Part 18

Beka's POV


Trance is dead. No! She can't be. She doesn't die. They don't know that but it's true. Of course, things have changed since--. I'm not going to think about it.

I squeeze my eyes shut. I'm not going to cry. I won't give these sadistic sons-of-bitches the satisfaction.

I don't know why I can understand their language now. It's just one more thing I don't know and won't be able to figure out. O.K. So now what?

I open my eyes again and try to look around. As far as I can tell there's only one of them in the room with me and it's ignoring me. For now. I guess as long as I stay quiet then I can stay awake. How lovely. Must be a lot of work involved in keeping me captive? Good. I don't want to be easy on them.

I'm starting to feel despair creeping up on me. Not good. Have to get my mind on something else. But what? All that I can think of is my captivity and that lends itself very well to despair.

So what do I know? Precious little. Apparently they think I'm guilty of some sort of crime. Hence the trial talk. Neat trick that. It's very hard to commit a crime against anyone you never saw before in your whole life. Maybe that's just an excuse. Yeah, that's it. Because this so called 'trial' of mine is a foregone conclusion. Execution is going to follow, I can just tell. Sounds like the trial is just a formality and they're going to kill me. Probably always their plan. And they probably won't even tell me why. After all, I'm just the person they're going to execute. What do I matter?

I have a lump in my throat. I swallow hard. O.K. I'm going to die. That's a given, it seems. But then why bother with all the medical stuff they've done to me? I'm obviously a human guinea pig for them. For what purpose? It doesn't make any sense. Then again, nothing about this whole situation makes any sense.

I don't know how long I've been here but whatever they've done to me has screwed me up. Well, my eyes at least. But who knows what else? Of course, if I'm going to be killed, it really doesn't matter. Except it does. What right have they to do this to me? I'm not some lab rat to be experimented on.

Is this how I'm going to be executed? Probably. I'm going to pay by being a specimen for them to do whatever the hell they feel like doing. I'm going to spend the rest of my short life like this and when I've outlived my usefulness they will then kill me. Wonderful. I so love this.

I'll never see my friends again. Trance, I'm sorry for whatever happened to you. I know you tried your best to save me. I do appreciate it. I'm just sorry that it was in vain.

Andromeda. Rommie. I enjoyed living and serving aboard you and with you. I didn't know it at first but I've come to realize it. You are not just a machine. You are truly human.

Rev, wherever you are, I hope you have found the peace and happiness you deserve. If our paths never cross again just know that you were truly important to me. If you ever hear of what happened to me I know you will pray for me and my soul and that means a lot.

Tyr, I liked and respected you, even if you didn't feel the same way. Please take care of yourself. Oh, wait. You're Neitzschean so you will. And I don't mean that last in a bad way. I'm going to miss you because I consider you my friend.

Harper, I'm not going to be around to take care of you anymore. I'm sorry about that because you need a lot of care. Try not to get in too much trouble, all right.

And now Dylan. If I know you at all, you're probably feeling guilty for sending me out on the mission. Yeah, I remember that. I just don't remember how I got from going on the mission to here. It's not your fault. You didn't know what was going to happen or else you wouldn't have sent me out. Please don't let this destroy you. I'd hate that.

The more that I think about it the more I wonder if this wasn't some sort of trap. I can't be sure because I don't have all the facts. A memory gap will do that to a person. But it's a good theory.

I'm going to miss all of you. My friends. My family. I love you. I'd give anything to be with you all right now but it's not going to happen. I wish I could have had a chance to say good-bye to you all.

In spite of myself tears trickle out of my eyes. I can't even wipe them away. I hear that thing approach me and I tense up. But it doesn't do anything to me. It just stands there looking at me. I turn away. It knows I'm crying but I'm not going to let it get pleasure out of my tears.

"Why are you crying?"

Oh, that's rich. I'm so angry now. I can't yell because the mask I'm wearing muffles my voice but since I can talk to it now I figure I'll answer its question.

"Why am I crying? Maybe because I don't enjoy being cut up and having unknown procedures done to me. Maybe because I don't know why I'm here. I've never seen your kind before in my life. I've never done anything to you so why are you out to hurt me? I don't understand. I miss my friends and my home. I just want to get the hell out of here. I'm crying because you killed a friend of mine who was only trying to save me. I just want out"

I'm getting agitated again. I don't care. It's hopeless so what does it matter? I'm thrashing around and I don't care anymore. Despair has an ironclad grip on my soul.

It moves away from me. I know where it's going. It's going to get another injector. "Stay away from me, you freak" Just then another one of those things enters. It comes over to the other one. They talk. I stop thrashing because I'm curious but I can't hear what they're saying. They both just leave. But not before I get injected again. I didn't make it easy for them. So, even if in the end, the blackness came back, at least I fought. I'm proud of that.