Protect Me From What I Want

"There is something you fear" Kagome momentarily paused at Kagura's firmly spoken words. Her hesitation was brief, but telling and Kagome desperately hoped that her companion was stupid.

"There is something out there" Kagome gestured with her hand, as if the sudden jerky movement could distract the thoughts of the wind sorceress, "something that wants to destroy everything" she finished, hoping that this rather obvious truth would suffice as an explanation for her apparent dread.

But despite all her hopes, Kagura was in fact, not stupid.

"No" Kagura said, clearly seeing through her ruse, "perhaps fear was not quite the right word" she paused, pursing her lips, clearly thinking of the word to best fit the situation.

"Anxious" she finally said after a lengthy silence, "yes, anxious, you've been rather anxious lately, I wish to know why" Kagura finished, turning to look expectantly at the miko who had stopped walking at her softly spoken demand.

Kagome sighed. Really, was she so easy to read? Was there a sign on her forehead reading: The Closer I Get To Where I Am Going I Want To Run Away…Far Away? If so she really wanted to know because she would happily replace it with something else, something decidedly more mysterious like: I Am My Destiny or Through Time I Come anything that would make her seem like the solemn girl bound by fate she was perpetuated to be rather than the silly, confused, and often times embarrassingly, clumsy girl she really was.

For weeks now they had been traveling, tiredly, agonizingly searching for any rumor, any hint, any clue, no matter how trivial, that would lead to them to the cause of all the madness. But their searching had been fruitless, and exhausting.

So in a brilliant stroke of genius, or perhaps, more aptly, stupidity, Kagome had decided that going at this whole seek-out-the-bad-guy routine would be better accomplished with allies, as they had done once before. Besides, she had rather suddenly realized the idiocy of going at it with only another female, albeit a rather powerful one, at her side. What would they do if they suddenly discovered what they were looking for? How could they, just the two of them, defeat an enemy who destroyed entire villages in single nights?

They couldn't. They would only die. And that would be useless, tragic.

And naturally, Kagura, being the powerful and intelligent youkai that she was had decided to go straight for the strongest ally in their arsenal. And that was why Kagome suddenly found herself heading West, into a land she had not stepped foot in for so long.

Too long. And in those lands, in those lands was a man whose eyes she still dreamed of at night, a man whose voice had become a whisper in her head.

"Don't think I haven't noticed that your sudden preoccupation surfaced almost the moment we decided to seek him out" Kagura said, breaking Kagome out of her silent reverie.

"You're anxious about seeing him" were Kagura's next words.

Kagome turned at her companion's observation and looking into those brilliantly red eyes she realized she could not lie to her, there really was no point, Kagura would find out the truth eventually.

"Yes" was Kagome's succinct response.

"Why? He is an ally, he proved so in the previous battle, he is not a youkai to fear" Kagura said, seemingly attempting to assuage the miko's fears.

Kagome very nearly laughed at the conclusion she had so wrongly come to. Was it really so impossible to believe that there was something more between her and…him than an alliance? At that Kagome did smile because it truly was impossible to believe, even she herself had a hard time believing it over the years.

"I…" Kagome began hesitantly, not quite sure how she was going to explain the complexity that was their relationship, "we were more than allies." Simple, true, yet vague.

"Really?" Kagura questioned, one eyebrow raised in curiosity, her voice hitched in innuendo.

"Not that much more" Kagome replied quickly, blushing furiously at any inference that they had been that involved.

Kagura laughed, the sound throwing Kagome off balance, as it always did. It was disconcerting to hear the woman laugh in amusement instead of the maniacal glee of her former self. But then Kagome had already decided that Kagura had very probably never enjoyed hurting her and her friends. Kagome had deduced that perhaps Kagura had been laughing not at their helplessness, but instead at her own cruel fate.

And that she could understand, because right now, Kagome felt the ridiculous urge to laugh uncontrollably, as if breaking into to sudden bougt of giggles would make facing him again easier, safer.

"We were friends" Kagome said quietly, remembering his face, in the moonlight and the touch of his hand as she cried.

"You were more" Kagura said matter-of-factly.

So much more.

"And all those years ago" Kagura continued on when Kagome did not respond, "all those years ago you told him goodbye, and it was painful."

God, the way she said it she made sound so clinical, so simple, when it was anything but simple.

"I don't want to leave" Kagome whispered, knowing he heard her helpless plea and not caring that it made her sound childish. She didn't want to leave, and that was the truth.

"You do not belong here" he said so calmly, resolutely, as if he were stating a foregone conclusion.

Which he was, she did not belong here, but his words hurt nonetheless. Of all the things he could have said, of all the things…he chose those words, so impersonal.

So true.

"No I don't" she finally conceded on a broken whimper. He may be right, but that did not meant she had to like it, and she didn't, she detested the fact that beyond the well was a family desperately praying for her safe return, obligations, responsibilities she could not run from.

And she was a woman of honor, a quality which he acknowledged, respected. And it was because of that respect that she turned away from him. Saying goodbye was impossible, but saying it to his face was painful.

She put her hand on the edge of the well, knowing this was the last time her feet would touch the earth of the past, knowing that she would never see those golden eyes again except in her dreams.

And as she jumped into that murky abyss, into an uncertain future, she desperately prayed that he would do her just one small favor.

She desperately wished that he would just remember her.

"No" Kagome said as she chased away memories she had never forgotten, "I never told him goodbye."

"No?"

"I told him to remember"

"And?" Kagura questioned, clearly confused, waiting perhaps for elaboration on why telling him to "remember" would cause Kagome so much grief now when they were about to see him once more.

"What if…" Kagome whispered, suddenly afraid to voice the fear she had been harboring for so long, "what if he doesn't remember?"

And there it was, her fear, the question that had been plaguing her thoughts since the moment they had started in this direction. What if he looked into her eyes and saw nothing? She was human, she was beneath him, she was nothing, did he care that she had left? Would he care that she was back?

Kagome grabbed Kagura's hands, suddenly needing the contact, the comfort. She squeezed the demoness' hands frantically because she wasn't afraid.

She was terrified.

"What if Sesshoumaru doesn't remember me?"

"Why are we going to your castle again?" Inu Yasha asked impatiently for the umpteenth time that day.

Sesshoumaru mentally sighed. The hanyou was tiring, and supremely irritating. "I will not answer that question again"

"Feh. I don't see why we have to go to your castle to gather the other Lords. Why don't we just go to them? It would be faster than making the trek first to your castle and then waiting for the others to arrive." Inu Yasha said as they walked through the dense foliage that was the boundary of the Western Lands.

Sesshoumaru merely looked at him, having already pointed out the flaws in such a rash plan earlier.

"Yeah yeah" Inu Yasha muttered, "the Lords come to you, not you to them, you really are arrogant" Inu Yasha observed.

"I've earned it" Sesshoumaru replied, clearly bored with the entire conversation.

"And I haven't?" Inu Yasha yelled defensively.

"No"

"Keh"

And then there was silence. Sesshoumaru was infinitely glad the hanyou had finally decided to shut up and cease with his inane and idiotic questions. He was rapidly regretting his decision to seek Inu Yasha out as an ally. The whelp was impudent and highly irritating.

But Sesshoumaru was smart, he could not defeat such a powerful, and as yet unknown foe on his own. Practicality demanded the hanyou's participation, logic called for the strength of the other youkai Lords as well.

Numbers would be the key to victory in the impending war because while their opponent was most surly immensely powerful, he was still only one.

And one could be defeated by many. So he had summoned them all, friend or foe they would reply to his summons because they had a vested interest in his proposition, staying alive.

There was one he had neglected to summon, one he had conveniently overlooked in his brilliant plan of attack. But that he would not dwell on, that he would deal with when the time came.

"Why have you not talked to her?" came Inu Yasha's sudden question. Sesshoumaru was struck by the hanyou's apparent insight, the question coming at the exact moment that he was thinking of the woman in question.

"I do not know of whom you speak" Sesshoumaru said flatly, hoping to derail the direction the conversation was taking. But his half brother was stubborn.

"You should talk to her you know" Inu Yasha said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"She was your traveling companion, Inu Yasha, you talk to her" Sesshoumaru replied, emphasizing the hanyou's name, a subtle warning for the younger sibling to cease talking.

But Inu Yasha was dense and he didn't quite catch the dark warning in Sesshoumaru's voice, because he forged on, heedless of the raising ire of his elder brother.

"She doesn't want to talk to me, she wants to talk to you" Inu Yasha said on a sigh, resigned to the fact that the miko in question who had once pledged her everlasting loyalty to him, had moved on.

And Inu Yasha suddenly thought back to Kikyou, a flesh and blood woman whom he had left with Kaede and he wondered, not for the first time, if it had all been worth it and he wondered idly, if given a second chance, he would follow the same path, choose the same woman.

"She is a distraction" Sesshoumaru finally said, breaking Inu Yasha's musings. And Inu Yasha suddenly felt a little bit sad for the man his brother had become.

A distraction? It was sad when the one person you could never forget could only be described as a distraction. And yes Inu Yasha could see it, despite the immaturity of his actions, his childlike ignorance he still knew. It was there, in the undeniable tension, the palpable chemistry that ignited when they were around each other. She had never looked at him like that, and Sesshoumaru, well Sesshoumaru had never looked at someone and seen something other than their strengths and weaknesses.

"Not everything has to be so black and white" Inu Yasha pointed out, knowing that Sesshoumaru was instinctively avoiding her simply because he could not understand her, could not predict her, and to a man like him, a man of control, of precision, that was perhaps more dangerous than him brandishing a transformed Tetsusgia with intent to kill.

"It is the only way to survive, the only way to defeat your enemy" Calm, he was always so calm, always so sure he was right.

"What about me brother?" Inu Yasha asked.

"What about you?"

"I am an emotional fighter, as you have pointed out on numerous occasions, you call it weakness, yet here I am, alive, when my enemies are not, what do you say to that?"

Sesshoumaru stopped walking at his half brother's question and he turned to face him, golden eyes staring into golden eyes. Fire and ice, eyes of the same molten hue, yet so different.

Fir and ice.

"War, Inu Yasha" Sesshoumaru started, as if that one word was the most obvious explanation in the world, "war is cold, war is impersonal, emotion will get you killed. You've been fighting people hanyou, I've been fighting wars."

And suddenly Inu Yasha realized that he didn't really know his older brother, suddenly he realized that his mark of nobility came with a price. Sesshoumaru was the leader of the Western Lands, he lived in a castle, he was surrounded by wealth, basked in power, and everyday there was someone waiting for you to show weakness, waiting for you to falter.

And then Inu Yasha wondered what it would be like to look into the eyes of an enemy you did not know and kill them, not because they had wronged you in someway, but simply because you had to.

Hell. It had to be hell.

It was huge. Magnificent in its splendor, in its sheer size. But what else had she expected from the Lord of the Western Lands? A hut in the middle of nowhere? Not for a man like him.

It was a castle, an impenetrable fort oddly surrounded by an array of colorful flowers. It gave the structure a sense of peace, of tranquility, a stark contrast to the battle ready warriors that stood guard of the perimeters. The flowers seemed relatively new, the ground beneath them fresh, as if they had just been planted, making Kagome wonder what would ever possess a man like Sesshoumaru to plant such frivolous things.

Surely it was not for their aesthetic quality.

"He planted flowers" Kagome said aloud. Kagura only looked at her as if she were insane noticing such a thing at time like this. Perhaps she was insane, it would certainly make sense, traveling from the future to the past was sure to make a girl go a little nutty.

"We should make our presence known" Kagura stated, trying to get Kagome to move forward. She was of course right, but Kagome just couldn't seem to make herself move. Ripe with anticipation and fear, her feet seemed to have become glued to the ground she stood on, that is until one heavily armed guard started walking their way.

It was at that point that Kagome decided it was prudent that she move and explain why a human and a youkai were not only traveling together, but what they were doing at the Lord's house.

The guard was tall and imposing in his bulky armor encrusted with the insignia of the Western Land, a crescent moon, just like the one that graced Sesshoumaru's forehead. She had traced it one, outlined that fragile shape with her fingertips. This information however would not help her here.

The guard had his hand on the hilt of his sword, probably in preparation to decapitate her, it would not surprise her if Sesshoumaru, given his widely know disgust for all things human, had a issued a standing order to execute any that stepped foot on his sacred territory.

So Kagome was surprised when the guard merely stopped before her. "Who are you?" was his gruff demand.

Kagome looked frantically at Kagura, what was she supposed to say to that? That she was his friend? Like this guard, who was currently looking at her with thinly veiled contempt, would actually believe that.

"We are allies of the Lord and we wish to speak to him, sir" Kagome said courteously before bowing slightly before the soldier hoping to impress him with her respect. But obviously he was a man not easily impressed.

"Ridiculous" he said with a sneer, "the Lord would never ally himself with a lowly human and a youkai whore" he spat, casting a dirty look at the wind sorceress beside her.

Kagome mentally groaned, and put a restraining hand on Kagura's arm as she prepared to whip out her fan. Now was not the time for a massacre. She could understand the woman's anger at being called such derogatory word, however, they would have a harder time pleading their case to Sesshoumaru if they killed his soldiers, he would not be pleased with that.

Kagome took a step forward, putting herself between Kagura and the guard, hopefully to prevent and bloodshed, and was fully prepared to argue her case, or at least cause enough commotion to make Sesshoumaru come out and see what was going on. But before she could get a word out the guard before her straightened, squared his shoulders, and raised his hand to his brow in a salute.

She turned around automatically, half of her excitedly seeking the person she knew was behind her, the other half desperately wanting to run away, and never look back.

And then he was there, the same as he had always been, perfect. In her shocked haze she fleetingly noticed Inu Yasha trailed behind Sesshoumaru and that neither one of them were brandishing their swords and fighting to the death. But her mind sped right by that significant observation and settled solely on the omnipotent figure of Sesshoumaru.

All the years melted away as the light of recognition, and surprise, shined in his eyes, sparking them to that warm amber color she had once cherished. But that light what was brief, suddenly and ruthlessly chased away and replaced by the icy indifference he used to intimidate, to scare.

For a second there was hope, hope that all those years ago his touch had not been a dream, hope.

Hope was such a useless thing. Because even as her lips were turning up in a smile, even as the rush of seeing him again flowed through her, he was crushing her, forgetting her with words from the past.

"You don't belong here"