Part 27: The Slayer vs. the Woman

Faith was wandering to bed, head still spinning from Ruda's revelations and wondering how the hell she was going to bring the whole business up to the others, when Buffy darted from her own room, snagged Faith's arm, and dragged her out of the hall.

"Yo! Ow! What's up with this shit! B?" Faith protested as she was shoved into the room and Buffy closed the door, leaning against it for good measure.

"Faith? What do you think of Ruda?" Buffy asked in a conspiratorial tone.

"Ruda? She's okay. I like her anyway," Faith shrugged.

"You would," Buffy grumbled.

"Look, it's not like that," Faith protested. "She's, I dunno, fun. She totally digs the Slayer gig. I mean, just going on patrol with her is a trip. She ain't queen of quips, but she's a wicked pissah. She should hear some of the shit that comes out of her mouth."

"Looking up to you has nothing to do with that?" Buffy asked with arms crossed.

"Yeah, okay," Faith admitted with a wince. "I dig that too, probably because she's the Slayer I wish I could be and she's following me around like I'm the cat's ass. I mean, I don't think this girl would know what angst was if it bit her nose off, poked out her eye, and then did a little jig on her body."

"She's young," Buffy pointed out.

"Not as young as you think. Okay, maybe she hasn't been a Slayer long enough for the whole 'whoa is me' mindset to sink in, but I dunno, B. I don't think this girl has it in her to be like that," Faith mused. "She's wired completely different from the rest of us."

"How so?" Buffy sounded like she was legitimately curious about Faith's answer.

"Not gonna like my answer."

Buffy sighed. "Wouldn't've asked if I didn't want to know."

Faith took a breath. This was a roundabout way to approach the problem, but Buffy was a damn good start. "You never really liked being a Slayer, right? When you had the bombshell dropped on you I bet you had your life all mapped out to Barbie Dream House specifications. You had yourself a nice, shiny life. Probably was the prom queen or some such shit as that. A mom I'd kill to have…"

"You nearly did," Buffy pointed out.

"I did not," Faith cheerfully disagreed. "I just, y'know, borrowed the bod so I could steal your life. Thing is, Joyce was the tops."

"She was," Buffy sadly agreed.

"Glad you know it now. Little late, though," Faith said through narrowed eyes. She shook off the resentment and continued, "Back in the day…hell, even now you're all about the tragedy. If it wasn't Angel, it was me. If it wasn't me, it was Spike or some other bullshit. And you're always giving the evil eye at being the Slayer as being the source of all your troubles without even thinking that it just might be you."

"Oh, like you were all sparkly and happy about being a Slayer," Buffy growled. She stopped. "Wait. Wait. I said I wouldn't get mad. You're just being honest about what you think."

"See, that's the difference between you and me, B. My problem wasn't that I was a Slayer, it's just that I was me," Faith admitted. "The Slayer bit just made me more me, if you get my drift."

"Not following."

"Okay, me? Not such a great life and I'm too stupid to dig myself out of a hole…"

"You're not stupid," Buffy protested. "You're just not good at…at…well, some things."

"Whatever. Anyway, along comes a Watcher and she tells me that I'm special and I've got a big destiny ahead. Up to that point, no one's told me that, unless you count endless Free to be You and Me replays in kiddie school," Faith said. "So I'm like totally hooked on the deal."

"You were happy about being a Slayer," Buffy interrupted with a tone that indicated that she wasn't buying.

"Okay, the bit that I'd probably die young and leave an ugly corpse had me pitching a fit, but it sure as hell beat the alternative," Faith shrugged. "The fighting part wasn't a big deal. Shit. I was doing that anyway, only I was pounding the snot out of other people instead of demons. The only thing Slaying did was give me an edge in a fight."

"Let me get this straight: you don't think killing Finch, killing random people, nearly killing Angel, joining forces with the Mayor, and landing in prison isn't a straight up tragedy."

"You forgot to include strangling Xander in that group," Faith dryly added.

"Answer the question."

Faith shrugged. "Well, yeah. It was bad, not saying it wasn't. Hell, okay, I'll even go with the tragic, but it is what it is. It happened and nothing is gonna erase that. Now, I can huddle in a corner and cry for the rest of my fucking life, or I can do better. Me? I'll go with do better because I did the whole hide in a jail cell and pretend the world outside doesn't exist bit. Easier for me, but doesn't help anyone."

Buffy thoughtfully regarded the other Slayer. "You and Ruda have more in common than you think."

"Not really. Ruda chose to get the Slayer juice. Me? Not so much."

Buffy blinked. She swallowed hard. "Excuse me?"

"Ruda chose to accept the Slayer powers."

"You don't get to choose, you have it or you don't," Buffy stated.

"Ruda did," Faith firmly said. "Before you say anything, shut up and let me finish. Vi, me, and Andrea got to talking with Ruda tonight and we found out some freaky shit about Slayers in her time."

"Tell me," Buffy said.

"Okay, not sure I'm getting this right." Faith's brow crinkled in concentration. "Okay, I guess there's some deal whenever she's from that a Potential is a Potential, right? Anyway, they get all the training and whatnot. Then when they hit mid-teens or something like that they go on some kinda vision quest where they get dumped in a desert. Somewhere in there they start hallucinating and the First Slayer attacks 'em, holds a blade to their throat, and asks if they got the power."

"A choice," Buffy said in a whisper. She cleared her throat, "I don't think too many people say 'no' with an offer like that."

Faith shrugged. "She said it happens all the time."

"What happens to them?" Buffy asked, bitter tone betraying resentment and her expression telegraphing just what she thought about all those girls who dared turn the offer down.

"She thinks some of them get reintegrated into society as nice normal young ladies, but that a handful of them decide to stick with it in another capacity," Faith said.

"And just how is an ex-Potential with no Slaying powers going to fight?" Buffy asked.

Faith smiled a wolfish grin. "You'd be shocked. Ruda got really defensive when we pushed her on that point and she said that she would kill all three of us if any of us dared suggest that Catherine was a coward."

"What?"

"Yeah, can you believe that? Catherine's a good fighter, but she ain't exactly got the Slayer moves. Hell, she doesn't even have the moves a Potential has." She grinned a mischievous grin, "Although I bet she could well and truly kick Robin's ass."

"You shouldn't be rooting against your honey," Buffy said in a stunned voice, her mind still stuck on the whole choose-your-own-destiny idea.

"Well, let's just say I saw a few things that have me thinkin' he needs to calm his shit down," Faith grumbled. "I'd smack him one, but I'm afraid I might break his jaw. Sometimes I don't know my own strength."

"If you could choose…" Buffy began in a dreamy voice. She cleared her throat. "Hey, if you had the choice, would you be a Slayer?"

"Fuck-all if I know," Faith admitted. "It's got its good and bad like everything else. Probably, because it sure beat what I had. What about you?"

Buffy never did answer.

TBC…