A/N: The chapters are just coming so easily now, I cannot help but post this new one right away. Please make sure to read the last chapter before this one if you did not notice that two chapters have been updated closely together. Sinking part is from the newest Lost episode. Thought it fit. Thank you, and I hope to here from you soon! More to come shortly!

Chapter 21- Mithlond: Sorrow and Insincerities

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2510 of the Third Age

Passing of Celebrían, wife of Elrond Peredhil, over Sea

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She had not seen all of them after her betrothal to Elladan, and the long, much needed month that she stayed in Lothlórien. It definitely was not as unbearable as it was the last long divide they had between them… not with the letters they sent back forth or the few journeys Elladan himself had made to spend time with her here in the Havens. Her father was slightly more accepting of the pairing, so he rarely commented adversely to her love. Really, all she needed to do was look at the small circle upon her finger, and she would be happy and know that at a future time she would be wed to Elladan.

Now, she was not so sure of that.

This trip to Mithlond was a grief-filled one for all of Elrond's family, and also for her personally. She was glad that Elrond was such a skilled healer and could nurse Celebrían back to some semblance of a life, but to know that Celebrían's fëa could not be healed back to a place where she could once again delight in Arda was devastating to her husband and children. Even more so than Arwen, the twins had become quiet, hardened ellyn, with only a constant state of gloom hanging over their heads. She was sure anyone would act like this losing a mother, but she personally would have taken into her heart that Celebrían had survived, and was now sailing to a place where she would joyous and free from the troubles that had blackened her spirit for over this past year. She would have at least exalted in the fact that the Elves were accorded such a gift.

However, the twins did not.

When the incident happened a year ago, she had stopped receiving all letters from Elladan. That had worried her slightly, but she brushed it off with the knowledge that a year in the long scheme of things was not going to be that huge a difference. Now, though, they had spent a good two weeks with them as the preparations were made for Celebrían's voyage, and the twins had been downright moody. Elladan in particular had not said more than ten words to her, and the words 'I love you' were not three of those ten. She thought she was being selfish wanting him to say that to her, or at least recognize her as something other than his host while he stayed here, in a time he was watching his mother depart from Arda. She had tried to lessen the heaviness upon his mind by speaking with him, and soothing him with rubbing his shoulders- literally anything she could think of- and every time she was met with an angry and irritable ellon.

So she had resolved to stay away from Elladan as much as possible until he was ready to speak with her. She just hoped that he would speak with her.

With a sigh, he watched as Celebrían said her final farewell to Elrond, who looked much worse than Celebrían. She glanced to the side to her grandfather who was watching the exchange with her. He sighed sadly as well, and glanced at her. Had he been reading her thoughts, or was he just so over come with emotion now being passed between the family on the docks?

"If Elladan looks for me, I am down at my spot on the beach," she said quietly, leaving his side then to start on the winding path, through trees down to her private spot on the beach, not waiting for a response.

She waded into the water, until her ankles were covered, holding her skirts up to ensure their survival from this action. Gazing out on the gloomy Sea, she felt her heart plummet to the ground. There was no way she would ever think of marrying Elladan if he was going to be like this for the rest of his life. She could not, and would not, deal with another ellon acting so horribly toward her. But she closed her eyes and asked any of the Valar to intervene if they thought it necessary. She could not bear to lose Elladan… he was the one thing she always counted on and lived for. If she told him, she would not marry him because he would not change, or he did something as equally horrible, she knew not if she would long survive fading.

The crunching of the sand beneath boots brought her back to reality, and she turned her head slightly to find Celin stopping behind her. He sighed, "Out here again?"

"Aye," she replied softly.

"What do you do out here?" he questioned.

Silaerín glanced at her feet, "Sink."

Celin chuckled lightly, "I see."

"Sometimes I would wish it was much easier to sink into the ground and disappear, not having to worry about the things that occur in this life," she said.

Her brother did not reply for what seemed like an age, but he took his boots off and joined her side in the water, "Then I shall sink too, so you are not alone."

"Celin, I would like to be alone," she glanced at him.

He glanced at her, giving her a serious look, "I will not leave you here to slip even more deeply into the shadow created by our visitors."

Silaerín smiled slightly, "Thank you."

"Now, is there anything that I can do?" he questioned.

"I think not, Celin," she said and looked toward the foaming water at her feet, feeling tears begin to prick at her eyes. "But then, I know not what is going on around me anymore."

Celin was quiet for a few moments as he thought about her statement, but eventually said, "The passing of a mother in any regard can do much to an Elf's meaning in life."

Silaerín glanced up at him, "That does nothing to comfort me, Celin."

He frowned slightly, and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly, "Do not cry, Silaerín. Do not cry because of him… if he truly makes you cry then he is not worth it."

"But I love him, Celin," she replied.

"I know you do," he said and pulled back from her. "But perhaps the Valar had other plans for both of you."

"I will not accept that," she shook her head. "Why would they allow us to commit our troth to each other, when, in the long run, they were only going to break us apart? Elves err not in the choosing of their mates, and hardly ever break their betrothals except for extreme cases."

"Perhaps this is considered an extreme case," he mumbled but she heard him perfectly. And she knew Celin made a good point. "Perhaps it would be better for you to let him go and see if he comes back? That will tell you if this was meant to be."

Silaerín nodded her head and turned from him then, "But what if he makes his choice to be counted among Men? I would still fade from grief…"

Celin sighed, and squeezed her arm, "Silaerín, only you can know what is best. I only came to ensure that you did not throw yourself into the Sea because I have noticed your dour looks, and I was afraid you would do something rash."

"Have you ever known me to do anything without thinking about it for a great deal of time?" she questioned with a small smile.

He chuckled, "Nay, I have not… I shall see you later. I am to meet Bainon to spar."

"Very well," she replied, watching him walk away. After he was out of sight, she turned back to the Sea, watching the waves cresting and then falling down on top of themselves. It was almost a parallel to the problems with Elladan. They had built a relationship, slowly at first, and then rushing to a crest where they became betrothed, and then collapsed atop itself now with these happenings.

If only there was some way to reverse them, so that she would have never fallen in love with him in the first place. But then she realized she was jumping to conclusions… perhaps she just thought too deeply into all of this. She would never know, though, unless he spoke to her.

Elladan walked along the path and came to a stop, finding Silaerín standing out a little ways in the water, with her skirt hitched up slightly to prevent them from getting wet. He pause behind her, watching her and picked up the faint sound of crying. Elbereth, he knew he was the reason for that, and it pained him to know he would be the reason for even more tears to come. If only he could muster the courage to tell her what he wished. Though he knew that courage would never fully come, because, perhaps, it was one of the most idiotic decisions he had made his entire life. Nevertheless it was a decision he had to make for his own personal peace of mind, even if that meant losing Silaerín and never seeing her again.

"I know you are there," she called, not turning around to look at him.

"Silaerín, please come to the dry sand so we may talk," he called out.

She did not give any sign of coming to him, but she finally turned around and made her way slowly to him. Dropping her skirts to the ground, she straightened her gown on her shoulders and looked up at him. "I came, so now speak."

It was hard not to notice the sadness and anger in her voice, but it was for reasons other than his mother leaving. Elladan sighed, "I know not what to say."

"Speak your heart to me. I have tried more than once to gain some knowledge of your intentions, but all I seem to come out with is being angry and hurt because you have blocked me," she said. "I would wish to know what you think."

"I know not what I think," he said, gazing past her and out toward the Sea. He could not bear it to look into her eyes.

"That is nonsense and you know it," she said bitterly. "This is your chance, Elladan. Your last chance to tell me what has happened to us."

"My priorities have changed since we rescued Naneth from those foul beasts," he said. "All I care about now is righting the wrongs that were committed against my mother."

"You are only one person, Elladan," she replied. "You cannot possibly think to take on every single orc by yourself."

He looked at her then, "Nay, but I will work my way through them, one by one, until I feel my mother's suffering has been compensated for. We plan to ride with the Dúnedain."

"Very well," she said calmly, "I had imagined as much."

"Silaerín, please…" he took a deep breath. "And I have also thought that perhaps I have not yet had to make my choice between Men or Elves because of all that was to happen. Each day I think of it, I think that perhaps the Doom of Man is really a gift…"

She clenched her jaw, and her eyes flickered with a rage he had never seen in her. "You are noting but a fool Elladan… it is true living so many years has it's toll on our fëar, but if you do this because of what happened with your mother, then you are a fool. You will see her again if you remain Elven."

"I shall delay my choice," he said. "And as of now, I know not which I will choose."

He watched as the tears welled up in her eyes, but she held them back successfully. Her voice wavered, "Why are you doing this Elladan? Why are you pushing me away? Why are you pushing our love away?"

"Because, Silaerín, I love you and I do not want to see you hurt like my mother," he said.

"See me hurt?!" she exclaimed. "Excuse me if I am wrong, but I would say what you are doing now is pretty hurtful, saying you may choose the Doom of Men, and completely disregard Elves and in so much, me."

Elladan hated himself then, but he had to keep firm. "I saw what happened between my mother and father after we brought her back… how he felt, and how he acted. And then I thought, what would happen if he had not been able to save her? The only reason she was traveling anyway was to spend time with my grandparents, and that was because she wed someone such a long distance from her home."

He waited for her outburst then, but she did not do anything like that. She just stood still, gazing at him as though he had five heads. Then her face grew red and she muttered something. "So now you have become my father? You are full of nothing but hot air… I cannot believe you would actually say that. You only think you mean this."

"No… I do certainly mean this," he said. "If I were to bind with you, I would never be able to bear it if you were hurt or killed. I love you Silaerín, I always will love you, but it is better for both of us if I am not with you to cause this…"

"Better for whom? You? Me? You would rather see me fade because of something that may or may not ever happen should we bind? That is complete and utter rubbish, Elladan, and you know it," she accused.

Elladan looked at her and took a deep breath, "Then perhaps you should sail West, before you fade. Find a true Elf here or in Aman. At least then I would know you were safe."

Silaerín clenched her jaw, and closed her eyes for a few moments. "These words are familiar to me, Elladan. I cannot believe that you would do this to me… using this old argument that my father has for so long used on me to make me stay here. To keep me from experience life elsewhere, except in the corners of my grandfather's dwelling and this spot on the shore."

"I am sorry."

"If this is how you truly feel about protecting anyone you love, then I say your love is not good enough for me, Elladan," she said. "It is filled with all of the things I have hated my entire life."

He felt his heart break ever so slightly then. Out of the both of them, he had not thought he would be hurt as well. He reached out to touch her cheek but she flinched and stepped out of his reach, "Silaerín…"

She bit her lip, and kept her eyes on the ground. Slowly, she lifted her right hand up and gazed at the mithril on her index finger. For a few long moments, she gazed at it and said, "It has somehow lost it's luster."

"That is cruel," he said. He knew that the rings, when worn by two lovers, always seemed to carry a certain incandescent quality. For her to say that it had lost it's luster hurt him some more.

"I am being cruel?" she questioned with a snort. Silaerín removed the ring from her finger and reached out for his right hand. She had not noticed before that he had removed his own band while still in Imladris, and now that it was very evident, she looked up at him sharply. He saw the hurt in her eyes then, but it was gone all too soon as it turned to a bitter frown. Placing the ring in the palm of his hand and closing his fingers around it, she said, "I do not wish to speak with you for as long as I still reside here in Arda."

With that, she left him, running toward the dwelling. He started after her, but one of the qualities he had always lacked was the Elven swiftness in his feet. But she slowed down after a bit and he was able to close the distance just slightly, that was before she made to her chambers, slammed the door shut and locked it into place. He stopped at the end of the hallway and looked at the ring still in his hand.

"You did not do what I think…" came the voice of his sister. He glanced up at her, and noticed the irritation in her eyes. Arwen's mouth opened slightly and her eyebrows raised in question. "How could you think to do that?! Has there not been enough pain around you, you only had to go cause more?"

"What I did was because I love her," Elladan replied.

"She deserves more than the love you give her," Arwen remarked, turning quickly to head down the hall toward Silaerín's chambers.

And so it was, for the following years in the Third Age, that Silaerín found herself completely alone. To save herself from fading, she had taken back her old customs of always going to the beach and drowning her sorrows in the waves. It was some solace, but not the solace she needed, because not day went by when she did not think of Elladan and what he was doing at that time. She wondered if he was hurt, or if he was even alive. Had he found other females to slate his lust now that she was out of the picture? The only link she had to them was from Arwen residing in Lothlórien with her grandparents, but often times she wondered if Arwen was even telling the truth in her letters.

One thing was still certain, though.

She would love him until the end of the world; her heart would be forever tied to his whether he ignored it or not.