Chapter 10- Mithlond: Concentration

The storm roared on for five days, and on the sixth day, it showed no signs of relenting. And it was slowly driving all the inhabitants, including the guests, of Círdan's house slightly mad, causing their moods to reflect that of the storm. It was one thing to be kept inside for a day or two, but to be cramped in a stone holding cell for any longer than that was cruel to any Elf, especially since Elves enjoyed to be outside more than they did inside. They had all debated on leaving the safety of the dwelling at some point, but it had always been decided against because there was absolutely no telling what the storm would do should they go out.

And so it was that the ellon within the confines of stone held their councils and discussions on who knew what, while the ellyth spent time talking. Celebrían and Arwen had even started to teach Silaerín how to perform simple elemental spells. Silaerín had found this quite intriguing, and had paid as close attention as she could manage until the ellon would exit their discussions for the day and she would see Elladan watching her from across the way. Oh, how unnerving it was to have him always watching her now! Not that she did not enjoy being looked at in such a way, but after a day it had grown old, especially when he was being completely ridiculous about the amount of distance he was keeping from her.

And it was a strained distance at that. It was as though he wanted to be by her side like he once was in Imladris, always joking and talking with her about anything and everything, but now could not because it would cause other problems and implications for him that he did not dare to think about... like he would break her if he came too close.

She was no fool when it came to sensing that there was something different between them now that was not only greater than the friendship they had created so long ago, but also fighting at each of their minds to win over the friendship. It was not a bad fight, per say, but it was a difficult one, and Silaerín had no idea which one would win over in the end. Truthfully, she did not want to act on this 'something different', as she feared that if she did, their previous friendship would never go back to the way it had been before if something were to go astray... like her father showing up and locking her away in a dungeon. And just the fact that she did not know what this 'something different' was, scared her. What was this? Was this a physical attraction to him? Or was it something more profound? Was it a combination of things? Was this friendship and love?

Oh, why did it have to be so confusing?

"Silaerín?"

She was faintly aware of her name being called, but kept her eyes on the gloomy, grey weather outside the window of the library. Rain was coming down in sheets now, but the wind had died down slightly.

"Silaerín?" the voice came again, but she did not respond. "There is no chance that I will teach you to fight with a sword or shoot an arrow if you cannot even concentrate on this simple game of strategy."

Silaerín moved her eyes to the silver-grey ones of the peredhil looking back at her. The look held within the aged pair of eyes was serious. "It is only a game, Elladan."

"But I will not teach you a skill when you cannot maintain a level of concentration that you need when you are fighting," he replied.

She sighed heavily and stared at him for a long time, debating on what to say. "I was never this lacking in concentration before you came along."

"Excuse me?" he asked, raising a dark brow in sarcastic curiousness.

"It is yours and Elrohir's fault for breaking me of my superior concentration and dedication when I was in Imladris," Silaerín said, though it was only a half truth. "Now I cannot even sit through a short conversation with one of my ladies without day dreaming about something."

He scoffed and pushed back from his seat, folding his arms across his chest in exasperation. "I cannot believe you. You are so cynical now. Elrohir and I never made you anything, it was your own free choice to do what you wished."

Silaerín looked at her white game pieces, most of them in front of Elladan after having being taken off the board. Her eyes then drifted towards the window again, and she stood up. "I need to leave, Elladan. I need to clear my mind."

"Leave? What do you mean? Leave Mithlond? While I am sure you would be more focused elsewhere than in your father's land..." he began, trailing off as he followed after her.

She glanced at him and smiled, "I am going out."

"Where are you going?" he question, clearly becoming distressed with her actions and words. "You cannot go alone, wherever it is you decide to run to."

"Then follow me, Elladan," she replied and continued toward an exit to the outside. Silaerín stepped out on the promenade and inhaled deeply the scent of the rain.

"You cannot be serious. Where do you think you are going to go in this downpour?" Elladan questioned. "I would be wary for myself going out in this."

Silaerín glanced at him. "You can follow me if you wish, Elladan. I need to be free of these stone walls, or I will surely go completely mad."

"You have already gone mad!" he said, following her as she took a few steps to the uncovered air. "And I thought this was about concentration and needing to find it?"

"It is about concentration," she replied, turning to look at him, feeling the water begin to pelt down around her.

Elladan gave her an odd look, "Please explain this to me..."

Silaerín shrugged her shoulders and sighed. "I do not like to be kept inside that dwelling for such a long time, with a friend who deems it necessary to neglect his duties as a friend in the coequal partnership, for some amount of self-preservation."

"Silaerín..." he began. "You are sounding like my mother and grandmother with their obtuse ways of saying things."

"You know exactly what I mean, Elladan," she said, meeting his eyes again and holding them for a few moments before turning quickly and walking off into the rain.

"Silaerín, I am serious about this rain. Please stay in," he begged, grabbing a hold of her hand.

She laughed, grasping his fingers with hers, pulling him further in the direction she was headed. She called to him over the pouring of the rain, "I have done this many times before, Elladan. Trust me, I shall be fine. And you will be fine if you quit acting as though I may shatter if you touch me or even come near me. I am fragile, but I am not that fragile."

"I do not think you will shatter," he defended halfheartedly.

"But you do," Silaerín said. "You act as though I am the finest, most fragile piece of glass crystal and you are afraid to touch me for worry that you will break me with your large, battle roughened hands. So to make sure that you do not break me, you stay at arm's length and gaze at me longingly, wishing to touch me."

Elladan stopped suddenly, and did not move from his spot, "Is this supposed to be symbolic of something? Or do you say it with a degree of frankness?"

Silaerín stopped and let his hand slip from his before he could hold her in place with his strong grip. She continued on her path, into a small oasis of green palms and slick-looking green grass. A small pool of water sat in the middle of this, a short, trickling waterfall to the side of this, falling to the pool while sheltering a small alcove in the wall of rock behind it. She stopped for a short moment and turned around to look for Elladan, because she had not heard him following after her into this oasis.

She did not see him, and figured that he was still outside of the thick lining of trees trying to comprehend what had just happened. A laugh found itself on her lips as she shook her head in amusement. Really, she did not even know what had just happened, even though she was the one who had orchestrated it all. She could not even believe she had said those rather obvious double-entendres. But they had slipped from her mouth rather easily, and she felt particularly unabashed by saying them, which was also surprising to her. Perhaps she had gone mad and it was only beginning to manifest itself in her particularly abnormal actions.

It could have even been a dream for all she knew... a dream that was allowing her mind the opportunity to play out the possible outcomes should she decide to do something like this.

Silaerín sighed and turned back in the direction she had started, only to run into a wall of wet tunic and hard flesh. Carefully, she stepped back a little, and then began to take another step back so that she could peer at his eyes rather than his very imposing, muscled chest that was now very evident through his rain-soaked clothing, as it clung closely to his body. But her movement backward was impeded by his hands grabbing her upper arms and sufficiently holding her in place. His grip was not so strong on her that she could not free herself from him, but, at this point, the last thing she wanted to do was free herself from him. Any elleth would have understood if they saw the way the particularly handsome he-Elf was now looking at her.

His eyes met hers again, but only for a brief moment in seriousness, before he let them travel down the length of her body and back up again. Elladan had tried to conceal these glances so that they remained as furtive as he could manage, to not give her any idea what was going through his mind, but now it seemed that he did not care that she knew exactly what he was doing.

A blush threatened to break out from this close consideration, but she took in a deep breath to try to quiet her nerves as best she could. The last thing she would give Elladan the pleasure of right now was a blush. He met her eyes again, a certain mysterious twinkle in them that had not been there before. And added to this twinkle was a large smile. "My lady, the next time you go out into the rain, with the intention of becoming quite soaked, perhaps it would be better if you wore a gown of some other color than white."

And the offending blush overtook her then, completely engulfing her body in a red tint as she surreptitiously tried to look down at herself to see how bad it truly had become. Thankfully, the translucency of her gown was as not as bad as Elladan had made it sound. However, that did nothing to ease her concern that she was standing in front of a very male Elf, who was like herself in that his clothes were sticking to his body in probably the most inopportune places- for him anyway- though they were quite opportune places for her eyes. But she could not stare at him as shamelessly as he was doing to her.

Elladan chuckled lowly, almost huskily, and it drew her attention up to his eyes. She pursed her lips, "Are you laughing at me?"

"Nay, Silaerín," he replied. "I am only laughing at the situation we have placed ourselves in."

"You did not have to follow me," she said. "I just needed to be outside for a short while to think."

Elladan smiled softly and reached up to brush the wet hair sticking to her forehead and cheeks away. "Silaerín, you must know by now that I would follow you anywhere."

"Just so long as you did not have to be near me," she remarked.

He sighed, "I thought, and I still do think that it would be better for me stay as far from you as I can while still remaining a friend."

"I am no innocent, Elladan," she said. "I know why you wish to stay as far from me as possible, but I think it is complete foolishness. Just because I am grown now and may look slightly different than I once was, has not changed me. I am still the Silaerín you once knew, only older and mature."

Elladan nodded his head, and said, "That is the problem, Silaerín. I cannot, under good conscience, be near you because I will do something I will regret towards you. You were like my sister once, if not only my friend, and I do not wish to ruin that because of urges that I now have for the matured Elf-maiden standing in front of me."

"But what if you are not the only one with these urges?" she questioned. "Surely you have realized that I too feel the same about you."

"It is wrong to act on these urges, though, Silaerín, when we do not even love each other," he replied.

Silaerín scoffed and turned away from him now, "And this comes from the person who constantly thinks we should be wed, and that will save me from my father! Please explain your reasoning to me, for I do not see anything but ludicrousness."

"Well, I..." he began but trailed off.

"Do you see?" she turned to look at him, giving him a sharp glare. "For all your need to help me, I do not even think you have thought of what 'binding' to me means. I know you are no innocent either, Elladan. Surely you have had these impure thoughts about others, and may have even acted upon them, for all I know. But you do realize, that should I relent and we were to wed, we would find ourselves in this same position. And if I am to be with you for the rest of my long life, I would like to live it in a sense of romantic love, where my husband will not be scared to touch me for the worry that I may break or that he may be going against some unwritten rule of loyalty and respectability to a friend. I would wish to be seen in some other light than the young Silaerín you befriended in Imladris."

He gave her a blank stare, as though he were dumbfounded, or at least trying to process what she had just said to him. Elladan sighed, "My feelings for you, Silaerín, run deep. Even though we have been separated, the moment I saw you again I felt them there. But then I realized how beautiful you had become, and felt these physical urges as well, and I grew nervous. I have never had these emotions invade me so readily as they do when you are around."

Silaerín felt her resolve soften when he said that in such a sincere manner. "Elladan, I know that it may not yet be love that we share. It may not ever be love, but I still cannot push down these feelings I have. If I did, I would surely burst."

"But I do love you, only I do not know in which way," he replied.

"Then perhaps we should spend some 'quality' time with each other without you being worried you will hurt me," she suggested.

"Silaerín, what are you saying? You wish me... nay, you wish us to..." he trailed off and met her eyes, where she could see a good amount of fright within them.

"Aye," she replied. "There is no other ellon I would rather experience that with. We need not do that right away, if you do not wish. Perhaps it would be better for us if we did not think in those terms, and just let it happen if it did. All I really want is to spend time with you, so that I may try to figure these feelings in my head out for myself. I am confused right now, and I am working doubly hard to try to understand what is happening between us, and that is why I have been absentminded this week."

"You ask a great deal of me, Silaerín, if we were to experience each other in the way you are alluding to." Elladan said. "And I do not know if I would be able to treat you as you would wish. I have not the practice, knowledge, nor skill you think I have."

Silaerín placed her hands on his shoulders, and smiled warmly, "Then we will learn together, Elladan."

He smiled and chuckled, a slight redness creeping to his ears, "I never thought, of all the things we have spoken of and after all the trouble we have had with you being shy, you would be the one to suggest this, and I would be the shy one about it."

"It is because you have subjected me to the likes of your overactive mind," she laughed. "And in that process, changed yourself."

"Silaerín?" he questioned quietly.

"Yes?"

His smile evened out and he became serious, gazing deeply into her eyes, "May I kiss you?"

Silaerín almost wanted to laugh at how he seemed like a nervous Elfling asking for something from their parents that they probably would never receive, but she did not. "Elladan, you do not have to ask me. We will get nowhere if you always feel the need to ask me if something is fine to do to me. Just act with me as you would with those ellyth in Imladris Elrohir has told me so much about."

"But you are much different, Silaerín," he replied, leaning down over her, but not touching her lips. Instead he brushed his lips over her temple, and then her cheek. "You are a special elleth who is more deserving of special attentions than the others."

"I doubt that very much so," she said. "But I will if you truly think that, then I will not stop you."

"Good," he said, and after a moment of silence between them, bent over her some more, and placed his lips to hers. It started out with great promise, the passion behind it very evident, but he quickly pulled away from her and smiled.

"This does not mean you can tease me," she warned.

Elladan laughed, "Oh, but it does. If there is one thing I have learned, it is that teasing adds a great deal to what you have you outlined."

"That is not fair," she whimpered, but again he placed his soft lips to hers and held her close to him.

"Life is not fair, Silaerín," he whispered against her lips and instead of pulling away, engaged her in a passion-filled exchange. Silaerín could not quite explain what was going on her head, and it was clouded now by the passion filtering through her senses and her need for more of him. Perhaps that was all that had been going through her head to begin with- maybe she just needed this attention from him.

They were both so into the excitement of this first kiss that they had not the ability to pay attention to their surroundings, or that someone had been watching them. That was until there was a loud, angry, "Silaerín!"

She jumped away from Elladan quickly not gauging her distance correctly to the pool of water. Landing off balance on the very edge, she struggled to keep herself upright, but to no avail as a pain shot up her right leg and locked it into place. Soon she was in the water, and cursing whoever it was that had yelled. Silaerín began to make her way to the surface, but she felt hands about her waist as she was being lifted. After a few moments of becoming oriented with her surroundings again, she found that it was Elladan who had jumped into the water.

"Are you hurt?" Elladan asked, worriedly.

"Nay, I am fine, I think," she replied and made her way to the edge of the water. Elladan lifted her out and set her down, but as she placed he weight on her foot, it began to give out again. He noticed this and steadied her, and she looked about for the person who had interrupted them.

Elladan laughed at her, "You are hurt."

And then she spotted Celin only a short distance away now as he marched to stand before them. The Teler Elf looked between them, but his gaze fixed on Elladan. "What do you think you were doing with my sister?"

"Celin, please," Silaerín said, but she was ignored.

"If my father knew what just happened-," Celin continued, grabbing for her.

"He would do what?" Elladan questioned.

Silaerín could feel him tensing beside her, and she saw that she needed to end this right now before the confrontation got any worse. "Celin, I am fine. Elladan did not harm me, and you should be ashamed for spying on us."

"Silaerín, be quiet," Celin looked at her.

With that snide comment toward her, she felt Elladan tense even more and his grip tighten on her waist where he was holding her. "I will not be quiet, and you will leave us alone."

"No, I will not," he replied.

Silaerín rolled her eyes, "I am not going to argue with you Celin. If you are truly worried for me, row to the Isle and find Ada. Perhaps on the way, your boat will capsize and we will be free of you. Come on, Elladan. I need to change into dry clothes."

She took a few steps, and her foot was unable to hold her again. Elladan was swift, and caught her fall. He glanced down at her, "You are not walking back."

"Then how do you propose we get back?"

Without replying, he lifted her easily in his arms and carried her away. She felt conflicted now. Should she be angry at Celin's outburst, or overjoyed that she and Elladan had finally talked about their situation? It was just too much to think about. Silaerín looked back toward Celin, and found him glaring vehemently at them. She knew it was only a matter of time now before her father received word of this, storm or no storm.

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A/N: I'll address the issue of Elf sex right now. I think that Elves may have sexual relations before marriage, but it does not come without a price of developing a bond that will always be there. Accroding to LACE, the union of bodies is considered marriage, but I think that some form of a ceremony is probably held. If that means that before having sexual relations, they express their vows to each other, that would be a marriage. But without speaking them to each other, they are not "married". Enjoy, and please remember to drop me a note!