September, 17th
9.11 p.m.
Dear diary,
"I don't love Albus Dumbledore. I don't love Albus Dumbledore."
Yes, I know it's stupid and a lie, but it is kind of my new "mantra", or whatever muggles call them. I am constantly repeating it in my head and I feel childish and pathetic about it. Plus, it is not working at all. It has kind of an opposite effect- I am now totally incapable of having a normal conversation with the object of my weird, abnormal and idiotic feelings; Albus, that is. And because he is my employer and my best friend, that really is quite a big obstacle. Life is miserable. Help me, help me! Wait, no, don't help me!
Oh, Minerva, do you even have to argue with your DIARY? Or with yourself? My god, I am becoming more and more pathetic. The "mantra" idea was kind of my last try to get my life back to normal again. It seems to work for certain muggles; Buddhists, I think...I am not a Buddhist. I guess that's the reason why it makes me feel ridiculous instead of better. But it not only made me feel idiotic… it made me feel even worse… as if I am as weird as… as… as… Nemesis! This really is the only thing I'd never, ever want to be. Except perhaps a wind-breaking pink camel. I remember a certain incident and it really was…but that's beside the point.
The point is I hate Nemesis. I hate everything about her- from her wrinkled face with those big, violet eyes, and the long, grayish-blonde hairs held back by an ugly red headscarf, to those strange, "gypsy-like" clothes she tends to wear! I hate the way she grins, I hate the way she…frustration; irritation… Yes, I know I probably am being an evil, malicious old bat, but what she did to me today was the most embarrassing thing in my entire life! The incident with the pink camel included!
My dear colleague professor Aurora is a fraud, yes, but that's okay. I think that is even a required quality for teaching Divinations. But Nemesis is a gossip as well and that is dangerous, believe me! Today, in the Teacher's Lounge, with everybody –including Albus- she grabbed my hand. Not in a romantic attempt, dear diary…but you know, Ms. Aurora thinks she is very gifted in the art of palm reading. So, before I could draw back my hand, she started to examine every single little line of the palm of my hand! Then, she said out loud (and Albus just must have heard it) that "in the way my love-line crossed my life-line," she was able to read…she could read that I would fall in love with an older man. With an older man with blue eyes whom I knew very well! AND ALBUS WAS BLOODY PRESENT!
I am furious- I hate, hate, hate, hate that gossipy, ugly old fraud. I could have killed her. I could have transfigured her into a… a fat, green toad… oh, sweet revenge… Yet I haven't. My self control must be amazing. Well, I teach the Marauders- I can handle anything!
No, I can't.
Help.
Goodnight.
9.11 p.m.
Dear diary,
"I don't love Albus Dumbledore. I don't love Albus Dumbledore."
Yes, I know it's stupid and a lie, but it is kind of my new "mantra", or whatever muggles call them. I am constantly repeating it in my head and I feel childish and pathetic about it. Plus, it is not working at all. It has kind of an opposite effect- I am now totally incapable of having a normal conversation with the object of my weird, abnormal and idiotic feelings; Albus, that is. And because he is my employer and my best friend, that really is quite a big obstacle. Life is miserable. Help me, help me! Wait, no, don't help me!
Oh, Minerva, do you even have to argue with your DIARY? Or with yourself? My god, I am becoming more and more pathetic. The "mantra" idea was kind of my last try to get my life back to normal again. It seems to work for certain muggles; Buddhists, I think...I am not a Buddhist. I guess that's the reason why it makes me feel ridiculous instead of better. But it not only made me feel idiotic… it made me feel even worse… as if I am as weird as… as… as… Nemesis! This really is the only thing I'd never, ever want to be. Except perhaps a wind-breaking pink camel. I remember a certain incident and it really was…but that's beside the point.
The point is I hate Nemesis. I hate everything about her- from her wrinkled face with those big, violet eyes, and the long, grayish-blonde hairs held back by an ugly red headscarf, to those strange, "gypsy-like" clothes she tends to wear! I hate the way she grins, I hate the way she…frustration; irritation… Yes, I know I probably am being an evil, malicious old bat, but what she did to me today was the most embarrassing thing in my entire life! The incident with the pink camel included!
My dear colleague professor Aurora is a fraud, yes, but that's okay. I think that is even a required quality for teaching Divinations. But Nemesis is a gossip as well and that is dangerous, believe me! Today, in the Teacher's Lounge, with everybody –including Albus- she grabbed my hand. Not in a romantic attempt, dear diary…but you know, Ms. Aurora thinks she is very gifted in the art of palm reading. So, before I could draw back my hand, she started to examine every single little line of the palm of my hand! Then, she said out loud (and Albus just must have heard it) that "in the way my love-line crossed my life-line," she was able to read…she could read that I would fall in love with an older man. With an older man with blue eyes whom I knew very well! AND ALBUS WAS BLOODY PRESENT!
I am furious- I hate, hate, hate, hate that gossipy, ugly old fraud. I could have killed her. I could have transfigured her into a… a fat, green toad… oh, sweet revenge… Yet I haven't. My self control must be amazing. Well, I teach the Marauders- I can handle anything!
No, I can't.
Help.
Goodnight.