Ok, Ok! Angst time and some more SanoKen developing!
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I do own a sword. Care to debate the former?
Chapter 7: Repercussions of the Past
It was a typical Meiji Tokyo morning. The birds were chirping and the sun was bright and shining. Shining right in Kenshin's eyes that was. Groaning softly, Kenshin sat up, hand reaching up to feel his cheek. It came away sticky with dried blood.
'It wasn't a dream.....' Kenshin's eyes darkened staring down at his hands.
'I remember, Sano, he...' Kenshin blushed at the memory, rapidly shaking his head. 'What I felt is not important.'
You got that right. That was the most pathetic display I've ever seen! What if he were an enemy!? What then?
'Sano isn't an enemy!'
Anyone who distracts you from completing your mission must be eliminated!
'No! Its not like that anymore.'
Oh? Battousai raised an eyebrow.
'No! Now there aren't enemies around every corner!'
But there are.
'What?'
Are you so naive!? The Shinsengumi have arisen again and their contacts could be anywhere!
'But...'
No buts! Your weak mind is of no use in this era.
"OI! KENSHIN!" Sano's voice broke in from outside, startling the red headed rurouni out of his internal dialogue. "You awake?" Sano rapped on the door.
"Aa." Kenshin said softly, violet eyes clouding with the pain of reality crashing in on fragile walls, 'not needed...' "coming." Looking around, Kenshin saw that Sano had removed his gi, leaving his in his hakama. Glancing down his saw the bloodstains covering the cloth and his bare chest, staining them with the evidence of his crimes. The voices of the damned rose in his head, drowning out reality. Accusing, beating, tearing, chasing. Red claws slashing through the glass of reality sending the wandering boat into the whirlpool chaos of the world torn asunder. Reality and illusion. Hate and apathy. Murder and protection. Whirling through the chambers of his mind, accusing him of crimes both past and present, sending his fragile mind into the depths of darkened confusion. Bile rose in his throat, revulsion at what he had done tearing his mind apart. Past and present collided. Back in the Tokugawa's twilight and in Meiji's darkness as well. One and the same, past and present, future and fatalism.
Kenshin grabbed the bloodied gi, clutching it to his chest, darted toward redemption. Sano started as the small swordsman flung open the shoji screen and fled out the door.
"O-oi! Kenshin!" Sano called after him, eyes wide open. 'Fast little guy...' Sano shook his head and raced after his shorter legged companion.
Kenshin fled to the well, unbound red hair flying about his slender form. His bare chest was tinged pink by the blood soaking through his gi, making him seem a victim of abuse.
Kenshin skid to a stop by the well, yanked the cover off, and pulled up the bucket with a vengeance. His shattered mind saw the demons of the slain in the wells depths, clawing him, calling out to him, accusing him for their deaths. Kenshin felt bile rise in his throat as hsi airway contracted.
'I have to get the blood off!'
It'll never come off.
'It has to!'
Kenshin dumped the bucket of crystal water over his head, the liquid creating red trails that flowed down his slender form. Kenshin felt the trails, looking down, seeing blood pooling at his feet, not water. Kenshin glanced down into the well, seeing the faces of the damned rallying behind a slender leader. The shroud over the leaders face fell away as the spectator gazed in morbid fear. 'Tomoe...' The face of love, betrayal, hope and despair. Leading the army of the damned against his soul.
The demons in the well grew stronger, rising out to claw at his slender form, trying to pull him in. Blood running down his body, staining the ground with his shame. Kenshin fell to his knees, hands clutching his head. Hands covered in blood, shame dripping over pale digits, joining the malady of sin at his feet.
Sano raced into the yard after the fleeing red head. He gasped at the sight of the once unshakable swordsman. Kenshin had never looked more the fallen angel than he did now. Hair framing his face and hiding his eyes, hands buried in the crimson locks, ripping and tearing at the tortured reality. Red tinged water soaking the ground beneath pale, clean body.
"My hands are stained with blood."Kenshin's voice of the past rang in Sano's head. 'Oh Kenshin, what have you ever done to deserve such torment?'
"Kenshin?" Sano said softly, "It's all off now, your clean."
"No!" Kenshin whispered sharply, hands ripped away from his face as he spun to look up at Sano, "her blood will never leave..."
Sano knelt down by the panicked red head. He reached out and pulled Kenshin's hands into one of his massive palms. "Kenshin."
Kenshin looked up at him, seeing warmth radiating from his eyes. The demons of his mind shrunk form the light, only seeking to live in darkness born of the torment of an insane mind.
Sano stared into Kenshin's eyes, noting with a pang of regret the blood that seeped out of his scar to join with his present, staining all there. "Kenshin, your hands are clean."
"No," Kenshin said, looking away, "Her blood follows me wherever sessha goes."
"Who's blood?" Sano asked gently.
Kenshin glanced up and held his eyes in his tempest gaze. The storm within them slowly cleared. Demons gave way before the path of light. Truth would set him free, for now.
"I'll tell you all together." Kenshin said steadily, voice dropping from hysteria to his usual smooth alto. "I couldn't repeat it twice."
Sano smiled down at the now calm red head. "Wakata."
Sano rose to his feet and pulled Kenshin up with him. Kenshin pulled away, gathering up his gi.
"I'll do it." Sano said, reaching out and taking the garment. "I'll put it up to dry, Kenshin." Snao elaborated, "just get out of those before you get sick."
Kenshin blinked. Then smiled gently. Not a large smile, not a fake smile, but a genuine Kenshin smile. Sano felt hsi heart warm at the precious sight.
"Arigatou, Sano."
Always Sano. No -san no-dono, just Sano. Sano smiled and turned to put Kenshin's small gi on the rack, as promised.
"Yes?" Megumi answered, staring at the man whose voice sounded above all else in the marketplace, and yet he spoke in no more than a whisper.
"Ojou-san, do you know the Kamiya dojo?" He asked, hands folded in front of him, eyes shadowed by ebony bangs.
"Why?" Megumi asked, suspiciously. This guy was one to be cautious with.
"Oh, do not worry miss!" The man said, had shooting up, earnest eyes shining out, "I mean them no harm!"
Megumi stared into his eyes. This was a man who had never stained his hands, innocent? No. But not cruel. Megumi nodded her ascent, she believed this man.
"I know it."
The man sighed in relief. That was close.
"Could you deliver this to them?" The dark man held out a letter, sealed with a signet.
"Oh ho?" Megumi breathed out a startled laugh, famous wit returning. "You are unable to go that far?"
The man smiled at her spirit. "A true Meiji, my Lady. And no, I am able. I just want to surprise an old friend."
Megumi gave the man a small smile. "Alright. I'll do it." She grabbed the paper from his hand and placed it in her sleeve-pocket.
"Thank you, ojou-san."
"You're wel-" Megumi spun, looking for the man. He had vanished. Kaoru and Yahiko sat around the kitchen table. Kaoru seething and Yahiko growing greener as he looked down at what was supposed to be breakfast. It just moved. That can't be normal.
"I can't eat that busu!" Yahiko yelled in a rather strangled tone.
Kaoru smiled maliciously at him. "You'll eat it, unless you want to starve that is."
"I'd rather starve than die!" "Well if it's that bad why don't you cook!?"
"I'm a kid! I don't know how! Besides, its women's work!"
"WHAT!?" Kaoru yelled, whacking Yahiko with her bokken, "It is NOT women's work! Kenshin does it too!"
"Are you implying Kenshin is a women?" Sano asked slyly.
Kaoru and Yahiko spun around. "Sano!?" They didn't even hear him come! The top two of Kamiya Kasshin Ryu failed to sense him! The agony! The disgrace! The-how did he do that!?
"How did an ape like you move so softly!?" Yahiko yelled, more surprised than angry.
"I walked."
Kaoru and Yahiko had the grace to look pained.
"Anyway, Kenshin's coming now."
"Kenshin ga!?" Yahiko started.
"I'm going to kill him!" Kaoru bellowed, hand wrapped around her bokken.
"I'd rather you not, Kaoru-dono" Kenshin's voice drifted melodiously in from his place behind Sano.
Sano leapt out his skin in shock, Yahiko yelped and Kaoru gaped.
"KENSHIN!"
Kenshin raised his hands in mock surrender. "I'd like to hear on the morrow anata-tachi."
Kenshin moved into the room, and the others were finally able to get a good look at him. Though his voice was light, his eyes were haunted and his face drawn in sorrow. He seemed smaller somehow, and more fragile than usual.
"Kenshin." Kaoru said commandingly.
"Hai, Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin squeaked.
"Where is your shirt?" Kaoru's face tinged in a blush. Kenshin was only wearing threadbare peasant pants that looked at least ten years old and were a little short at that. The part that made her gape though, was the fact that he had no shirt on covering his pale chest.
"It's drying.." Kenshin said softly, knowing the inevitable rant would happen, no matter what he said.
Sano saw that Kenshin had no shirt on, as well as knew why. What made his eyes dim in empathatic sorrow was the fact that he could count the vertebrae in Kenshin's spine and the ribs surrounding his lungs. The form was muscular yes, but far too thin. In the night's darkness, he had been to concerned with the state of his friend's mind, and less with his physical state. However, the morning light brought a whole new element to preceptions. Sano knew of starving. He had often experienced it when he was just blossoming into a street fighters. However, to Sano, the thought of Kenshin starving was a thought to hard to bare, especially with Kenshin doing all of the cooking around the dojo.
As for Yahiko, he saw the scars. The lines that marred his hero's body and told the story of battles and sacrafices and hidden wounds. He knew battle scars, but these were war scars. Deep and permanent scars that told of more than victory and defeat, they told of suffering. 'I may be young, but I've seen suffering.' Yahiko thought, head bowed. 'My mother taught that lesson well.'
"Kenshin!" Kaoru wheedled, "If that shirt is drying, wear another one."
"Demo-" Kenshin began.
"No buts!" Kaoru roared, "It's not right for you to walk around like that!"
"Kao-"
"No! I thought your mother taught you better!"
"I had no mother." Kenshin's voice broke in softly.
Kaoru started. "No mother?"
"No. And I have no more gi's either." Kenshin said matter of factly, distancing himself from the pain the topic of his past brought up.
"Kenshin..." Sano breathed. His arms ached to hold the fragile man in his arms, however, he did not know how his actions would be received in the light of morning.
Yahiko stood by the door, eyes wide as he gazed at his hero. 'I always knew Kenshin had it rough, but this? No mother?' Yahiko closed his eyes in sorrow, remembering the kindness of his own mother which had allowed him to persevere through his time in the Yakuza. The Kenshin's shining presence had retrieved him and he was brought out and taught the ways of protection and truth. 'How does he keep smiling every day?' Yahiko wondered, 'Is he even smiling? Or just contracting muscles to ease our fears?'
"Kenshin?" Kaoru asked, rather abashed as she looked at the man before her. His eyes cast down to the ground, the sunbeam just hitting the side of his face, illuminating his alabaster skin and tipping his hair with gold. "Hai, Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin answered, eyes still on the ground. 'Will she hate me for what I have done?'
"Why did you do it?"
The simplest of questions had the most profound of answers. Kenshin flinched at the question, not wishing to share his darkness with any of them. Not wishing to stain their pure souls with the blood that followed him as a dark cloud.
"Because it was the only way."
"How could it be the only way!?" Kaoru screamed, face red in her anger.
"I'll say it once more." Kenshin stated flatly, blank, amber eyes staring into her tempests, "you speak as one who has never bloodied her hands. With these people, there is no other way."
"Kenshin...." Kaoru breathed.
Yahiko stared at Kenshin in awe. Such strength concealed behind the fool's guise. Feeling Sano tense beside him, Yahiko glanced up, blinking at the rage Sano tried to conceal.
He failed. "How can you say that Kaoru!?" Sano roared, "if there was another way, Kenshin would have used it, you know that!"
"Sano..." Kenshin breathed, shocked, as his eyes softened to violet. He stepped forward, placing his slender hand on Sano's shoulder.
Sano let out a dry gasp and folded over, clutching Kenshin to his chest. "It's not fair!" Sano chocked out, distressed, "you shouldn't have to suffer any more than you already have!"
Kenshin sighed in his embrace, gently pulling from Sano's death grip. 'I don't deserve him.' Kenshin thought sadly, 'he has a strong heart and intense emotions running beneath the surface. I will only stain him...'
"Kenshin?" Sano questioned as the man that he had held in his arms walked the door, staring out at the bright sky.
Kenshin sighed once more, turning back to face them, loose hair catching the light and casting a bloody halo about his pale features. "You want to know why?" Kenshin asked softly, "that would take longer than I can handle."
Sano appeared at his shoulder, hand covering his slender shoulder. "Tell us a part of it then." he urged soothingly, "you have to tell us or go beat something up, anything so its not all inside. But, the second one ain't your style so..."
"Sano." Kenshin said softly. "Remember that nothing is what it seems." Silence permeated the room following the cryptic statement.
'What the hell does that mean!!?' Sano questioned himself furiously.
"What do you want to know?" Kenshin questioned the assorted three softly. "I'll answer to an extent anyway."
"How did you get the scar?" Kaoru burst out with the most painful question strait off.
"Kaoru!" Yahiko gasped, appalled. Even he knew that that question was over the line!
Kenshin cast his eyes downward, bangs shadowing his face. Sano glared at Kaoru for causing Kenshin's pain, tightening his hand on Kenshin smooth shoulder.
"I got it by killing her happiness." Kenshin started softly, eyes unfocused. "I killed her life and then I killed her."
"Kenshin?" Sano asked gently, "are you alright?" The red heads actions were scaring him, the empty eyes drowning all joy that could arise from those same orbs.
"Aa." Kenshin said softly, looking to the side.
"Kenshin, you don't have to answer." Kaoru offered gently.
"Yea, busu's question was over the line!" Yahiko said indignantly.
Kenshin snorted with mirthless laughter. "No. I said I would answer. And answer I shall." Kenshin walked to the side on the room and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. "I got the first line," Kenshin began, tracing the bleeding vertical line with a slender digit, "while on a mission. He was the bodyguard of my target....
:::::
"AAH!!" The dark haired young man yelled, charging the hitokiri. He had seen the old man, his fondly cared for charge and fellow guard die at the hands of this heartless killer! He charged blindly at the hitokiri, wishing he had more skills in the sword arts.'I can't die,' the betrothed man thought desperately, 'I have to live for her! I have to return to my beloved! She is waiting for me! We are to be wed!'
Battousai stared dispassionatly at the man rushing for him. 'No skill at all.' Battousai thought, dismissing him as a threat.
The swordsmen met in a flash of blade, Battousai far superior. The hitokiri sliced the man across his chest, severing flesh and bone that once made a man. 'Easy.' Battousai thought. Suddenly, he felt a sting on his cheek. Rapidly glancing to the side, Battousai's eyes widened as he registered that this man, this unskilled man, had sliced his cheek. It was a shallow cut, but it was the first time he had ever been hit.
As the man's body fell to the ground, the pool of his blood rapidly spreading in the dirt streets of the embattled Kyoto. Battousai spun as the man he thought to be dead reached his hand out toward a white plum blossom that had fluttered to the ground, a light in the darkened streets of Kyoto.
"Tomoe.." He gasped.
Battousai gasped imperceptibly as a vison shook his mind. This man laughing, talking, playing....with a women of pale skin and ebony hair. This man working in the field for his wife, this man as he recieved the acceptance of his beloved's father. This man's wish to live...
Battousai's sword sliced the night, rupturing the man's throat and ending his life. 'No more! I don't want to know about him!'
Battousai barely registered that he was being spoken to. Not seeing who spoke, who spoke of this man exclaiming that his sword skills must have been phenomenal to hit Battousai...
"No, his skills were nothing." The red haired hitokiri spoke, without registering what was said, "But his will to live was incredible."
:::::::
"After that night, this scar continued to bleed because he soul would not rest and could not forgive what I had done by stealing his life and future." Kenshin trailed off, gauging the reaction, seeing if continuing was wise.Yahiko sat shellshocked. 'All the rumors of Battousai....were true.' Looking at the forlorn figure standing against the wall, Yahiko could not imagine him comitting such acts. 'But, the way he described Kyoto, I never knew it was that bad....'
Kenshin bowed his head, seeing the shock on Yahiko's face. 'I've stained him again...'
Sano walked to Kenshin, standing before the former hitokiri, waiting for him to look up at him.
Kenshin didn't look up.
With a growl of frustration, Sano seized Kenshin's chin in his hand and forced the smaller man to meet his eyes. "Kenshin. None of that changes anything." Sano whispered to him, "it was the war, what could you have done? You mustn't let it haunt you." Kenshin looked up, a small hope born in his eyes once more.
"Sano..."
"How could you!?" Kaoru cried out, shocking Kenshin out of Sano's gaze. "How could you kill him!? He wasn't even your target! And he had a wife to go home to! Why?" Kaoru finished, anger and sorrow blinding her eyes. "Why..."
Kenshin's eyes darkened in sorrow, her words raising all the doubts he had himself. All the nights he had tortured his mind, questioning over and over, what if? What if he hadn't killed that man? Would she still be alive?
Kenshin clenched his eyes and walked out the door, slamming the shouji screen shut behind him. As soon as he was out of range of the room, he broke into a run, bolting to the gate. The sun glinted off his red hair and pale skin, contrasting the dark with light, past and future, plums and violets, swords and sticks, war and peace.
Pathetic fool! Did you really think they would trust you!? Battousai's voice rang in his head, They'll never accept what you've done! No one will accept it!
'I know! I KNOW!' Kenshin sobbed, 'I know...'
Sano cast a dark look at Kaoru, "how can you say that!?"
"I-" Kaoru stuttered.
"Che!" Sano swore, racing out the door after Kenshin. He would deal with her later. Yahiko stared after Sano. Looking up at Kaoru, he saw the image of the strong and fair woman shatter. Turning away, he raced after Kenshin. 'I'll do the right thing this time!' Kenshin flew toward the gate, tears he refused to shed shimmering in his violet eyes. Out of nowhere, he felt strong arms enclose around his figure, holding him back from his escape.
Kenshin immediately fought the arms, thrashing and writhing in a desperate attempt at freedom.
"Shh....Kenshin, Kenshin. Calm down, it's me. It's Sano." Kenshin heard a soothing tenor make its way through his darkened and racing mind, chasing away the shadows of the past.
Kenshin stilled in Sano's arms, breath heaving as he fought to keep down the sobs. They had been the first to accept him, the first to say his past didn't matter...but now. Now, they rejected him, were angry and appalled by his past actions. He didn't know which hurt more.
Sano held the red headed samurai as he calmed, waiting patiently as he breathing returned to normal as he stilled in his arms.
"Sano, thank you." Kenshin whispered, "You saved me again."
Sano blinked. "I saved you? But you're always getting me out of trouble and savin' my sorry ass!?"
Kenshin chuckled softly, Sano warmed to hear the gentle sound. "But you saved me from myself."
Sano tightened his hold on the smaller man, "I'll never let anything harm you again, I promise."
"Sano..."
"KEN-SAN! KEN-SAN!" A voice broke through their peaceful moment as the gate of the dojo was slammed open, revealing a ebony haired women of the beauty of a fallen goddess. "Ken-san! Where are you?"
Sano sighed in exasperation, releasing his hold on Kenshin. "Fox Lady."
"Oh! There you are Ken-san." Megumi said knowingly, having seen the compromising position. She had known long ago that no woman would ever have her Ken-san. But, she would keep fighting Kaoru with that knowledge until the violent little girl figured it out on her own. "And the rooster too, how pleasant."
"Fox..." Sano growled.
"Down boy." Megumi dismissed Sano and directed her gaze at Kenshin, "Ken- san, I have something for you."
Kenshin closed his eyes for a brief instant and opened them once more, rurouni smile fully in place under shining, empty eyes. "What is it that brought you here on this beautiful day, Megumi-dono?"
Megumi felt her heart tug seeing the way Kenshin lied to the world, she just hoped this wasn't more bad news. "A man asked me to give you this letter." Megumi said, pulling the yellow paper out of his sleeve-pocket. "An earnest man, otherwise I wouldn't have done it."
"Arigatou de gozaru, Megumi-dono." Kenshin said brightly, taking the letter.
Turning over the yellow parchment, he froze, eyes darkening to ice as he stared down at the mark on the parchment. Fate and destiny played him a cruel hand as the epic battle between war and peace came to Kenshin in the form of an innocent carrier.
Kenshin dropped the letter from lifeless fingers as his empty eyes stared off into space.
The letter on the ground read 'Katsura'.
To Be Continued....
Coming Next! Chapter Eight: A Leader of Men