Title: Shadows of his past
Rating: R - Violence and such
Players: Finney Jr, Finney Sr, and others.
Category: Angst
Summary: Things trigger memories of Finney's past
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: I'm not sure about this fic. The idea came to me while talking to Mona about Finney Jr. I'm taking a risk and really hoping for reviews, even though I know there aren't that many Finney fans out there. I'm not really one myself. But I'm willing to give this a try.
Also if you see any small spelling errors, let me know. I went over a dozen times, and so did one of my friends. But sometimes even if you go over something a few times you miss. Please -PM- me if you find anything. Thank you. Also thank you everyone for your reviews. I will be starting on chapter six soon. It may take longer then the others to write but I'll be working on it.

My fist meets my father's face for third time in a row, I'm sure my hand is broken by the pain I'm feeling, but I don't care. The bastard deserved it. Before I know it, I feel Ty and Grace pulling me off.

"Brendan." Ty says. "Stop."

I look down at my fathers blood covered face. "You did this one her."

He slowly stands, wiping the blood away. He looks at me. "Brendan please."

"No, don't start that shit Dad." I feel tears rolling down my face. "What am I going to tell Mom? Her daughters dead, how am I suppose to tell her that?"

He stands. "I'll handle it."

"That will get over like a fart in church."

"Apparently," he fixes his tie, "she wasn't cut out for the streets." There was no emotion at all in his face; it was like he didn't care.

"You bastard." I snap. "You selfish bastard." I knew he was low, but I still couldn't believe he had just said that.

My father ignores me, and turns to one of the doctors. "I want to see my daughter."

"No, don't let him in there." I shout. "Keep him away!"

His arms are crossed over his chest, with one of them he reaches out and slaps me. "Shut up," he turns. "I want to see my daughter NOW!"

I see Ty react slightly to my dad's slap; he looks at me and says nothing. It's better that way.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY DAUGHTER!" He yells at one of the doctors.

"Trauma two." He replies.

"Where is that?" My father questions

"I can show you sir, but you should get checked out first."

He shakes his head putting up a firm hand. "I want to see my daughter."

The doctor sighs. "Yes sir, right this way."

"Thank you doctor." He fixes his tie once more and glares at me. I want to kill him.

I watch my father go and start to follow him when Davis stops me. "Brendan." He grabs my arm.

I turn. "What?"

"Don't," he says, "let him go."

I shake my head. "No, I can't. He did this to her. I wanna see what he hasta say."

"Finney." Davis warns.

"Mind your own business Davis." I walk away from him making my way through the ER; I stop right outside of Bridget's room.

The doctors had yet to clean up, evidence of the attempt to save her life still there. There were two nurses slowly cleaning the room, who left as my father entered, I watched him push back some of her hair. Sticking it behind her ear. To me it's all a big act, a show: for the doctors and nurses, for his fellow cops, those who truly didn't know him. Trying to make himself look like father of the year, which he was anything but.

"You're so beautiful." He tells her, pushing more hair out of her face. "Just like your mother. You look just like her, when I first saw her, when I first feel in love with her."

I try not to laugh, seriously someone should hand him an Oscar, because this is one award winning performance.

"I tried to be a good father, I tried to raise you the right way. But you just wouldn't listen. You had to do it your way, and this is what happens. Why wouldn't you listen to me? Huh?" He shakes his head. "You always did what you wanted. You were never were able to stand up for yourself, always had your brother do it. Maybe that's why you ended up this way, because you weren't cut out for the streets. You couldn't hack it. You couldn't suck it up and just shoot could you?"

My fists clench tightly, as I resist the urge to go in there and beat him an inch from his life. How could someone be so insensitive? His daughter's dead, and he blames her.

He takes her lifeless hand in his. "If you would have just tried, just tried a little harder. Maybe if you hadn't given up so easily, it wouldn't have been so bad. But you always gave up, you quit whenever things got too hard." He leans down and kisses her forehead. "I'll miss you baby, I love you."

I couldn't stand any more. "Bullshit."

He turns to me, the anger in his eye apparent. "I suggest you keep you opinions to yourself, if I want them I'll ask for them."

"You never loved her." I say. "You never gave a shit 'bout her." I place my hands on my duty belt. "Not once."

"You should be careful with what you say son."

"You're the one who gave up on her. She tried so hard, but she wasn't perfect. She was human, but that wasn't good enough for you. You killed her, you killed your own daughter."

His left eyelid flutters in anger.

"Jus' because she couldn't be like you. All those years of abuse."

"You shouldn't make accusations." He tells me.

"How does it feel to know you're the one who kill your daughter?' Before I can stop him he slams me forcefully against the wall.

"I warned you. You didn't keep your mouth shut, I warned you."

I feel pain throb through the back of my head as it makes contact with the cold, title wall of the hospital room. I close my eyes feeling his fist meeting my face.

"You have a big mouth!" He shouts, banging my head against the wall once more. "You don't tell me how to raise my children. I thought there was hope for you but apparently I was wrong." He lets go of me, as my body slides down the wall and to the floor. He walks off leaving me there.

I reach for the back of my head, feeling wetness I look at my hand, seeing blood, before I finally black out.

-----------------

I open my eyes my head is pounding. I could seriously use some aspirin right about now. I look around, rubbing the back of my head. I had a knot the size of a handball. I'm still in the hospital, but I'm alone. The lighting is soft, and a gentle song plays in the background. "Hello?" I call out. I hear a females voice now, it's soft and pleasant and she sings along with music.

"Hello? Anyone out there?" I ask, slowly getting up from the floor. I'm oddly drawn to the voice. It's like a sirens cry, or something. Whatever it is, it's really strange and I can't help but go to it. I keep walking towards it, and as I do the soft light gets brighter. I walk down a long hallway, stopping at two double doors.

I'm still hearing the female voice singing, and it's the most beautiful voice I have ever heard. Pushing the doors open the bright light fades, but the singing continues. The room is a dark blue, with the softest light ever; glowing. Looking I see a girl, she dressed in all white, and she's hanging up stars. Silver, glittery stars. But I can't make out whom she is. "Excuse me." I clear my throat. "I think I might be-"

She turns. "Yes?"

"Bridget?" She looked so beautiful she was stunning.

"Oh hey." She floats around hanging up more of the glittery stars. You know the type you use for Christmas decorations it's really weird.

I stare at her; I still can't get over how beautiful she looks. Like - like an angel.

"What are you gawking at?" She hangs up a much larger star.

"You, Bridget you look so beautiful."

She smiles. "Thank you."

"But you're-" I pause I can't even say it.

"Dead? Yes I know." She replies.

"So does that mean am dead?" I ask her.

Floating around some, she shakes her head, and lands. "Nope, just hanging out. You'll wake up shortly. You're gunna have an awful headache when you do." She smirks.

I rub the back of my head. "Yeah I see that." I watch her for a few more minuets still captured by her beauty. "Budgie-"

"Yea?" She smiles hanging up a few more stars.

"I'm sorry Budgie, I'm so sorry."

She stops and turns to me. "For what?"

"For letting this happen." I tell her. "For letting you die, for not trying harder. For not being a better brother."

"Brendan," she walks, almost gliding towards me, "this isn't your fault. You didn't tell me to do Ecstasy. You didn't make me."

"But had I helped you before, you would have never needed to turn to drugs." She stands in front of me. She's even more beautiful up close. If that was even possible, I reach out, running my hand through her soft read curls, letting my hand fall along her cheek, I cup the side of her face in my hand. "God Budgie."

She reaches up and takes my hand. "Brendan, you did the best you could, I couldn't have asked for a better brother."

"I let you die, more so I let him hurt you."

"No, no you didn't. He couldn't be stopped. He was a monster, a cold-blooded monster. No better then those assholes you've arrested."

I'm biting down on my bottom lip, trying not to cry. "God, I gunna miss you Budgie, I'm gunna miss you so much."

She nods. "I'll miss you too." She tells me. "You can help me though."

"How?" I ask.

"The truth, find the truth. Let them know the truth. Let them know who Dad really is."

I wasn't sure what she meant by this, but I wasn't going to let her down. "Okay, I will. I'll do it, for you Budgie."

"You take care of Mom too, okay. Tell her I love her." She's still holding on to my hand, it's warm. It's perfect.

"I will." I reply giving her hand a soft squeeze. "I promise you."

"You be careful out there Brendan, watch out for yourself? Alright?"

"Okay." I smile.

"You gotta go, you gotta wake up now." She tells me in a reassuring tone.

I shake my head. I didn't want to leave her; I wanted to stay, "Budgie, I can't. I don't want to."

"It's time Brendan. You haveta." She kisses my cheek. "I love you Brendan." She wipes away one of my tears. "I'll never forget you."

"I - I love you too." I reply kissing her back. I don't want to let her go.

"I'll always be "there." All you gotta do." Her eyes look up at the glittery stars above. "Is look up."

"God I'm going to miss you." She slowly begins to fade away.

"Remember, just look up." I hear her voice saying, before everything fades to complete blackness. I slowly open my eyes again to see Ty kneeling in front of me.

"Hey man, you okay?"

Wow did I -ever- have a headache. "Yeah. W-what happened."

He shrugged. "Don't know, all I saw was your Dad throw you against the wall." He tells me.

Oh yeah now I remember. I stand up, I'm a little dizzy at first, but I manage to keep my balance.

"You really should get that looked at, think you need stitches."

"Yea." I reply shortly. My head hurt like a motherfucker "Great."

"Get it looked at okay, then we gotta go back to the house, Swersky wants to talk to you."

"Good because I need to talk to him." It was time for the truth to be told.