Dec 2, 1:03 Pm

English Class: Personal Journal Time

"Women are from Venus and Men live in the Pre-Historic Jungle and Scratch their Balls"

I just want to say in my defense, being able to drive really could have gotten me out of the jam I was in today.

I kind of sort of told Lucy Sells during lunch break that I had at one point liked… okay maybe liked wasn't really the word I used, more been obsessed with a certain James Finn. She took it the wrong way. Of course, she's crazy Lucy Sells. You don't tell crazy Lucy anything. Unless your me, and completely out of your mind. The minute it popped out of my mouth I knew it was a mistake. I have that problem an awful lot.

"Luce, please don't tell anyone ok?"

She smiled at me really big.

"Shit." She seemed quite un-phased at my profanity. It is a well-known fact that she is completely insane and impersonal. I should stop trying to be so god damned charitable all the time.

"It's okay Tea, He told me that he's into you. He'll want to know, you should tell him. He's a really good friend of mine you' know? We go out all the time. And once he said he was totally into you. Serious."

He hated her. They never hung out. She lied and lied and lied.

"Uhh huh. But, listen I'm not going to tell him." I hung my head wearily. She could believe whatever she wanted, just as long as she didn't go tell him.

"I'm going to tell him." She started up the hill. I should have seen it coming.

"No, Lucy don't. I don't want him to know. He doesn't like me Lucy."

She looked down at me, and hollered, "You don't think anyone likes you." In front of a whole crowd of guys, who looked from one to another with sly grins and then burst out laughing. I let loose, I was already humiliated.

My jawed dropped open completely at this point. I started screaming as she neared the first level of the multilevel parking lot.

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare! What? I was joking. Don't tell him. You're not really going to are you? I don't like him anymore. Luuucy! I'm a lesbian!!!!"

The boys amused themselves some more, including my anonymous science partner, who never showed up for school, but who I got assigned to anyway.

She was half way up the hill and to the plateau that the school sat on. She was going to tell him, and I couldn't get away. This boy whom I had dreamed about, fantasized, pined on about, cried for, for nearly two years and I couldn't get away. Worst of all, I had a massive audience.

I honestly didn't think that she would say anything. But then, there he was, I saw him walking toward me. There was nowhere to run. I was standing in the middle of a freaking parking lot.

"Shit. shit. shit. shit" I just kept breathing over and over again. I was helpless, completely helpless. I just wanted something to happen, anything to remove myself from that exact moment.

So I ran behind a massive suburban parked sideways across three spaces.

"Lame. So lame. Everybody saw you do that." I whimpered. I looked out and he was standing there confused. I sighed. He might as well be scratching his head and picking lice of his clothing. He looked like an ape, or worse a cromag man. How could I have loved this boy for so long?

"Damnit. Why can't I just grow some balls?" I watched him from my place tentatively until he had hustled away threw the tall prehistoric grass, to find someone else to mate with, which took about two seconds.

And so is my life. I am destined never to marry, and just like Brigitte Jones, my favorite heroine, end up a 33 year old spinster. Though I have no plans to ever actually use a spinning wheel.

Alas, all good things must come to an end, and so has personal journaling hour. Adieu.