Author's note:
Sincere thanks to Walter for the thorough beta work and
support.
Chapter 1
The afternoon sun was fading but
Ryan stayed warm running sprints on the bleachers. Soccer season was
over but he liked to stay in shape. The bleachers had become a
relaxing workout, a refuge from new expectations and confusing
emotions. No words to carefully dole out, no looks to decipher here.
Up the north side, stretching a bit to hit every other tread, his
heart pounded. Over the top seats he ran parallel to the sidelines.
Then, down the south side he ran more carefully now. He caught his
breath, but his muscles worked harder, braking so he wouldn't trip
down the steep stairs.
A light film of sweat covered him. The
land hadn't cooled off enough to kick in the offshore breeze yet.
He glanced at his watch, 5 o'clock. Seth would be here to pick him
up in a half hour. He jogged slowly along the lowest seats and walked
up the stairs, cooling down. He stopped at the top for a view of the
campus.
He smiled; it never failed to impress him how the
place reeked of elegant money. The intricate mosaic wall murals, the
cool Spanish arcades, the mocha lattes offered on the lunch veranda,
and the professionally manicured playing fields were bordered by
perfect rows of palm trees. In the student parking lot, all flavors
of Beemers and SUVs were found. Ironically, what impressed him most
was what he didn't see - not a single cigarette butt or broken
liquor bottle. Not that the students weren't slobs or didn't
smoke and drink, but there was always someone to clean after
them.
There weren't many people around because of yet
another benefit concert being held on the other side of campus. To
most students, the particular cause was less relevant than the goal
of being seen and admired there. A few dogs barked and chased each
other over the field, occasionally returning to an older couple
standing mid field. Behind the bleachers, below and a short distance
away from Ryan, a red headed boy sat quietly on the curb obviously
waiting for a ride.
On the top bleacher seat Ryan held a
stretch, forehead to right knee and both hands around the sole of his
new kicks, Nike Shox. The shoes made him about a hundred dollars
worth of uncomfortable. They were a reminder of the large bills the
Cohens were spending on him. He had tried to explain it to Sandy at
the mall.
"You guys don't have to do this. My old ones are
fine . . ." When this was met with silence, he added, "I can use
my Crab Shack money?" More silence but Sandy's eyebrows gathered
in a serious conference. In an exasperated mumble Ryan said, "It's
just adding up to too much ... more than we had for real things ...
rent, food ..."
Sandy tried to look Ryan straight in the
eye, but Ryan lowered his gaze and his hair fell over his forehead.
"I get it, Ryan. Cut from the same deck and all that. I denounce
the inequities of society, too! You feel guilty and wish your folks
could have had nice shoes ... nice clothes, nice cars ... hell,
enough for reliable groceries. What if our families had money? Would
my dad have stayed around? Would your dad be in prison? I don't
know. But the answer isn't to deny yourself. Bring about change,
don't make futile gestures!" He paused between the next words for
emphasis, "Combat - these -injustices."
Sandy seemed
embarrassed by his earnestness, and tried to relieve the moment,
"Please indulge us. As Seth says: we've never had a real athlete
in the family. Let us pepper your game, or would that be sugar your
game? Hmmm. So what'll it be – Saucony Hurricane, Nike Shox, or
the classic All Stars in a lovely chartreuse? If you get tired of
running in them, maybe you can drink them."
So today the
kicks also reminded Ryan of a new resolve to not feel bad about
getting things. He wasn't sure how his other resolution to "bring
about good change" could be put to action. The phrase "combat
injustice" sounded ridiculous - something that belonged to a
superhero wearing a cape in a scene from Seth's graphical novels.
He cringed at the image but the idea had seemed so right to him when
Sandy first said it. He'd have to think a bit more on this.
Ryan
looked up when he heard a car race up the drive only to slam on the
brakes abruptly. A black Benz pulled up a few feet from the boy.
A
tall, overweight man in a business suit jumped out of the car.
The
boy stood up quickly, hugging a backpack in front of him. Ryan
recognized him as Chester Moore from Seth's sailing class. Chester
was a slight, sullen boy in the 5th grade who had never said more
than a few words to Ryan. But they saw each other at most of the
Newpsie events that the Cohens attended.
"Hi, Dad. H-How was
the meeting with Dean Kim? I thought it was Mom who was going."
Chester said anxiously.
Mr. Moore stared at Chester for a
moment before replying coldly, "She wanted to talk to me because
your mom is useless. You're failing gym and retard math? You're
both useless."
Chester stared at his shoes and said, "The
guys don't like me. They spit at me when Coach isn't looking. I'd
rather stay in the library . . . but I promise I'll do
better."
"They spit on you?" Mr. Moore's voice and
face expressed his revulsion. "What did I ever do to deserve you?
Stupid and weak. Incredible. Stop crying. I thought we broke you of
that nasty habit." He slapped Chester across the face and turned
toward the car. He hadn't put much force behind it, but Chester's
heels were against the curb and he didn't have the leverage to stop
his fall.
Ryan's stomach tensed and he was motionless,
watching carefully. The words weren't aimed at him, the slap
wouldn't have moved him. He was safe from his bird's eye view.
Sixteen years of living with exploding anger, his reactions had
become instinctive. If any of the Cohens were in trouble he would
already be on the front lines, fists swinging. But Chester reminded
him of himself, only younger. Sometimes others had tried to intervene
on his behalf, and he would usually get his ass kicked even more when
they left. Bullies hated to be called out and would take it out on
the weak as soon as they could.
He knew Chester's face
wasn't his worse pain. That was the shock of being told, yet again,
you had no worth. AJ's punches bruised deep but healed in days. If
you learned to read the signs you could stay out of AJ's way most
of the time; bury yourself in a good book. But memories of his meek
compliance to commands given with the sole purpose of humiliation
endured. Many of his mother's lovers would order him to fetch
another beer, hoping he wouldn't so they would have an excuse to
beat him, if they needed an excuse at all.
Worse still were
commands given by someone who occasionally said he loved you. Like
when Ryan and Trey were just little kids, whenever it struck their
dad's fancy, he demanded they repeat "I'm a little shit"
while he roared with drunken laughter.
"Get into the
car."
Chester happened to glance up at Ryan as he was
getting up. He seemed embarrassed beneath his scowl, and quickly
turned away to comply with his father's orders.
Ryan leaped
over the guardrail and began to climb down the backside of the
bleachers. He didn't know how getting down would be of any help,
but Chester's look forced him to do something. The car sped away
before he got a quarter of the way down the scaffolding. Combat
injustices? Ha, he could never be fast enough, smart enough.
