Part 26: What's Taran for "Whoops!"

Ruda was bouncing up and down the street as they left Erie Street Cemetery, cheerfully pointing out various items and excitedly asking her patrol buddies what that was, and what that was, and, oh, what is that?

Faith, Vi, and the latest recruit, Andrea, filled her in, laughing good-naturedly at how she'd mangle some of the words as she tried to sound them out. Whether she got them right, which always inspired a round of sincere applause from the others, or got them hilariously wrong, her grin didn't dim one single jot.

Girl's like a disease, Faith thought with a chuckle. Ruda's never-ending optimism in the face of a mission that had gone seriously haywire served to single-handedly raise the spirits of every Slayer in the house. Ruda obviously didn't think that being a Slayer was a one-way ticket to the vale of tears, a sharp contrast to the examples offered by Buffy and herself.

Hell, if it was possible for Slayers to have a recruitment drive, Faith was pretty damn sure that Ruda would be the first choice to serve as a poster child. It was strange that Catherine allowed future girl out of the house, but massive amounts of begging, coupled with the deadliest cute-kitten-eyes Faith had ever seen, broke down the Watcher Honoria's defenses.

Still, Ruda wasn't given free reign. Catherine ordered that she stay out of the fighting and stick to talk about the present tense. Ruda gave her Watcher half-a-nod, a sure sign to Faith's eyes that Ruda's mind was already on patrol and was looking for an excuse to do some damage, and they were out the door.

All the same, Faith was impressed. Ruda actually followed orders. Sort of. She kept out of the one skirmish they had with four fledges, although she shouted encouragement and whooped from the sidelines while watching the present-day trio at work. Faith was pretty sure that Catherine would not consider Ruda's shout, "Look out behind you!" at Andrea while the newest Slayer in the house was distracted during the dust up as staying out of the fighting.

Ruda glommed onto Vi right after introductions were made and the dark-haired girl bounced between Vi and Faith all night. At the moment, Faith was enjoying giving her ears a well-deserved break while Ruda pestered the younger Slayer. She watched as her charge waved her hands in the air with excitement while Vi recounted this one time she tripped and fell face-first in the mud while chasing a Faryl demon through a back alley. Ruda constantly peppered the hat-wearing Slayer for more details until Vi was reduced to breathlessly laughing about the incident and the enthusiasm of her appreciative audience.

Story done, Ruda tripped her way back to Faith's side and said, "Tell me another one."

"Aren't you tired yet? Christ, I'm ready to drop just watching you."

"Please Lanoire…I mean Faith?"

Faith sighed. "Wicked. Did I tell you that one?"

"Wih-kid," Ruda gamely parroted. "Means really great."

"Bubbler," Faith said.

"Bub-lah. Means a water fountain, which is attached to a wall so people can drink from it."

"Parlor."

"Pahler."

Faith grinned. Ruda was picking up her wicked bad Boston accent. And doing a really good job of it, too. "That means living room," Faith said.

"Living rohm," Ruda nodded sagely.

"That's where people gather together, sit down, watch some tube, and maybe curl up on a couch," Faith explained.

"Oh, central room," Ruda nodded happily. "Couch?"

"Couch…couch…wait…sofa?" Faith asked. Ruda still looked blank, so she added, "Long bench-like seat that can have more than one person on it."

"I know what a sofa is, silly," Ruda grinned. A look of horror quickly replaced it. "Sorry, I didn't mean to call you…"

Faith barked a laugh. "It's okay, kid. Silly's cool. We're good." Ruda still looked like she had committed a grave sin. Faith put an arm around her shoulder and added, "Promise I won't hit ya with a thunderbolt or anything like that. It's all good. Hey! I got another one. This is guaranteed funny, at least everyone around me thinks so when I say it. It's where I'm originally from. Ready?"

"Ready." Ruda's inherent cheerfulness was making a break for her voice.

"Boston."

"Bahstin?" Ruda repeated thoughtfully. "I thought that was how you were supposed to pronounce it."

"You're a trip kid, you know that?" Faith asked with good humor. "I don't think I've ever seen any Slayer as happy as you are."

"Why wouldn't you be?" Ruda asked in a tone that indicated she had completely missed the subtext of Faith's statement. "I mean, you can do all these great things, and you get to travel all over the place, and you get to make friends with really interesting people. It's a lot of fun."

Andrea wandered backwards and interjected, "And deal with endless training sessions, put up with Robin or someone else trying to dictate your life, the constant fighting without a break, the feeling you get when you're beaten to a pulp before the healing kicks in…"

"Okay, it's not all fun, but it's not all bad either," Ruda countered. She fixed Andrea with a look. "I don't get it. If you didn't want to be a Slayer, then why did you become one?"

"Ahhh, Ruda?" Vi interrupted. "You know the deal. You don't choose. You get chose. That's how it works."

Ruda dismissively waved her hand. "You sound like Catherine. Every Potential gets asked and if they don't want it they can always say no."

Faith's hand shot out and she grabbed Ruda by her upper left arm. "Run that by me one more time?"

Ruda looked at Faith as if a second head had sprouted from her shoulder. "The First Slayer asks you if you want to be a Slayer and you give her an answer." She looked around, taking in Vi's, Faith's, and Andrea's shocked expressions. "You did the vision quest before you became Slayers. Right?"

Faith licked her lips. "I think it's a little different for us. So, we're gonna take it from the top. First you're a Potential, right?"

"Unh-hunh," Ruda nodded. "One of the Councils identify you and offer to train you."

"One of the Councils," Faith repeated.

"The Council Honoria and the Council Educationary," Ruda said as if this explained everything. "Catherine's Council Honoria."

"Right. Let's skip the Watchers for now," Faith said. "Back to you." Looks like ol' Ruda forgot the bit where she's not supposed to talk about herself, Faith thought grimly. This is too good an opportunity to let slide. Keep pumpin' her until that ol' short-term memory kicks in and she shuts the fuck up.

"Anyway, I got trained by the Council Honoria even though the Council Educationary identified me first. My parents sympathized more with the Council Honoria's philosophy."

"I'm really confused," Vi said.

Faith shushed the other Slayer and nodded at Ruda.

"Anyway, when I turned sixteen, I had to go on the vision quest in the G'naroth Desert so I could decide if I wanted to be a Slayer," Ruda blithely continued.

"Decide if you wanted to be…" Vi began. She winced under Faith's glare. "Sorry."

"They let you out there with enough water for a week, but no food. It's so you'd be more receptive to the vision," Ruda continued. "Then, one night, She comes to you."

"The First Slayer," Faith stated.

"Yup," Ruda agreed, pleased she was finally getting somewhere. "She has dark skin and her hair is really messy and caked with mud and her face is all painted white. She charges you, holds you to the ground, puts a knife to your throat, and asks you."

"What did you do?" Vi asked, her eyes wide with anticipation.

"She asks if you have the Slayer spirit," Ruda said. Her voice took on a dreamy tone and her face a rapturous expression. "I looked in Her eyes and I just knew. I was meant to be a Slayer and I wouldn't be complete if I was anything else. And it was like She just knew that I knew because She kissed me on the forehead, gave me my personal message, told me the name of my Watcher, and then she was gone."

"And you became a Slayer. Just like that," Andrea said.

"You know that's how it works," Faith said quietly. "Well, not exactly the same way, but…it is just like that."

"Anyway, when the vision ended, I had all the Slayer power," Ruda said. "The Prima picked up on the change and they came to get me and bring me back to the Council Honoria. Then they told Catherine that she'd been Called to work with me."

"Were you happy with that?" Vi's asked. Faith noticed that the younger Slayer's attitude had subtly shifted from curiosity to something resembling excitement as Vi pushed, "I mean, that the First Slayer told you who your Watcher would be because…well, Catherine seems like a really interesting person and all, but did you even know her?"

"I knew that She wouldn't steer me wrong on my Watcher. Catherine was one of my teachers, but I didn't know know her," Ruda still had the dreamy voice. She suddenly snapped out of her near-trance and she was back to being bouncy-happy Ruda, "'Sides, Catherine's the best. She's," the girl's face concentrated, although the image of thoughtful thinking was betrayed by a mischievous twitch of the lips, "wih-kid awesome."

"That would be 'better than sex,'" Faith quickly explained to the other Slayers.

This last statement resulted in two speechless present-day Slayers giving Faith a guarded look.

"Nothing's better than sex," Ruda disagreed. She thought about it while Faith joined Vi and Andrea on the speechless front. After a moment, the she added, "I tell a lie. Killing an egg-bearing pride of nine T'voraths just before they start choosing hosts? That's better than sex. Although I think it's something to do with the pheromones an egg-bearing T'vorath gives off when you kill it."

"Don't ask," Faith quickly ordered as she took a fresh look at Ruda. "Kid? How fucking old are you?"

Ruda drew herself up to her full height, "I'm twenty-one…no…wait…sorry. Forgot to convert to…I'll be eighteen standard years in a little bit. I think. Is that right?" She looked to Faith for confirmation.

"I'll take your word for it." Jesus. Her voice sounded strangled to her own ears. Ruda had to be wrong because as far as Faith was concerned the kid, who was actually older than almost every Slayer in the house except for herself, Buffy, and Kennedy, acted more like a puppy than a veteran. Hell, she even looked younger, but that could've been an illusion because of her petite size and generally happy disposition. Then again, that might be the difference between choosing to play and getting drafted, she thought with a twinned pang of resentment and guilt.

Ruda shrugged off Faith's ignorance on the issue with a grin, "I'll ask J'Nal. He'll know for sure. I probably got it wrong anyway because I always mix up the conversions from decacalendars to standard calendars and back."

"Yeah, you do that," Faith said numbly as she turned back to the house.

Andrea's suspicious voice cut through the fog. "One thing I gotta wonder: what would've happened if you didn't accept it?"

"After a week, the Watchers Honoria would've sent someone looking for me," Ruda shrugged as she fell into step with Faith.

"C'mon, that sounds like an offer you don't dare refuse," Faith said.

"People do all the time," Ruda corrected.

"You're shitting me," Faith said.

"What happens to them?" Vi asked the light in her eyes undimmed.

Ruda was vague on that point. "I guess some of them just go back to being normal people. I really don't know."

"You mean you don't care to know," Andrea said angrily. "Everyone treats them like a loser because they weren't willing to make the big sacrifice or some such macho Slayer bullshit."

"Take that back!" Ruda said hotly as she spun around to face the trailing Slayer. "Okay, almost all of them leave, but I personally know one person who turned it down and she's not a loser."

"Really?" Vi asked, intrigued by the whole notion that Slayer destiny wasn't a destiny in the distant future and that walking away did not necessarily mean you were shirking your duty. "What happened to her?"

***

Catherine hovered over Willow's shoulder as if her very presence might make the computer work a smidge faster.

It took ten minutes for Willow to snap. Xander timed her.

"Stop it. You're making me nervous."

"Sorry. Sorry." Catherine held her hands up in the air and backed up a few steps. She began pacing the perimeter of the room, muttering under her breath.

"Sit down!" Willow shouted in exasperation. "You're making me even more nervous."

Catherine threw herself into a chair with the air of a spoiled child, one leg jiggling nervously. "There are no books here? Where are the futching books? The place looks naked."

"Grumbling about the lack of books. Giles has got to be your grandfather a zillion times removed," Xander commented.

Catherine sat up straight and gave him a look that, to Xander's mind, seemed to announce that one Harris-rah was clearly the stupidest person she had ever had the misfortune to meet in this or any other epoch.

"Look, not saying the lack of book-having is of the good," Xander said in a tone he hoped was reassuring. "We just got here so we're a little thin on the pages. Besides, the kind of books we need are on the expensive side and right now we need to get our financial house in order before we invest in anything with a leather cover or a musty smell."

"You mean people won't donate the books to you or even give you a facsimile?" Catherine sounded horrified at the thought.

"Why would they do that?" Xander asked. He winced. "I forgot. You're public and we're not so people get a tax write-off when they empty the ol' attic and dump it at your doorstep, right?"

Catherine blinked. "You do realize that I don't understand half of what you said. Taaksez?"

"A world with out taxes," Xander grinned. "Anya would be so psyched." The grin disappeared as quickly as it appeared. Her name just slipped out and he could feel the familiar mental clobber upside the head every time her memory made its presence known.

"Ahnyah," Catherine mused over the name, eyes not focused on the suddenly silent man in front of her. "I think I remember that name. Now where did I read that?"

Willow's head snapped up from the keyboard and she cautiously watched the Watcher Honoria and her friend. She subtly shifted, preparing herself to interrupt if things got emotionally strained.

"Fiancé, or ex-fiancé, or, hell, I don't know," Xander whispered.

"Ahnyah," Catherine continued, as if she didn't hear him, her mind still tracking down the name. "Ahhhnnyahhhh. Ahnyah! That's it!" She smiled, happy she figured it out. "She got killed in Sun'dyl! That's right! And you and she were once…" The smile disappeared. "Oh. Unh. Sorry. I didn't…yikes. Me and my mouth. I forgot that my ancient history is your gapping wound."

"It's okay. Forget it," Xander said. He saw Willow relax and turn back to the computer, but he just knew that she was listening to the conversation with half-an-ear peeled for trouble and mentally sent grateful vibes in her direction.

"This whole time-traveling scenario…" Catherine began.

"Is a lot less fun than you'd thought it would be?" Xander asked.

She winced. "I'm that obvious, hunh?"

"Look, I bet you're sitting there and saying to yourself, 'Who the hell are these jerks?' Right?"

"I'm not thinking that," Catherine protested.

"I can guess that you are. Look, we're all over the historical record and some of us are up there in the whole pantheon of people you want to be just like when you grow up," Xander said. "I mean, the whole –rah and –rah-sen deal may be normal for you but it scares the hell out of me. I mean, how does anyone live up to that?"

"I don't know," Catherine admitted.

"I'm not offended. I think I know where you're coming from," Xander assured her. "It's kind of like me finding out that Batman was alive and well and living in New York City, going on a pilgrimage to find him and tell him how he's a big hero, and finding out that he's just some perv in a cape that gets off on beating up people."

"Batman? Cape?" she said with her eyebrows drawn tight. Suddenly light dawned, as if she had her own wa-wa moment. "A powerhero!" she shouted in glee. "You're talking about a fictional powerhero, aren't you?"

"Is that like a superhero?"

Catherine practically bounced in excitement. "I bet it is. And you read power funnies? Really?"

"Power funnies? Must be comic books." Xander was definitely confused. Catherine didn't strike him as someone who'd even know what comic books or the future equivalent were. Yet here she was acting like a total fangeek. "I haven't since we left Sunnydale. Besides, Batman doesn't have super powers, he's just a normal guy who's trained himself to fight and is really smart."

The Watcher Honoria regarded him with shining eyes. "I like that. It suits you."

Xander ducked his head, embarrassed at the pleased tone in her voice. He felt obscurely happy that this fact about him, which apparently never made it into whatever passed for history where she was from, was something she seemed to treasure.

"Suits me too," she added as she leaned back. "I never did want to be a Slayer, even though I was a Potential and had all the training. That's why I turned it down when the power was offered to me."

Xander and Willow froze and regarded their happy visitor with shock. They looked at each other and then back at Catherine.

Willow cleared her throat. "You know? I think it's my turn to wear the dunce cap. Unh, Catherine? What did you mean when you said you turned down the Slayer power? How is that possible?"