In Everlasting Peace - CHAPTER THREE
Harry looked up as a flushed and out of breath Ron stepped through the portrait hole and sat down miserably on the couch in front of the fire beside Harry.
"What's up?"
But Ron just shook his head. Harry shrugged and laid his head back down on the arm of the couch. He closed his eyes and fell back to sleep listening to Ron's uneven and ragged breathing. Making sure that Harry was sound asleep and no one else in the common room was watching or coming his way, Ron slowly opened his journal. He flipped to the last page to see if there was any sign that Draco had read anything...a wrinkled page...a smudge... but to his surprise, he found a message scrawled in a sharp handwriting. It was signed Draco Malfoy. Ron held his breath as he read what Draco had written anxiously. When he was finished, he slammed the book shut, sweating slightly. This wasn't real. It couldn't be, he told himself for the twentieth time. Ron was shaking down to his fingertips and he felt dizzy. This was the happiest he had ever felt, yet he was tense. Should he say something to Draco? What would he say? What would he do? Was it just some sick joke? Ron's heart sunk into his stomach. What if it was a joke?
Back in the Slytherin common room, Draco was having the same thoughts and feelings. He was sitting in his favorite chair again. Pansy walked up and perched herself on his lap.
"Draco..." Pansy whispered in a husky voice as she moved her hand to his upper thigh.
"Get off me, Pansy."
"You're so sexy when you're angry. Are you an angry boy?" she purred.
"Only when you're around."
"Ooh, not very nice...but I'm sure I can fix that," she said, looking deep into his eyes.
"GET OFF. I am not your boytoy. I am not interested in you, it's not going to happen."
"Oh comon, Draco, you know you haven't gotten laid in a long time."
"I said GET THE HELL OFF!" Draco yelled as he pushed Pansy to the floor and stood up. Pansy ran after him and in a last ditch effort and grabbed his upper arm. She pushed him up against the wall. Draco let out an angry shout.
"If I kiss you will you be satisfied?" Draco pleaded, annoyed.
"Not nearly. But I'll leave you alone, if that's what you mean."
"Fine," Draco said, grabbing Pansy by the shirt collar. He felt her lips touch his. She shoved her tongue as far down Draco's throat as she could get it. She wasn't very good. Draco pushed on her, signalling her to slow down. He explored her mouth with no real interest, then kissed her closed-mouthed and broke away. He wiped his mouth off and turned away."DRACO MALFOY IS THE BEST KISSER IN SLYTHERIN!" Pansy screamed to the rest of the common room as she threw her hands up. She would certainly know, Draco thought as he rolled his eyes and sat back down. Pansy had screwed most of the guys and a few of the girls in Slytherin. Soon Draco had girls of all ages fawning over him.
"Can I kiss you Draco?" A fifth year asked him.
"Screw that! Fancy a shag?" another girl asked him.
Draco snapped his book shut and walked slowly up the stairs to his dormitory with all the girls still trailing him. It was nearly ten o'clock, and Draco wondered where all the time had gone. He decided to take a walk to 'his' room. He knew he was only going to be sitting in there thinking the same restless thoughts that he was thinking now, but he couldn't very well go to sleep. Not after what had happened today. He crept out of the common room again, and lighted his wand once he got out. He did this almost every night. It was a challenge not getting caught, but it was part of the fun. By now Draco knew how to avoid Filch and the professors. He knew their posts and their hangouts. He took the long way to get most places, but it was a small price to pay concidering what would happen if he were to get caught. Draco turned onto a different hallway and turned again in the middle of it. He walked to the end of the new corridor and there it was. His room. He pushed the door open and locked it behind him. If he locked it with magic, anyone could easily get in, but using the ordinary locks, he was safe as long as he stayed quiet. Draco walked into the room, already feeling less tense. This time he did not cross to the window, but eyed the desk and went over to examine it. He had never really looked at it before. He opened the drawer on the right and there was a cracked mirror inside along with a few broken quills, old bits of parchment, and a few wax candles that Draco assumed were for the the brackets outside the door. Draco took out the candles, set them on the desk, and opened the left drawer, but the bottom peice of wood was missing, so he could see the floor. He shoved the frame of the drawer back into the desk and took the candles with him as he sat down on the floor. He dug around in his pocket for his lighter as he set the thick candles upright on the floor. Draco produced his lighter and lit one of the candles. Draco watched it for a while until the wax began to drip and pool at the base of the candle. Draco laid down on the cold floor on his side so the the candle appeared sideways. His hand was beside the candle, and Draco noticed that he had somehow cut his finger, and by the look of it, the cut was very deep; it was bleeding a lot. He was always doing that. Draco wasn't sure, but he had the feeling that his pain receptors were miswired. He had always been able to a take a lot of physical pain, more than most people should. He hadn't even realized that he had cut himself....his finger must have gotten caught on his knife when he had dug in his pocket for his lighter. Draco stared as his blood also pooled on the floor, mixing strangely with the wax. Thinking about Ron, Draco fell asleep that way. Amazingly, he stayed fairly warm all night, and only woke to blow out the candle. In the morning, he woke up late for breakfast. He opened his eyes and jerked awake as he heard the sounds of his classmates making their way down to the Great Hall. Draco sat up and groaned, he had slept on his back wrong and now there was a sharp pain at the small of it. "Damn," he muttered, combing his hair back with his fingers as he stood up and unlocked the door. He pushed it open slowly and made sure no one was coming, then raced into the Great Hall along with the other late risers. He stopped dead when he saw Ron sitting at the Gryffindor table, staring at him as he came in. He stared back a moment, then took his place at the Slytherin table. He sat down in his usual place, and Pansy scooted over a few seats to sit next to him. She actually had the gaul to start kissing his neck. He pushed her off and looked at her like she was a crazy person, which she was.
"Oh, don't pretend to be that way after that kiss last night."
"Don't flatter yourself. I did it to get you to lay off me. You know that. I guess it was a mistake."
"Pease, Draco, don't be so naive. If you didn't care about me, you wouldn't have done it."
"Oh, just shut the hell up."
Pansy smiled and finished her breakfast while Draco continuously rubbed the spit off his neck with his sleeve. Ron couldn't help feeling a bit jealous, even though he could see plainly that Draco would have no part in Pansy's exploitations. Harry turned to Ron as he said,
"Hermione told me about your conversation yesterday."
"Oh."
"She's pretty upset."
"I knew she would be, but now it's her turn to feel like I did when she knew damn well that I cared about her."
"True."
"Why is she sitting at the other end of the table?"
"She says she's too sad to be around you at the moment."
"Oh, please. Girls are so odd."
"Again, very true."
Soon it was time for their first class, so Harry and Ron gathered up their things and got up to go to Potions. Ron usually hated this class, but he looked at it now with excitement...Draco would be there. He was so eager to get to class, he would have run had Harry not been with him. Snape had set Draco as his partner at the start of term. Draco was just as excited, and ran to class with his cheeks flushed. He rounded a corner and- BAM- smashed right into Ron at the door.
"Oh shit, sorry," Draco said, turning red.
"Don't worry about it, Ron said awkwardly. Ron and Harry went in front of Draco into the classroom to wait for Snape.
"What was that all about?!" Harry nearly yelled, nonplussed.
"Dunno," Ron answered nervously,"maybe he thought I was someone else."
"Probably."
Ron let out a sigh of relief that Harry had accepted his excuse. Ron looked anxiously back at the door, waiting for Snape to come in and tell them to get with their partners. He stared at Pansy intensely as she whispered something to Draco. Snape threw the doors open loudly, making no excuse as to why he was late. Although only ten minutes had passed, it seemed like hours to Ron and Draco. Snape shut the windows all at once with a bang as he waved his wand, leaving the room in semi-darkness. The only light came from the low and glowing fires beneath their cauldrons and a few thin candles in the tarnished metal brackets on the wall. Ordinarily, Ron would have thought this a little creepy, but he was too preoccupied with telling himself not to be nervous. Snape instructed them to join their partners and brew a Paralyzing Draught. He tapped his long and unusually sharp wand on his blackboard and instructions appeared. Ron walked nervously to his and Draco's assigned desk near the back of the room. Draco was already sitting there, preparing the cauldron and ingredients. Ron set his bag down on the floor a few feet away from himself and a good ways away from the cauldron. He got out his ingredients also and set them on the table.
"Did you read it?" Draco asked Ron.
"Yeah."
"This is so damn weird."
"I know."
Ron began to precisely chop up their snake root, hands shaking. Draco noticed this and smiled at Ron.
"You don't have to be scared of me."
Ron let out a huge sigh and said,"Sorry, it's not you, I'm just nervous."
"I know. I am too."
"You're nervous? That's a first. You always act so sure of yourself. I mean, that's not a bad thing. Confidence is good."
"Well, I don't know. I'm nervous because I actually care about what kind of impression I leave on you. I could care less about the rest of the jerk- offs at this school."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I just wish I could be myself around them, but...you know, they'd murder me. But don't worry, you're already leaving a good impression."
"I hope so. And I know how that is, just wanting to be yourself. I try to be to the point that it doesn't hurt me or my father's immaculate reputation."
"Yeah. I'm sorry about that."
"Hey, Potty's looking over here, act like you're stabbing me or something."
Ron stifled a laugh and tried to pretend to look like he was having the worst time of his life. It was no use, he let out a snort, which only made Draco laugh. This seemed to satisfy Harry, who assumed he was making a joke about Ron, so he turned back around and worked on his potion with Crabbe.
"That was close," Draco said quietly.
"Gotta be careful. Harry'd kill me if he knew..."
"Ditch him."
Ron laughed,"No, he's my best mate."
"I know, just kidding. I wouldn't really ask you to do that."
Ron smiled as he dumped their snake root into the bubbling cauldron. The water turned a poisonous looking, reptilian green. Ron quickly stirred it six times counter-clockwise and then poured in some of the powdered Unicorn Hooves, which turned the mixture purple. He stirred it again, this time clockwise. Then they let it simmer for a bit while they ground up their beetle eyes. It was very disgusting work, and made a rather mushy-looking substance.
"This is so gross," Ron said, trying not to gag.
"I think I'm going to throw up."
"If you have to, throw up on me, this is worth like 15 percent of our grade."
"I wouldn't throw up on you. I'd throw up on Potter."
"And I would laugh, because it would be funny, even though he is my best mate."
"I'll seriously do it if it'll make you laugh."
"No, don't!" Ron pleaded, laughing.
Draco smiled and said,"I won't."
They turned to dump in their squashed beetle eyes and the potion thickened up. Draco went up to Snape's desk to get two vials to put samples of their potion in and returned, being careful not to drop them. Draco scooped the potion into the vials and corked them quickly.
"You label them, my handwriting stinks," Ron said, handing Draco his quill and ink.
Draco labelled them neatly in his sharp script. Ron and Draco were the first to get done with their potion, and they still had twenty minutes left in class, so they sat down at the table and started talking again.
"It's almost stupid how we aren't even awkward around each other. It's like I sort of always had that feeling that you weren't that bad. I don't know," Ron said quietly.
"It's a nice feeling."
"Yeah, it is."
Draco let out a huge grin. Ron was surprised, he had never seen Draco grin that way. Like nothing was or ever could be wrong, like he was the happiest, luckiest guy in the world to just simply be sitting here with Ron.
"Wanna skip the rest of your classes?I want to show you something," Draco whispered, his eyes glittering in the candlelight.
"Sure. Where are we going?"
"Wait and see," Draco smiled mysteriously,"I've never showed anyone else. You'll like it."
Snape ordered them to go back and it in their seats after they had set their vials on his desk with their names clearly labeled on them. Ron smiled sadly at Draco as he gathered his things and went to turn in his vial and sit by Harry. He could feel Draco's eyes on him as he sat down.
"Did Draco give you crap?" Harry asked angrily,"I saw him laughing at you."
"Yeah."
"Stupid bugger."
The seconds felt like minutes to Ron and Draco as they waited to be together again. When it was finally time to leave, Ron got up and headed for the door. He saw Draco wink at him as he walked out the door.
"I'm skipping, guys, see you later," Ron said to Harry and Hermione as he ran after Draco.
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In Everlasting Peace - CHAPTER FOUR
Ahead of Ron, Draco turned a corner and waited for Ron to catch up. Ron turned the corner, and to his surprise, Draco grabbed him by the arm a little too hard and said seriously,
"There's one thing I have to ask you before I take you to where we're going."
"Anything," Ron said, nonplussed.
"Is this some kind of joke?"
"What do you mean?"
In anxiety, Draco sqeezed harder on Ron's arm and said,"I mean you being attracted to me."
"No. But I was eventually going to ask you that same question."
"Promise?"
"Scout's honor."
"What?"
"Urr...nothing, that's just something my dad says a lot. Some kind of muggle thing. But I promise."
Draco let go of Ron and let out a sigh of relief as he responded,"Sorry about that...I just- I dunno. It's just so....strangely painfully abnormally odd. I mean, me and you. I always thought you hated me."
"I wanted to hate you, because Harry's my best friend and you hate him, but like I said, I just had this feeling that you weren't letting on about who you really were. My brothers and sister tell me I'm kind of intuitive like that."
"You must be if you could sense that...but, comon, let's get out of here before we get caught."
They walked quickly down the hall, looking over their shoulders often and trying to make as little noise as possible.
"This way," Draco whispered as he pulled Ron down a different hallway. He finally reached the door and opened it quietly.
"This....is my room."
Ron walked in and said,"Wow....this is really nice. Do you come here often?"
"All the time."
"Don't you get caught?"
"No, I've snuck around this school too many times. I know where all the teachers go. If I use the lock on the door, no one can get in, and as long as I'm quiet, they don't have a reason to."
"So I could meet you here, like, any time I wanted."
"Right."
"Cool."
Ron set his things down and went over to the window to sit down. He took his coat off and spread it over himself and Draco like a blanket as they sat down.
"So," Draco asked quietly,"what do you want to do today?"
Ron looked at he glass in the window interestedly and said,"Talk to you some more. Find out what is inside the intense psyche of Draco Malfoy."
"I don't know...you might not like what you find..."
"Why not?"
"Well, years of being mistreated by everyone you know can't be good for anyone. I'm a pretty angry person."
"I'm sure you have a lot to be angry about. I mean, you may have a lot of money, but from what I see your family doesn't care about you. It's the exact opposite at my house."
"Yeah...I guess that's one of the things that made me bitter towards you when you didn't deserve it. Well, until this year when I realized I needed to get over myself."
"I don't blame you. I always figured your family wasn't very loving and that was part of the reason why you were so angry all the time and hated everyone."
"You are intuitive. But tell me about your family."
"Well, you know my dad. He's totally out of it. Did you know he collects plugs?"
"No," laughed Draco.
"Well, he collects all kinds of muggle things really, but mostly plugs and eklectical stuff. And muggle books. Lots of them."
"Do you read them?"
"Ginny and I do. And Percy used to, of course."
"That's cool, 'cause whenever things got bad at home I'd always walk into town and go in the shops. One of my favorite places was the bookstore...but then I found the library and I practically lived there during the summer."
"Must be a pretty big library."
"Not as big as the one here, but yeah, it's pretty big."
"What's your favorite book?"
"Ugh, don't ask me that. I love them all. There are too many."
"Yeah I know," Ron said, smiling.
Draco smiled back, and Ron asked,"You ever read any Shakespeare?"
"Yeah, I really liked the Tempest. And Romeo and Juliet...that one is one of my favorites."
"Really? My dad used to read that to me all the time when I was little before I went to bed. Well, he read me other things, too, but I liked that one the best because I liked to learn all the big words. So it kind of stuck with me. I know it pretty well."
"It's no wonder you're so intelligent, what with your father reading you Romeo and Juliet when you were little."
"Well, I didn't understand it or anything, but...I guess so."
"Wish my dad would even tell me goodnight."
Ron smiled sympathetically.
"How can he have raised you all these years and not care about you enough to tell you goodnight?"
"Well, that's the thing, he didn't really raise me. I was only amusing when it came to showing me off at his stupid parties. The house elves mostly raised me along with a little supervision from my mother."
"That's horrible."
"It hasn't gotten any better. I think I was an accident. But let's talk about you some more."
"Don't say that. You need to talk to somebody about it."
Draco shrugged and stared out the window as he pulled his knees up to his chest. He draped his arms over them and sighed.
"What's wrong?" Ron asked him quietly.
"You're just too good to be true."
Ron laughed,"I don't know about that, but you're not so bad yourself."
Draco smiled and reached up to brush his hair out of his face. Ron noticed a tattoo on Draco's wrist. It was of two cords of loosely woven thorns encircling Draco's whole wrist.
"I never knew you had a tattoo," Ron stated, amused.
"Yeah. My dad about strangled me."
"Did it hurt?"
"Yeah. Whenever you get a tattoo close to a bone, it hurts worse than when you get it done somewhere that has more fat and tissue."
"I like it."
"Thanks."
"How'd you get it?"
"I told my dad that the form was for school and he signed it. He didn't even read it."
"Wow."
"Yeah. It was funny, though, because when I went in there to pick one out, they had all these Chinese symbols, and underneath was what it meant. I saw all these ones that were like,'love' or 'peace' or 'harmony'...but then I saw one that said urination and I about had a heart attack laughing."
Ron laughed,"That's....interesting."
"Yep."
Draco and Ron spent the rest of the day that way, just talking, until the bell rang to let out of their last class.
"Damn," Draco said, getting up,"Gotta go to dinner.''
Ron also got up as he said sadly,"Yeah."
They took their time gathering up their things and finally walking to the door again. Draco gave Ron a few minutes' head start so that they wouldn't look suspicious coming into the Great Hall at the same time. When Draco got arrived, Pansy was sitting at his table waiting for him. He sat down and Pansy leaned in to whisper something to him, but Draco cut her off.
"I don't want to talk to you, and I'm not in the mood for listening to you whine about your fantasies or lies about how much I love you. Leave me alone."
"Oh Draco, you're such a coil. You're a tease."
"Whatever. I said leave me alone. I don't care what you assume I am. I'm dating someone else."
"Oh sure."
"I'm being serious."
"Okay."
"Aren't you wondering where I was last night?"
At this, Pansy realized he was telling the truth and looked like he had just stabbed her as she shrieked,"Who? When?"
"That's none of your damn business."
Tears were spilling off Pansy's cheeks as she ran, crying, out of the Great Hall. Draco glared at his housemates as they stared at him for making Pansy cry.
"No, offense, mate, but you've lost it. Pansy's hott," a boy sitting across from Draco said.
"Sure."
The boy shrugged and went back to his meal. At the Gryffindor table, Hermione was talking to Ron.
"....Ron, you really shouldn't skip like that! You're just lucky we're only reviewing. Why did you skip anyway?"
"I...um, felt really sick. I ended up spilling my stomach all over a first year. It was pretty funny." Harry and Ron laughed at this as Hermione said,
"You should have gone to Madam Pomfrey."
"I just wanted to rest. Besides, Madam Pomfrey probably would have made me spend the night there just because I had a stomach ache."
Hermione rolled her eyes, pulled out her newest book, and started reading. Ron saw Draco scowling over at the Slytherin table and, making sure no one was looking, smiled at him. Draco couldn't help it, he had to smile back. Ron started on hiis food, which had just appeared on his plate, and Draco did the same. When dinner was through, Ron got up along with everyone else and returned to his dormitory along with the others.
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In Everlasting Peace - CHAPTER FIVE
They passed the rest of the week that way, seeing each other in Potions, but meeting after dinner in Draco's deserted room. They would have skipped class the rest of the week, but they knew it wasn't a possibility to do that and not get detention. On Friday evening, they were in Draco's room again, talking. Draco had lit up another cigarette and cracked open the window, which was letting in a chilly breeze. They were huddled under both their coats, which were buttoned togther. Ron shivered as he huddled closer to Draco.
"Sorry," Draco mumbled appoligetically.
"It's okay."
"You know, I'm seriously thinking about dating you."
Ron raised his eyebrows and said,"Oh really?"
"Mmhm."
"Because I was thinking about dating you."
"Oh really?"
"Mmhm. Want to?"
Ron laughed as he said,"Not exactly the romantic type are you?"
"Oh, I dunno...I could probably be romantic if I wanted to be. I've just never tried it before."
"I see."
"You never did give me an answer, you know."
"Yes."
Draco grinned and tossed his cigarette out the window. Draco pushed down hard on the window; it was hard to close being so old, but he finally got it back down. Then he snuggled back under the coat blanket with Ron and started to flirt with him by blowing on his neck. Ron laughed and playfully smacked Draco on the side of his face.
"Oh, you like it rough," Draco joked.
Ron scrunched up his nose in mock disgust and leaned against Draco again in defeat.
"Hey guess what?" Draco said excitedly.
"What?"
"I like you."
"No shit."
"That's not what you're supposed to say."
"What am I supposed to say?"
"You're supposed to say,"Draco I adore you, my heart's true love!!!!""
"Draco, I adore you, my heart's true love!!!!!"
"Thank you."
"Anytime."
Draco calmed down a bit and grabbed Ron's hand underneath the coat blanket. Ron squeezed Draco's hand and then traced Draco's palm with his fingers. He moved his fingers down towards the base of Draco's palm and rested them on his wrist. But Ron felt something rough. He brought Draco's hand out from underneath their coats and pushed up his sleeve as Draco squirmed. Along Draco's arm were several long, deep gashes and some horrible looking scars all up and down it. Ron looked up at Draco's scared face and whispered,
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"How would I have told you something like that? 'Oh, by the way, Ron, I just so happened to be so depressed a few nights ago I wanted to cut myself because I'm fucking crazy?'''
Ron remained silent, but he pushed Draco's sleeve back down and released his arm.
"Great," Draco continued,"Now you probably think I'm mental. Leave it to me to ruin things."
"I never said that. I just want to help you, but I'm not sure how."
"Promise me you won't tell anyone."
"Only if you promise not to do it again."
Draco hesitated.
"Draco."
"Fine."
"What...what does it feel like?"
"Obviously, it hurts."
"Wow, really? I mean, you must do it to make yourself feel better or something. So what is it that makes you want to do it?"
"Well..." Draco began slowly,"I feel a lot of emotional pain, and I guess it makes me feel better to make my body look and feel the way I'm feeling on the inside. Or maybe it's because I like to have control over how much physical pain I experience since I can't control what happens to me otherwise. Or maybe because I need to prove to myself that there is a pain worse than what I go through every day. I don't know."
Ron felt tears threatening to slide down his cheeks, and he knew that Draco knew this. However, Ron managed to choke out,
"Wow. That's really deep. But you know now that you can always come talk to me, right?"
"Yes. Thank you."
Ron hugged Draco, feeling stupid. He shouldn't be the one crying here. Surely Draco was feeling completely venerable. Ron laid his head on Draco's shoulder and closed his eyes. He fell asleep that way with Draco watching him and only woke up hours later when he felt Draco move him into his lap. Noticing that Ron had woken up, Draco whispered,
"Go back to sleep. You're beautiful when you sleep."
Ron smiled, but opened his eyes. It was very dark outside and Ron could see the stars clearly.
"You should get some sleep," Ron mumbled.
"I don't sleep very much. Besides, I like watching you sleep."
Ron smiled and closed his eyes again as Draco situated himself into a lying position also to please Ron.
"Goonight," Draco whispered in Ron's ear, covering Ron's shoulders with their coat blanket. Ron snuggled into Draco, already falling asleep. Draco bent over and kissed Ron softly. Ron opened his eyes and raised his eyebrows.
"I never thought my first kiss would be with you," Ron laughed sleepily.
"Wait, wait- you're telling me that you're seventeen years old and gorgeous and you've never been kissed?"
"Um, yeah." Ron's face, neck, and ears turned red.
"Wow."
"Who was your first kiss?"
"You think I actually remember that?" Draco laughed,"Umm...I think Pansy jumped on me once in third year and kissed me."
"Eww."
"Yeah."
Draco bent over and whispered,
"Can I kiss you again?"
Ron smiled and put his hands around Draco's neck as he brought his lips to his own lightly. They just brushed their lips against each other's for a few seconds until Draco whispered against Ron's lips,
"....please..."
Then Ron kissed him harder and a moan escaped Draco's mouth. He had only dreamed about this before, it couldn't be happening. Yet he could feel Ron's lips on his, his hands around his neck. It had to be. Then he ran his tongue slowly over Ron's bottom lip and bit down on it lightly. Ron's hands tightened around Draco's neck and Ron let Draco's tongue take over his mouth. Ron opened his eyes a little for a moment, he wanted to see Draco's face. Draco's gray eyes were shut tight and his brows were knitted. Ron smiled and went back to paying attention to kissing Draco again. Draco ran his tongue along Ron's bottom lip again and finally pulled away. Draco smiled at him again. He was smiling more today than he had in a month. Draco fell asleep smiling as Ron put his hands around Draco's waist sleepily.