform to societal standards when meeting with important people from other lands."
"You should be more willing to participate in the councils," she said, looking at him. "I envy that you can be captain as well as sit in on the councils."
He stopped chewing and washed the food down with a sip of wine, "And why do you envy that?"
"Must I really explain it?" she asked. "I would give anything to sit in on councils or even participate in the day to day business of Mithlond. I know it is not a traditional role for ellyth to hold, but I look at your mother, and your grandmother, and even my mother and see what they do... why can I not do that?"
"You must hold some distinction being the Lady of the Havens," Elladan replied. "Surely your title provides that."
Silaerín sighed, "It does, and I do all the things that an ellyth should do, but it dulls my mind. Sometimes I know more than many of the noble Elves on my grandfather's council, my father included. I could help a great deal with the council. Why can they not see that?"
"Círdan does not see that?" he asked.
"He does, and he allows me opportunities whenever he can, but my father is always there," she responded. "I have been relegated to the chief lady of the court who attends mending circles to listen to rumors about Mithlond, or to create them myself when I get angry and storm away from those so-called meetings."
Elladan was silent, internalizing all that she had said to him. He knew it would end up being like this. While he agreed that ellyth should not be allowed to go to war or any battle, as he was taught to cherish them with the utmost respect, he thought ellyth could hold a very important role in certain councils... not pertaining to military procedures. But he knew that her father would do something like this.
"You should have written us, Silaerín," he said. "We could have come and earlier and tried to help you."
She smiled feebly, "I am sorry Elladan, I did not mean to put all of this on your mind. I just find that it is often hard to not think of it when the boredom is slowly eating away at me."
Elladan took another sip of wine, and reached out for her hand. He met her eyes, "We can still be wed."
"Elladan, that is enough of that talk. My father would have your head," she replied. "All I want at this point is someone to talk to about all of it. That is all."
"Well, that is one of the reasons that we came to Mithlond," he smiled and let go of her hand, and looked back at the food in front of him. He definitely had his work cut out for him on this short trip, though he did not know exactly what it was to be. All he knew was that he needed to do something to break her of the monotonous lifestyle.
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