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Void
Five: Goodbye
Kirara mewled contentedly in her large form and looked back at her mistress, who leaned upon her side. The two had been lounging together since early that morning, when Sango had come out from the temple to see what her cat-demon was up to.
Her golden eyes had watched, slightly amused, as her mistress emerged from the temple door, which was still partly open. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were half lidded as she stumbled quite clumsily down the steps. The grass tickled her bare feet as she strolled aimlessly around the grounds, sometimes adding a small twirl in her step. "Kirara!" she called in a singsong voice. "Where are you?"
Upon spotting her companion lying lazily on her side, Sango smiled and ran through the grass towards her, looking much like the little girl Kirara fondly reminisced about.
"I'm sorry I left you out here all alone, Kirara. You could have come inside if you wanted," Sango apologized, as Kirara yawned and flexed her claws.
"Anyway, I think we should have a serious talk, you know, a girl talk," she said with a light sigh. "It's been a long time since we've really talked. Well, more like me talking to you."
Sango leaned onto Kirara and closed her eyes briefly. "We've been together for as long as I remember. Ever since I was just a little girl, right? Perhaps you can, but I can't recall any time you haven't been here with me. And it used to be just the two of us, until that incident occurred, and our lives changed. Then, we met our friends, and we know we can trust them, because they chose to stay with us, even though I betrayed them. I love them like family, though I thought I'd never come to care for others as deeply as I did my father, brother and friends from the village. You love them too, right Kirara?"
She felt Kirara's back slightly shift as the cat-demon nodded.
"Then you would be happy to continue travelling with them, right?"
Kirara's already large eyes grew, if possible, a little wider.
Sango sighed, and she twirled her fingers anxiously. "I mean, without me."
Her companion flinched in discontent.
"I'm not going to go off alone Kirara. I'm going to..."
Tell her. You're going to go off and sacrifice yourself.
"I'm going somewhere."
She covered her face with her hands, and when she removed them, the reddish stain of tears was more evident then ever before, though she did not cry now.
"I'm going to die."
She looped her arms around her companion's neck and embraced her tightly. "You may not see it now, Kirara, but this will help everyone. I want to help those I love."
She said it with strength and acceptance.
"What's troubling you, Sango?" Miroku asked as they sat together next to the pond, much as she did with Mushin the previous day. "I hope it isn't..."
"No, of course not," Sango said, immediately blushing, as Miroku exhaled in relief.
"What is it then?" he pursued, clasping her hand. She looked up at the clear sky and smiled as the breeze shifted her bangs. "I love you," she stated, still looking up.
"I love you too, Sango."
That's the problem.
"How much do you love me?" Sango continued, still examining the clouds.
Miroku followed her gaze to the sky, thinking. "How much do you think I love you?"
"Enough to tell me how much you love me."
"Fair enough," Miroku replied, defeated. He cupped her chin and turned her face towards him.
"Sango. I love you in ways I cannot express. Any other way I can, I have tried, trust me. Humans are fallible, we are imperfect, we have weaknesses. But despite this knowledge, I believe that what we have together, how I feel when I'm with you, when I think of you, I know that it's perfect. And it may seem contrived when I say this, but when I met you, you did not tease and flirt with me, you challenged me. I did not seek to conquer you, but to earn you. And I can honestly say that my life changed, and my priorities rearranged themselves. What were my goals before you? First and foremost, avenge my family line. What would I do after that? I didn't know. Now, I just want to live for you. Because I love you."
"I know," Sango said quietly.
"I know you know. And I will tell you again and again as long as you ask."
A small silence built as Sango brought her knees closer to her chest. It was shattered as her voice, anxious and fearful, cut through the air.
"Would you die for me?"
Though he looked somewhat taken aback by the sudden question, he tried as hard as he willed not to look at his hand. He stared into his covered palm for a brief moment before quickly averting his gaze.
"Without question."
"However, should that ever happen, wouldn't I be burdened with the guilt of knowing I caused you to die?"
"Perhaps that is so. But consider that it is because of this love, our love, that I would want you to live. I value you above other things, even my own life. Initially, it is natural to feel guilt. It can only be followed by acceptance."
Another thick silence followed, before Miroku asked Sango a question of his own.
"May I inquire as to why you would ask this?"
Her blank countenance faltered only slightly.
"We've fought many times, and there is a lot more fighting to come. I know that I tend to be pessimistic, and I rely on you to drag me out of it. There are times I've been without direction, and again I rely on you to find me. All this thought of death, it frightened me, even as a taijiya, a title associated with being a honourable warrior. I could die any moment, and now that I've grown so close to everyone, grown to love you, the thought only frightens me more. I don't know if I could accept any of your deaths, or if you could accept mine."
Miroku pulled her closer to him, and wrapped his arms around her stiff shoulders, which relaxed as he held her.
"We shouldn't dwell on these thoughts now, Sango, it can only alter perception and affect our focus. We'll deal with issues like those, if we ever come to it. If it should happen. So smile for me."
He felt her nod against his chest, and her hands gripped him so hard it hurt.
A few moments later, she pulled herself away from him, breathing deep, shaky breaths.
"Miroku, what would you give to be rid of the curse?"
She held his wretched hand to her chest, brought it up and brushed it against her cheek, holding it there.
He tugged her back against him again. "The kazaana is the barrier in my life that has prevented me from doing so much. If there was another way besides defeating Naraku, I wish I knew of it."
He was inviting her to tell him. He blatantly spoke those words as an offering for her to divulge her knowledge of this particular subject. The expected paranoia kicked in. Had he figured it out?
Should she tell him? Would she release the dam of emotion that had been building in her body, that had given her more grief for the past few days that nearly rivalled the bitter sadness the loss of her family had given her over the past year?
If she knew him, he would refuse her, and what she could do for him. He would automatically dismiss her, then seclude and isolate himself, in an attempt to make her question whether he even deserved to be saved. He should know better.
She said nothing.
The sun hovered lazily in the sky as the afternoon settled in. Miroku sat atop the steps watching Sango, a little ways down, as she folded her carrying cloth neatly over the small bundle of fabric and armor that was her taijiya uniform.
"Inuyasha, Kagome-sama, and Shippou should be coming around any time now. They did say that they wanted to get to another town by nightfall," Miroku spoke up quietly, breaking the silence.
Sango looked up from the neat knot she had made and nodded.
He couldn't help but notice Sango's strange behaviour once again. His words and countenance betrayed nothing, he hoped, but inside his mind was desperately trying to decipher hers. She had confided to him more than enough, it was as if she wanted to tell him whatever it was that was on her mind, but held back at the last moment. He directly confronted her, but still had learned nothing. They had spoken about his future, their future, death, love, his curse, seemingly everything, and it frustrated him to be left in the dark.
He would have to do something about this, once again.
"Sango," he began moving down a few steps to sit closer to her. "You know what I'm going to ask you about. It seems like no matter what I do to try and get you tell me, you refuse."
Instantly, she began to stiffen at his words, and visibly flinched as he moved to take her hands in his.
"I also notice it's something that you've been holding back. Something that's large enough to weigh on your conscience the way it does. Please, Sango, remember what I told you. I want to share all your burdens, and pain, I love you that much."
She looked down at their intertwined fingers, her face hidden from view. He stared at the top of her head desperately as he waited impatiently for her response.
Slowly, she raised her head and her eyes, shining with determination, met his.
"Miroku, the day we were attacked. Kohaku was there, and you were injured-" her voice began to shake. "And she showed me, Kanna - I saw you. I thought you were going to die. Kohaku, he- he did it again. It was just the same as the last time. I heard Naraku order him - that bastard - he ordered Kohaku to do it again."
By this time, the volume of her words had dissolved into whispers, and blinked back tears streamed from the edges of her eyes.
Miroku moved his hands to her shoulders and steadied their trembling. "And it hurt just like last time," she continued, her gaze unwavering. "Both inside and out. And I thought he would just kill me right then and there, with Kohaku. It wasn't the way I envisioned the end, the end of our legacy as taijiya, however it seemed set. It wasn't what he wanted though. It was for you. Teach you a lesson."
Her sentences had become disjointed fragments, and he struggled to make sense of them.
"Sango," he interrupted, gently shaking her from her frantic state. "Slow down. I'm only here to listen."
"Miroku," she whispered, her lips now forming a bitter smile. "I can save you."
He continued to stare at her. "Sango, I don't understand."
"I can save you."
"How?" Miroku asked. "Save me from what?"
Suddenly, a loud and excited voice broke through their focus, and both their heads whipped around to witness the arrival of their companions. Sango instantly shrank back from Miroku.
"Sango-chan, Miroku-sama! How have you been?" Kagome asked enthusiastically, running up the steps to greet them. "Sango-chan?"
Kagome bent closer to inspect Sango's face. "Have you been crying?" she asked worriedly.
"No, I haven't, Kagome-chan," Sango countered quickly. "I just got something in my eye, and Houshi-sama was trying to get it."
The miko raised an eyebrow. "Well, we got some more leads from the towns we were able to get to yesterday. Inuyasha wanted to just leave you guys here for good!" she added with a light giggle. "So I think we're going to be leaving soon. Right now if I'm not mistaken."
Sango and Miroku nodded. Sure enough, the half-demon himself appeared at the bottom of the steps, screaming something about lazy humans lounging around temples, resting while he travelled around with a stupid kitsune and did all the dirty work.
He finished stomping up the steps, oblivious to the stares he generated from his friends. "We're going now," he said shortly before turning around and heading down the way he came. Kagome just shook her head, exasperated.
"We'll be ready in a moment, Kagome-sama," Miroku said soothingly as he patted her shoulder and pushed her in the direction Inuyasha had taken. "Sango and I must pay our respects to Mushin-sama. It will be quick, I promise," he called to Kagome's retreating back, already beginning to walk up towards the temple. Sango followed him quietly.
Silence reigned once again. The temple quickly came into view and with it, Miroku's foster father semi-drunk and laying on his side once again. He quickened his pace, and Sango allowed herself to fall further behind him, watching him sadly as he hurried to say goodbye.
Her movements eventually slowed to a stop and she closed her eyes and felt the breeze on her face. "Goodbye," she said quietly. She didn't know whom or what she was saying it to.
When Sango had caught up to Miroku, he was shaking his foster father's hand. "Farewell, Miroku," Mushin said with a jovial smile. "May our paths cross again." His eyes saddened slightly as he dropped Miroku's cursed hand. Sango bowed quickly, uncertain, before Mushin stepped forward and embraced Sango as well, patting her on the small of her back.
"I didn't say it to him, that he has three days to live and all that," Mushin said in a low, sombre voice. "I wouldn't be able to tell him I was joking."
"I know," Sango whispered tightly. "I know."
The pair was heading towards the steps when Miroku suddenly took hold of Sango's wrist, startling her out of listening to the sound of their footsteps on the grass.
"Tell me now, while we're alone," he coaxed gently.
The words hitched in her throat, and failed her.
She twisted her fingers around his, and held his palm tightly, trailing her fingertips across the cloth.
Something pulsed beneath it.
"Miroku-"
It pulsed again.
He wrenched his hand out of her grasp and grabbed his wrist with his other. His face was filled with panic and fear, and he cried out as the sky blue prayer beads shattered and dissipated around them in pieces.
She only watched silently, unaware of the tears that glazed her eyes and the acceptance in her heart.
She could hear him screaming at her, demanding that she run away and take Mushin, Kagome, Inuyasha and Shippou as far away from him, and this place, as she could.
"Get away now!"
His shouting grew louder each time.
Instead she took a small step forward.
He tried desperately to close his hand and point it away from her. "What the hell are you doing Sango! Get away!"
It only made her move faster. He saw through squinted eyes the way the wind violently whipped at her clothes and hair.
She circled around him, with some difficulty as the wind grew stronger the closer she came. She fell to her knees, threw her arms around him, and kissed the side of his mouth gently.
He pushed at her with his other hand weakly. "What are you doing?" he choked out. "It's time. It's happening now. It's over."
She met his eyes with a small smile. "I know. I just want you to know something, before this is over."
She reached behind her head and untied her hair, letting it wave in the wind. She knotted the white ribbon loosely around his wrist.
"You have to be strong, even without me. Remember why you're here. I want you to live, above everything else. I've given you all I can."
Her lips met his, soft and bittersweet.
"It's not your time."
He grit his teeth in order to keep from crying out. "Don't," he managed to say.
Her back was already turned to him as she walked a small distance away, and rotated to face him. Though the grass was being pulled from the ground and mounds of earth being sucked into his hand created noise and chaos around him, he could still see her lips form those three words.
The three words that he thought would have kept her living.
Her small body was soon picked up into the current, grass and dirt swirling around her. She could see Miroku, flailing his arms and still cursing loudly. Somewhere behind her, she thought she even heard Kagome.
'Remember why you're doing this,' she told herself firmly. Memories of Kohaku rose to the surface of her mind, which faded into the more recent ones of Miroku, and it strengthened her resolve. 'You love him. Both of them."
As he watched, unable to do anything, Sango moving through the air towards him, recollections of his own flashed before his eyes, suddenly he realized, and his pleas grew more urgent.
"It wasn't the way I envisioned the end, the end of our legacy as taijiya"
"No! Please!"
"It wasn't what he wanted though."
"Please, don't Sango!"
"It was for you. Teach you a lesson."
"Sango!"
He continued to scream, sometimes for her to stop, other times in pain. Sango obstructed herself from his cries, because she had made her decision. There was no turning back, even if she wanted to.
And so she closed her eyes, and waited.
Miroku's throat soon grew hoarse from shouting, and his voice cracked and grew dry. He saw the obscured figures of Kagome, Inuyasha, and Shippou, but they stayed away from him. They knew better.
He began to take steps back in hopes that Sango would regain her head and move away from him, instead he felt his foot catch on something and he fell hard onto his back.
'I know why you're doing this Sango," he thought to himself in anguish, as he slid along the earth. 'And even though I'm angry and against it, I know I would do the same for you in an instant, with no hesitation -'
She was closer to him now.
"Because I love you!" he shouted. "I love you so much!"
His vision blurred as her body twisted and spun, being absorbed into his hand. He couldn't help but feel sick to his stomach.
Then he felt something strange. His arm had been hurting him horribly, and the pain had already begun to spread up his arm, however he began to feel a small warmth building in his hand. White light shot from the hole, causing him to squint, but he wouldn't look away, though it strained his eyes.
In an instant, the light faded, the wind died, and she was gone.
His hand shook as he brought it in front of him, and his face took on a pained expression as his eyes took in the palm of his hand, full, real, and flesh.
He looked at the chaos around him, and saw that he was in a small crater, not as large as his father's, but moderately sized nonetheless. Above him stood his companions, lost for words.
A slightly worn white ribbon hung limply from his wrist.
AN: I'm sorry everyone, it's been over a month since I last updated, but as I'm sure you can tell from the quality of this chapter, I just haven't been focused. A whole ton of stuff happened over the last month, a death in the family, personal problems, etcetera, so my mind has just been three places at once. I am very disappointed in myself at how I wrote this, especially since it's the final chapter, not including the epilogue, but since it's been so long I just wanted to get this done and posted. I think the biggest flaw other than the writing was the continuity. I'll probably go back and fix this one day, but I want to thank everyone who's been so supportive of me and this story, thank you so much for everything! There's so much I have to say, but I can't think of it all. Just, thanks =)
HMPrune - I don't think I ever mentioned my age on this site, but yes, I would agree that I am pretty young, and I don't even compare to the more experienced writers, I'm just trying to get better. Sorry for not updating sooner. It's been a hectic month.
tessie-fanfic - Ah, you hoped not! But she did! This was pretty sad to write. Then again, it is under angst. Thanks for sticking through it.
animefreak808 - Hmm, I was on a pretty long vacation from writing this too, are the monkeys back yet? Thanks for all the support throughout the story. It made me get off my lazy ass and finish this, because I'm a guilty person.
Haeli J - I got pretty sad writing this myself, but I intended it to be a sad fic, so no one to blame but me. I'm sorry for the late update but I hope you'll be happy (or sad) with it.
dd-inuyasha71643 - I did read your fics awhile back and reviewed. I don't know many other authors or know any people (I'm all alone in the fiction world) but I'm here if you need any help.
LiLpsYchO - I'm unpredictable? Wow. That makes me happy. Well, I hope you're okay with this chapter, but something tells me I'm going to get some "I'm sad now" reviews.
Lyra Pelgina - Uhm (looks around nervously) I hope you're okay? Especially after this one. Please don't be sad! It's fiction! It's fiction! So smile?
Sylver-Ajah - Your last review really put the pressure on me, so now I'm probably anxiously awaiting for your response above all others. I'll have you know I never intended on killing Miroku, just thought that it would be different if he wasn't the one that died from his curse. I read your other oneshot awhile ago, I'm pretty sure I reviewed it, but I'll tell you again that it was awesome.
Psycho Hanyou - Well, it took me a little over a month, but I updated!
InuYashaBishi334 - Yeah, I liked the last chapter too. A little happier and less depressing than THIS one. I hope you can enjoy it, even though it's so...depressing.
Pline - Heh, I will and will always believe I write...blah. I can't recall reading any of your fics but I'll be sure to check them out and PROVE they are super!
Blood Red Emerald - Thanks for your review, though I'm unsure if you're cheering for the depressing story or for me :)
Void: Goodbye revised/uploaded June 1st, 2004