Author's Notes:I've been arguing with myself on Chapter Eleven, I'm thinkin it could use a rewrite, maybe, maybe not. Well, we'll see. Also,my friend just arrived here all the way from Reno Nevada, which is why I didn't update on Thurs like normal. I also had this 24-hour drama gig with middleschool kids so... but this isn't Carly's biography. Anyways, it's up now. Wow, I can't believe the kind long reviews I got from last chapter, and from some very worthy people. I feel honored. Grins. Zoe Rose, Master Sage, I bow down to you and thank you. Surprising that Heather was the one who linked us together, not sure why it's surprising, but it is.

Anyways, onward ho!

(PS: The A/N in the last chapter talkin abouta 'surprising turn of events' for a character was meant for this chapter-- I realize now it must have made little to no sense to y'all. My apologies. I forget in which chapter I write what.)

Chapter 10: 8:00: The 'Stop and Smell the Flowers' Philosophy

8:00

"Well," Abby declared, staring at the road straight ahead of her. "I never asked. I guess now is as good a time as any. Who exactly is possessing you?"

She glanced at her companion in her rearview mirror and smiled wanly at his blank look as he stared out the window. "Huh," she said. "I see you don't want to talk about it. Well, Ray– or Raven– where are you from anyhow? I don't know so much about you Teen Titans. I guess you're not gonna answer that question either, eh? Then I guess I'll tell you a little about myself. I've been meaning to confide in someone for a long time, without judging, without thinking... I've done some pretty regrettable things in my life. Probably the worst was working in the ER. Things were great for me there, but it was a mistake.

"The doctors were so talented! It was so great to work with such quick-minded people. I guess you have to be in that place, you gotta make a lot of on-the-spot life-or-death decisions there. They were nice too. There was this one doctor, Kyle Langly... he was really sweet, Ray, you wouldn't believe. Granted, he was a Republican, and a little close minded, but he treated me like I was the prettiest woman he'd ever seen, like a noble damsel from the middle ages or something... we were happy.

"And then, I did something really stupid..."

She looked at her reflection in the water and saw nothing. Pining over love, she wasted away until naught but her voice remained on the cold winds that carried it.

Anguish consumed her, of love she could never grasp, though it stood just out of reach. All she wanted was for them to be happy, for them to remember her, see her for who she is and not for who she's not. She thought they loved her enough to never be fooled again. She was wrong.

What love could cause such agony?

Not this kind, she realized suddenly, looking up at the ebony sky.

What is this?

As she looked around, the meadow deteriorated and she was in her own mind again, being absorbed by the oblivion taking it over. She looked at her interpersonal wall, which contained her communication and social skills and noted it was crashing down worse than anything else. Should she lose the ability to communicate with the outside world, she would truly be trapped in her own head and it would end too quickly.

Luckily, her mind seemed to be smart enough to know this. It supported the wall with a strong memory of a story she knew as a child, improvising new ways to keep up communication with others while the conventional ways were consumed by nothingness. The memory and interpersonal wall merged into one and she realized the memory was also tied to Larkin's powers, bound by a physical lock she hoped she never broke.

Larkin's powers were bulging at the edges, desperately trying to escape the lock. But Raven couldn't control those powers. She knew if she'd had her own, she wouldn't even be able to control them. Larkin's powers were much more reckless and dangerous, and unused to being locked up. Each time she used them the binds that held them lessened.

Her mind added another rope to the binds, made up of one of her emotions themselves, and, as she saw, a useless one at this point: fear.

The emotion howled and pleaded with her to take it back with her other emotions, and oh how much these demons frightened her, but Raven kicked it into place, and made sure it wrapped around the dark powers tightly and wouldn't budge.

She then made a promise never to use any of Larkin's powers again unless in case of an extreme emergency. She'd been too reckless with them thus far.

She then turned again to her interpersonal wall and the memory supporting it. The memory itself seemed to be a failsafe for anything in her head, always running to rescue whatever sector was deteriorating, and, she noted, was even supporting a part of her personality itself.

Which is why she had found herself staring into a lake, 'pining over love.'

Her mind was pulling out its emergency defense mechanisms, which meant things were getting really bad. It was like having a big red alarm go off saying there was a nuclear meltdown about to happen. As one of its defenses, to conserve energy, it forged a different personality for Raven out of her solid memory of an old Greek Myth, rather than try and support her wider, more complex personality. The persona of Echo was so simple and easy to maintain; it was a simple role to assume.

Just as the mind used Echo's personality as a backup for Raven's deteriorating real one, they also used Echo's speech patterns to make communication simpler in order to focus its energies elsewhere, on preserving less replaceable things, such as memory.

Because of this, Raven was speaking in tongues.

This infuriated her. Quickly, she took her dream wall and connected it to her personality quadrant, removing the memory to help the locks containing Larkin's powers. Pulling up another memory of a different novel, she used that to help support her communication skills, using the words– and much larger vocabulary– of JRR Tolkein to help her communicate.

Smiling, satisfied, she pulled out of her head.

"... damn AZT from the damn pharmacy, but no! They don't sell that here anymore! Too many goddamn robberies–"

"Abby, what the hell are you talking about?"

Abby jumped and nearly swerved off the road at the voice.

"Jesus Christ, Ray!" she shrieked, pulling over. "Don't scare me like that!" She was breathing heavily when she turned around to look at the little boy. Her eyes were oddly bloodshot as she looked at him, expecting some sort of answer to a question she never asked.

"Sorry," Ray said with a smirk. "I was... preoccupied."

"Really?" Abby said, sarcastically. "I hadn't noticed."

"Apparently not, since you seemed to have gone on talking to me anyway," said Ray.

Abby grew strangely silent, and looked away. Ray frowned, noting the strange look of hurt she wore in her eyes.

"Abby, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," Abby muttered. "I just... I tend to ramble sometimes. People are always looking for someone to listen when they really need someone who won't, you know?"

"No," said Ray with a frown, I don't.

"Well, it doesn't matter now," said Abby with a sigh. "Let's... let's get going, shall we?"

Ray frowned, intrigued by this sudden change in mood. "Abby... what were you saying?"

"I..." Abby sighed. "I've had people judging me my whole life, Ray, if it wasn't one thing, then it was another, and it's just so... ridiculous. I run, I hide, but now there's something that inevitably catches up with me, and it's a part of me I have to keep hidden for as long as possible, but... Just... just forget I said anything. You wouldn't understand."

Ray raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Oh?" he said. "Now who's the one underestimating?"

Abby laughed. "You think I'm a shallow, gullible twit, who'll believe what she hears and do what she's told. You think I've never been disbelieved, discriminated against, even shunned. You think there's nothing more to me other than the fact that I'm a nurse at a mental hospital. Did you ever even think to wonder why I work at a mental hospital? Damn, Ray, I get that you're having a crisis here, but your so damn focused on your problems that you just assume that everyone else will comply to your demands because you're fighting the good fight. You just assume that there's no other problems in the world other than–"

But she was interrupted by the beeping of her pager. She sighed and reached into her purse. "Right, of course, and the cycle continues," she said, sadly.

"Please don't tell me those are for me," said Ray, half-jokingly, looking at the pill bottle in her hand.

But Abby didn't take it as a joke. She glared at him. "My point exactly. No, Ray, these, these are for me." And she swallowed one.

"What are... do you... are you... Where are we?" Ray said suddenly, looking around.

Abby shrugged. "Near the bank I think," she said, putting away her pills. She sighed again and turned back to the wheel. "Let's find your friends shall we?"

"They're near here..." said Ray slowly as Abby got back on the road. "Keep going straight... go to the bank."

Abby simply nodded.

"Abby..." Ray said after a while, staring at the back of her head, her brown hair slightly messed. "You... you have AIDS, don't you?"

Abby didn't say a word.

They ate as though nothing wrong had ever happened, as if all friction between them had disappeared. Even Robin seemed to be enjoying the evening, laughing heartily as Beast Boy got in an argument with Raven over pepperoni.

"But it's not even real meat," said Raven, analyzing a slice. "It's processed pseudo-meat the government makes out of... well, I don't know what it's out of, but it's not meat."

"It's pig," said Beast Boy, adamantly, a strange note of sensetivity to his voice.

"In England, maybe," Raven returned. "But here... everything's fake. So just eat it, it won't hurt you."

"Oh yeah?" Beast Boy cried, picking up a slice between its fingers. "Haven't you ever heard of Ryu, the Super Sharp Ninja Slice of Kuwan?"

"The what now?" Raven asked flatly, eyebrows raised.

And, without further hesitation, Beast Boy made strange gestures with his hands, and some odd kung fu calls before finally throwing the slice at Raven.

It hit her cheek. She didn't react as it slid down her face leaving a trail of grease.

She shivered in disgust, peeling the pepperoni off her shoulder.

"Well," she said. "Ryu the Ninja Pepperoni didn't hurt me. But I know something that's gonna hurt you."

There was a scuffle of chairs and Cyborg actually had to get up to restrain the girl as she tried to launch herself at the shape shifter, but they were all laughing. It was all in good fun, no one meant any harm.

And for the first time, Robin realized that. Why had he tried to break this happy group apart by accusing Raven of villainy?

Because she isn't Raven, he reminded himself.

The thought brought him back onto the cold stones steps of reality, leading up to the cathedral of what he wanted to believe true. But he was locked out. This was not Raven. Every muscle in his body was sure of it. And wherever Raven was, she was not OK. Every sense in his head was sure of that. But every fiber of his heart somehow felt that this... this person... their intentions weren't as bad as they once were. Whatever change had happened in this person was a mystery to Robin.

But the fact of the matter is, this person Robin had been so sure was Larkin– hadn't he threatened to kill him?– was now laughing– genuinely laughing– and joking– seriously joking– with his friends. Robin didn't know whether to scream at her to get away from his friends, or to hug her and join in the festivities.

Knowing Raven as well as he did, and knowing Larkin as well as he must, this person– if it was even Larkin at all– wasn't Raven, but wasn't evil.

It was all too confusing for Robin to handle and he began to get a headache.

What was this? An hour ago, this person was about to slit Robin's throat and now, she was offering him a slice of pizza!

Wait, she was?

"Hey, Robin, wake up!" Raven said, waving her hand in front of Robin's face. He shook his head and blinked at her. "There's one piece of pizza left. You want it?"

"Oh, no, go ahead, take it," said Robin with a smile. And now we're smiling at each other???

It could be just an act, to keep up in front of the others. But since Larkin was in his head, Robin found he always had some inkling of his intentions... and this time, for the first time, they weren't deceptive as far as he could tell.

Maybe he's hiding it really well, Robin thought. Then, another more alarming thought occurred to him. Or what if he's in my head manipulating me right now!

really Robin thought. Then, another more alarming thought occurred to him.

Suddenly shocked at the thought, Robin stood up, pushing his chair away. He successfully gained everyone's attention with this random, sudden movement. Instantly aware of the eight eyes staring at him, he became strangely self-conscious and sat down again, smiling sheepishly.

"Heh heh," he said lightly. "I uh... there was a fly and it wouldn't leave me alone."

Unwilling to try and decipher Robin's odd actions, or probably not wanting to give any reason to think him insane again, the Titans accepted the flimsy excuse and returned to their conversation, all but Raven, who looked at him in... Was that concern?

No! Robin thought, adamantly. He tried to kill me. No. He's just messing with my head. He has to be. Where's Raven? Oh God, where's Raven?

Suddenly, his head began to throb madly.

Then he stood up and put his hands on the table and leaned on them, frowning and looking at his friends behind his mask. They stopped their conversation and looked at him again, half-expecting one of his lame excuses again so they could dismiss his strange behavior as eccentric– not insane.

But his words shattered any chance of this comforting belief.

"There's something very wrong here."

They pulled up in front of the bank, but all was quiet. In the back seat, Ray sighed.

"Well, they're not here," he said, sadly.

"Where to now, Boss?" Abby said, her eyebrows raised with sarcastic fatigue.

"Abby, I'm sorry for dragging you around with me," said Ray. "You know, you don't have to be here..."

"What," said Abby, "I should go back to the hospital and wait for Dr. Taylor to yell at me about where his most dangerous patient is? Uh uh, I don't think so. I gotta keep an eye on you." She turned around in her seat and smiled at Ray. "Face it, kid, you're stuck with me."

But Ray was still unhappy, despite her cheery disposition. "How do you do that?" he asked, marveling. "You seem to be able to do... what it's taken me years to master. In the middle of chaos and trouble, you still joke and laugh and smile through it all, as if it's one big joke."

"Well," said Abby, shrugging. "I suppose it is a big joke. I mean, it has to be doesn't it? As David Ives said, there's nothing more absurd than reality. Sometimes you have to take everything and just laugh like you would at a good comedy. I mean, if life's not funny, then what's the point?"

Ray shook his head in admiration. "You're really great, you know that? It's... unbelievable. You're right. I'm so absorbed in my problems, all I can see is... bleak. I'm sorry for being so condescending earlier, but you were... well, annoying me. In my lowest point you had to take me... shopping. I mean, it was ridiculous but... it made you smile. And... you have a really bright smile."

Slightly blushing, Abby accidentally proved Ray's point by giving him a weak smile that still somehow warmed him.

Ray smiled in return. "Somehow... and honestly, I don't know how, because sometimes you drive me absolutely up the wall but... somehow you make this... a little easier. Thanks."

"Hey," Abby said, still smiling embarrassedly, "you give me something to live for. Something that I can do that really makes a difference... I guess that's really why I believed you. I wanted to. I wanted to have an adventure."

"Believe me," said Ray. "You'll get that."

They shared a companionable silence for a moment when Abby finally spoke up again, her voice soft. "I'm really glad you landed yourself in my hospital... and... Thanks. Just... thanks. For everything. This... this adventure, helping a Teen Titans, and for... well, for being so wrapped up in your problems that mine don't, well, bother you."

"But why would they?" Ray said. "It's not like you've got the plague."

Abby shrugged. "Well to some... They say it doesn't, and you meet people who said they'd treat you the same, and it's not their fault, I'm sure I'd..."

Ray interrupted Abby's rambling. "How?" he said simply.

Abby was startled. "What do you mean?"

Ray's expression was inscrutable. "How did it happen? If you don't mind me asking."

Abby gave a weak smile. "An accident," she said. "Something only a stupid intern would do... well, I was a stupid intern, but... A bad needle and a sick patient is all. But people do treat you... differently when they know you have it. Like... like Kyle."

"Who's Kyle?" Ray asked. Abby blushed.

"Oh, just a... a doctor I was seeing. We got the results and he tried to be so supportive, and even being a doctor he knew all the myths and facts about it, but still he... he wouldn't touch me anymore. I... I didn't know what to do. And then I was transferred to Starshine Pediatrics. Soon after that, I was over in the clinic. Then the burn unit of JC General, the OR for almost a year, and even a term in admin before they sent me over to Sun Oaks. But Kyle never called me again. I've kept my distance from people since." Abby sighed and turned back to the wheel. "But I don't really matter right now..."

"How are you so... well, you continue working with such a... You smile. All the time. You joke just as cornily and maybe even more often as Beast Boy. But... you're so..."

"Lonely?" Abby chimed with a grim smile. "Nah. If having AIDS has taught me one thing, it's life isn't worth regretting things. So I try not to do anything I'd regret. Like waste my days worrying about the future, or dwelling on mistakes I made in the past. That's the most I've said about Kyle in three years. And... I don't blame him, really. I mean, we all say we'd do things in theory... But we can never really be sure, can we? Well, that part of me is gone now. And frankly, the time I spent with him, I enjoyed. And I learned a lot from my period as an ER nurse. I just... well, Ray, I've been telling you, you just have to slow down sometimes, despite an impending deadline. If you rush through life, you'll get to the finish line wondering why you ran the race in the first place."

"So you're of the 'stop and smell the flowers' philosophers, huh?" Ray said with a wry smile. Abby laughed and somehow, Ray could hear true contentedness inside of it.

"I suppose you could say that," she said. "Remind me: when all this is over, I have to show you the ocean."

Ray laughed. "Abby, maybe you forget. I'm a Titan. I live on the water."

"Yeah," said Abby, looking at him in her rearview mirror with an excited smile. "But you haven't seen the ocean like I have. When I found out I had AIDS... the first place I went was the beach. I was by myself and, funnily enough, the day I'd chosen to go it was raining, so I was the only one there. Even in the gray clouds, amongst all that water... It's huge, really, and gorgeous, and even in the stormy air you could still smell time itself on its waves... God, I sound like some cheesy Hallmark employee. But, well... You know, that sea smell, salt and froth, and... it makes me pensive. It seemed endless, kinda like everything else did when I was your age. But like everything else, even the ocean has a limit. But it at least lasts. It lasts forever."

"Right..." said Ray, not quite understanding what Abby said. "OK. You can take me to the ocean and tell me all this there."

"Right!" Abby cried, as if jolting out of a daydream. "I'm sorry. We should get to your friends."

"Yeah," said Ray. "And... sorry, Abby, but despite your philosophy–"

"We need to hurry?" Abby said.

"Yeah."

"I figured."