Author's Notes: I have no idea why I wrote this.
Heaven's a Lie
(A Buffy Fic)
Drusilla remembered a time when she swam in the blood and danced naked in the moonlight.
She remembered stories, cakes and candlelight.
She remembered family.
She remembered a harsh, Irish voice threatening:
"If ye'll not be silent I'll rape ye like yer sisters."
And she remembered how she'd wake up screaming and how that same voice would call her "precious."
She remembered whispering to the stars long after Daddy and Grandmummy retired to their bed.
She remembered trembling all over from the shouting in her head and having a soft, English voice soothing her back to sleep.
"Will you love me forever?"
"Dru, eternity would not be nearly enough time to love you."
She remembered God and empty promises.
"Say your prayers, Mary. Good girls always say their prayers."
She remembered when her name was Mary.
"Angelus, I don't like that name. She'll have to change it."
"Right ye are, darlin'. Such a wicked girl, shan't have such a pure name. How d'yer feel abou' Drusilla?"
She remembered prayers and rosaries.
"Hail Mary, full of grace..."
No, that was wrong.
"Yer a sinner."
She remembered how the Bible scorched her skin and how holy water burned worse than fire.
"Our Father who art in heaven..."
She remembered screaming and how easily the necks of children broke.
She remembered how sweet blood tasted and how the sun hated her.
She remembered feeling warm.
She remembered how Anne had loved lemons, but hated strawberries.
She remembered how Miss Edith always spoke out of turn and how the roses had thorns that cut deeper than knives.
She remembered mirrors and how they mocked her with their emptiness.
She remembered how Spike had tasted of ashes.
She remembered love and souls and purity.
She remembered effulgence.
She remembered white and voices telling her what a lovely bride she'd make.
She remembered agony and tears and whispered words that would take the pain away.
She remembered lies.
"God damns all liars, Mary."
No, her name was Drusilla. There was no Mary.
She remembered how her father's blood had bled so red and how Daddy had killed him.
She remembered how she hated Daddy and how he had screamed when the holy water turned his skin crimson.
She remembered how that wasn't right. She loved Daddy.
She remembered Spike's smiles and hushed assurances.
"I'll never leave you, pet. I'll stake meself first."
She remembered how well he had lied.
She remembered how the moon whispered its truth into her ears.
She remembered spreading her legs like a wanton streetwalker.
"Yer me whore, best no' forget it."
She remembered how her mother had told her all streetwalkers would burn.
She remembered how Spike had called her "eternity."
She remembered how he was gone.
She remembered screaming and dancing and blood and how her head would ache from all the voices promising damnation.
And, sometimes, when the sounds would go away, Drusilla remembered a thing that would cause her to fall to her knees and weep.
She remembered that heaven was a lie.