Part 37: Blood in the Water

What Xander heard as he approached the kitchen was the sounds of an argument. Did he say argument? He meant knock-down-drag-out, as in the kind of screaming match where people are eventually going to let loose with words that they'll never, ever be able to take back.

As someone who'd let his temper get the better of him on more than one occasion and had let loose with a few choice words of his own in the heat of the moment, he knew that the result wasn't going to be pretty. As someone who'd spent much of his childhood trapped in the middle of warring adults in the throes of such a death-match, he also knew better than to even try walking into the kitchen.

He hung in the hall, hesitating between walking away and telling Willow to live with the no-name aspirin from the medicine cabinet and taking his chances on sneaking into the kitchen and retrieving Willow's headache tea. He peeked in to get a feel for the situation and retreated.


Faith and Robin were so into their drama that there was a very good chance they wouldn't even notice him. Great. Just great. Faith chose now to dynamite her relationship with Robin. Not that there was ever going to be a good time for it to happen, but things were so touch-and-go that, to be honest, he was kinda hoping Faith might use her relationship with Robin to build bridges between the ex-principal and himself since she seemed all-fired to keep the peace for her honey.

That, and he was hoping to cover her in crazy glue and give her a good hard shove in Robin's general direction. If that didn't get her stuck on Robin, the crazy glue bit was sure to piss her off enough to kill any hope of anything ever happening between them. As plans go it wasn't sparkling and failed to impress even him, but it was the best he had at the moment.

Be honest, Operation Crazy Glue ranks right up there with Oz's plan to pummel the Mayor with hummus at graduation.

Xander grit his teeth in grim amusement. Now he's just delaying even making a decision at all.

He looked down the hall as if he could see Willow moaning her way through a stress-and-eye-strain headache. He could also imagine Willow's negatory reaction to proffered pills. Lately, his bud had gotten a little eccentric about the joys of Western medicine and insisted that her nutso herbal concoctions were a much healthier way in dealing with minor aches and pains.

As for him? He was in the "painkillers yay!" set, so he had a pretty hard time going along with Wills on this one. Still, he really wasn't in the mood to deal with the grumpy Willow that would result if he decided to push his dependence on pills that come in a bottle.

He took a deep breath. Right. Willow-need won out over Xander-need to keep the hell away. Just overlay the yelling with those "wah-wah-wah-wahs" that all adults in a Peanuts cartoon used, keep himself as small as possible, and he wouldn't even register.

Let it never be said that his parents didn't teach him some important survival skills.

Xander ghosted into the kitchen, fighting to keep his muscles and limbs as loose as possible. The second he tensed up, Robin and Faith would sense it with the unerring instinct of adults who know there's an unwanted witness and might, just might, turn on him since he offered a fresh target for their anger. Keep the head down. Don't look at them. Hope they don't start throwing things. Make sure there's nothing in the way that could trip him up because that would be Bad.

Battling adults can sense fear and they'll tear into you like a pack of wild hyenas.

Shit. Shouldn't've thought about the hyenas. Definitely the wrong animal to think about. It'll get you all tense and then it's lights out for Xander.

He stopped at the cabinet, keeping the "wah-wah-wah-wah" overlay soundtrack firmly in his ears and eased open the cabinet door. This was the dangerous part. Moving objects around was 50-50 since it gave distracted people a better shot at seeing you. He didn't bother to wait and see if anyone noticed. His hand snaked in and closed around a bag.

Success! Right on the first try! Amazing considering he was all one-eyed and not great with the close-up depth perception. One bag of Willow's icky headache tea complete with iffy peppermint flavor ready for serving was clutched in his sweaty little palm. He'll just steal Giles's hotpot to make hot water and he can just pretend he was never here.

He eased the door closed and, keeping as small as possible, slid his way to exit stage right.

He was almost there. Aaaaaaalmost there…

"…you've screwed around with Xander?"

The shouted question broke his concentration and he ran smack against the wall.

The argument now in progress took a break for a few important announcements from the sponsors.

Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit.

The flight instinct was still firmly intact, but Xander managed to resist long enough to turn around and face two pairs of glaring eyes.

He could feel the unspoken words slashing at him in the muffled silence.

"About that…" Xander began even as his brain screamed at him to just run. "There's a serious misunderstanding because Faith decided to play mind games with Tikri. It's not true. Nope. No way. No one told me about sex-for-alls, not that I'd get involved with that because that kind of kink is a little too kink for me. And believe me I know kink. Wait. Didn't mean to say that. What I mean is, we're not screwing. Around. Not screwing around, I mean. Because Faith and me aren't…I mean, she scares me…wait, I don't mean that. What I mean is, not big on…what I'm trying to say is…I don't know what I'm trying to say…"

Well look at that, it speaks. Jessica, think your goddamn son has an off switch? Because if he doesn't shut the fuck up, I'm going to teach him to like the quiet.

"What Xander's trying to say is that we're not screwing around now," Faith interrupted the desperate babble with a vicious whip in her voice.

Xander began sliding along the wall to the door, his brain reading more into Faith's statement than was really there because he got a view of the future, thanks to Catherine, that frankly scared the hell out of him. Faith has got to know that she's playing with fire by pretending her one-night stand with him meant anything to her at all.

"Not that we ever did. Nope," and could he please shut up now? "Think about this. Me and Faith? Never happen. Never will happen so you've got no worries. From me, I mean. We've got no connection. Never did, never will. At all."

Faith's angry gaze swung to him full bore and he could swear he saw something he couldn't quite name behind the eyes. "See? Now that's Xander for you. A real gentleman," Xander cringed at the sarcasm in her voice. "No kissing-and-telling for Alexander the Great. At least not now. Too bad it wasn't like that back in the day, hunh?"

Don't let yourself get pulled in. Don't let yourself get pulled in. Don't let yourself get pulled in…

"I thought we agreed that we don't air dirty laundry in public," Robin said with a spring-coiled voice. "And here you not only shoving it in my face in public, but dragging a bystander into the middle of it."

"Dirty laundry?" Faith looked up at him, her eyes narrowing. "About that, Mr.-I'm-Not-Exactly-A-Virgin. You had to figure with my wild ways in the bad ol' days that Xander at least presented a tempting target. Don't let the good boy act fool you. He jumped at me like any straight guy would." Here her eyes swung back to him with their nameless anger. "He's no different than anyone else."

What he should be doing is escaping. Yet he's frozen in this car wreck of a fight and staring at the mess with wide-eyed wonder. Funny how those ol' instincts just took over at the worst possible time as Robin continued to glare out his fury between himself and Faith.

"Look, Robin," his voice sounded like a creak while his mind screamed Deny Everything, "you've got it wrong. Whatever it is you're thinking you've really got this wrong. Nothing's ever, and I mean ever, happened between me and Faith. At all. I know Faith, but I don't know know Faith. Biblically, I mean. Just take a deep breath and count to ten and think about this."

So much for staying out of it.

"Really? Think you've got any right to say anything about what's going on between Faith and I?" Robin now fixed on him, a sure sign that Xander had just offered himself up as the sacrificial lamb in this little bloodletting.

"Now, now, dear," Faith's angry glare had not wavered from Xander, "Xander's memory is a little bit faulty. Then again, he was my first virgin. Wait. Make that my only virgin. What can I say? It's a special time in a young girl's life, right? Especially when it really is just skin."

Xander fought to keep his eyes open but couldn't quite stifle the urge to shrink. Faith was not helping him at all here. She's too angry at Robin over god knows what and he's just another weapon in this battle. He figured between Robin and Faith there wouldn't be a whole lot left of him when this was over. The fact that Robin didn't like him was given and with the skin comment, Xander just realized what he'd said to make Faith want a pound of flesh.

You know, considering that she tried to, oh, kill you and has never, ever once so much as given you anything resembling an apology, why the hell should she be hurt? an inner angry voice popped up. He quickly smothered it and forced his face into an idiot Jeb blank look. The absolute last thing he needed was to give either Faith or Robin an excuse to use their fists.

"You must love that, right?" Robin spat. "The two of you sharing the secret of this little special event? Well, now I know why you're always defending him."

She does? Now he's idiot Jeb because he's surprised.

His demeanor must've registered with Faith because something in her eyes seemed to soften into a puzzled expression as she looked at him. "I'm not always defending him," she said without heat. "Just when he's right."

"Which seems to be all the time these days," Robin rounded on Faith.

Yay! The argument was now shifting back to the main combatants. Collateral damage to himself? Well, everything, but he'll be able to repress. Maybe. Just keep the expression neutral and convince his feet to start sliding for the door he's home free.

This was a big ol' sign that Catherine totally got the bit about him-and-Faith completely wrong because after seeing this there is no way in hell…

Something resembling understanding clicked in Faith's expression and Xander once again froze a step away from the door. "This isn't about Xander. This is about you and me," she said absently keeping her eyes on the innocent victim.

"What is about you and me?" Robin asked. "Are you ever going to be honest about anything when we talk?"

"Xander, I'm a fucking idiot," Faith gently said without paying attention.

The apology hinted at in the statement paired with the odd expression as she said it somehow hurt him the most.

Shake it off. She did it to get back at Robin. Surprise, surprise, he was just a convenient way to do it. Put up the shields. Deal later. After all, he was just begging for it, wasn't he?

He managed a nod.

As he slipped away from the room under Faith's watchful gaze and Robin's angry glare, he hoped Willow wouldn't notice the taste of blood in her tea.

TBC…