Wavering Love
Chapter 10: Torturing Enigmas
If his horse could obtain his speed for the entire distance then Achilles would continue with no recesses. But only the gods bred horses of that standard, so at the fall of every sun he stopped for breath and rest. No respite came to him in the night. Actually his mind raced even faster of answers to existing conflicts then what he thinks during day. An occasional night without rest was common to Achilles because not even the silence of the isolated terrain could sway the warrior into sleep.
The crackling of the fire was his only companion until its embers finally died out as if bored with him. When the small specks of light diminished, Achilles felt alone. The breathing of his horse didn't calm his weary spirit, nor the whispers of the wind. He was numb with his own anger towards himself.
Do I always need it spelled out for me to learn something? Even one so basic that I couldn't have needed words from another voice. I knew what I was feeling, but it seems as if I purposely lied to even myself! How thick I can be!! Ignoring my own wishes. I rage against leaders and armies declaring what I want and how I want it, and I'm deaf to my own desires. It couldn't have been my heart that shoved Patroclus away it was my own mind. The sinister villain of my life who unknowingly ruins my most wanting objectives. And his face! Achilles' tensed up feeling the cold bite of the warm air breeze.
His face, his words, even his pleas burn into memory forever etched! (Wow, since when did I talk like this?) How can I even look at him without my shame choking my senses? How can he look at me? After all I've done to him. Lead him on, grabbed away his virginity like some greedy beggar who was offered a piece of fruit! And then ending it with such lies that not even I could hold my tears for!! His curling hands tightened into fists as he explored more of his actions.
I fled so I wouldn't hurt him, so that he could live a care-free life. Untouched by the defiled curse of what love brings! So it closes with me still tearing his heart more then what time of our love can do! I might have inflicted the same pain that I feared of giving to have him. The same one that turns people crimpled forever of life. Always ending with a lonely death. DEATH! Many who were diagnosed with that appalling feeling always are the ones that end their life!! Either mentally or physically! What if Patroclus does the same? At that thought, Achilles' intake of breath ceased to a short inhale. He felt the hair on the back of his neck closely arise and even the overlap of his hands couldn't have kept him warm.
I must go!
I'm sorry that it has been a long, long time since I reviewed. At first "Captivated" kept me away and then "Untamable as the Sea" (which I am still updating of) took my mind away from this story. Yet the reviews have still came in for a while, which I am very proud of! And all of them have been in good favor. Thank you for those that have done so, and I wish you would continue! Please Review for this chapter. Not long I will add the anticipating scene when Achilles and Patroclus see each other again. Now will Patroclus go back to Achilles after all the pain he has given him? Or will he forgive Achilles? Also will he even leave his first real home for this Wavering Love?