Disclaimer: none is mine.
Thanks for all the great reviews. I'm sorry for making it sad but there can't be a happy ending, it just wouldn't fit into the mad world that is my imagination. But hang on there will be some nice MS fluff at the end.
The song in this chapter is Angels by Robbie Williams but I'm not quite sure if it fits in with the story but it's such a lovely song and everyone needs a bit of Robbie every now and then.
Apologies if the Bible quote isn't accurate but I haven't been to church in ages but don't get me started on that because once the catholic guilt (and my mum's disapproving looks) takes hold it never lets go.
"Sudden Infant Death Syndrome," the phrase reverberated through Sam's mind, "that is what they called the monster that took my baby."
The police, the paramedics, the coroner had all come, asking questions and Sam tried her best to answer but she couldn't concentrate. All she could think about was her little girl, alone in the morgue being poked and prodded by clinical, rubber gloved hands.
I sit and wait
Does
an angel contemplate my fate
And do they know
The places where
we go
When we're grey and old
'cos I have been told
That
salvation lets their wings unfold
At night she would lie awake, and Pete lay awake beside her, but neither spoke. They kept their grief separate, they didn't speak of how much they missed their daughter and they barely spoke at all for now they had nothing in common except a empty crib and empty hearts.
So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel that love is dead
I'm loving angels instead
The funeral was the worse. The sight of Pete carrying his daughter's tiny white was too much for Sam to bear and her knees buckled beneath her. She had be held upright by the only other mourner to attend, a friendly neighbour, a mother herself, she couldn't imagine the pain the young woman was going through.
The minister spoke nicely of a child he never met, but it was a short service, after all what could you say about a baby who lived for only 7 weeks and 4 days?
At the end, the cold, wet earth had been piled on her baby's body and they left her to her dark, lonely, eternal sleep. The elderly minister offered Sam his hand and she took it, he looked into her eyes and saw the pain that filled them and said, "suffer the little children to come onto me for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Sam smiled and thanked him; his words would live with her for the rest of her life.
And through it all
She offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call
She won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead
She sat on the edge of her bed, her daughter was dead and buried and it was time to sort out her life. She pulled out empty suitcases and began to fill them with her belongings. There was a knock on the door.
"Sam, can I come in?"
"Sure."
Pete entered and took in the site before him.
"You're leaving."
"Yes."
"Oh."
"You don't sound surprised." Sam asked.
" I didn't think you would stay around, where are you going?"
"Back home. And if Mom and Dad don't let me come home, I'm find somewhere."
"Do you want a lift to the station or something?"
"The bus station, if you don't mind."
Several hours later.
Sam and Pete sat silently side by side in Pete's car, not unlike some 9 months before when the whole sorry mess had begun.
"Mrs Davis is coming around sometime to sort out Lily's things, I would have done it but I can't stand to be in her room." Sam said
"Okay."
"I better go."
"Okay."
"I'll be in touch sometime about the divorce."
"Okay."
Sam moved to open the door but turned back around and leant over and kissed Pete lightly on the cheek.
"It was good while it lasted, and if I had a choice I would have gone back and done it again." Sam whispered in his ear.
"Me too," he whispered back.
"Goodbye Peter."
"Goodbye Samantha."
She got out of the car and didn't look back.