She was sitting on the dock when he found her, her legs hanging over the edge, her hair blowing in the slight breeze from the autumn. He stood at the end of the dock, not taking any steps towards her. Not ready to take those steps just yet. He wondered what had brought her back here after so long. The confused ramblings of his best friend weren't enough to determine why she was here. Dawson was never good at understanding her.
The only way he would know would be to talk to her. But he didn't know what to say. He didn't know if he could help her anymore. Whatever was wrong. They hadn't spoken more than a few brief conversations in a long time.
Instead, he just enjoyed watching her for a few minutes, something he had missed doing. She had her back to him, but he could still picture her face, it had been forever etched into his memory. An eternal memory that wouldn't disappear just because he didn't see her much anymore.
She was looking out across the creek, her legs swinging back and forth over the water, never quite touching it though. She was worrying her lower lip, chewing on it in concentration.
Except she wasn't really thinking about anything. She was trying not to think about everything.
Her face would have the worry lines, not masking her beauty, only making her seem lost and confused. What she was confused about, he didn't really know.
He could stand there forever, enjoying being in the same space as her without having to speak to her, without having to see her. But she was upset and he was her friend, in theory anyway.
He approached her slowly; careful not to disturb the quiet she obviously longed for. His movements slowed as he reached her, but he didn't say anything as he bent down and sat next to her, their shoulders almost touching.
She didn't tense, or move, or even act surprised when he sat down next to her. And he realized that she knew he had been standing there all along. She had probably been expecting him to come. He always did.
They just sat for a few minutes. She wasn't ready to talk yet and he wouldn't push it. She would speak when she was ready.
She turned to him finally, giving him a smile as she looked at him for the first time. It had been a long time since she had seen him this close to her. It was funny how they were back where they had started. He was sitting on the end of her dock, ready to give her whatever she needed to feel better. Even if it was just someone to listen to.
"I left Dawson," she told him finally, whispering the words as if they weren't real.
"Why?" he asked. He wasn't surprised, and that didn't surprise either of them.
"Because it wasn't right. It never was."
"Why did you marry him, Jo?" he asked, his tone making her realize that he really didn't know. He had known it would end. He just never knew why it had started in the first place.
He remembered their wedding. It had been small; a few friends and family. He remembered her on that day. She wasn't happy. She wasn't unhappy either, but she wasn't overjoyed like most brides-to-be and that had puzzled him. He didn't understand why she would someone when her heart wasn't in it. Maybe because it was Dawson.
"You married Alyssa."
"She wasn't your best friend," he pointed out.
Joey smiled. "Well, if you had married Jen it would have been a problem since she would really be in love with your brother."
He laughed at the irony. One of his best friends ending up with his definitely-not-gay brother. After the debacle that was Dawson and Gretchen's relationship it was a wonder he let his friends near his siblings. But Jen and Doug were really happy and that was all that mattered.
"Did it matter that Dawson was your best friend?" she asked.
"No. It mattered that he was yours. Best friend. Soulmate. Destiny. Whatever you're calling it these days." His voice still held a bitterness that should have been gone by now. He took a deep breath, shrugging off those feelings before they could resurface. He didn't want to go down that road again, especially since he had made his peace a long time ago.
Joey recognized the bitterness, knew it wasn't what he wanted to feel, and waited until he turned to her again before speaking.
"He asked me to," she said finally.
"What?"
"You asked why I married him."
He laughed, not believing her reason. Joey Potter had married her soulmate only because he asked? Not because he was her soulmate, not because she loved him, not because it was meant to be. But because he had asked?
He couldn't believe that. It wasn't that easy.
But she didn't hesitate when she said it, and if there was one thing he had learned about her it was to recognize when she was telling the truth. And she was.
"That's the only reason?" he asked again, still skeptical.
"Yeah," she sighed, not knowing why she was telling him this.
He didn't understand though. He knew her so well, but he didn't understand this. Dawson had been her everything and that was why she had married him. Or that was what he had convinced himself of all these years.
"You loved her," she said after a few minutes, her voice returning to the soft whisper. He knew who she was talking about; he just didn't understand why it mattered.
"I did," he agreed. "But she didn't love me. What I don't understand is why we're discussing my marriage, when we should be discussing yours."
Joey ignored him. "If she hadn't cheated on you, you would still be living together, in wedded bliss."
"She cheated on me because I didn't love her enough, not like I loved…" he trailed off, remembering who he was talking to. But she understood.
"You loved her enough to propose."
He sighed, not understanding where she was going with this. So he had married her. What did it matter? They hadn't been together then. Joey hadn't loved him. She didn't love him. Why did it matter?
"Jo, why are you here?"
"Isn't it obvious?" she asked.
"No. Hence the questioning," he smiled softly.
"I missed my best friend."
He grinned at her reply. "Well, you just left him in another state, wondering what the hell he had done to have you walk out on him."
"I wasn't talking about him," she pointed out, knowing he had understood the first time.
"Well, I'm always here. I didn't get out of Capeside after all." He shrugged; knowing it didn't bother him anymore. But the sting was always there.
"You got out. You just came back," she reminded him.
He smiled. "Yeah, I did."
"I think I'm going to come back for a while."
"What about your work?" he asked.
"I need a break."
"A break from work or a break from Dawson?" he questioned, raising his eyebrow.
"Just a break," she smiled, lifting her hand and putting it over his.
His looked down at her fingers, resting softly on top of his. He wondered why such a small touch from her could invoke so many emotions within him. It wasn't right that one person had so much power. But it had been like that since he was seventeen years old, he didn't think it was going to change now.
She didn't look at him. Choosing instead to look out at the water again, oblivious to his confusion.
She sat like that for a few minutes, not saying anything.
Finally she turned, smiling at him softly. "I'm going to stay here for a few months. Clear my head and decide what to do from there."
"Need a place to stay?" he guessed.
The Potter B&B had been sold two years ago when Bessie, Bodie and Alexander had moved to Providence, where Bodie was working.
"If its okay."
"Of course it is."
"Thanks." She smiled gratefully.
"Are you going to call him?"
"Yeah."
"What will you say?"
"I don't need to say anything. He already knows why."
He looked surprised. When Dawson had called him this morning he didn't seem to have any idea why she had left. But maybe deep down he knew.
"Do you even know why?" he asked.
"Yeah." She smiled, the first real smile she had given him today. "I'm just not ready to tell you yet."
-&-
"How's the restaurant business?" she asked, as he opened the door to his two room apartment.
He held the door open for her, allowing her to enter before picking up her suitcase and following her inside. She had given up fighting him about who would carry it.
"Good. Really good." He grinned and she turned to smile at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. She was truly happy that he had found his passion and was doing what he loved. At least one of them was.
"I miss your cooking," she told him.
She followed him through the living room and into the guest bedroom. He placed her suitcase by the door as they entered the room.
It was a big enough room, with a dresser, a cupboard and a double bed. He didn't usually have many guests, but Jack had used it a few times when he came to visit. He preferred this place to sharing with the overly affectionate Jen and Doug.
She had only been in the apartment once since he moved in. She and Dawson had visited Capeside for Lily's eighth birthday. They had stopped at Pacey's just long enough to have a drink and catch up for fifteen minutes before they had to return to LA.
"Well, you can eat all the free food you want at the restaurant, but I have to warn you, I don't actually cook all that much anymore."
Joey grinned. "That's okay. I'll just make you cook especially for me at home."
"Bossy much?" He laughed. "So, I'll let you settle in. I have to go to the restaurant and sort a few things out. You'll be okay?"
"I'm twenty six years old, Pacey. I think I can manage it."
"Just checking," he grinned as he turned to leave.
Remembering something he turned back to her, smiling softly as he kissed her on the top of her head. "I missed you, Potter."
"I missed you too," she said sincerely, realizing just how true that statement was.
She watched him leave, not moving until she heard the front door close after him. Then she went to her suitcase and began unpacking.
She emptied her suitcase completely, not stopping until everything had been arranged in the room. Her clothes hung up in the closet, her books on the bookcase, her make up on the dresser. Just like it would be in her own home.
When everything seemed to be in place she stood infront of the mirror, looking at herself critically.
She was tired, and she looked it. The darkness around her eyes had only increased in the last day and she could feel herself getting wrinkles.
She looked down at her hands, her fingers feeling bare without the ring. She opened her jewelry box, taking out the simple wedding band she had taken off when she had stepped onto the plane.
She held it in her fingers, wondering why it felt so meaningless. Marriage wasn't supposed to feel this way. It was supposed to be eternal. Forever. Till death do us part.
That's what she had promised.
But she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't keep pretending, and she knew he couldn't either.
She put the ring back in the box, knowing she wouldn't need to take it out again.
She walked out of her room, stopping just outside of his. His door was open, allowing her to be tempted into walking inside.
She could tell the room was his, without having to know. His personality was present in every detail. From the posters on the wall, to the messy bed, to the clothes lying around the room.
There was no sign of her. No sign that he had ever been married. No sign that she had slept in that bed with him every night. Made love to him in that bed.
She shook off those thoughts. Choosing to remember what Alyssa had done to him instead. She had torn him apart, and left him to pick up the pieces.
Why would anyone ever cheat on him?
She didn't understand. But then again, she didn't understand why anyone would ever give him up either. And she had done it.
She left his room, moving into the living room. It was much neater than his room, a sign that some of his wife had rubbed off on him.
She didn't like that idea, so she walked through the living room and towards the kitchen. It was spotless. Something that had come purely from him.
Ever since he had become a chef, a clean kitchen had become a necessity. Even though she realized he probably didn't eat at home much. It would be too quiet for him.
She walked back into the living room. Sinking down onto the soft cushion on the couch, and tucking her feet underneath her. She curled up into a ball, and finally let herself drift to sleep.
-&-
"Jo?" Pacey shook her gently, trying to wake her. His hand was resting on her shoulder, not really wanting to disturb her, but knowing she had to wake up. She moved his hand away from her, preferring to sleep. "Joey!"
"Not now, Pacey," she mumbled, keeping her eyes closed.
"Yes now, dinner is getting cold," he told her sternly.
Joey sighed, opening her eyes to glare at him. "Hate you."
"Love you too," he smirked. "That's the third time this week you've fallen asleep on the couch. You work too damn hard."
Joey laughed, as she sat up, stretching her lithe body infront of him. He groaned inwardly, turning away from her, and picking up her plate.
He handed it to her, and then took his own, sitting down on the couch where she had just been lying. She put her own plate back on the table, needing to wash up before dinner.
"This from the guy who spends all his life at the restaurant."
He ignored her. "Ever since you started your own practice here, you've been working like a crazy woman."
She couldn't argue with that. A month after coming to Capeside, she had quit her job in LA, sent for all her belongings, and decided to open her own law practice in Capeside. She had been working to get it off the ground ever since.
They hadn't spoken about it, but Joey had become a permanent resident in the apartment, paying rent and helping with the household bills. She had known he wouldn't mind, and he had accepted the first rent payment from her without a question.
She went into the bathroom, washing her hands and face before returning to the living room. She sat next to him, picking up the plate of food he had prepared for them.
She took a bite of her pasta and sighed in pleasure. "I'll never get sick of your cooking," she told him.
"Even after three months?"
"Nope. Still love it. And will love it forever."
"You think I'm going to cook for you forever?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Of course. You wouldn't let me near the kitchen. That was Dawson's first mistake."
Pacey laughed. "Well, I learned very early on in life that you, Miss Potter, can not cook to save your life."
She nudged him softly, but didn't dispute him.
They made small talk as they ate. Joey filled him in on the latest news at the office. Her practice was small, but she made enough money for herself and she enjoyed the work much more than her job in the fast paced firm in LA.
Pacey told her of the disasters that he had encountered at the restaurant today. He had hired a new assistant chef last week, who had turned out to be more of an assistant than a chef, and so Pacey had been forced to find someone else.
They had fallen into a pattern over the past three months, and although it had been almost immediate, entwining themselves into each other's lives once again, they had been building something new this time. A sense of familiarity and ease that had grown from years of friendship.
When the conversation died down to a few comments here and there, Joey decided to bring it up.
"I filed for divorce today."
Pacey stopped, his fork midair. Putting it back into his plate, he turned to face her. "How do you feel?"
"Not so bad," she mused, realizing she really was telling the truth.
"How's Dawson?"
"He's not so bad either. He knew it was coming." She had called him this morning, knowing that she owed him that much. She didn't want him to be surprised when he got the papers.
"Doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt."
"He knows we're not right for each other," she said.
"Does he? Because in all the years I've known him, that has been one thing he's always refused to acknowledge."
"He didn't know it then. It took being married to him to realize it."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," she smiled, taking his hand reassuringly. It reminded him of the day she first turned up here. "Don't you think he would have been down here, banging on the door like some hero from one of his movies, if he thought we were still meant to be?"
Pacey grinned, realizing she was right. "I was a little surprised that he didn't follow you here. Or even talk about it on the phone."
"I think he knew, maybe even before I did, that I needed to leave."
"And come here?" he questioned, wondering whether she was here for any other reason than just wanting to leave Dawson.
"Yeah. And come here."
Their eyes locked, neither wanting to look away. Their hands were still touching, resting in between them on the couch.
Pacey was the first to move, standing up quickly and taking their plates. "I better wash these," he told her.
She watched him leave, knowing he was doing the right thing. It wasn't the right time for them yet. She just wondered when it would be.
She got up, picking up their glasses from the table and following him into the kitchen. He smiled at her as she walked in, dispelling any tension between them.
"Need a hand?"
"Sure."
-&-
The papers came back signed. Dawson didn't call and neither did she. She was a free woman again. She thought she would feel different. Pacey tried to get her to open up about her feelings when they had arrived. But she had realized that she felt the same.
Not the same as she did when she was married. But the same as she had felt when she had walked out of the marriage, almost six months ago.
When she had left him, she had realized she had to stop living a dream and start living her life. She was doing what she wanted, when she wanted and with who she wanted.
Some days she even forgot that she wasn't with Pacey. They complimented each other so well. They loved each other enough.
Other days it was torture living with him and not being able to touch him, or hold him, or tell him the real reason things had never worked out with Dawson.
Like days she accidentally bumped into him coming out of the shower. Or when he walked around the house in his boxers. Or pretty much every day he was around her.
The phone was ringing when she got home that day. Pacey was working late at the restaurant, and she was only just getting home now, way past nine at night. She heard the answering machine start, Pacey's voice filling the apartment.
She set her bag by the door and ran for the phone, but stopped as someone began speaking.
"Pacey, it's me. Alyssa. Of course you already knew that. I was just calling to…well I don't really know why. Just call me back, if you want. I…I miss you."
The message clicked off and Joey stood still, wondering why hearing that voice hurt so much.
Her finger hovered above the delete button, before pushing play instead.
Her voice filtered through the apartment again. Why had she decided to call? Would Pacey want to call her back? Would they get back together?
The door opening behind her shook her out of her daze, and she quickly pressed something on the machine to stop it playing.
"Message deleted," the machine told her.
"Hey Jo," Pacey greeted, walking into the apartment and turning on the light that Joey had forgotten about. "Did you just get in?"
"Yeah."
"Who was the message from?"
"What?"
"The message you just deleted," Pacey said, frowning at her spaced out expression.
"Oh, uh, hang up," she told him, suppressing any guilty feelings. She turned to him, giving him a smile.
"Oh. Well, I brought dinner home. I'm too tired to cook," he told her. "You want me to heat it up now?"
"Yeah. I'm just going to go freshen up," she hurried into her room, needing to think alone.
Pacey watched her leave, wondering what had happened to upset her today.
-&-
They were sitting at the dining table, eating in a comfortable silence. Something was on Joey's mind, but he knew that she would tell him when she was ready. He didn't need to ask.
That's why he wasn't surprised when she turned to him, just as he was finishing his meal. What she said however definitely surprised him.
"Alyssa called today."
"She did?" he tried not to let her see his surprise, but she knew. "What did she say?"
"I didn't talk to her. She left a message," she admitted. "I deleted it. I'm sorry."
"Why did you…"
"I was listening to it when you got home, and I just panicked and pressed delete by accident. I'm sorry, Pacey."
She knew she could have kept it from him, but it wasn't her choice to make. He would call her if that was what he wanted. She had no right to deny him that.
Pacey smiled, realizing why she had been so flustered when he got home. "It's okay, Jo."
"Are you going to call her?" she asked before she could stop herself.
"Is that what she said?"
"She said she misses you. She said to call back if you wanted to." He didn't say anything so she continued. "Do you?"
"No." He didn't hesitate and it made her feel better, even though she had no right to. "What we had was over when she cheated on me. There's no reason to bring it all up again."
"Do you still love her?"
"She was my wife for two years, Jo. We dated for a year before that."
"That doesn't answer my question."
He didn't answer. He didn't know how to answer. His failed marriage still hurt. It was just another thing that had failed for him. And even though he had been divorced for almost a year, it still hurt him.
He avoided Joey's searching look as he picked up their dishes and walked towards the kitchen.
Just as he reached the door, he stopped. "No," he whispered, just loud enough to reach her ears.
And she smiled.
-&-
They had dinner with Doug and Jen every other week. The couple had noticed the comfortable nature of their relationship and knew that something was going on there. There always was something going on when it came to Pacey and Joey, whether they realized it or not.
Jen had commented on it to Joey. Doug had asked his brother what was going on. Both had denied knowing what they were talking about.
In the spring, they had visited Jack in Boston, deciding they needed a break from work. He was living comfortably as a teacher, dating a nice guy and enjoying life. He had asked the pair why they were denying their feelings. They had both avoided the question.
The months passed them by, both getting lost in their work and their lives. They lived as best friends, acted like a married couple, and bickered like enemies.
Almost nine months of living together and still no word from Dawson. Pacey had spoken to him a few times in the past months. But their friendship had never been that strong, not since she had come between them.
She had yet to hear from her ex-husband. Not that she had tried to call him. She had just been grateful that he understood what she was doing. Understood that it wasn't about 'Dawson and Joey', or 'Pacey and Joey', it was about Joey. Just Joey.
Although he also understood that being Joey also meant being part of Pacey and Joey. It was more important to her than anything else. And he finally understood.
She wished she understood it.
-&-
She was in her room getting dressed when the doorbell rang. "Pacey! Can you get that please?" she called. She was putting the finishing touches on her make up, and had yet to put her suit jacket and shoes on, and she had to leave in about thirty seconds.
She paused for a second, waiting to hear his familiar footsteps, but instead she could hear the faint sound of the shower running. Sighing, she pulled on her suit jacket quickly and went to answer the door.
She was surprised when she opened the door, but not really shocked.
"Dawson," she smiled at her best friend, forgetting that she hadn't spoken to him in almost a year.
"Hey, Jo." He moved forward for a hug, which she accepted.
Pulling away after a few seconds, she smiled at him. She moved out of the doorway, allowing him to follow her inside the apartment.
"How have you been?" she asked.
"Good. I heard your practice is doing well," he told her, admitting that he had asked his mother about her on more than one occasion.
"It is."
They sat on the couch, the awkwardness between them evident. Sitting next to her best friend, she realized she didn't really know what to say to him. So much had happened between them. So much had changed.
She heard the sound of the shower being turned off and knew Pacey would emerge any minute. Sure enough the door to the bathroom opened and he came out, a towel slung over his lower half.
He almost dropped the towel when Dawson turned to him. He was definitely more shocked at seeing his best friend than Joey had been.
"Dawson," he said.
He smiled at his old friend but his eyes were searching Joey's wondering if she was okay. She was looking away from him. He assumed she was trying to hide her emotions from him, but truthfully she had learned not to look when he came out of the shower.
"Hey, Pacey."
"It's good to see you man."
"You too."
He stood there awkwardly before sighing. "Well, I'll leave you to it," he looked towards Joey, this time she met his gaze, letting him know she was fine. "I'm running late for the restaurant."
He went into his bedroom and closed the door, leaving the other two to talk.
-&-
He thought that seeing Dawson would make him feel jealous, or upset, or something. But no emotion really came. Because he had realized that Joey was telling the truth when she moved here. She had married Dawson because he asked. Just like he had asked Alyssa because he couldn't ask Joey.
Dawson had stayed for a few hours, spent mostly with Joey. She took the morning off to speak to him, feeling that she owed him that much.
She had told Pacey that it had been nice. She admitted she missed Dawson. How could she not? He had been her best friend most of her life.
But she had moved on now. Pacey didn't know why that gave him hope. They didn't owe anything to each other. But he realized he was feeling just like she had when he hadn't called Alyssa back. He felt relieved.
A few weeks after Dawson's surprise visit he had come home to find Joey sitting in the dark in the living room.
"Jo?"
He didn't turn the light on, knowing she wouldn't want that. He approached her, taking her hands in his.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she mumbled, the slight waver in her voice giving away her emotions.
"You're upset," he pointed out, pulling her body towards him and cradling her against his chest.
He rubbed her back soothingly, letting her relax under him. He meant to ask her what had happened once she had relaxed, but she had fallen asleep against him. He had picked her up and put her to sleep in her own bed.
In the morning she was feeling much better, he didn't want to ask her what had been bothering her.
-&-
He was sleeping soundly when a jug of cold water was poured all over his unsuspecting body. He sat up quickly, shrieking as the water hit his warm body.
He glared at her, wondering what the hell she was thinking. But she was giggling uncontrollably, the offending jug in her hands.
"I've been living here an entire year and I've always wanted to do that," she told him.
"What a way to celebrate the anniversary," he said sarcastically, still glaring at her.
"No, that was just the beginning. Tonight you're taking me out. And not to your own restaurant."
"But the food's cheap there," he grinned.
"Pace, the food's free there." She laughed. "I think we deserve a night out."
"Sure, why not?"
"Now get ready. I cooked breakfast."
"Oh no."
"Shut up."
He did as she told him.
-&-
"Can you believe I've been living here for a year?" Joey said as she picked up her water.
They had driven just out of town to a fancy Italian restaurant Pacey knew of. Even though they were only an hour away from home, they felt like they were in another world.
"No. It's flown by." Pacey sighed. "Do you miss it?"
"It or him?" she asked.
"Either. Both."
"No, on both counts." Pacey rose his eyebrow in question. "I miss him, but not the way you mean."
"So, now that it's been an entire year since you moved here, do you think you could answer me one question?"
"Sure." She owed him that much. He had let her back into his life so easily, without asking for anything in return.
"Why did you really marry him?"
"Truthfully?"
"No. Lie to me," he said sarcastically.
"You married Alyssa. I thought I'd lost you forever, so I settled."
She watched him take in the new information. She knew he already knew in his heart, but he had never really accepted that as the reason.
"You didn't lose me because I married her. I had lost you long before that."
"I know. I just always thought you would be there. I know it was selfish. But I thought you would be there when I was ready to give you my everything. I just didn't realize that I'd been ready for a long time."
"I was waiting for you. But you never came back."
"I know. I'm sorry." She looked away from his gaze. She wondered how they could talk about something so personal to them, yet feel detached enough not to take the conversation further. "Did I answer your question?"
"Yeah, thank you."
And they didn't mention it again.
-&-
They went to dinner at Jen and Doug's one night and received the news that Jen was pregnant. They had both been overjoyed, Jen was the first one of them to have kids, and there would be another addition to the Witter brood.
Doug asked him when he was going to get married and have some kids of his own. He shrugged off the question. Then his brother asked why he hadn't dated in years. He shrugged off that question too. Why date when he was in love with someone else? Doug pointed out that he had been divorced for almost two years. He didn't tell his brother that it wasn't his ex-wife he was still in love with. Doug didn't need to ask.
Jen asked her when she was going to start dating again. It was obvious she was over Dawson. She chose to shrug off the question. She had only been divorced for six months. She didn't tell Jen the real reason she wasn't dating. Jen didn't need to ask.
Jack visited when he heard the news about Jen. He didn't care that the baby wasn't due for another seven months. He had to see his best friend.
When he saw Pacey and Joey, he asked them why they weren't together. Neither of them had a good enough answer.
They all went out to celebrate. It had felt good to be together again, with their old friends. The five of them got along so well. They had a lot to celebrate.
By the time the night was over they were both too drunk to drive home. Jen had complained about not being able to drink and Doug had kindly decided to drink orange juice like his wife.
They went home in a cab.
Joey had been drunk enough to tell him how much she loved him. How much she wanted him. Pacey had been drunk enough to ignore his senses and get lost in her kisses.
The next morning he had woken in her bed, kissed her softly on her forehead and returned to his room.
They didn't mention it again.
-&-
Jen complained about the morning sickness all the time, but Joey wished she could trade places with her. Married to a Witter and having his baby. It was something she wanted so badly, just with a different Witter.
She didn't tell Jen that though. It was something she didn't talk about. She was happy, living with her best friend, with a successful career, finally living life the way she wanted. Why mess with that?
Jen knew though. She didn't bring it up or try and get Joey to do something about it. But she knew. She had always known.
Maybe everyone had always known. Because Dawson sure did.
He called a few months after his visit. They hadn't been ready to pick up their friendship straight away, but now that time had passed, it seemed only logical. They would never completely abandon each other.
She felt surprisingly okay when she spoke with him. He mentioned that he had started seeing someone. A producer he had worked with a couple of times. Joey wasn't surprised.
"Enough about me," he said, after telling her about his new woman. "I need to ask you something."
"Okay."
"Why aren't you with Pacey yet?"
"Dawson, I'm not…"
"Joey. I know you. I know the reason you left me was because you wanted him." He didn't say it with anger, or in an accusing tone. Just a statement.
"I left you because I needed to find what made me happy," she disputed. But realized that she had just admitted Dawson was right. Pacey was what made her happy.
"And you have. And I'm proud of you, Joey. But why are you hesitating when it comes to the one person that will really make you happy?"
Joey sighed. "I'm scared," she admitted.
"That's not good enough. I know it took a lot of strength to get up and walk out of my life, and into your own. And I still love you, but I know that you needed to go. And you did it. It was scary and new, but you did it. The same applies to him."
"I'm happy. I'm really happy with what I'm doing. I just don't want to change anything."
"You were happy with me, weren't you?"
"Yes, of course."
"And if you had stayed because you didn't want to change anything?" he asked.
"I wouldn't have found the happiness I have now."
"Exactly." He sighed. "Don't be scared, Joey. Or you'll always be standing still."
She hung up the phone a few minutes later, promising to keep in touch this time. The relationship that she had broken when she had walked out would slowly be put back together. She hadn't worried about it ever dying completely.
But his words made her really think. She had been ignoring it for so long. She had fallen into a routine with Pacey. Never expecting more from him than just to be her best friend. But she wanted more. She always had. It had just taken her a long time to realize it.
She had purposely kept her distance at first. Never being more than just his best friend. She had just left Dawson. She had to built her own life, for herself. But now she had done all of that. And she wanted to share that life with him. Not just as his roommate and best friend. But as more.
-&-
When he got home that day, he was surprised to find her waiting at home for him. She wasn't usually back from work for another hour, but he wasn't complaining.
"Should I start dinner?" he asked.
"No," she told him.
He walked into his room and she followed him, stopping in the doorway. She was nervous about something. He could tell.
"I want to go out for dinner today," she told him.
"Sure. I'll just take a shower."
"No. I mean I want to go out. On a date."
"Oh." He stopped, the information causing his heart to tighten in his chest. "You have a date?"
"I'm hoping." She bit her lower lip, waiting for him to understand.
"You're hoping?" He smiled, trying to be happy for her. "What kind of guy leaves you hoping for a date?"
"I don't know. What kind of guy are you?"
He looked at her, confusion evident on his face.
"Are you…asking me out?" he said, not really getting what she was doing.
"Yeah." She smiled shyly and he had to try very hard to stop himself from going over to her and kissing her. "If you want to?"
"Of course I want to."
And they did. They went out and had a great time. It felt so normal, eating dinner with her best friend, but it wasn't. They both knew this was different. And they were happy.
When they got home that night, it almost felt like it had every other night they had gone out to eat.
Almost.
As soon as they entered the apartment, a tension surrounded them that hadn't been there before.
Pacey smiled, easing the tension. And then he kissed her. On the mouth. Wild and passionate. Tongues colliding. Hands roaming.
And then he pulled away, said goodnight and returned to his room.
-&-
Everything changed after that night.
Joey stopped running scared and Pacey let himself enjoy the fact that he was with her. They started from scratch, building their relationship.
It was a month after their first date when Joey came into his room. It was late at night, but Pacey wasn't asleep yet. She gave him a smile, asking if she could join him under the covers.
"Only if you promise not to try anything," he said, grinning at her as he pulled back the covers.
He was sleeping in his boxers and Joey tried not to blush as she climbed into bed next to him. He put his arm around her, as she rested her head against his chest.
"I couldn't sleep," she told him.
"I figured. What's on your mind?"
"You," she admitted.
"Well that's okay, because you're always on my mind."
She smiled against his chest, wondering why she had made so many wrong choices in her life that kept her away from him for so long.
"I want to tell you something," she said, her voice full of seriousness.
"Go ahead."
"The first day I came here, you asked me if I knew why I was here."
"And you said you did, but you weren't ready to tell me."
"Yeah. But I'm ready now."
"Okay."
She moved out of his embrace, causing him to wonder what he had done wrong. But she wanted to see him when she said this. She smiled at him softly, taking his hand in hers.
"Five years ago, when you first started dating Alyssa, I didn't like her. I didn't like her, because she got to be with you. But that was nothing new. I didn't like any of your girlfriends, except maybe for Audrey, because they got to be with you when I couldn't. Because I didn't know how."
"Jo…"
"Shh. I need you to hear me out."
He nodded, waiting for her to continue.
"But when you came to me, and told me that you were marrying her. I hated her. I really did. I wanted to tell you how much I loved you. How you should be with me. How she didn't deserve you."
"But you didn't."
"I didn't. I stood by and watched you marry her, while it broke my heart." The tears started flowing now, and she couldn't stop them. He didn't try to comfort her though, knowing it would only stop her from saying what she needed to say. "And then I moved to LA."
"Away from me."
"Yeah. Away from both of you. You were still my best friend, and I still loved you, but I didn't trust myself not to ruin your life. And you loved her and deserved to be happy."
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, feeling anger rise up inside him. Not at her, but at the whole situation. If he ever thought Joey was an option, he wouldn't have married Alyssa. It sounded cold, but it wasn't. He loved Alyssa. He just didn't love her the way he loved Joey. "You never made me think I had a choice."
"You didn't, because I was still scared, and running." She sighed, wiping the tears. "A few months later Dawson asked me to marry him, and I said yes. Not because I was in love with him, but because we loved each other. We always will. But I knew, and maybe he even knew that I was in love with you. "
His eyes were full of pain and confusion, and questions. When had everything become so messed up
"When I heard that you were getting divorced, and I hate to say this, but I was happy. Not because you were in pain. But because I wanted you to be mine again. It's stupid, but when you were married to her I felt like she had a part of you I didn't, and I wanted it back."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I realized then that I needed to stop running. From you and my life. I liked LA, but it wasn't home. Anywhere you're not isn't home. And I liked my job, but it was too much about making money and making more money than helping people."
"So you just decided to leave him?"
"It had been coming for months, since you got divorced, and he knew I would make the choice. I think Dawson realized he wasn't in love with me either, and he wanted a way out too."
"I'm sorry I put you through that, Jo."
"How is that your fault?" she asked, smiling now. "I was always too scared. Always running from you because it scared me how well we fit together. And I ran so far that you found someone else."
"I never loved her like I love you."
"You don't have to say that. I know you loved her. But I just needed you to know why." She moved to lean against his chest again, feeling like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. "We've been living together for over a year now, and even though we weren't together, we still fit so perfectly. And I realized that I was still running, but I didn't know why anymore."
"Well, I don't know why either. I've always been waiting for you to come back to me."
She smiled, lifting her head to look into his eyes.
"I love you, Pacey."
"I love you too, Jo."
He leaned down, kissing her softly. Her hand reached behind him, pulling him down, closer to her. His lips on hers felt so right, so perfect. After everything that they'd been through, everything was finally right.
She pulled away, still breathless from the kiss, but desire plain in her eyes.
"Make love to me, Pacey."
And he did.
-&-
Doug and Jen weren't surprised. Jack said it was about time. Joey moved her things into Pacey's room. Her old room returning to a guest bedroom. They didn't wait long; everything between them was already well overdue.
Joey told Dawson. He wasn't surprised. He was actually happy for her. Pacey got a phone call from him, surprising him. They talked for a few minutes, building a little of their broken friendship.
They were happier than they ever had been. Joey had thought that she was happy with her life before she told Pacey she loved him, but that happiness didn't even compare to the way she felt now. Pacey had believed that having Joey in his life was better than nothing, but he didn't think he could ever give her up now that he had her.
They had grown up, and grown apart, and realized that they couldn't be truly happy without each other. Maybe they could get on with their lives, but they would always feel an emptiness.
It was their six-month anniversary; counting from the day they had bared their souls to each other and made love for the first time of really understanding what that meant.
Pacey came home, not realizing the special meaning today held for her. She was sitting in the living room waiting for him, dressed in a gorgeous dark red dress. It hugged her in all the right places, and showed off her beauty.
"Going somewhere?" he asked.
"Hopefully."
She grinned as he approached, his eyes drinking her in. He put his arm around her waist, pulling her against him and kissing her breathless.
"I should dress up more often," she commented, pulling away from the intense kiss.
"Ah, what's the point? I have to undress you anyway."
Joey laughed. "Well, not until later. I've got something for you."
He rose his eyebrows, but let her take him into their bedroom. He was dying to have a shower, but he knew she wanted to say something important.
She moved him to sit on the bed, before going over to her dresser. She took out something which she hid from his eyes, and then moved back to him. She moved in between his legs and sat on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.
He looked confused, but played along with what she was doing. She kissed him softly, before taking the little box she had taken from her dresser and handing it to him.
"Open it," she told him.
He kissed her again, before taking the box from her hand and opening it. His confusion only doubled as he lifted the gold wedding band out of the box.
"Jo, what is this?"
"It's me. Asking you to marry me."
He smiled, but asked, "Why?"
She grinned at his question. "Because I'm asking you to," she teased, knowing that was the wrong reason. "Because I am madly in love with you."
Pacey stood up quickly, pulling her up with him. He hugged her and kisses her a thousand times all over her face, not really knowing what to say.
"Can I take that as a yes?" she asked through her laughter.
"You can take that as a hell yes."
He grinned and kissed her again on the mouth, his hands wondering over her body.
"Pacey!" She pulled away. "I wore this dress because I want to go out and celebrate."
"So, you knew I would say yes?"
"Of course I did."
"It's a good thing you know me so well."
"Yeah, it is."
She pulled him back to her, kissing him with all the passion she had for him, showing him how much she loved him, how much she wanted this. Pulling away, she took the ring out of his hand and showed him the inscription he hadn't noticed in his surprise.
"Forever," he read the word, smiling at her.
"That's what our marriage will be," she told him.
And it was.
-&-
THE END!