Wavering Love

"Chapter 18: Staying Alive

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you, tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions

Heads on a science apart…

Oh take me back to the start…

-Coldplay

Achilles didn't get far from Locris' borders on the count of that he didn't even cross the city's limit. He was at least a mile from the pure center of society's ring. From where he stood the noises of conversations and bribing and yelling were silent to his hears and cast below the hill he stopped on. His horse was spared from its torturous ride, haven been ridden hard out of the palaces gates, through the city and up a steep hill. As it enjoyed its recess by the plentiful grass, it was totally unaware of his master's troubles.

Achilles sat on his knees with his hands holding his head. How he wanted to weep so much and he did but as quiet as he could summon. It made his throat taunt, almost stretched as he held back his sobs. What am I going to do now? He thought. I planned the journey, my words, my explanations, even my promises to him almost to memory. I thought that would be enough to bring him back to me. And now after all that has happened I have nothing to go back to. Why didn't he come with me?

The idea of Patroclus accepting his proposal was frequently played throughout his mind, but the doubt of him declining never occurred in his head. It was unthinkable, an impossible action that couldn't have been made. Achilles believed it was written in the gods' will that Patroclus would come with him. But now the unexplainable happened, and Achilles had to bear a pain that was foreign to him. The feeling of defeat.

With each step the ground grew more and more comforting to Achilles, making him stop his journey to fall to the ground. It pained him when he took another step away from something he wanted so badly. It seemed there was some bitter wind that only he could feel its sharp fingers scratch over him and there was no way to bring his back towards it. He now pondered on the irony of how the tables turned. First Patroclus was left heart broken; now he was the one who was breaking Achilles' heart. No fickle god could compose such a prank like that. The thought of Patroclus weighed Achilles to bend farther into the ground, hunched over his covered face.

Patroclus saw the outline of Achilles' horse from the base of the hill and quickly he charged after it. Soon the grunting and struggling of the already tired horse, hisstrides seemed agony to Patroclus' speed. He then leaped of the its back, not caring if it would leave him or stay, and made his own way up the hill. When he reached the top he felt his breath leap out of him.

Crouched up in a ball was Achilles and unaware of his presence. Even though he was in tragic turmoil Patroclus never felt better seeing him. And like this. He slowly walked to Achilles and knelt down behind him. He smiled at him. Another would think smiling would show that Patroclus was pleased to see his love in anguish. But only he would be the one to really know the source of his smile. Each tear Achilles wept was for his loss. Each sob, each coak of breath was because he wouldn't go with Achilles. Patroclus savored the moments.

Minuets passed without giving so much of a hint of his existence to Achilles. He seemed enthralled by knowing Achilles was weeping for him. How much Patroclus wanted to wrap his arms around him or coo him to silence, but the running prince didn't stir. A cool wind passed through them, and Paroclus remained as a ghost to Achilles.

After feeling the wind lift his hair Achilles noticed how warm he still felt. Normallya stirring wind broughta slightest coolness across his skin, but no changes in temperature were what he felt. Achilles slowly tore his face away from his hands and stood up straight. Another was behind him, but no threat was sensed from it. Achilles turned behind him to see.

To his shock he saw a familiar face smiling back at him wearing tears. Achilles raised himself up on his knees and looked deep into Patroclus' eyes making sure it was no trick from the gods. He then reached out to touch Patroclus' cheek, to soon see the figure of his love melt at his touch. Achilles then believed this was no dream but the reality that his love followed him back into his arms.

Without wasting anytime Achilles and Patroclus immediately embraced each other in an erotic kiss. Achilles savored the taste of Patroclus by caressing his tongue with the youth's. Achilles' mouth inched its way over to kiss along Patroclus' jaw and tasting his neck. With his encouragement, he lowered Patroclus on his back; ready to indulge in his fantasies. But soon Patroclus was able to rise from the heat and pause Achilles' movements.

"Achilles not here." He said quietly. Achilles thought for a moment how things placed themselves so fast in sequence and nodded in response. He got up from Patroclus' body. But nothing could hold his hands back from merely touching Patroclus. Patroclus didn't reject his tender touches and instead he marveled his fingers across Achilles' full lips. Silence dropped her wings upon them for the next while buying time for them to wonder at the other's presence.

"Patroclus, you changed your mind!" Achilles finally said.

"No," He answered. Achilles was shaken by it with confusion. It wasn't from his answer but the sudden sadden eyes. "Achilles something terrible has happened." Without warning Patroclus' voice stifled.

"What?! What happened?!" he begged. Patroclus held in his tears with the biting of his tongue. Achilles meshed his face with Patroclus to whisper in his ear. "You can tell me."

"I killed someone." Patroclus stated. Achilles couldn't help but swiftly tear away his cheek to see him squarely. His face startled Patroclus by its abruptness. "I-He was my dear friend of the palace. Only son of a powerful nobleman...He begged me to tell him what was wrong with me because I couldn't stop thinking of you! And then he had to go on saying those words!" Without warning his voice gave out to its full volume.

"Shhh. What did he say Patroclus?" Achilles asked.

"He ranted on words describing you in the foulest of ways! It wasn't like him of bursting out into a song of speech like that—never did he use them around me!! I know I should have retained myself, I should have just shut them out but I was weak!" Achilles caught Patroclus' loose mouth.

"You are not weak Patroclus!" He studied him well before speaking again. "Did you kill this dear friend of yours?" Patrolcus nodded with the expression of guilt only a child could carry. Achilles knew nothing but to hug his frightened love. "So you ran away from it all?"

"No, my father insisted I must go. Death would be on my doorstep if I was caught with such blood. Prince or not." Patroclus emphesized on the word 'prince'. It now hit him that he would never again wear the title of royalty. He thought he would have been happy to be taken away fromsuch aburden, but to his surprise he missed the weight of it.

"But what of your father? Is he going to make amends for you while you stay with me for some time?" Achilles asked, waking Patroclus up from his thoughts.

"I can't go back." Achilles was confused now.

"Why not?"

"I just told you!!!" Patroclus yelled. He broke free from Achilles' grasp in frustration. "Clysonymus' father is more powerful in court then my father and with that advantage he could dethrone him any moment he pleases. But luckily the uprising rebellions are keeping him back in the lordship and away from the throne. If I even come back there they knew I killed him from running away!! Don't you see—I'm fucked either way I go!!!"

Patroclus' harsh wordstaught Achilles to bequiet of the subject and he didn't persist any further. He had finally gotten what he wished for but something held back his fulfillment. By taking Patroclus away from his father Achilles felt like a theft.

Achilles looked up to Patroclus and he was staring into the ground with his hand on his hand. He wondered what to do now in a situation like this. His life has presented MANY things but none came close to his. He knew words would only stir Patroclus up again, and silence seemed to gloomy for Achilles. It was then that action could be the only option left.

Quietly he walked towards his horse which he mounted. Patroclus followed him soon after riding on his own. The day wanned to dusk.

The two inched their way farther and farther away from the lands of Locris and Menoetius' palace. Patroclus clutched on the bridle of his horse and the ends of his rich clothes that were the only memories he could call of his father.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry that chapter was pathetic! But I really really want to finish this story by this weekend. I promise my next one won't be as rushed. In return of my poor writing you guys don't have to review. Thank you very much for reading anyway and the closing chapter is about to come!