Alas, my wish didn't come true. I got a phone call Agent Mulder four days later. I was sort of relived to talk to the crazy rather than the ice queen, but really, I could have gone the rest of my life without hearing from them and shed no tears over it.
I thought I did an adequate job conveying my displeasure at hearing from him by answering the phone, "Oh. It's you," but he blathered on as if he couldn't comprehend someone not wanting to talk to him. Maybe he really couldn't.
"We got the DNA comparison back." He told me, after babbling at length about how fortunate it was that the researchers had in fact done a typing as I suggested they might have.
"And?" I put in a special effort to sound impatient, since he didn't seem to pick up subtle clues. Maybe he wasn't allowed much human contact as a child, but he was too well spoken to have been raised by wolves.
"And they're the same." He admitted.
"Of course they are! Did any of the other babies you were concerned about turn out to be changelings?"
"I'm not at liberty to discuss that." He said stiffly.
I held the phone away and snorted. The answer was obviously no. I was about to say good-bye when he started talking again. "I theorized an explanation for the DNA being the same."
"Because he's not a changeling?" I went with the obvious.
"No. Ms. Phile, have you ever considered the possibility that you yourself are not human?"
Good lord. I was beginning to wish I was swatching to his partner. She might be cold, but she seemed saner." If not human, than what?" I asked through gritted teeth.
"Well, legend has it that there are any number of fairy folk in Ireland, elves for example-"
I was feeling ire, anyway. "But I'm from the US."
"Well, yes, but I'm thinking your ancestors. You're obviously one hundred present Irish-"
"I'm not-"I objected, but he cut me off.
"I mean look at you, elves are short, you're short-"
"So is your partner."
He ignored me. "Red hair, blue eyes, that fair skin-"
"Which also describes your partner. Do you think she's an elf?"
"No. She's childless. "He said, as if that was an explanation. "How do you explain the rune you were wearing the day we saw you?" He challenged. "What does it mean?"
I shrugged. "It's just a symbol of fire and creativity, nothing sinister. I wear it often."
"Exactly! Why would you wear it often if you weren't Irish?"
"But a lot of people wear them, few of them Irish. I had an Indian friend in college who loved them. "
"Native American." He said primly.
"What? Oh, no. Indian as in from India." I wondered if he was as PC about anything else. Probably was, just so he could go around correcting people. He seemed like the type.
"Even if the rune means nothing as you claim, there's still the issue of your pointy ears-"
"My ears are not pointy!" I said shrilly. "Besides, red hair is more common in the Scottish, which I am partly, anyway." This was ridiculous. It was like trying to argue with the wind. I paused for a moment, because I suddenly realized what he'd been getting at. "Wait, are you implying that, as someone not human, I kidnapped my own baby and replaced him with...my baby?" I asked, my voice rising further.
"Something like that." He admitted. "It would explain why Markie seems to be the same baby. Because he is."
"Agent Mulder, I suggest you contact your mental health professional, and discuss having your medication adjusted." I said icily. Then I hung up on him.
I thought he'd probably be committed before I had to deal with him again.