Part 36: Verdandi, Skuld, and Urd (In Order of Appearance)

Faith spun her kick right into the punching bag, snapping its chain and sending it flying across the basement. She swiped her sweaty brown hair out of her eyes and let loose with a string of curses that would make her mother blush. Okay, not so much her mother. Buffy's mother definitely.

"Don't tell me. You and Robin fought again?"

Speak of the blonde devil.

"No," Faith said shortly, not bothering to turn around while she glared at the bag for failing to live up to its end of the bargain.

There was a moment of silence while Faith imagined Buffy looking from her to the punching bag and back again. Her judgment on the issue of Faith's veracity was rendered with a, "Riiiiiiiiiight."

"Fuck. How the hell am I gonna fix this?" Faith muttered.

"Xander'll do it."

Faith jerked her head around and nailed Buffy with a glare.

She got a half-smile in return. "He won't be dancing with joy about it, but he'll fix it. But you get to help by holding the bag and listening to him rant about us wrecking the training room. Cho-Ahn broke it the last time and her ears were burning for weeks after Alexander the Great was through with her. Not that she understood a thing he said."

"I didn't get into a fight with Robin," Faith snarled as she stalked over to her water bottle.

"Unh-hunh." Buffy shot the bag a meaningful glance. "That's what you said the last time you broke something."

"I didn't break…"

"I was thinking specifically of that Midget."

"Med-Guardé," Faith automatically corrected. She added in a grumble, "Like Robin didn't keep reminding me of the name afterwards every time I screwed it up."

"Talking under your breath about Robin. Definitely a fight."

"What the hell business is it of yours how my sex life is going?" Faith fumed. "Jesus, will you just get laid already so I can get you off my back?"

Buffy flinched.

Faith grit her teeth and regretted her words. She didn't particularly like Spike and she wasn't entirely sure of Buffy's deal with him, but she couldn't deny that whatever it was, it was real. The really pissy thing is that Faith was now stuck wondering whether Buffy-n-Spike were more real than her-n-Robin.

"Sorry. I just wanted to talk." Buffy said it so meekly in such a little girl voice that Faith could feel a bubble of guilt in the pit of her stomach in response.

"I snapped at you, remember? And no, I really didn't get into it with Robin. Just feeling a little hemmed in is all," Faith said, pulling hard from the water bottle as she rolled the tension out of her shoulders.

Buffy looked around the training room, tragedy still etched in the fine lines around her eyes. "I think I understand," she said quietly. "I thought I was the only one."

"Those future people really know how to pile drive the shit out of you, you know?" Faith sympathized as she leaned against the basement wall.

Buffy's head twitched in her direction, a clear indication that Faith had seriously misread the other Slayer's meaning. "Yeah, that too," Buffy agreed slowly.

Slayers we may be, but we might as well be two different fucking species. On one level, she got Buffy better than anyone in the house. Hating someone with burning jealousy in your heart sometimes makes someone more familiar to you than your own face. Yet just as often Buffy remained an utter mystery to her, because she was pretty sure that if she had it half as good as ol' B, she'd be sitting in the poppy field with Dorothy laughing her ass off at the greatness of life. B seemed to always be moaning about all the bad bits and looking for trouble when maybe there was no trouble there.

"Yeah, well," Faith began, skin itching to get her the hell out of this suddenly-too-small basement, "the shit's been rising since we got here and no one knows how to cart it away."

"At least Robin's got a plan," Buffy said mildly. There was nothing in her tone to indicate if she thought this was a good or bad turn of events.

"Yeah. Always with the plans for tomorrow," Faith muttered, ignoring Buffy's questioning look.

The blonde woman opened her mouth, but seemed to think better of what she was going to say. Faith felt the guilt bubble's return as something in Buffy's eyes slipped behind mental shields and her lips curved into a tight smile.

"Speaking of tomorrow, Will and Xan have been in the library for hours armed with more coffee than a Starbuck's." Buffy's voice was too penny-bright compared to her just moments-before tone. "Will on caffeine equals Mickey Mouse on fast forward. Not a good combination."

Faith held up her hands. "Don't look at me. I plan to give the library a wiiiiiide berth. I've got no interest in reading that fucking thing."

Buffy's expression turned sly, but Faith couldn't escape the suspicion that the other woman was putting up a front, acting the way other people thought she should act. "C'mon. Aren't you a little bit curious about who you'll be five years from now?"

"No."

"That was a fast answer." Cheerful Buffy was now in full force as she bustled around the basement to set up for her own training session. Faith vowed to get the hell out ASAP because meaningless quipping was sure to follow.

"Don't even have to think about it. I don't much like Slayer dreams, and I like the idea of a roadmap to the future even less," Faith said as she gathered her things. "Less everyone knows the better, I figure."

That stopped Buffy cold, leaving her standing and staring at a basement wall. "But if you knew the future…" she began softly. She looked back at Faith. The faint lines around her eyes were back and the Buffy that was a few minutes ago returned in all her uncertain glory.

Faith desperately wanted to run away from this. She didn't need to see this. She didn't want to see this. Buffy was B, the sure one, the one who always figured she had a lock on the right, the good Slayer. What was looking at her was not the Buffy she didn't really understand.

This Buffy looked a little too much like someone she could recognize in a mirror.

Buffy stepped a half a step forward, her head tilted to the side, no expression on her face. "If you knew then, Faith. If you knew then what you know now, wouldn't you change it? Wouldn't you do anything you could to make it come out different? Wouldn't you re-write the ending?"

Faith backed slowly away until she felt the bottom step bite into the back of her ankles. "Ain't no such thing as a happily ever after B. Let the fairytale princess shit go already."

A puzzled frown line appeared between Buffy's eyes. "But what if there was? What if that journal could tell us how to save lives, how to avoid death? Think about that. What if you could sidestep all of it? Wouldn't you do it?"

Faith involuntarily stepped up the stairs, hairs on her arms standing at attention because the way Buffy was talking, the lost expression on her face, the ghosts of all those people that were dancing in the basement, was seriously freaking her shit out. "S-s-s-s-s-s-s-spell. On journal. Can't do it, remember?" Faith stumbled over the words.

Buffy shook her head like she was waking up and blinked rapidly. "You're right." She put on the California smile. "Of course you're right. Just thinking out loud is all." She twitched her nose and really did seem to forget about the freakiness of the conversation. "Besides, I have a feeling Ruda will tear us to pieces if we try."

As Buffy turned to finish setting up while humming under her breath, Faith turned tail and fled up the stairs and through the first floor, not caring if anyone noticed. Jesus Christ! She's flipped! She's gone bonkers! What the fuck are we gonna do?

When she finally landed in the kitchen, Faith stopped and forced herself to calm down. Buffy was doing the what if. No big. Shit. Wouldn't be normal if she wasn't. Hell, probably everyone in the house but her and Xander wanted to get a peak, but only because they didn't know anything at all. What little information her and Xander got was enough to kill that desire in both of them.

Besides, weren't the two of them doing just what Buffy suggested? Using what little they knew to avoid the future and re-write the ending? She can't blame Buffy for thinking it when she knew two people were actually doing it.

Now if Robin would just cooperate with the plan…not that he knew there was a plan. Faith blew a strand of drying hair out of her face in frustration. Nope. Robin's not making it easy at all.

Last night was…strange. Despite his earlier teasing, Robin just wasn't interested in having sex, no matter how hard she made it for him to say no. That was a first. Hell, he didn't even crawl into bed until after he thought she was asleep. She lay there in the dark, eyes fixed on the wall, and couldn't help but notice that he didn't once try to touch her, like she'd suddenly become off-limits.

She managed to get some sleep, but the strangeness of having a body in bed with her without the intimate contact kept jerking her awake. She was almost grateful when the alarm clock went off so she could finally get up and get her workout.

Robin didn't even try to delay her with what he called his "quickie good morning services." Yet another first.

I'm overreacting because everyone is taking a tour of the 'Twilight Zone' conducted by ol' Rod himself, Robin included, Faith thought as she drew a deep breath and left the kitchen. I'm looking for trouble where there ain't none because I'm jumpy about this whole Catherine deal. He just probably had a lot on his mind and felt like he couldn't give me the special R sauce.

Of course that was it.

She managed to convince herself that this was another hiccup in this weird thing called relationships by the time she reached the top of the stairs. She passed by the closed door to the library and halted, brought up short by the easy brother-and-sister vibes coming from behind the barricade. Hearing Willow's voice weaving through Xander's lower register as they talked sounded safe in a strange way, like nothing in the universe could change them so much that they'd never be able to talk just like this. She touched the wood and wondered what it was like to be that unguarded with another person.

Is it as easy as it looks, or does it take work and they just make it look easy? She knew back in SunnyD there was some trouble between the two of them, but she wasn't entirely sure what that was about. Probably some stupid, greasy kid stuff they got over within a month. Somehow she couldn't picture the two of them going longer than that without being best buds.

Xander must've said something funny, because she could hear Willow giggle.

Somehow, don't ask her how, but her hand was hovering over the doorknob. She suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to be part of that cone of warmth, not caring that her very presence might burst the fragile moment.

"I wouldn't," said a voice in her ear.

Faith turned and saw Kennedy, towel around her neck, clothes still steaming sweaty from her morning run.

"It's Xander-and-Willow time and you don't want to get in the middle of that," Kennedy said cheerfully. "Otherwise, you'll wind up scratching your head trying to figure out if they actually speak English."

"Aren't you jealous?" Faith was legitimately curious.

Kennedy gave her the what-are-you-nuts look. "Xander? Please. My girl is into girls right now. Now if his name was Alexandra, I'd be worried."

"I remember when she drove stick."

Kennedy shrugged. "She might again. Hell, I know bi when I see it, even if Willow is busy convincing herself that she's a women-only kinda gal."

Faith raised an eyebrow. "You're okay with that."

"Me 'n Willow are what you'd call casual," Kennedy gave Faith a half-grin. "We both pretty much know it's not forever, but we're gonna have fun while it lasts."

Faith gave the door a speculative glance, the beginning of a plan forming in her head. "What if Willow is the one in his future? Possible, right?"

Kennedy's chuckle killed the idea. "I think they're a little beyond that. Whatever they got ain't about sex. I think it's more about the childhood memories. I mean, where you gonna get that kind of connection, right? It's like Stephen King says, the best friends you're ever have are the ones you had when you were twelve, even if you stopped talking to them years ago."

"I wouldn't know," Faith said.

"Truth to tell, me neither," Kennedy admitted. When Faith gave her a look, the other Slayer shrugged. "But it's nice to see anyway. Still, anyone who dates one of 'em is gonna have to deal with the other like they would any other sib. That's just the way it is."

"Helps that you like the big galoot."

"Galoot?" Kennedy raised an eyebrow.

"Something my first Watcher used to say," Faith said uncomfortably. Where did that come from? I haven't thought about her since I took my GED.

"You always miss your first," Kennedy said quietly.

The soft admission startled Faith. She never even thought that…of course Kennedy had a Watcher. She had the training before she hit Sunnydale. She knew that. It wasn't a big guess to figure out what happened: Kennedy's Watcher got killed either by the explosion in London that wiped out most of the Council or by Bringers gunning for her scalp.

The revelation put Kennedy's walking bad attitude back in the Dale in a whole new light.

Kennedy gave Faith a tight smile. "I guess that's why I'm worried about the journal."

"Oh?" Someone else who doesn't want to know the future. Guess there's more of us than I thought.

Kennedy looked down. "I like Xander. I do. But that journal? That's just proof that Giles is going to ask him to become one of them and maybe ask Willow, too."

"This is bad?" Faith asked.

"Depends on how you look at it," Kennedy said, placing a hand on the door. "Knowing the two of them? What it means is that someday one of them, maybe both, will be some Slayer's first."

Faith honestly didn't know what to say to that, mostly because she could see Kennedy was dead on.

Kennedy let her hand drop. "Dibs on the shower," she said. Then she turned and headed down the hall to the second set of back stairs up to the bedrooms, leaving Faith to watch her retreating back.

Xander's laughter on the other side of the door broke her out of her spell. She clenched her jaw tight and backed away.

Something was drawing in her in, something as delicate and as binding as spider's silk. Every second she stood in that hall listening to Willow and Xander talk, every moment she took a chance at meeting yet another inmate of the house, another strand fell into place. She could feel it.

Jesus. Buffy. Kennedy. Willow. Xander. All of them taking her by surprise. All of them not acting according to her script. All of them trapping her in an 834-year-old spider's carefully spun web.

She wasn't going to stand for it.

Robin. Her mind flashed on the one person she figured could pull her out of this mess of connections forming around her.

She thundered down the hall and up the stairs, fleeing for the second time in less than 15 minutes away from a moment she couldn't understand. She burst into her room, fully intent on getting Robin to talk to her, to talk him into getting her away from this. There was no way…

Robin looked up from whatever he was writing on the desk, his expression the picture of pure misery.

Faith knew the moment his eyes met hers that Robin wasn't going to follow her script.

She felt the spider drop another strand into place.

"I've been thinking…" Robin began.

"Don't," Faith ordered. "Don't think."

"I can't help it," Robin helplessly shrugged.

Faith could feel the rictus grin on her face. "You're dumping me, aren't you? You are dumping me. I don't fucking think so."

"Hold up. Not dumping, just…well…I've been thinking…about us…and how we fit…and…"

Faith threw her hands up in the air. "Jesus! You sound like some bad television show. Say what you fucking mean. Don't give me that 'I've been thinking' crap. And if 'it's not you, it's me' comes anywhere near this conversation, I will rip your head off and beat you to death with it."

Robin rubbed his forehead, a clear indication that she wasn't following his script either and that this conversation was falling apart faster than he planned. "Faith, please…just sit down. We really do need to talk about our futures."

Her heart thumped in her chest as she dropped on the edge of the bed. She could have read the situation completely wrong. He was talking future, not past tense. She was the one who jumped the gun.

But that look…

Robin remained in his chair and said, "Giles asked me to be a Watcher the other day."

Faith smiled, suddenly relieved. "Hey! That's great news!" She licked her lips and leaned over, smile turning into an appreciative leer. "And I know just how we can celebrate."

"Faith, please. Let me finish," Robin begged.

"What. Like you're going to say no."

"I thought about it."

Now that was a surprise. "You're kidding, right?"

"Well, thought about it after the fact," Robin amended.

"I don't see you turning this down, babe." Faith relaxed. Robin just needed a little show of support from the cheering section. No wonder. Catherine's obvious dislike and the revelation of Xander's journal probably grabbed him by the shorthairs last night. "C'mon, you know you want to do it. I mean, please, you're not going to let…"

"I am going to do it," Robin said firmly. He suddenly slipped back into uncertainty. "But I realized that it might mean making a sacrifice on my part and…well, truth to tell, I really don't want to make it."

Someday he'll be some Slayer's first. Damn Kennedy for putting that thought in her head. She felt the overwhelming urge to hug him and keep the danger away.

Faith hugged herself instead. "I'm not even going to pretend that I don't know what you're talking about."

Robin let out a relieved smile. "Glad you see it that way."

"We've got a dangerous gig. We roll the dice on a pretty regular basis and sooner or later someone's coming up snake eyes," Faith assured him, hating that she was resorting to platitudes to drive away the spider. "We both know how fucking dangerous the world is out there and it doesn't help that we're lacking anything resembling resources to deal with all of it."

Robin nodded, pleased that Faith was getting his point.

"Hey, you and me? We can deal together, right?" Faith continued. "This don't change nothin'. You'll see, we just have to…"

Faith's voice died when she saw Robin's smile disappear.

"Oh boy," he said quietly.

Faith froze. "Why do I think you're not seeing what I'm saying?"

"Faith, look at the big picture…"

"Big picture," she repeated.

"I'm saying this wrong." Robin got out of his chair and landed on his knees at Faith's feet, looking intently up into her eyes. "I care for you. I care very deeply for you. But I just can't do it. Us. I can't do Us and meet the responsibilities that Giles asked me to shoulder. I can't do both. We can't do both."

"Why the hell not?" Faith sounded strangled as she felt spider silk wrapping around her throat.

"I don't want…Faith? Look around you. Take a good look."

"Sorry. I'm too busy looking at you, so why don't you paint me a picture?"

Robin leaned back on his haunches, face troubled. "My mother's Watcher…he loved my mother beyond all reason, do you understand?"

"So you said," Faith frowned, "but I really don't see…"

"And as much as he loved her, he never said anything to her while she was alive…"

"…but told you after she died. I remember," Faith quietly finished.

"Do you know why?"

She didn't like where this was going. She didn't like it one bit.

Another strand of spider silk wrapped around her chest, forcing the air out of her lungs.

"Because he knew…he knew that if they…if…" Robin looked away. "You can't be a Watcher and be involved with your Slayer. He knew that."

"I'm not 'your' Slayer," Faith said between clenched teeth. "I'm not anybody's Slayer. Got it?"

"But now the Watchers are going to be responsible for multiple Slayers until we get a full compliment," Robin looked back at her, eyes full of hurt. "That might mean blurred lines on who's responsible for whom, especially when things get rocky. Just telling Giles or anyone else to always watch out for you isn't going work because it's not going to be that simple."

Faith felt her mouth go dry. "So that's it? Are you seriously saying that because you think you might have a shot at being the boss of me that this is it? You're fucking out of your tree. No one is the boss of me, so just get that thought…"

"Do you think this is easy?" Robin quietly asked. "I'm not like Buffy, or Xander, or Willow, or any of the others. I can't just so easily shrug off death and go on with my life. And I can't keep living under the cloud that someone I care about will most likely die too violently and too young. Maybe other people around here have calluses on their souls that lets them live with that constant threat, but I don't."

Faith sat there dumbfounded. She just couldn't believe what Robin was saying. Did he even have fucking eyes? Shrug off death? What the hell was he talking about?

She had oceans of proof ringing a litany in her head, all of it recent examples. Kennedy with her sadness about Willow and Xander maybe being some Slayer's first. Rona in the kitchen devastated that her brother was getting shipped to a war zone. Buffy in the basement playing her tortured game of could you and would you. Xander arguing that they needed to keep track of the Slayers that didn't want to join the Cleveland Slayer Commune on the off chance they might run into trouble. Willow on the phone to Devon the second they found out that Potentials in the future could choose to accept being a Slayer.

All that proof dancing in her head, and Faith's tongue was so twisted in disbelief that she could barely get out, "You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

"Think about this," Robin said gently. "Take Xander, for example. I heard that right after he was told Anya got killed in battle, he started making jokes about going to the mall."

834 years in the future, they know who Anya was and what she meant to him, the spider reminded her.

"Jesus Christ, Robin. He was in fucking shock. He lost his home, the woman he loved, and every fucking thing else," Faith argued. "Both he and Buffy are practically walking wounded. Touch the Anya- and Spike-shaped nerves you can fucking see them crumble. You can't convince me that once it sunk in he didn't feel like he died with her."

"Maybe you're right," Robin allowed. "And if you are, do you really want to go through the same thing? No matter how much we care about each other…Faith, do you honestly believe that what we feel for each other isn't going to affect how we work? Is what we have bigger than the world?"

834 years in the future, they think you and Xander have the storybook romance to end all romances, the kind that shapes the world, the spider promised.

"You can't honestly believe that this is an either-or proposition," Faith pressed her point. "People fall for each other and the strangest shit can happen. It is possible! People can work through this crap if they want to. People can…"

"…I can't," Robin's body language backed away, his face falling apart under the strain. "Have you even heard what I said? People with lives like ours die violently and at a young age, for god's sake. I can't take the thought that you might be killed because of a plan I instigated. The guilt…"

834 years in the future, they don't know you tried to kill Xander more than four years ago, the spider snickered.

"Don't talk to me about guilt," Faith spat. "I know guilt. And if you'd feel guilty about me dyin' in the line of duty, than you better get ready for a whole lot of guilt because that shit should applied to every single Slayer in this house."

"But you're special. To me, you'll always be…" Robin reached out.

A strand of spider's silk jerked Faith's face away and she got to her feet.

834 years in the future, they don't know about anything about you and him at all, the spider laughed.

"So who here is the heartless one? Who here is the one already admitting that they might be forced to throw away lives for the greater good?" Faith asked.

She could feel the web catch her and hold her fast while 834 years of history bore down on arachnid legs.

This is not going to happen, she fiercely thought. You are not going to win.

"Do you honestly believe," she hissed, "that breaking up is the way to solve your problem? You don't know shit. Do this, and your problems are just beginning."

Robin looked up at her. "Faith…what?"

"What if someone comes along and proves you wrong? What are you going to do then?" She could feel her hands clenching into fists. "It'll smack you upside your shiny skull that you put me and you through this for nothing."

Robin got to his feet and backed up a step. "I'm not wrong."

"Really?" Faith's eyes narrowed. "Get a peak in Xander's journal didjya? See some proof there that spelled out you were right?"

"Xander's not letting anyone but Willow and Giles near the journal, you know that," Robin said in confusion.

"I'm being what you'd call sarcastic," Faith snarled. She waved a hand at him in a desperate attempt to destroy the web tying them fast on opposite sides of the divide. "Do you expect me to fucking believe that you can just turn off what you feel just like that?" She illustrated the question with a snap of her fingers. "You honestly want me to buy that the second you crawl out of my bed that it's just fucking over? You can go on your merry way pretending that you-and-me never happened?"

834 years of history reached out a spider's leg and smacked her with a resounding slap.

"We will because we have to."

"What the fuck is this we?" Faith raged. "Last I checked this was just fucking you."

Robin held up his hands and backed for the door. "We can't talk like this. We can talk later when emotions aren't running as high."

"LATER?"

The enraged question was enough to get Robin out the door, leaving Faith to stare at the opening.

834 years of history hissed a knowing giggle in her ear.

"Shut up!" she shouted at the spider as she strode after Robin with 834 years of history hot on her heels.

"So you think you're the only one who knows what's right?" she shouted at his back as she followed him through the maze of the house. "Where the fuck is my say in all of this?"

"Faith, you're making a…"

"Scene? You bet your sweet ass I am," Faith growled as she followed into the kitchen.

He stopped and turned around. "Do you love me?"

The question killed Faith's voice cold.

"Do. You. Love. Me?" he repeated the question.

"Do you?" Faith asked back, her anger drained.

Robin shuffled. "I think you're very special and I think you and I…well…we could've made it work if…"

Jesus Fucking Christ. It wasn't like he didn't fucking know when he first slid into her cunt back in Sunnydale. Wasn't like the fact that she was a Slayer was a huge fucking state secret.

Faith started laughing. It had a dark, wobbly, nasty edge to it, but she couldn't help it as 834 years of history attached itself to her back and whispered evil things in her ear.

He's willing to throw it all way: the could've beens, the should've beens, the maybes, and what ifs on the basis of the fact that he cares too damn much about the likes of you, the spider informed her. He doesn't think you're worth the chance he'd have to take on you.

Faith could feel her eyes crunch and her teeth sharpen into fangs as she proceeded to tell Robin very loudly what exactly she thought of him, his idea, and the whole notion of him throwing it all away over a future he knew nothing about.

This got him shouting back about how she didn't understand, he was doing it to save both of them grief, and why doesn't she think about long-term consequences for once.

Things spun out of control and got a little blurry after that as words flew across the kitchen in a heated rush. Faith wasn't entirely sure what she said or even how the hell it popped out of her mouth, but Robin's jaw dropped in comical disbelief as he sputtered, "Let me get this straight, you've screwed around with Xander?"

The sound of someone thumping into a wall brought the raging argument to a screeching halt.

While Robin looked in surprise over her shoulder, Faith turned around to find the source of the noise.

And right there, looking over his right shoulder with a bag of herbal tea in his hand, 834 years of history gulped, turned around, and didn't look in the least bit happy that he'd been noticed.

Faith shivered as she felt the spider sink its fangs into the back of her neck.

TBC…