Chapter 13—Spotlight on Xander

Selected items from UNS Q&A session with Alexander Lavelle Harris-rah, known as Harris-rah-sen to the Slayer Faithist and Unitan sects, circa September 2003. Camlin Tikri reporting:

Alexander Lavelle Harris is about as humble and as unassuming as you would expect. He seems confused by the fuss and attention made about him. Even during questioning, he remains elusive and disarming, often deflecting attention off himself.

He slouches into the room, certain that no one is paying attention. He quickly greets everyone in the immediate vicinity, but stops to talk to anyone that needs to discuss business with him. He doesn't seem to live by the clock, content to let events unfold as they may. The outward relaxed attitude is deceiving. His eyes don't miss much as they sweep the room and a keen, native intelligence lurks behind a face that seems built for smiling. The thoughtful frown as he takes a seat seems out of place.

He is dressed for comfort and fighting, loose clothes that could easily hide any number of weapons and there is no doubt that he is armed. Broad shoulders and a sturdy frame are built for battle, even if it lacks the lithe power of a Slayer. Unruly, dark hair falls in his eyes and he often brushes it away. For some reason, his left eye has a tendency to tear, even when there's no discernable reason. He brushes the wetness away with the same irritation that he uses as he tries to tame his dark locks.

When he looks at you, you get the impression that he is really looking at you, trying to find the thing you don't want anyone to know, to strip away the mask you show to the world. This is the legendary perception on which his reputation is built and it is both disarming and frightening to see it at work.

UNS: Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to…

AH: You saved me from research. I'm thinking I should be thanking you.

UNS: I'm very interested in how you became a Watcher since it's clear you were not part of the original Council.

AH: Watcher? I'm not a…

UNS: [quickly checks Bio on AH stored in MemePad] Oh, unh, sorry…

AH: Where did you get the idea…

UNS: Getting a little ahead of myself.

AH: Just to let you know? Not comforting when someone from the future says something like that.

UNS: So you're still in training?

AH: Look, I'm not…there's no Watcherness here. Not a Watcher bone in my body.

UNS: Why would you say that?

AH: Being a Watcher requires actual reading of books. And writing. Writing bad…

UNS: I don't understand.

AH: Have you ever tried to read my handwriting? I leave a note that I've gone out for milk, and people think I've got a mike. It's really bad. Bad squared.

UNS: Well, there are some passages that can be difficult to decipher in your…oops. I mean, what is your role here in the house?

AH: Ummmm. I fix things.

UNS: And?

AH: Sometimes I put up shelves.

UNS: What else?

AH: I randomly pound nails in the walls? Irritate people? Try not to kill Andrew? I don't understand…

UNS: Ms. Lanoire indicated that you and she collaborate on, ummm, morale-boosting activities.

AH: Andrew does the morale bit. Faith does the Slaying bit. I do the pounding bit.

UNS: Unh. Oh. Yes, she mentioned…so you and Andrew…he was…ummm…"boosting your morale"?

AH: Sounds like someone who doesn't have to live with him.

UNS: So you share a bed.

AH: I think you mean bedroom.

UNS: Oh. Yes. So, he's part of your regular circle, then.

AH: No. I avoid him if I can. Which is really hard since he's the roommate from hell. This one time I'm trying to get some sleep and he's going on and on about who is cooler: Batman or Superman. I was ready to find the duct tape, slap his mouth shut, and hog-tie him to the bed.

UNS: I, uh, see. Does this happen often?

AH: Almost. Every. Single. Fucking. Night.

UNS: {cough cough}

AH: Want me to get you some water?

UNS: No. No. I'm ookee. [rechecks notes] So the two of you don't talk when you interact.

AH: Have you tried talking to Andrew? No? Try it. You'll be looking for the duct tape.

UNS: [quickly] I don't get involved.

AH: It'll all go out the window once you have the Andrew Experience.

UNS: So you're saying his, umm, "morale boosting" activities are more, ahhh, active than yours.

AH: He's everywhere if that's what you mean.

UNS: And you're not jealous?

AH: Hunh? What? Why?

UNS: Of his, ahhh, activities, with, ummm, the others in the house.

AH: [blank look]

UNS: His, unh, amorous activities?

AH: Activi…[deep frown] Are you telling me he's sleeping with one of the new Slayers? She better be over eighteen or I will kick his ass.

UNS: Yes, Faith mentioned that there was an over-18 rule in the house.

AH: What over-18 rule?

UNS: For your, ummm, morale boosting activities. Which you and she are involved in, but where Andrew is apparently not following the rules.

AH: Moral boos…

UNS: She mentioned that you and she are very busy providing all the necessary, ummm, stress release for the adults in your group. But I got the sense that it could be quite trying when everyone wants to…I mean, when it's everyone in the water…ummm…help me out here…

AH: I'll kill her.

UNS: Don't worry. I won't tell Robin since he doesn't want to be involved with…umm…the situation.

AH: She is dead. Faith burgers.

UNS: I understand that it's an open secret and that you're…

AH: [waving hands] Don't tell me. I don't want to know.

UNS: But she had high praise for your, ummm, performance and your willingness to, hunh, go through any lengths to…

AH: [stands up] Excuse me. I have to commit cold-blooded murder.

UNS: But…

AH: [shouting as he strides out of room] FAITH!

UNS: But what about the bank robbery plan?

TBC…