Void
Four: Hourglass
It seemed like they had stayed together in that simple position for hours, though the moon was still hanging pale, high in the sky, and Kirara had long since been a victim of a deep slumber.
A comfortable, yet disparaging silence had surrounded them, and they felt a mutual understanding to appreciate this simple moment, and not have it marred by unsure words and awkward conversation.
He found himself overcome with a tired, heavy feeling, and unconsciously leaned backward, bringing Sango with him, until his back came in contact with the thick grass, and Sango's upper body was splayed across his.
Surprisingly, Sango shifted to settle more comfortably against him, her hand loosely fingering the knot of his kesa. Her eyebrows were knit together in slight contemplation.
"Houshi-sama," her quiet voice prompted him. "When Naraku is destroyed, our quest is over, and your curse is lifted, what would you like to do?"
She kept her head resting on his chest, lightly rising and falling with his breaths.
Miroku craned his neck to observe her, but only saw the top of her head, as her face was obscured from view.
He dropped his head back down and turned it sideways in contemplation, staring up at the swirling canopy of stars above them. "I wouldn't want to forget about everyone," he began, then paused shortly before continuing. " I've been travelling alone for a long time, as you know, Sango, and somehow, travelling in a group..."
She rose onto her forearms briefly and observed his thoughtful appearance, trying to imagine never seeing him again, never being this close to him again.
Of course that dreaded secret she carried had to find a way to weigh on her mind.
"I've managed to experience quite a few things I would have never imagined. In addition, I think I wouldn't have lived this long without...everyone's support."
Both of their thoughts returned to the gaping hole in the earth a few feet away. "It almost makes me question the acceptance of my impending death," he whispered, more to himself than anyone else. "It took so long to learn to understand that this is the path fate has chosen for me."
It was quiet again as the sounds of night filled the air.
"Now I'm afraid of dying. I want to stay with you. I don't want to leave you, or anyone, behind..."
Sango listened with widening eyes. She sat up fully, his hand hanging loosely around her waist.
"Houshi-sama," she breathed. "What are you talking about?"
His eyes seemed to fall out of a trance, and he focused on her. "Nothing, Sango. Just the nightly musings of a monk."
"Then answer my question, please."
"What question?" he asked in clearly feigned confusion.
"What would you like to do, when this is all over," she repeated slowly.
"You mean, if I truly had a future?"
"Yes."
His unsure response surprised her.
"I don't know."
Sango cocked her head to the side in slight confusion. "Houshi-sama, I always knew you as one who preferred to be prepared. I would have thought you'd have your whole life planned out."
He looked away bitterly. "Why would I plan out my life when I knew it would end so shortly after it has begun?"
Sango opened her mouth hesitantly, but he continued. "I grew up, only knowing that I would soon die. It became my mission to kill Naraku and do away with this curse, and with that, my family line, and those that came before me could finally rest in peace. And after all these years, I haven't."
"Houshi-sama-"
"There was, and still is, a very slim chance that I will succeed."
She attempted to rebuttal. "No, there isn't-"
"I never thought about what my life would be if I did get rid of this curse."
Why wouldn't he just let her speak?
"Houshi-sama, if we all-"
"Until I met you."
Her composure faltered for a brief moment, and she clutched a shaking fist to her chest. "Surely you did, I mean, with Inuyasha and Kagome-chan, all together we can-"
"You know what I'm talking about, Sango. Inuyasha, Kagome-sama, Kirara, Shippou, I love them like true family. But meeting you, just made our quest even more urgent. "
"Why," Sango whispered, her voice wavering. Do I really want to know?
"Sango, I'm going to regret this later, I know it."
She stiffened, and fisted her fingers into the grass in frustration. 'Please don't say it, Miroku. Don't say it,' she begged him frantically in her thoughts.
"You mean so much to me. More than any other woman I have ever known. It's something I've been holding back for so long, Sango."
The words she had been desiring to hear for so long, she was about to hear. The feelings she had harboured for longer than she could remember, was it possible that they were actually being reciprocated?
She didn't want to know. She didn't want to hear it. If he said them, right then and there, it would only confirm her worst fears and set Naraku's plot in stone.
"I love you."
How did her heart manage to fill yet burst all in one moment?
How could something that brought her so much happiness, also bring dread and despair?
She bit back the tears forming in her eyes. She could not tell if they were of joy or sadness.
"And I want this curse to be gone, so badly. Because I want to offer you something, something other than my death. I want to give you a whole new life, and another chance."
She did not feel the ground move beneath her.
"You have made me so happy, Houshi-sama," she heard her own words ring in her ear. Was it her imagination? Was that stammering, shaking voice really hears?
"I feel the same way, about you. I have for so long now."
Swiftly, he manoeuvred his arms around her and crushed her trembling form to him. "Sango," he breathed, his voice muffled by her hair. "You know what this means, don't you?"
He took her silence as a negative.
"It's more important now, that we stay strong, and hold back from each other. Right now, what's most important is that we defeat Naraku, and then...we can start anew from there."
Miroku heard no response again, and simply held her. Maybe, as he did right now, she felt overwhelmed. So much so that it couldn't be voiced.
Her grip on the front of his robes tightened and he could faintly feel her shoulders quaking under his hands.
"No." It was muffled, but audible.
"Sango," he whispered.
"No." It was louder this time, defiant and disbelieving.
He held her slightly above him, her arms still supporting her upper body.
"Are you refusing me?"
She shook her head quickly. When she spoke, her bottom lip quivered, and her voice was still uneven.
"No, Houshi-sama."
She trailed delicate fingers down the side of his face, almost as if she were afraid to touch him, afraid he wasn't really there.
Afraid that she would never be able to touch him again.
"I want to have all the time in the world to be with you."
"That we can, Sango."
"No. Time is fleeting. And it's slipping away."
He loosened his hold on her and she descended closer to him. Her tongue slid from her mouth and traced over her lips, moistening them. It was then he truly noticed their proximity.
And he kissed her. There was hardly any distance between them, really. It was a line easily crossed.
When he pulled back, her eyes remained closed, her heart beat had quickened, and short breaths left her mouth, as she took in more air to keep herself from dizzying. The sight made him warmly satisfied.
No words could leave their slightly parted mouths.
There was so much she wanted to tell him, to show him. Up until a few days ago she had fantasized about a future that was now utterly unattainable.
She hated time. It had cruelly dictated her life for too long.
How important was time to them, their group?
They needed to collect more Shikon shards before Naraku did. They couldn't allow him any advantages against them. They needed to hurry and not delay. It was simply a race between the two sides.
Then, if they managed that, the time would come the shards would needed to be combined into the Shikon no Tama. Kohaku's borrowed life would disintegrate, and he would be laid to rest. Kagome would have to return to her to her place in the future. Inuyasha would have to make his final choice.
There was only a matter of time before the curse would fulfil it's ultimate purpose and consume Miroku. He had so little time to live, unless she gave him the rest of her life.
She could give him a life without her. Her life would be his.
In ways he could not fathom.
The sands of time continued to fall, burying Kohaku, straining Inuyasha and Kagome's relationship, slowly draining her, and gradually causing Miroku to vanish before their very eyes.
If only, she could forget the hourglass, just for one night.
"Sango, is it all right if we move from here?" Miroku's quiet voice shattering the silence. She shivered at the sensation his breath made on her skin.
"Somehow, I find that being with you while sitting in my father's resting place somewhat uncomfortable for me."
She slipped clumsily out of his grasp and they both stood. He cast one long look over the stone monument in the center of the crater and mumbled a quiet prayer before leading Sango into the temple.
"Shall I light some candles for you?" Miroku asked nonchalantly as he squinted in the dim light, feeling for Kagome's package of matches.
Sango, who had been lingering in the door frame, looked up at the sound of his voice. Acknowledging his question, she shook her head slightly with a small smile and slid the screen door back as far as it could, immersing the room in the pale light.
"That's fine with you then?" he inquired, before making to head out the open door.
"Wait," Sango cut in, tugging on his sleeve. "Where are you going?"
She looked up at him with large, questioning brown eyes that he thought were simply adorable.
"To another room, of course. I want you to have a nice rest before we get ready to leave tomorrow."
Really, all he wanted to do was have an ice cold bath. Alone.
She did not relinquish the grasp on his sleeve. "Houshi-sama, I want you to stay with me tonight."
He blinked. "Sango, though it may be difficult for you to believe, I really had to hold myself back from you before, and I'm starting to understand how hard this is going to be hard on the both of us."
If possible, she only pressed closer to him, distorting his thought patterns.
"It doesn't have to be, Houshi-sama. Please, I want to be yours."
Miroku pursed his lips, forming a tight line. This behaviour, so unlike Sango. Here she was, asking him, no, pleading with him to make her his.
For a short while his face was a frown in concentration, while Sango looked on anxiously awaiting his next words.
Then he understood.
This had all started the night they had been attacked, when Sango had received that remarkably similar wound that reopened the scar on her back.
He knew nothing about it.
"Sango," he said urgently, crossing the distance between them in a few strides. His hands flew to her shoulders. "Why are you acting this way all of a sudden?"
Her teeth scraped across her lower lip. "What do you mean, this way? Can't you see Houshi-sama? I love you."
"If you love me Sango, you can wait, we both can. Trust me, this is hard for me as well."
Her expression was full of fear and sadness, and somehow he doubted her intentions were based solely on her desire for him.
"What is it that's driving you Sango? It's making you think irrationally, what is it?" He leaned closer to her and briefly pressed his lips to the apple of her cheek.
"Tell me what happened with Kohaku."
Her eyes only widened in sudden shock. "You know exactly what the story is regarding Kohaku," she said in a rush, preparing to erect a barrier of defence.
"A few days ago, when you were injured. I know something happened," Miroku replied in a low voice. "
Don't lie to me Sango," he whispered, making sure his breath caressed the sensitive skin of her ear and neck.
He trailed gentle fingers up and down her sides repeatedly, causing her to shiver involuntarily.
His eyes became half-lidded as he laid another gentle kiss on the angle of her jaw. Her hands automatically came up to grasp his back but he intercepted, clasping their hands and entwining her fingers.
He pressed his body against hers, pushing her backwards until she was flat against the wall, his arms securing hers above her, pinning her wrists down, and leaving her unprotected and vulnerable to him.
"Is this what you truly desire right now, Sango?" he questioned her.
The words came out as heated exhalations of air against her skin.
Her breathing quickened, and he could almost feel the strong beating of her heart beneath the cotton fabric of her covering.
Sango could only watch as Miroku assaulted her exposed neck with kisses, trailing them down her throat, making her tense and relax as he willed. Her hands longed to touch him as well, to feel him, and her wrists strained to be released from his firm grip. But no, he was being cruel to her, preventing her from what she wanted- no, needed right now.
Was this punishment?
"Tell me."
It was a simple enough request.
"I can't tell you, Houshi-sama-" Sango gasped, struggling just to complete the sentence. She sharply inhaled and threw her head back as Miroku touched her, inhibiting waves of exhilaration that she had never experienced before.
As soon as they had washed over her, they were gone. His hands abruptly released her, and he drew back a safe distance.
Sango, still feeling his lingering touch, felt her weak knees crumple beneath her, and she leaned her back against the wall, still panting heavily.
"What you're experiencing isn't love, Sango, if you feel that you cannot share that secret with me," Miroku said, staring up at the painted sky. He closed his eyes. "I only want to help you shoulder your burden."
Sango fell heavily onto her knees and brought her palms over her heart, feeling cold and incomplete without his touch.
"What happened to you then, it's affecting you in such an unusual way. I put many hours into meditation and just trying to work out what might have happened, seeing that you were so distressed about it. However, even with all that, I still don't know. I have absolutely no idea."
"I'm sorry, Houshi-sama," she apologized in a small voice.
"The truth is," she looked down at the floor, almost in shame. "When Kohaku attacked me again, I was so scared. If it was that easy for Naraku to almost kill me, using my own brother, it made me feel so weak, so powerless."
Well, a half-truth is still the truth nonetheless.
"I'm scared he'll kill us. I'm scared you'll die. I'm just scared, Houshi-sama."
She rose and stumbled clumsily to his stoic form, that was still studying the night sky, and threw heavy arms around him, clutching meekly at his robes.
"We are all scared at one time, Sango. We are all haunted by our own inner demons, in whatever form they may take."
Her own yukata was loosely falling over one shoulder, and she felt the warmth of his palms as they travelled the length of her back and pulled slightly on the fabric.
"We are together now, and I want nothing more than to protect you, and be your happiness," he confided, trying to impress the memory of her shadowed face in his mind permanently.
He didn't have to try that hard.
*
It seemed so natural, for him to walk, breath heavy and laboured from kissing Sango, the small distance from the doorway to the futon lying invitingly in the center of the room.
"Is this really what you want, Sango? Because I'm too far gone, too intoxicated by you. And if we start now, I don't know if I can stop," Miroku whispered urgently. "You've become everything to me."
A deep blush coloured her cheeks, still as much as a contrast on her skin as it was in the sunshine, as it was now, in the night with only the moonlight to accentuate her beautiful face.
And they were lying down again, a cool breeze washing over them through the open door, the grass lightly rustling, and the night at peace.
"My world."
Without a word, her nervous, yet determined hands pulled him down to her, lips moistened in anticipation.
"My Sango."
His mind swimming with thoughts, visions, dreams, and his one love, he could vaguely hear nothing else other than the light din he and Sango were making.
However, he could still hear her breathless voice above it all.
"I want to stay with you."
A thick cotton yukata clumped to the floor in folds.
"I don't want you to forget me."
A heavy, ink black robe collided with the wall as it was cast aside.
"I want to give you everything I have."
Her voice, soft and passionate in his ear.
"And I love you, Miroku."
__________________________*
Void: Hourglass - April 21st, 2004
Must apologize for the lateness of this update. Usually if I "package" my fics I prefer to update them at the same time. So I did. This chapter was written over a couple of weeks, different parts inserted at all different times, and I feel that it was kind of choppy, if you know what I mean. Anyway, sorry for the delay, I'm not really satisfied with this chapter, probably will make edits later. It also wasn't as long as the others. Sorry for that, too. I just don't think I put enough emphasis on the emotional aspect of this chapter, which was something I really wanted to do.
If you're not here, them I apologize. I only included the chapter three reviewers this time.
Demon Exterminator Barbie - Ah, more flattery! Thank you! Will I see a longer review? =)
The-Great-Monk-Grl - Well, I gotta say that all the UPDATE!!'s certainly helped.
Personification of Fluff - Taking time off school-related activities to review? Now that's nice of you. Hopefully you still got some good study time in there. Thanks for your feedback.
Skye Silvereye - It's not that good, really. Why are you so nice for? =)
isasimstories - Thank you! I'm really glad people like this story.
DarkWolfBlade - Ack, don't flatter me like that. There's way better authors than me. Like you!
Pline - Gosh, I still am in disbelief that my crappy writing can make people cry.
sailorpsychosis - Ah, we have the same birthday! Happy uh, late birthday to you too! =D
BellaMuerte - Well, after a long time, the next chapter is HERE!
Lyra Pelgina - Aww, I've never had my fic called pretty before.
LiL psYchO - Hmm, people still can't tell? And I thought this was so predicatable.
Aamalie - I'm happy that you reviewed even though you were dead tired. It's a hard thing to do.
Silver-Ajah - Well, someone has to die. But I'm not saying who. It's a 50/50 chance. I'm sad too. I don't want to do it. But I must. Sigh.
animefreak808 - Glad you liked the explaining =) I'd like to actually meet the evil monkeys.
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Stripe - Yes, the ending is very soon. Next chapter. I guarantee it.
Once again, I'd like to thank all reviewers for their feedback and support. You make writing this story truly rewarding.