Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha
Void
Seven: Run
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His eyes shot open and clamped shut repeatedly, and he held shaky hands to his temples, where the beads of sweat that had collected poured over his brow, and to his chest, in which his heart thumped so forcefully he feared it would burst from his body. So many images filled his mind, but he didn't know what to make of them.
Above it all, he still heard the footsteps, and his senses immediately heightened their level of caution, honed by countless battles.
Other feelings had to be put aside for now.
He gave his eyes a few moments to adjust to the dim illumination of the weakly flickering fire, and felt for his staff. Feeling his fingers curl around the cool metal, he listened again. His forehead creased in disbelief. It was obvious now...a swinging metal chain.
The movements he made alerted the hanyou above him, who promptly jumped down with a soft thump.
"What's going on?" Kagome asked sleepily whilst being shaken awake by Inuyasha.
"Someone's coming," he replied quietly. "And damn, it smells like-"
"I sense the shard," she cut in abruptly, rubbing her eyes in a rough manner. "It can't be...Kohaku-kun?"
The name left her lips in a panicked breath.
Inuyasha nodded in response as she sat up, and they both looked towards the trees where Miroku was standing, alert. His face was a stony mask, as though he hadn't heard Kagome's words, and if he had, he acted as though they had no effect on him whatsoever.
"Hey Miroku - he's coming your way, " the hanyou warned.
The figure, blanketed in shadow, eventually stumbled out into the clearing, catching Miroku by surprise at the way he swayed with every step he took, his fingers barely gripping his weapon.
He did not appear to be possessed, and instead he looked utterly lost and confused. On his back there was a carrying cloth, similar to the blue one Sango brought with her.
Miroku looked unsure of what to do, but was forced to think of something quick when the young boy approached him.
"I know you," he stuttered, turning towards him, the fire casting deep shadows across his young face. "You're a Houshi. I've seen you with..."
Kagome wriggled out of her sleeping bag and raced to Kohaku's side, while Shippou looked on with half-lidded eyes.
"Kohaku-kun? Are you okay?" He tipped dangerously to one side, and she steadied him.
There was a collision of metal to dirt as a curved blade fell to the earth, a long chain following.
The boy kept a firm grip on his forehead. "I know you too. Kagome...I tried to kill you."
He fell to his knees. "Too many - too many memories. Blood...Screaming... Make it stop!"
Inuyasha watched the whole situation warily, a hand gripping the hilt of Tetsusaiga.
"Do you think that...this is a trap?" Kagome asked him worriedly.
His amber eyes flicked to Kohaku, who was crouching on the ground, trembling.
"Naraku is sick enough to play a trick like this," he voiced, his features hardened.
Miroku had remained silent. Naraku actually keeping his word. Kohaku was here, weakened and confused. Not to mention that he was having memory lapses, by the way he was acting. It was as if Naraku had scrambled his mind one last time before letting him go.
There was only one way to find out.
"Kohaku," he said sharply. "Where is your village?"
He only seemed to clutch his head harder. "I - I don't know."
"Do you have a sister?"
"Do I have a...ane-ue?" He looked up, his eyes suddenly full of emotion. "You know her! My-my sister, Sango! She's a - a taijiya. Where is she?"
Kohaku had rushed over to Miroku, gripping the hem of his robes as if he were begging. "These voices in my head, they keep telling me to find my sister. The exterminator village...I think that's where I'm from..."
His hand gripped his staff harder at his words. "Kohaku," he began in a tight voice. "You should get some rest. We can talk more tomorrow."
"Please, honourable Houshi-sama, you must help me find her! What if she's looking for me? What if she's hurt?"
Miroku looked away from the boy's distraught face. "Tomorrow."
Reluctantly, he let go of Miroku's robes and Kagome led him away to help put him to sleep. "I - I can remember!" he called out behind him, and it took Miroku everything he could not to turn around.
Inuyasha, still cautious of him, took his weapon, the chained sickle, and brought it with him back up in the tree branches.
Unsettled, Miroku resumed his previous position, and as if he was not having enough trouble getting rest, what little sleep he did get was disturbed by thoughts of the boy that was Sango's brother.
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Miroku awoke to Kagome, Inuyasha, and Shippou looking down at him strangely. He sat up, suddenly alert. "Where's Kohaku?"
"He's still asleep," Inuyasha said gruffly. "Never mind that, I have a few questions to ask you."
"Miroku-sama," Kagome began. "Kohaku-kun showing up...does this have anything to do with - with Sango-chan?" She barely said the name.
"Sango, she's pretty smart," Inuyasha added. "There had to be a reason she would do...that. Kohaku's here too."
Miroku sighed, anticipating the questions. They were inevitable anyway.
"Look at this, my hand," he said, holding it out. "The curse is broken."
Kagome stared at it, blinking, finally able to examine his hand from a closer perspective. With great effort, she grabbed it and poked his palm gingerly. "Does that mean...Sango-chan..."
"I can tell you what you ask," Miroku continued. "Sango had been acting strangely, as I'm sure you can all recall. I knew that she knew something, I could feel it. Then, a few days ago,my Kazaana, it overcame me, and when I was about to be taken, she threw herself at me-"
He paused to swallow.
"You had arrived by that time. When she was absorbed, the hole was gone."
"She saved you then, didn't she?" Shippou commented, wide-eyed. "Maybe it was a condition of the curse?"
"But why?" Kagome sighed in confusion.
Miroku thought hard, drowning out their voices, and trying to piece the information together that was fast fading from his memory.
Naraku had threatened her, using Kohaku to re-open the scar that he had given to her the first time the blade of his weapon had pierced the skin on her back. He told her all about the curse, and what she could do to save the lives of those she loved. Sango had then been burdened with that information, bearing the strain all on her own because she knew him all too well. She knew that he would never allow it.
"I - "
He looked from Kagome's anxious expression to Shippou's confused one, to Kirara's large, sad eyes. She mewed.
"I'm not really sure myself. I'm guessing you were right, Shippou. It was a condition of the curse."
It was because fate allowed them to fall in love that she would have be the girl to save his life, through death.
A small voice in the back of his head seemed to coax him. Naraku hated that humans felt emotion, and were, in turn, slaves to those feelings.
Naraku thought he would die of sorrow.
"Miroku...I can save you."
"Yes, but Kohaku showing up..." Kagome voiced her thoughts out loud, bursting through the uneasy silence. "Inuyasha, did Kohaku attempt anything last night?"
"No," he replied, shaking his head. "The most that happened was that he had some nightmares. Strange. They seemed genuine, but - " He glanced to where the boy appeared to sleep with his back turned towards them. "I still don't trust him."
There was another stretch of awkward silence, interrupted by a rustling of sheets.
Someone cleared their throat quietly, and the group turned to see that Kohaku had awoken and was now quietly standing before the group, huddled together however silent.
"Excuse me," he said awkwardly.
"Oh, Kohaku-kun, you're awake!" Kagome said in a feigned enthusiastic tone. She gestured to the small stack of bowls she had set out next to the pot on the fire, and she faltered.
There were six. One each for herself, Inuyasha, Miroku, Shippou, Sango and an extra one today, for Kohaku. She always set out an extra one every time, as though Sango would run over the hill, Hiraikotsu in hand, declaring that she was hungry.
Her hands shook as she took one of the bowls and stuffed it back in her bag, mumbling to herself the entire time.
"Always an extra one...I always forget." She slumped over the large yellow backpack, her hair falling in front of her face as a shield.
As Inuyasha tried to figure out what to do with an emotional Kagome, Miroku stood up promptly, directing his attention the boy standing silently watching the whole ordeal play out.
"If you're not hungry, you can come with me, Kohaku. We can talk now."
The pair walked a good distance away, Kirara following, and Miroku suggested they both sit under the sprawling shade of a tree.
"I've had time to think. And I'm ready to plead my case," the young boy began, his hands in fists atop his knees.
Mewling, Sango's cat-demon crawled into his lap and curled into a ball.
"I know there's nothing in it for you to help me, I don't have any money, or anything to offer - "
Miroku opened his mouth to interrupt, but Kohaku continued to speak over him.
"But I'm missing so many things, so many parts of my life, and I know that if I find my sister, I'll be able to ...make some sense of everything."
He brushed a shaking hand over Kirara's fur.
"Just...please."
Miroku continued to stare straight ahead, idly fiddling with the ribbon around his wrist.
"You knew my sister, didn't you? I can sort of remember you...I can sort of remember a lot of things..."
The other man nodded, a slight shift of his chin.
"Will you help me find her?" Kohaku asked hopefully. "She's a taijiya, we exterminate demons."
"I know who the taijiya are," Miroku responded in a distant tone.
"Then you do know her. Her name is-"
"Sango," Miroku finished. "She travelled with us, looking for you. You were under the control of Naraku."
His expression became crestfallen. "I knew that..." He was biting his bottom lip. "I made ane-ue give up so much for me."
The young boy glanced at Miroku's fists, which had tightened to the point of whiteness as he spoke. He looked to his face, void of expression, save for a tight line that was his lips.
"She loved you very much. She would give up a lot to have you back."
"But...I know I killed everyone. How could she still care for someone like me?"
"Under the circumstances, you didn't. You were controlled. She loves who you are, not what you did under someone's control."
"That doesn't change the fact that I know I did it," Kohaku sighed. "I woke up in the forest, and my head pounded with so many images. It was hard to tell what was real and what wasn't. And then I found your group, and I remembered them."
He looked down at his knees again, ashamed.
"I remember injuring ane-ue."
"It wasn't your fault, Kohaku," Miroku repeated. "You were controlled by the demon Naraku."
"I know of Naraku," Kohaku said quietly. "I see him in my dreams sometimes. Last night, I lay awake for a long time, and I saw him, in my mind."
"Does he tell you to do things for him?" the man asked bluntly.
"No," Kohaku replied, shaking his head. "I think - I know that they are memories."
Miroku turned to look at the younger boy, who still stared straight ahead.
"What memories do you have?"
"Different ones...in flashes. They don't make sense. Not even when I try to piece them together. I see spider demons...Ane-ue being hurt. I feel a pain in my back, and this feeling...telling me to forget," he said in a soft, slightly shaking voice.
"Then, I see her. I know she is my sister because I remember so clearly. I hurt her, I made her give up many days of happiness, just to look for me."
He held Kirara between his hands, smoothing her fur distractedly.
"I have to tell her I'm sorry for everything, and that I love her and hope she'll forgive me. She has a very forgiving heart."
He leaned back against the base of the tree, looking up to the sky.
"I just know that when I find ane-ue, I will understand things better."
An ill feeling washed over Miroku. Here he was, with Sango's younger brother, who had just displayed his devotion to finding his sister, knowing that he would have to tell him that she was gone.
"Kohaku," he began, trying to keep his tone neutral. "There's something you should know-"
"Who are you to ane-ue?" Kohaku asked suddenly. "You said you travel together. So you were friends?"
"I - Sango was-" His throat was suddenly dry. "She's-"
"Do you love her?"
He was silent.
"I had a feeling there was something more... My sister never talked that much about falling in love, but she told me once that she wished she would someday, because it must be wonderful. I am quite...perceptive. I like to read people's emotions."
Miroku looked up, turning to Kohaku.
"Where did that come from? Do you...remember?"
The boy looked confused himself.
"I don't know...it just...came to me right now. It's like I've been moving so fast, everything's a blur, and now I'm beginning to slow down, things are coming to focus."
His memory is returning to him.
A breeze ruffled the grass while the two sat in silence.
Miroku sighed heavily. "Kohaku, Sango is gone."
"Gone..." Kohaku repeated, cocking his head. "Gone."
He stared piercingly into Miroku's eyes. "I don't understand. What are you saying? Where is she?"
"She's not with us anymore."
"Then we have to find her!" the boy demanded, startling Kirara out of his lap.
"Kohaku," Miroku said quietly. "Don't make this harder than it already is to say. She gave up her life for you - "
The young boy's body stiffened and he clutched a hand to his head in disbelief.
"Yes, I know I made her give up a lot, and I can never forgive myself, but now I'm free and we can go back to the village -"
"Kohaku," Miroku said again, heat rising in his back. "The taijiya village was destroyed by demons the night you were possessed at the castle."
"No," Sango's brother whispered, his bottom lip shaking. "That's not true. Ane-ue and I will go home. I'm sorry for hurting her. I'm truly sorry! "
Kohaku felt a large hand gripping his wrist, not tightly enough to hurt, but firm nonetheless.
"You're a strong young person, Kohaku. Just like your sister was. She wouldn't want to see you like this."
"Please don't talk about her as if she's in the past," Kohaku said in a defiant, though pleading, voice. "Tell me where she is so we can go home."
Miroku took a deep breath. "This is hurting me too, Kohaku, because just like you, I loved Sango very much and I still do. It is a shock now, but I ask that you take some time to let yourself believe that this is the truth. She is gone from this world."
"No," the boy whispered. "No, no," he repeated over and over again. His right leg was twitching.
Standing abruptly, he tried to run from the clearing, but Miroku, anticipating his movements, stood and pinned his arms around the boy, who struggled, but eventually gave in as the older man showed no signs of releasing him.
"She's not dead. She's not," Kohaku breathed, gasping. "Please come back... Ane-ue...I was never as strong as you were!"
Still held down by Miroku, he broke down in sobs.
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"How's Kohaku-kun doing?" Kagome asked anxiously as she ladled freshly boiled tea into cups. There was an extra one, but no one said anything about it, and neither did she.
"Sleeping," Miroku answered shortly, watching the steam from the hot liquid rise and dissipate into the air.
"We're lucky we were able to get him here in one piece," she continued in a detached manner. "The way he was insisting we look for Sango-chan..."
She stopped, perhaps to swallow, or perhaps because she didn't want to shed any more tears.
The monk chose not to respond, same with the hanyou sitting moodily across from him. Even the child kitsune was affected by the tense atmosphere. Despite his age, he had been able to grasp Sango's death almost as quick as Inuyasha, but not quite. After all, he had witnessed the death of his father some time before the journey had began.
They had arrived at Kaede's village late in the afternoon, as Kagome had decided it would be best for Kohaku to rest. The motion was seconded by Miroku and fought against by Inuyasha, who wanted to leave him in another village for a few days.
Following that argument, it had been pretty much silent between the group, the way it was now. Miroku sipped the last of his tea and set down the cup before standing and walking away, Kagome watching after him. He couldn't be around people now.
Reaching the fence that lined the perimeter of the village, he leaned onto it, staring out into the vast green fields.
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He was already awake. He'd been awake for a good hour, staring up at the dark thatched ceiling and wondering if he should get up and go outside. It was still daylight from what he could see through the door.
Footsteps were approaching, soft ones, careful ones, as if the person was carrying something delicate.
"Kohaku-kun?" a girl's comforting voice called as the door opened.
"Ane-ue?" he said hopefully, sitting up. "I knew you were -"
"Kohaku-kun," she said again, but in more of a sigh, as she revealed herself to be the miko from the future.
"Sorry," he muttered, trying not to let her see his face fall.
"I brought you some tea," she offered, plastering a cheerful smile on her face. "How are you feeling?"
He took the warm cup from her hands and stared into the depths of the cup, seeing his reflection on the surface of the liquid.
"Tea," he said softly, something stirring in his eyes.
"Two winters ago my sister returned to the village after an extermination, and she had fallen ill due to the cold weather."
Kagome sat down next to him, bending her knees to her chest.
"The women were taking good care of her of course, but I knew that when Ane-ue was sick, she liked to drink hot mint tea. I set about finding fresh herbs to boil for her, but it was the dead of winter and the ground was frozen. I left the village one morning, and I met a travelling herb vendor. I used the money that Ane-ue shared with me from the last extermination and bought the mint, and I made her the tea. Father was upset with me for leaving the village, but he was happy afterwards when she began to feel better."
"Kohaku-kun," she said softly. He made no indication that he heard her, and instead brought the rim of the cup to his lips and sipped slowly.
"That was the most I could ever do for her."
"That's not true," Kagome countered, putting a hand on his shoulder. "She loved you very much, and you love her too. That's the greatest thing in the world."
"That Houshi-sama...he said that she gave up her life for me," Kohaku said, careful to control his voice.
Kagome blinked. "What else did he tell you?"
"That our village is destroyed."
Her heart ached for the young boy. She forgot he hadn't known. There was so much he didn't know.
She spoke, her voice hinting at hesitance. "He has to talk to you more, Kohaku-kun. I'm afraid that I cannot explain things to you further. Miroku-sama...and Sango-chan, they were - "
"They were in love, he told me," he finished emotionlessly. "It's my fault then," he whispered, looking up at Kagome. "I ruined his life too, because he wanted to be with my sister."
She tried to intervene. "No, Kohaku-kun, that's not how it is at all - "
He shook his head, in shame and realization. "It's all my fault," he breathed. "You - all of you should hate me." He set the finished cup of tea onto the floor beside him, standing up.
"Thank you for your kindness," he said, not looking at her.
"Kohaku-kun, wait!" Kagome insisted, trying to grab onto his hand, but he held it out of reach. "Kohaku-kun!"
He threw open the door and standing there was the Houshi, Kirara in his arms. There was an exchange of stares, Kohaku's scared and upset one and Miroku's tired but still penetrating, gaze. He hadn't noticed how worn the monk looked.
"I'm sorry," Kohaku said quietly, bowing, before turning around and running into the fields.
"Watch over him," Miroku said to Kirara, who jumped out of his arms and followed Kohaku's path, transforming in the process.
The door to the hut opened again and Kagome, with a crestfallen expression on her face, emerged. He put a hand on her shoulder.
"What happened?"
"He thinks that it's all his fault, that she's dead," Kagome said, hugging herself. Her shoulders shook slightly. "Did you...did you tell him the circumstances?"
He shook his head. "I have to, sooner or later. When his anger subsides."
"I should...I think I'm going to go home for tonight," she said shakily. "Since we're here..."
"I completely understand, Kagome-sama. We all need to get some rest."
"I will. Thanks, Miroku-sama." She smiled weakly. "I'll just - I'll just go tell Inuyasha then."
He watched her figure disappear behind unruly foliage and shadows as she walked away from him.
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As the curtain of night began to close over the land, Miroku was relieved when the glow of Sango's firecat was seen in the distance, carrying Kohaku on her back.
Silently, the boy swung one leg over Kirara's back and stepped on to the dirt, approaching Miroku, but almost afraid to look him in the eye.
"Are you ready to talk more, Kohaku?"
His head was bowed to him, but he straightened and nodded slowly.
Miroku could see his small, quivering hands were closing into fists and stretching into open palms. Even in the dim light, he noticed the smudges of dirt and raw, red skin on his knuckles. His aggression and anger had found a way to manifest, in violence.
The only sound they heard was Kirara, as she licked at the nicks and cuts on his hands.
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The inside of the hut was illuminated by four or five candles lining the walls. The two inside sat across from one another. Their eyes didn't meet, instead, Kohaku's avoided the older man's.
"Do you have anything you want to ask me first?" Miroku began, intending to tell him first what he wanted to know.
The boy across from took a deep breath. "How did...how did Ane-ue...die?"
Miroku mirrored his actions, exhaling deeply as well.
"My family line was cursed by Naraku. I had a hole in my right hand that led to a black hole, a void, that could suck anything into it. A hole that would have inevitably killed me. Around my wrist, was a rosary that sealed this hole...it is gone now, I don't need it."
Kohaku stared hard at his hand, and, if possible, his stare intensified at the white ribbon around his wrist.
"Instead, I replaced it with this white ribbon, pure and clean, that bound your sister's hair."
"Where did it go? The hole?" he asked uncertainly.
"It's gone, due to the efforts of your sister."
His eyes asked the question his mouth could not.
"Naraku's curse on my only be broken by either killing him, or by consuming the woman I loved and loved me in return."
The corners of Kohaku's lips curved down in a frown. "Ane-ue..."
"She was absorbed by the hole in my hand. By doing this...she not only saved my life, but yours as well."
"Why is that?" Kohaku said quietly, apprehensive.
"You might remember, you might not. But the last time you saw your sister, Naraku told her - he told her that if she gave her life to close this hole...that you would be set free. She loved you immensely, Kohaku."
"You too," he said under his breath.
"Yes, me as well," Miroku drove on. "And something I know for certain, is that you must live, for her."
"How do you know that?" Kohaku asked in a soft voice. "My life is tied to this Shikon shard...this is barely a life, let alone one with meaning."
"You can choose whether or not to believe me...but what Sango wanted more than anything was to give you the life you deserved, a happy one."
"Can I even have a happy life anymore, Houshi-sama? My family and friends are dead, because of me, and my home, my village, destroyed. My sister, who has always believed in me, is now gone as well, in an effort to spare my cursed life. A life that is not even real."
"Kohaku...You know...You could see it that I loved Sango. It was truly her final wish in death, as it was in life, that you be freed from Naraku's hold...that you be free to live again."
"Could you - could you have spared her?"
Miroku's right hand noticeably began to shake, and in response he gripped his knee tightly.
"No. It was her decision. To save the both of us."
Shadows flickered across Kohaku's face, and he spoke, but his voice was barely audible. Miroku found himself leaning forward to catch his brittle words.
"Ane-ue...made a foolish decision. She did not think."
"You don't mean that."
"It was. Did you not try to stop her?"
"I did. I was on the brink of death and I'd rather be dead right now than have to go through this without her. Kohaku, you have to understand what Sango had been through prior...it was weight resting on her shoulders, a weight that she dealt with alone. I had no choice."
He paused to regard the boy, but he still looked down, refusing to meet his eyes.
"Even now, I still wonder what more I could have done. So don't say - don't ever say - that your sister's decision was a foolish one."
"Is there any way...that she could be brought back?"
Miroku steeled himself. "No. Her body, as it was consumed by the Kazaana, is unlikely to ever be found. We can only hope she is at peace in the next world."
"If you loved her, Houshi-sama...Would you have done the same?"
His gaze dropped to the ground, and back up to Kohaku's face. "I was fully prepared and ready, Kohaku, to do just that."
The confusion and hurt was so clear in her brother's eyes.
Why did you have to leave, Sango?
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The fields were green. An unending field of bright green sprouts, drowned in water in order to properly yield a bountiful harvest. In the midpoint of the day, the brightness of the rice stalks wasn't as visible as they rose from the ground that afternoon before dusk had fallen, but he had seen them then, and remembered them being as so.
Just as he remembered Sango as a determined, hardened warrior, yet as shy and feminine as a lady of royalty.
He could remember the way Sango spoke of her brother. On those nights when she was troubled by seeing him in his inhuman state, she'd almost be trying to convince herself as well as Miroku that her brother really wasn't the monster he was forced to be.
"Kohaku is a very kind hearted boy...He never wanted to fight, he's usually very shy..."
His admiration in her spirit stemmed from the fact that Sango never lost faith in her brother. Sure, there was the times that her hope would dwindle, but it was always there. She saw him for who he was, and not what Naraku had forced him to become.
He could remember her voice, choked by tears and punctuated with gasps. There was blood everywhere around them.
"Kohaku, he'd never...he'd never do something like this."
Miroku hadn't had much prior interaction with Kohaku, during those times he was possessed. Holding these rare moments at face value, one would think Kohaku to be a boy to pity, that he had gone down the point of no return and it couldn't be helped. What a tragic end for such a promising young boy.
But he knew, he had experienced firsthand the pain Sango had to go through, because in the time their relationship had grown, her pain became his as well, and they bore it together.
It was because of that, that he felt as if he too, had watched Kohaku grow into a quiet and reserved young boy, who never wanted to fight, and always wanted to live. Through her struggle and determination, he could feel her pain and regret, that Kohaku's future could have been rectified by a single choice, may it be choosing that night to take Kohaku on his first extermination, or leaving him in the village, where he may also have died. Taking all that into consideration, what would have been the better ending for him?
The way that Sango was, she had always felt a lingering guilt inside for what had happened to the both of them and the village, and it could never be extinguished, no matter how hard anyone tried, even himself, to convince her otherwise. Perhaps it was that guilt that drove and pushed her in times someone else would give up. She had searched for a way for Kohaku to be free until it killed her.
She held on to the belief that they could be reunited, and overcome the tragedy together, but it just wasn't to be. As Kohaku himself had said, the shard was his source of life, and without it, he was as good as dead. But Sango overlooked that. She hoped that the love between them would be enough to suffice for his internal and mental wounds when he did remember.
That tie, that bond and relationship that the two siblings shared, was incredibly strong, just from what Miroku could see on Sango's part. Kohaku was important to Sango, and it was now his responsibility to take care of him as best he could. It didn't matter that they were barely strangers, no, Sango was their link, their connection, and he would do all he could in honour to her memory.
It sometimes pained him to look at the boy as well. Every time his eyes took in the sight of him, he could see Sango. Not in appearance, but in the way he held himself. Right now, as Miroku leaned again the fence, Kohaku was blaming himself for his sister's death.
He could still hear Kohaku's question. Would he do the same? Of course, there was no argument there. None at all. Until a few days ago, his life was a downward spiral towards death. There would surely be nothing more meaningful he could do than save the life of a girl that he held close to his heart. Too close, in fact. It was the very curse in his right hand was meant to take his life that had stolen hers.
Now he knew what the curse entailed. It was expected of him to die, because of the human weakness that was emotion. It was funny how a trait as mundane as being a pervert would eventually lead to getting someone killed.
All this time, he'd been left to wonder why. Why his grandfather, why his father, why him? The answer had been right in front of his face. They were all lecherous. He'd gotten away with thinking lechery was a passable personality trait, but he was forced to confront the fact it had gotten his family line where it was when he had started this journey. Dimishing.
Naraku. How different could things have been if he had never existed? For one, he'd have grown up with his father, maybe his mother. He wouldn't have spent a good part of his life worrying that he wouldn't live to see the daylight of tomorrow. He might have actually shown real happiness and cheer stemming from his heart instead of wearing them as a convenient mask.
In an ironic point, would he ever had met Inuyasha, the bumbling hanyou, or the futuristic miko, Kagome, and watch them slowly develop an unsteady relationship seasoned with the conflict that was Kikyou? More importantly, would he ever had met the demon exterminator Sango, and together, spend a good amount of time skirting around their feelings for one another?
It was twisted in a way, but Naraku was the reason their group had come together. To destroy him, and not have any more people suffer under his wrath. They wanted to fix what they could in their broken lives, and in the aftermath, pick up the pieces. He swore to himself that even though the chances he'd live to see that day were slim, he'd do everything in his power to make sure that Sango did.
However, the thing he should have always tried to protect her against was himself, but not for the rational reasons he had thought. He was a pervert, yes. He wouldn't even deny it. That he blamed on a bad upbringing. The drunkard monk always had the best of intentions, however the lecherous tendencies were within the bloodline...and he didn't do much to quash them. Instead, they cultivated. Despite that, he had to admit he had grown up to have a good heart, and was a polite young man, doing what he had to do to get by. He had to smile a little, inwardly. If anyone heard him speak those words, they'd be all scoffing and maybe laughing. Sango would.
When she did, he would say, "If I wasn't, would you have fallen for me any other way?"
She'd blush, of course, and maybe stutter or try to retort. But she knew he was right, because there were things she loved about him that weren't his perverted tendencies or trickery and things that were.
Then there was the curse. Yes, the Kazaana, naturally. His number one reason to avoid her, and her number one reason to avoid him. There was a strange affinity between them, and they deviated towards each other. Maybe it was because of all the time they spent together, maybe it was because deep down under their mask of emotion, they could feel each other's pain. Maybe it was simply unexplainable, as the enigma of love undoubtedly is.
The Kazaana was a barrier that prevented him from pursuing her, because obviously, it would do no good for her to lose another person that she came to care for. He didn't want her to have another cause to feel sorrow. How he had contradicted himself.
How could they fight it, even if they could both see it coming? Simply put, they refused to see. Or they did, but they were blind to the fact that by avoidance, the tension only grew between them, until it reached a breaking point that was the secret about his curse, a secret that he never knew of, until it was too late.
So was there really any other way around it? Sango, alone, was burdened with that knowledge. Surely it had plagued her in more ways than one. And he had a feeling that if he had died as was expected, she would only blame herself.
What really was the right decision?
If she kept to herself, and allowed him to die as it was the way it was supposed to be, could she ever live on knowing that it was the right thing to do?
She'd spend the rest of her days in regret, in self-blame and anger, spawned from that one choice that she alone, had made. True, it could be a force to drive her to fight harder, steeled and hardened by a life of loss. But even if their meagre group found a way to defeat Naraku, what would she do then? Her heart would not be at peace.
Now that she had made the other choice, the selfless one, what was the gain? His own life was now extended, she had given him a shred of hope that he'd live to see a grey hair breach his head. Still, that was only if Naraku could be defeated and didn't kill Miroku in the process..
Kohaku, he was now free, from what Miroku could assess. He was free, but that didn't stop the shard from being his only source of life. It didn't stop the fact that he would have to die when the Shikon no Tama was complete, may it be a swirling jewel of evil in Naraku's palm or a pure jewel of spiritual power in Kagome's. It didn't stop him from having to live with the knowledge that the very sister he wanted to be with was now dead.
In the wake of it all, did the ends really justify the means?
Her brother was now free from possession, Miroku from death by his curse, but at the price of Sango's life. The two young men were bound only by an obligation they had to this girl. They both loved her.
Sango's love had been at the same time the most exhilarating feeling in the world and yet the one to bring him a torrent of conflicting emotions.
That love was returned, but the intensity of that devotion proved so staggering that only in death, could it be expressed so. Harbouring feelings of that height and magnitude had scared him before. It had scared him because he always thought that he'd be the one to die. That he'd be the one to leave her alone.
But that was Sango, always a challenge, always a fight. Always a contradiction.
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Void: Run - August 25th 2004
Next chapter, I'm going to be sending out individual review responses via e-mail or IM, whatever is made available to me. Names will be listed here at the end as usual, and review responses only for anonymous reviewers that leave me no address/screen name. I can think of better comments, plus, respond to you faster! Thank you all as usual, your support means so much to me as a fanfiction author.
Vilja - I'm really extremely ecstatic that you liked last chapter. Your reviews are always so honest and you speak your mind, which is good, because it helps me to strive to improve what I'm lacking. Surprisingly, I thought I had burned myself out at this point, but when I got around to working on this story again, I had written over twenty pages before I had to stop this chapter.
Aamalie - Oh lovely beta. Wow. I really did update this a long time ago. You see, you reviewed the last chapter wanting to harass me. Now a month later, you see what you've gotten yourself into.
KeeraSango - Thank you for all the overly flattering comments! There are a ton of other authors who can write a great angst fic off the top of their heads, this is just an attempt by an almost-mediocre author.
pNay iN a b0x - Right, you don't seem like a crier. I can tell. You're a tough one. Buff, remember?
tessie-fanfic - Thank you! I'm glad you've stuck out here with me over the many months I take my sweet time writing this story. And another thank you for reviewing every time.
Rikou Suiyou - I thought really hot guys would make someone happy? And no, I don't deserve such praise and descriptive similes and metaphors from a queen authoress such as yourself.
SangoLancer200 - Fun? Heh, sometimes it can be. Like when people walk in and they're all...Don't know what's going on.
MapleRose - Twice? And the second time wasn't because of all the typos and sentences that don't make sense? Here's more as you asked (you might not remember asking) but writing this stuff really gives you emotional burnout. Thanks for reading!
Lady Sango 7 -You probably read a lot of books...Reminds me of when I used to read a lot...Now I don't find normal fiction as entertaining as I once did, and I usually read non-fiction, mostly how-to books and what not. As always, I enjoy reading every single one of your reviews.
animefreak808 - Well...It means alot to me when people say I write well...Because it makes me think I'm getting somewhere. Thank you!
Miroku - Darn...I think this was pretty close to a millennium. But it's not completely my fault! Some things came up. But thank you for sticking to the story and thank you for the hug.
LovingYou247 - Oh dear, now I'm not sure what to do about the ending since everyone's expecting different things! What I'm planning to do is provide two stopping points, and if people don't like the real ending, they can pretend it never happened. Thank you for all your encouragement and comments!
kitana-nata - It's still going. Didn't want to burn out the readers (or myself).
Kitten Kisses - Well, thanks for reviewing if you haven't been...We're all guilty of doing the lousy reviewer thing now and then. I don't blame you. Thank you again!
Shadow's Assassin - A high compliment? Thank you! I'm sorry this had to take so long, but hopefully you enjoy it.
Katrina5 - Ah, my favourite hard working citizen. You got an early read on this one...So maybe you can find it in your heart to review? But anyway, just thanks for being there for me to bounce theories off of and what not. Your input really helps.
Claddagh Ring - Thank you for the praise, and I hope you'll be reading a bit more Inuyasha fanfiction now and then. Thank you!
blockyourownshot - Thank you! That's an extremely flattering compliment to me...Or it could just be that it's practically Ron's catch phrase in Harry Potter.
Sylver-Ajah - We all have slumps in and out of fiction, hopefully you'll gain your enthusiasm back. If you've even come back to check on this piece, I guess. I keep making it a point to end this story, but I keep overshooting. If I had ended it on this chapter, it would have been over 30 pages long. I couldn't do that because I wanted to keep the lengths consistent, though this one is a big longer than the others. Hopefully you haven't given up on me yet. Thank you for your comments, they always help to further my abilities.
Mibu - Thank you for the review! And yes, let's all laugh at Naraku. He deserves it.
Iggy04 - Thank you! I've never been one to characterize perfectly, and while there are some flaws, I think I'm learning how to write them a little bit better with time and practise.
Kikanemi - Everyone needs something happy after reading this...Even I do. I need something sad before writing it. My emotions are just going go out of whack one day. Better late than never I suppose! I'm glad you came around and reviewed too. Thank you!
snowfall - Has to end sometime, right? It's just that the ending chapter to this was getting a bit too lengthy, so I had to stop it. Will end soon though. Thank you as always.
suicidalslayer - I have no idea how I managed to do it either. Um, yes they did, but I tried to keep it subtle so that I wouldn't get the axe. But in the reader's mind which is you, they could have or they couldn't have. You decide. Rude comments? Me? Never. Thank you for reviewing.