Part 34: Get Nervous
Faith fidgeted in her seat while the some of the inner circle drifted into the kitchen. She told herself that she did not want to sneak out for a smoke, heavy stress or no. Smoking got her into this shit in the first place. If that wasn't enough to get her to kick the habit, nothing will.
The surgeon general had a point. Who the fuck knew?
She hated this feeling of not being in control. Even prison didn't beat down that part of her personality. Considering that in prison her days were tuned to the clock, the orders of the screws, the clang of steel doors, the threat of solitary, and the sometimes weird-ass thoughts that would get stuck in other inmates' heads about taking her on or making her their bitch, other people might think this an odd thing.
Except that Faith would be the first to admit that even in prison she had a semblance of control. She could've escaped and walked away any time. True, she didn't have really anywhere to go before Wes showed up in the visitor's room to break the news about Angelus, but the point is she was in prison because she let herself be locked up.
So, in a twisted way, Faith was in control of her punishment. Deep down she knew that, even if other people didn't see it that way.
But this whole situation with Catherine? She couldn't quite get her hands around it. This was so much bigger than her, than all of them. From the moment she opened her mouth to Catherine about the truth right to this very moment in the kitchen, she could feel the world tilting off its axis and she couldn't figure out how to recapture her sense of equilibrium.
The only thing she could do was zip her big fat mouth, and she had full intention of doing just that. Sure, things were rocky between her and Robin right now, but Catherine's revelation would be one big stake to the heart if it got out. And then there was the Robin-and-Xander angle. Christ, things were bad enough between the two of them and this little revelation would only torque the tension.
She could see it now: Every time Xander opened his mouth to argue anything, Robin'd put it down to jealousy. Shit. Wouldn't be the first time she'd seen it happen in this crew. In a few of her cemetery patrols with Buffy back before things went sour, she remembered the other Slayer ranting about some thing or another Xander said and fluffing it off to the fact that Xander was so very obviously jealous of Angel.
Even though Faith back then really didn't give a shit about lessons in Scooby Dynamics 101, she thought some of the crap B said Xander said was kinda right. Hell, B did hide Angel's return after all the shit he pulled as Angelus, so B, in her humble opinion, didn't have a whole lot of fucking room to talk about letting emotions do the thinking, especially since she got caught in the crossfire of the immediate fallout.
Can you be a little more unfair? Robin ain't no high school girl and he wouldn't think that everything boiled down to jealousy. She hoped. Given the increased snarling between Xander and Robin since Catherine and friends blew into town, she really wasn't sure.
Oddly enough, she wasn't actually worried about Xander spilling the beans. If she read the situation right, Xander seemed bound and determined to not only keep his yap shut, but to do everything in his power to make sure her-and-him never happened. No. Faith was a hell of a lot more worried about the future people upsetting the applecart with the wrong word at the wrong time. Hell, they spilled the beans about choose-your-own destiny for Slayers by accident. Catherine's ancestry was small shit in comparison to that.
"There you are. Was wondering where you got to."
Faith startled at the sound of Robin's voice.
"You're jumpy," he remarked with a grin.
"Surprised me is all," Faith recovered. "Hey, plant your sweet ass next to mine. Got a seat all saved for ya."
"Can't," Robin said, "I figure I should stand next to Giles when our friends present their proof. My job as the household's designated cynic."
"So? Be a cynic on this side of the kitchen with me."
Robin looked at her a moment before asking, "What's wrong?"
"Wrong? Nothing's wrong. Just that we haven't had me-and-you time in a while and I thought…"
Robin stifled a smile as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "Me-and-you time? In a kitchen full of people? Kinky."
"That's not what I meant."
"I know, I know. Just trying to ease the tension in your shoulders," Robin replied. "No one gets my sense of humor."
Faith shook her head. "Sorry. It's just overwhelming. We're getting some hard-ass proof and, I dunno, it makes me feel uncomfortable."
"Can't see why," Robin shrugged, "they seem to actually like you."
Faith could hear the slight edge of disappointment and hurt in Robin's voice in the unstated sentiment: you they like, in Xander they trust, me they hate.
"It's probably some bullshit thing we don't know nothin' about. Let it slide, babe," Faith said. "Hell, if I let people hating my guts get to me, I'd've tried to drown myself in the Charles a million years ago."
"Somehow I don't see you giving up that easily."
"Okay, you caught me. The Charles is so polluted that you can walk on it even during the summer. Throwing myself into that river probably would've been like throwing myself on a waterbed. Lots of waves, but no dice on death."
Faith was relieved to see that got a laugh out of Robin and she felt herself relax. It was all good. They were good. This was just a rough patch they were going through. He really did care about her and she really did like him. It was going to be okay, no matter what Catherine's sour face didn't say about him.
"I thought our environmentalist age had cleaned it up," Robin chuckled.
"Still wouldn't eat fish out of it," Faith countered. "C'mon, been keeping this seat warm for you. If you don't take it, I'll have to auction it off to the highest bidder."
Robin gave her a tired smile. "I really can't, so I say take the suckers for all they're worth. Make it up to you later?"
Faith opened her mouth to protest just as Robin turned and headed for Giles's side. She shut it and swallowed hard. The kitchen wasn't that big that he couldn't say whatever he wanted to say while sitting next to her. Why the hell did he always have to prove that he was the big man in charge? No one was volunteering to take over his gig, so why didn't he just calm down about it and start acting like a man?
Will you fucking stop it? Faith chided herself. You're sounding needier than a broke junkie jonesing for a fix. What the fuck is wrong with you? Since when are you a clinging vine?
Since two hours ago when she had the bomb dropped on her in the backyard, that's when.
She could hear Dawn and Andrew chattering as they joined the crowd in the kitchen and fought the urge to roll her eyes. Dawn was okay, even if she'd been keeping distant from the Slayer side of the equation in favor of school and boys, but Andrew's delusions were just about the last thing she needed to hear.
The tenor in the room changed and Faith looked up just in time to see Xander walk in followed by the groupies from the future.
Christ, he looks fucking miserable. She didn't feel one stitch of sympathy that Xander was probably taking this whole business just as hard as she was, maybe even harder.
If he knew that she knew, he gave no sign as he launched into what he was going to say without a preamble.
"The journal," he fidgeted as he placed the book on the kitchen table, "it was written by me."
This simple statement was greeted with silence as Xander shoved his hands in his pockets and waited.
Giles broke the silence. "Oh, dear."
Since Giles was standing off to Xander's left, the brunet had to turn his whole head to see Giles's reaction.
"Well, that certainly does…I must say it…this is quite a complication," Giles stumbled.
"Ladies and gentlemen, meet Giles, the zen master of understatement," Xander said. "And for the record, I'm hurt. I'd think this little revelation rates as a definite 'Oh good lord.'"
"Yes. Quite. I'm trying to be discreet."
Wha? Faith thought as she switched her full attention to Giles. Shit! That's right! He knows! We are so screwed!
"So what's the big hullabaloo?" Dawn asked. "I mean, it makes sense, right? Of course it's Xander's journal since he was the one in Moscow when this all originally happened, so this should be more of a 'duh, we're all idiots' moment than 'wow, this is huge' moment."
"I know who has the Scooby brain cell today," Andrew sing-songed happily.
Xander and Giles exchanged a look that, to Faith's mind, said: "Should you tell them or should I?" Catherine and the others shuffled uncomfortably behind Xander.
Xander looked away and Faith held her breath.
"It's not that simple," Xander admitted with a hard swallow. "See, the thing is…thing thing is…" He looked at Giles helplessly. The encouraging nod he got seemed to give him some strength as he turned to face the room. "Okay, I gotta come clean about this since two too many people know…"
Faith could feel the butterflies in her stomach. Xander didn't know that she knew. Thank Christ. And judging by the fact that Giles was pretty focused on the guy talking, he probably didn't know either. Halleluiah. Something was breaking in her favor.
"…Catherine's, ummm, she's a relative. Of mine. She's a, umm, well, let's just say somewhere along the way that…"
"…at some point in the future you have sex?"
"Dawn!" the room exploded.
"Unless he donated sperm and didn't actually get jiggy with it."
"DAWN!" the chorus of voices repeated with a louder sense of outrage.
"What? Just pointing out the obvious," Dawn grinned as Giles began polishing his glasses with the fury an electric sander, Xander blushed into a shade of purple, Willow began choking, and the collective jaws of Catherine's crew hung open.
"Dawn? Where did you learn to be so crude?" Buffy sputtered.
"Meet Xander, king of the right quip at the wrong time, and Faith, queen of crude," Dawn giggled.
"I didn't do it!" Faith protested against the unreasonable panic of hearing her name and Xander's paired in the same sentence.
Buffy crossed her arms and gave Dawn a glare. "Stop blaming other people for your evil thoughts," she huffed.
"So, you're saying that Catherine is your direct descendant?" Robin interrupted.
Faith noticed Robin looked relieved, as if this fact explained everything he needed to know about the real deal. Shit. She could see the wheels turning in his head. Catherine didn't like him because as a descendant she had access to Xander's journals. And since Xander and he didn't get along, Xander obviously didn't like him and that was just as obviously recorded, kick-starting a cycle of Robin underappreciation for everything he'd done in Sunnydale and Cleveland. Which means even without little ol' her in the picture, Robin's insult now had an injury to go with it.
Vicious? Meet circle. Oh joy, Faith thought as Robin rubbed his chin and watched Xander squirm under the question.
Xander scrubbed a hand through his hair and Faith could see him biting back the first crack that came to mind, which, if she were willing to lay bets, probably would've been on the order of how nice it was that Robin knew how to state the obvious. Instead, Xander gave a mild, "Yes."
"Well now that you mention it, there is a resembly resemblance what with the height, and the mouth, and those shoulders. You don't work out do you Catherine? Because you got big shoulders for a woman, so maybe it's a genetic thing?" Willow began, "Plus, it explains why I think you're kinda hot, at least a little, because you know, what with the fluking and formal wear and all. Ummm, so, good thing Catherine didn't actually bring formal wear because then that would be…WHEW!…a total mess. My mother would have a field day with this one. And, you know, the way you're looking at me Xander? I'm thinking it's time for me to shut up now. Kennedy? Why are you just standing there? Aren't you supposed to stop me when my mouth starts moving like this?"
"Because I love it when your mouth moves like this," Kennedy answered.
"Oh, right," Willow nodded. "Never mind."
"I think my brain hurts," Xander said.
"I think my brain snapped," Catherine said.
"I think my brain is broken," J'Nal said.
"I hope this thing is working," Ms. Tikri tapped at her MemePad.
"I think it's cute," Charlie said.
"You would," Ruda said.
"People, focus," Robin clapped. "Obviously you read the journal. What did you have to say?"
Xander twitched uncomfortably and again Faith held her breath. Oh shit! If there's something in there about the two of us making with the nasty…
"Actually, not a lot…" Xander began.
"Now there's a surprise." To Robin's credit, he looked downright embarrassed that he let that thought get out of his mouth. To his even bigger credit, he tried to recover, "What I meant was…I mean…"
"I know what you meant," Xander cut him off with a dirty look. "But you didn't let me finish. There's a spell on the book. The only things I can see are the pages that detail the original visit to Moscow. Everything else is blocked."
Faith let out a whoosh of breath. She looked around, hoping no one heard her. She was in luck. Everyone was so into Xander's trauma that no one was paying attention to her.
"How so?" Willow was laser focused on the journal.
"Basically? I can open the book, but only four pages are free. All the others are crazy-glued shut, so you can't break 'em apart," Xander explained. "We ran a quickie test upstairs and found out that just my presence in the room is enough to trigger the spell. We don't know if it'll react the same way to anyone else."
"That could pose a problem if it doesn't," Giles admitted.
"What Alexander is trying to say is we need to run another test," Catherine smoothly cut in. "He proposes that he and Faith leave the room…"
"Why me?" Faith interrupted with a little more heat than she intended.
"Because you were in Moscow the first time around, so it's a good bet that how it reacts to me is how it'll react to you," Xander answered.
Damn, not even a trace that he knows. Faith was impressed, although a little corner of her mind wondered if this was a ruse for Xander to get her alone and break the news about her being a mommy. Prick.
"Yes. It is worth trying," Giles agreed. "Obviously, you'll need a guinea pig to open the journal when…"
"I want you to do it," Xander interrupted.
"Are you quite sure? I'm certain that anyone…"
"Giles, look, I trust you. If it doesn't work we need to know ASAP. And if you should catch something you shouldn't? I know you won't tell anyone, right?" Xander asked hopefully.
Giles looked like he was about to protest, but the expression on Xander's face rendered him speechless and he nodded.
"All right then. I'll be just outside," Xander said as he turned. He gave Faith an unreadable look and asked, "Coming?"
Faith hauled out of her chair and hoped she was walking normally as she left the room. When they entered the hallway, she noticed Xander was making a big show of inspecting a chip in the paint on a doorframe. She leaned against the wall and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Finally she couldn't stand it any more. "Staring at it ain't going to fix it."
Xander flopped around and leaned against the opposite wall with arms crossed. "Trying to decide whether or not to bother. With all the weapons that get carried around the house, I'm not sure if painting over every nick and scrape is a good waste of my time."
"Oh."
Xander made a "hunh" face and looked down at the floor, shuffling his feet uncomfortably. While the quiet stretched out, Faith found her eyes wandering. At some point she caught herself tunelessly whistling under her breath.
"So what do you think?" Xander asked.
"About what?" Faith shot back.
He held up his hands at the hostility in her voice. "Moscow. Remember Moscow? At some point we gotta start thinking passports."
"And you think I know shit about…"
"Just askin'." Xander rolled his right eye while the left remained disturbingly fixed straight ahead. This automatic reaction was enough to pick up the tear production with the fake eye and he swiped the wetness away with an irritated move.
"Yeah, well, not thrilled. Isn't it getting cold there right about now? Subzero temperatures, Cyclops. I'm telling you, you're gonna love it," Faith said with an edge of nasty in her voice.
"Don't remind me. Cleveland's cold enough." Attempt at small talk now officially failed, Xander again went back to examining the chip in the paint, left hand still wiping under the fake eye.
Wheeeee! What we have here is a cozy couple moment! Look out world! The romance that'll knock yer socks right off. Sid and Nancy got nothin' on us, Faith thought.
Giles stuck his head out of the kitchen, ruining a classic moment of uncomfortable silence. "It appears you have no worries," he announced. "The journal won't open for any of us either."
"Thank god!" Xander exclaimed.
Faith knew what Xander's relieved grin meant: he had no intentions of ever telling anyone the whole truth. While Xander practically bounced into the kitchen, Faith kept her return more low-key as she slunk back into her seat.
Xander, in the meantime, had snatched the journal back up, opening it to the offending pages while he scanned the entry with a frown.
"I thought you already read it," Robin said.
"Well, yeah, there's something really bothering me," Xander said absently while he tapped a finger on the page.
"This is soooo cool," Andrew enthused. "It's like that movie Frequency when this guy gets a ham radio transmission from his father in the past and tries to change history."
"I really don't see…" Giles began.
"Well, it's not obvious," Andrew rolled his eyes. "Because, you know, it's actually a journal, not a ham radio, and because it's actually Xander writing it, instead of Xander's dad. Or Xander's son. And because he isn't trying to change history, but maybe history's already been changed because the time travelers landed in the wrong year. Oh, and there are time travelers involved where in the movie there wasn't."
Xander kept muttering under his breath as he reread the entry while everyone else gave Andrew the hairy eyeball.
"So, what you're saying," Kennedy said very slowly, "is that there's actually no correlation at all."
"Exactly," Andrew happily nodded.
"Pay no attention to Andrew," Xander commented absently, "the little man behind his curtain has run away to attend a Star Trek con and won't be back until next year."
"Xaaaan-der, the con's next week, remember?" Andrew asked. "We've got tickets!"
Xander finally gave Andrew his full attention with a worried frown. "Tell me how I let you talk me into this again?"
"Nana Visitor."
"Nana Visitor is going?" Willow squeaked. "You should've told me! They're not sold out, are they? I hope they haven't sold out. She's such a cool actress and Kira was the best character and Deep Space Nine is the only Star Trek I really like."
"I already got my ticket," Dawn stuck her tongue out at Willow. "You'll just have to buy at the door."
"Can anyone figure out what they're saying?" J'Nal plaintively asked.
"No," Robin volunteered. "Does that make you feel any better?"
Faith saw Catherine bite her tongue and keep her face neutral.
"I'm going to need a ride," Willow wheedled.
"No roooooooom in the caaaaaaaar!" Dawn sing-songed. "You snooze, you lose."
"Fine. Directions then." Willow huffed.
Xander's eyes snapped to Willow. Then he looked down at the journal. He started tapping the page as his face fought a smile.
"What is it?" Giles asked sharply.
"It's a book," Xander announced.
"What?" Catherine asked.
"Your mystical Arrow," Xander looked like he was about to dance a jig around the room. "It's not a magical weapon, or a super special compass, it's a book! In this journal, Arrow is capitalized and underlined like it's a book!"
"Better not be a cookbook, because, ewwwww!" Dawn shuddered.
The Future Crew exchanged glances. "Obviously a very rare book," J'Nal said. "Who knows what secrets it holds."
"It holds street maps," Xander grinned. Faith could see he was enjoying the bubble bursting just a little too much.
"Street maps," Catherine slowly said.
"Special street maps?" J'Nal sounded hopeful.
"Copies of which you can find anywhere," Charlie chuckled. "What do you want to wager?"
"Want me to hold back on the answer until everyone places their bet?" Xander asked.
"Xander," Giles warned.
"Sorry, sorry. I can't…oh this is too funny…"
"Xander," Robin growled.
Xander plopped against the kitchen wall as a fit of giggles took over. "Bookstore. Down the street. Look for the screaming yellow cover. I used the Southern California edition for my construction job all the time. Anyone got thirty bucks?"
"Shockingly enough, I do," Faith volunteered with a relieved and happy grin at the goofily giggling Willow who gave Faith the 'back atchya' sign.
"Well, at least it sounds expensive," J'Nal said.
"That's not even the price of a pair of shoes," Buffy huffed. She quickly amended, "Unless you shop at Payless, and no one wants that, because the day this Slayer shops at Payless? You know the situation is desperate."
TBC…