Chapter 6: Maybe Not Always

It was a beautiful day. The sun shone brightly and the ocean waves rolled in and out, over and over, never stopping. Seagulls flew overhead, squawking loudly.

Jack silently cursed the beautiful day. It's not fitting. He thought to himself quietly. First, Sara's leaving and then I have Pastor Carter's funeral to attend to!

Ann and Sara embraced. Each of them had grown closer over the few days Sara had been with them, yet Jack couldn't help but to see that the embrace seemed to imply more. They had grown closer, yes, but not that close! But there they were, embracing like they were best friends!

He shrugged it off and sighed sadly. He noticed that Sara was making her way over to him.

Sara bit her lip nervously. How was she going to do this without telling him the truth? Her thoughts were cut off when Jack spoke. "Sara… please don't do this…" She looked up at Jack in bewilderment. "Jack! What do you—"

"I have proof that you're Karen!" Jack blurted out. Sara groaned loudly. "Jack! Give it up! It's over! Karen's gone!" She exploded, making Jack wince.

She sighed. "Jack… I'm sorry, but…"

"Karen's mother has a sister." Jack cut her off again. "Her sister's name is Patrice! She's your aunt's age and looks exactly like her!" Sara tried to reply but Jack refused to let her.

"Don't you see? It all points to you being Karen! Have you forgotten that dream? How could you have Karen's memory if you aren't Karen?" Sara stiffened.

"Jack, I…" She tried to so hard to keep the tears from coming. "Sara?" Jack said quietly, seeing her pained expression.

Sara looked up into Jack's eyes, tears just beginning to run down her cheeks. "I'm sorry." She said in a whisper. "I'm so sorry… maybe… maybe you'll find what you're looking for in Erica."

Jack was about to reply, but Patrice's shrill voice pierced the air. "Sara! It's time to go!"

He sighed heavily and decided to give it one last try. "Sara… No, Karen. Please, don't leave. If you'd just stay a while longer, I'm sure I can help you with your memories!"

Sara sighed and shook her head. "It's too late, Jack. It's just too late." With that, she turned around and began walking to the ferry.

No. Jack said to himself. I won't let her go! "Sara!" He ran forward when she stopped and turned to face him. He opened his mouth to speak, but he found that he didn't know what to say.

Sara looked indecisive for a moment, but then she leaned forward a kissed Jack softly on his lips, much to his surprise. When she pulled away, she said softly, "I'll never for get you, Jack Williams. That's a promise."

After that, she quickly ran onto the ferry while Jack was still in shock because of the kiss.

Tears ran down Sara's face and the first sob racked her body. Am I doing the right thing? She wondered. Patrice put an arm around her. "It'll be all right. He'll be all right."

Sara looked at her aunt scornfully but then looked back at the beach where Jack stood, watching the ferry leave in silence.

Then he ran forward and began wading the water. Sara froze, afraid that he was going to swim after them, but he stopped a few feet in. Then he cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, "I'll always love you!" He paused and said much more quietly, "Karen…"

Sara couldn't take it any more. She couldn't do this to him. She couldn't do this to herself! She unconsciously stepped closer to the rail…

Patrice would never forget Sara's next words. They would stay with her until the day she died. They pierced her very soul and caused her to tremble. They were the words that destroyed everything she had ever worked for.

She watched as Sara stepped up to the rail, cupped her hands, and screamed back, "Jaaaaaack! I remember!"

Sara watched as Jack turned and began walking out of the beach. "He didn't hear me… He didn't hear me!" She cried.

She looked at the churning waters of the ocean and sighed heavily. "Here goes…"

Tears ran down Jack's face as he stood in the churning waters of the ocean. Pain racked his heart and fought the loud sobs that were threatening to burst from his mouth.

He watched as the ferry drove farther and farther out to sea. "Good-bye… Karen." He said softly.

He thought he heard something. It sounded like Sara yelled something at him, but he couldn't quite make it out.

Finally, he sighed and decided that it was a figment of his imagination. Just like my hopes of ever being reunited with Karen again…

The first sob escaped his mouth and he decided to head home.

The journey back to his house was long and excruciating. And he knew it wasn't over yet either. Later that day, he would have to attend the funeral of his close friend, John Carter. Why is this happening to me? God, why are you letting this happen? He received no answer and he'd sighed heavily. "Maybe I was right before…" He shook off those thoughts, knowing that he was wrong in thinking that.

He reached his house and not even bothering to check over his farm, walked into his house, closing the door behind him, and plopped down on his bed, face down. He let the sobs free and his entire bed shook, as did his body.

This went on for a few minutes until, finally, he no longer had any tears to shed. Finally, he was just lying on his back, looking up at the ceiling while remembering all the good times he had with her. The first time they met. When Karen had sprained her ankle and then when Gotz had abused her. He remembered the time when he had went over to Ann's house and Karen had taught him how to dance. He remembered their first kiss on the beach. He even remembered the night they spent together, although he didn't really know if that could be counted as a good memory.

Then his mind drifted to the more painful parts. The harsh words she had said to him. The time she saw him and Popuri kiss. When she found out about Jack being a Christian. The day she left. The day Jack read the newspaper and found out that the ferry had gone down. The time she saw Erica kiss him.

He froze. "That was Sara, not Karen… Then again, there's no difference…"

He heard somebody knock at his front door. He didn't answer at first, but the knocking continued. "Go away!" He yelled harshly, ignoring the pang of guilt that came along with it.

The knocking still went on. "I said go away!" The knocking stopped and he sighed happily. Then he heard his front door open. I forgot to lock the door… He noted in his mind.

Then a knock was heard at his bedroom door. "Get out! I don't want to talk to you, Cliff or Ann or whoever you are!"

The door opened slowly and a voice pierced the air. "Oh, I think you want to talk to me, Jack."

Jack stopped breathing. He could have sworn that his very heart stopped as well.

He immediately sat up in bed and stared at the figure that had just entered his room.

She was dripping with water; her hair was stuck to her face. Her makeup was running and she was only wearing one shoe. But regardless of all that, Jack couldn't help but to think of how beautiful she was.

"S-Sara?" He asked tentatively, as if he was afraid she'd disappear. She smirked, "The name's not Sara, buddy. It's Karen."

Jack jumped out of his bed and ran to her, embracing her tightly. Forgotten tears sprang to his eyes again.

Meanwhile, Karen was already crying heavily while she buried her face into Jack's shoulder. "Oh, Jack. I'm so sorry!" She sobbed. If Jack heard her, he didn't reply. Instead, he released her so he could stare into her eyes… Eyes that now held recognition and love.

"Karen? Are you really back?" He asked. "I mean, you aren't just pretending to be Kar—"

"Of course I'm back! I've known since last night!" Karen cried with a smile on her face. Jack lost his breath. "Last night? But how? When?"

Karen shook her head. "When I ran away from you. It started then. I started seeing old memories and as I ran they became more and more numerous. Finally, I hid myself in the church and that's when it all hit me. It took me a little while to piece it all together again, but I remembered fully sometime last night."

"Then why didn't you say anything?" Jack asked, a slight look of betrayal on his face. Karen sighed. "I was scared! Last time I saw you, I had been hurt really badly! I… I didn't want to be hurt again! I didn't know if I could handle it again…"

"Then why'd you come back?" Karen smiled. "I saw you. You were just watching us as we left and I realized how selfish I was being. I realized that not only was I hurting myself by leaving, but I was hurting the man I love…"

Jack blushed deeply and failed to come up with a reply. Karen took that as a good sign and embraced him again, this time kissing him as well.

She pulled away for just a moment. "I realized that it wasn't worth leaving…" She whispered before kissing Jack again.

"Just wait until you see the new parts." Jack said excitedly. "We have a whole bunch of new additions. For example, now we have a hospital! We have an apartment building and a whole bunch of new houses! There's a furniture store now. Um…"

"Jack." Karen stated. "You're boring me! I don't care about the town! Tell me what you've been doing for the past three years! Tell me how the others have been doing!" Jack grinned and opened his mouth to speak, but his watch alarm went off, stopping him.

"Oh no…" He said quietly, his smile melting away. Karen looked at him confused. "What is it?" Jack looked up at her. "It John's… err… Pastor Carter's funeral."

"Pastor Carter? Who's he?" Jack smiled. "He's the pastor of the Flowerbud Christian Church… No, he was the pastor. He died yesterday. Around the time of our little adventure. He was… a great friend."

"Was he old?" Karen asked, intrigued why this man would die like that. "No." Jack answered. "He wasn't much older than you or me. We, uh… we don't know why he died, but we… we think it was murder."

Karen's eyes widened. "Murder! Why do you think that? And who would do such a thing?" Jack looked at her, a pained look on his face. "Pastor Brown. Steven Brown."

Karen didn't speak for a long time. A familiar look of betrayal was etched on her face. Finally, she spoke softly. "I know Pastor Brown. He would never do something like that."

Jack sighed softly. "We'll discuss this later. We have a funeral to get to." Karen looked at him in bewilderment. "We? I don't even know the man!" Jack shook his head. "No way, you're coming with me! We need all the joy we can get after this and you are going to help bring it!" Karen smirked and nodded slowly, deciding against fighting him on the matter.

Jack and Karen walked through the town, hand in hand. Everybody was already at the square, where the funeral would be held. Meanwhile, Jack told Karen what he had been doing for the last few years.

"Jack, you should have moved on! You got lucky this time and I managed to live, but there was every chance that I wouldn't live!" Karen said, a tinge of anger evident in her voice.

Jack smiled at her. "You're not very easy to forget, Karen. And plus, who would I go out with?"

"What about that Erica girl?" Jack winced, he had forgotten all about her. "Well…"

"Jack! I heard you two talking. You said that you regretted not ever getting to know her and—"

"And that it was too late as well." Jack finished, a grave look on his face. Karen looked at him and smiled softly. "Yeah… you did…" She fell silent for a few minutes.

Finally, she spoke again. "Jack. I want to say something." Jack looked at her, prompting her to continue. She took a deep breath and gathered up the courage needed. "I…I'm sorry. When I left… I was thinking only about myself and what I wanted, and I didn't even bother to think about how much my leaving would hurt you and the others."

Jack grinned. "Don't worry about it anymore. Just seeing you now… it made the wait worth it." Karen blushed deeply. "Um… well…" She couldn't find the words to say and Jack just chuckled. Then he fell serious again and said, "We're here."

Jack walked up the stairs to the Square, but Karen stopped. "I… I don't know if I can… It's…" She said softly. Jack gave her an encouraging look. "Karen, you have to face them sometime. Either now or later. I'd much rather now though!"

Karen squared her shoulders and her eyes hardened. "Okay… Now it is then. Just… you won't leave me, will you?" Jack grinned. "Naw, I don't trust you enough to leave you alone!" Karen smiled slightly and nodded.

They walked into the square and found that the funeral was already underway. It was being held in the center of the large square and there was a crowd in front of a raised platform. It reminded Jack of his grandfather's funeral.

Jack began walking towards the crowd but Karen stopped him. "Jack… I don't want to go all the way up there! Not now. Can't we just hang back here?"

The young farmer looked at her and sighed. "Just a bit closer, we can hardly hear Cliff from here."

"Cliff?"

"Yeah, Cliff's the one delivering the eulogy. It's his job as assistant pastor to Carter, so…" Jack stated as if it was common knowledge. Karen was speechless. "A lot has changed since I left, huh?" Jack smiled but didn't answer.

"Jonathan Carter was only with us a short time. He only came to Flowerbud recently, but in that short time, he touched each and every one of our lives in a special way." Cliff started, his voice carrying over the crowd.

Murmurs of agreement rose to his ears and a small smile appeared on his face.

"He was a strong man of faith and I have absolutely no doubt where he is now. He's in Heaven, rejoicing at God's side.

"He was also a great friend. One of the very best. He was always willing to lend an ear. No matter what it was, he could be entrusted with any secret or burden and we could be assured that it would go no farther than him.

"He was never pushy. He was never mean. You can't come much closer to being like Jesus than he was.

"He will be missed greatly, yet I'm comforted to know that this isn't the last time I'll see him. I know that when we reach Heaven, he will be standing at the gates, greeting each and every one of us.

"So, John, if you can hear me up in Heaven, know this: I'll see you soon… I'll see you soon." Cliff closed his eyes and fought the tears that were threatening to pour down his cheeks.

He sighed heavily and was silent for a few moments, letting his words settle on the hearts of the crowd. Finally, he said, "Now, Gotz Roberts would like to share something."

Karen's eyes widened. "Did he just say… Gotz?" Jack looked at her. "Yeah, your dad. Didn't I tell you—" He was cut off as Gotz's strong voice boomed from the speakers.

Gotz looked at the crowd and smiled widely. "Well, you heard the man! Why feel so sad! We'll be seeing him again soon!" Light applause followed those words.

"But anyway, that's not what I'm up here to say." The crowd grew silent as Gotz began.

"When John arrived at Flowerbud a few months ago, I thought nothing of him. In fact, my exact words were, 'Just another Christian wacko'. I was wrong.

"John was the model Christian. He lived his life as well as he could, following Christ as closely as possible… even unto death. His words, they held such a power, a convicting power, that they were able to change even the most harden-hearted of us all… Me.

"I'll never forget that fateful day when John came to my house. It wasn't anything special; he was just out meeting the townsfolk and inviting them to church.

"I was the worst or the worst. The biggest alcoholic. The bully of the town. I looked out for me and me only. And he knew it! He may have been new to the town, but he had already heard plenty about me… Like how at times when I got drunk enough, I'd do such stupid things like get into bar fights or like… like when I beat my daughter."

His voice cracked at Karen's mention and it tore Karen's heart to pieces. This wasn't her father. This obviously wasn't the man she had grown up to hate. And no matter how much she wanted to or how hard she tried, the bitterness she had once felt was slowly melting away, a little bit more with each emotion filled word.

"Yet, he decided to do something that few people succeeded in. He wanted to become my friend and in the end, give me the best friend I could ever ask for.

"At first, I mocked him. I refused to listen. I threw his moves to friendship back into his face. But he didn't quit… No, he was no quitter. He kept it up, and soon I was wearing down. My mocking times lessened and lessened until I stopped with the mockery all together.

"Throughout my entire life, I've built walls around myself. I built walls so high that they seemed infinite to some. But he didn't see an endless wall. He saw loose bricks. And one by one, he took a brick away and threw it to God knows where.

"The wall diminished. Until soon I was left with nothing. The wall was gone, as if it was never there. My heart, my most guarded place was bare, open to listen.

"And listen I did. I listened as he told me about Christ. I listened as he told me about how Jesus came to earth, throwing away His majesty and kingship, to die for me.

"And I believed. I still do until this day. And for that, I thank him and I thank God. Without them, I wouldn't be here. So… thank you, John. I'll see you soon as well."

Gotz stepped down from the platform slowly. By now tears were beginning to run down his rough cheeks and he couldn't help but to smile at how much he had changed in the last few months.

Before he reached the last few steps, he looked out among the crowd and was surprised not to see Jack anywhere. He looked a bit farther, and saw two figures loitering around near the edge of the square. He recognized one as Jack, the other, a young woman, looked strangely familiar yet he couldn't place her.

Deciding to find out why Jack, one of John's best friends, was hanging so far back, he began pushing through the crowds, quickly wiping away tears, and trekked across the square.

"Oh no, he's coming over here!" Karen cried. Jack looked where she was looking and grimaced. She was right; Gotz was walking towards the two at a quick pace.

He looked at Karen and smiled warmly. "Are you ready?" She looked at him wildly. "Ready? Do I look ready?! I'm not ready, especially after that speech! Jack, you have to hide me or something, I can't do this!"

Jack looked at her and he felt sympathy for her. He was about to help her when he realized something. It was too late. Gotz had already seen both of them and there was no way to hide her without raising some serious questions.

"It's too late." Karen froze. No. It can't be too late! She screamed at herself. But it was, she noted. Gotz was close enough now that she could see the very whites of his eyes. With fear she realized that he could see her just as well.

"Jack! What are you doing hanging out back here?" Gotz asked, a tint of worry in his gruff voice.

Jack was confused. Gotz acted like he hadn't even seen Karen! "Um… I'm just hanging out back here because, um… she didn't know John and didn't feel comfortable going all the way up there." He said indicating a nervous Karen who stood a few feet away.

Gotz looked at her. "Do I know you?" Karen didn't reply, but her eyes grew cold.

Gotz frowned when she didn't reply. "I'm sure I've seen you before!" This time Karen replied, her voice cold and dripping with contempt. "You know, it's just like you."

"Excuse me?" Gotz asked, not really sure who this familiar girl was or why she said what she said. Karen's eyes narrowed further and her voice was strained. "It's just like you… to forget your own daughter."