Part 49: We Can't Rewind, We've Gone Too Far

Xander firmly told himself not to feel guilty about goofing off with Lisa and the Playstation. Everything that could be done had been done and all that was left to do was wait.

They scouted the cemetery last night and spotted the damaged crypt, but no dirt monsters; they broke into teams and came up with strategies, although he really wished someone would just forget about the damned walnuts already; and they went through final gear checks this morning.

Since sunset was still hours away, he was left with two options: bounce off the walls and wait, or get in some quality slacker time and wait.

Since bouncing off the walls meant his brain would betray him and actually start thinking about his very fucked-up life, slacker time with loud, computer-generated explosions and body counts seemed like the way to go.

Lisa whooped as her computer-generated woman stomped on his computer-generated male ass.

"Ahhhh, think you've won, hunh?" Xander nodded, eyes not leaving the screen, "Watch and learn. Your health points? Not so good. But I, the Joystick King, knoweth this: I will rise again with full health points and you will be sucking electrons."

"Joystick King, hunh?"

"King, Emperor, God, but all my friends simply call me your highness and worship at my feet," Xander said as his avatar popped back into existence. Zero on points, low on weapons and ammo, but full of health. He grinned. "Die! Diediediedie!"

Lisa's former ass-kicker exploded into a sticky red goo, allowing Xander to steal all her weapons and ammo.

"Ooooooh, I'll get even. You're not the only one who's mastered the joystick," Lisa grinned. "Mano-mano, may the best woman win."

Xander blinked and looked at her, just as Lisa's representative reformed and began beating on his electronic head. "Unh, don't know if you noticed but…"

"I noticed," Lisa said, tip of her tongue between her teeth as she concentrated, "but since I'm the only woman here, you are allowed to reach your own conclusions."

"Hey! No fair! Distracting me like that!" Xander was back to maneuvering his player in a desperate attempt to stay alive. "Cheater!"

"Says the guy that there's no such thing as cheating when it comes to Slaying," Lisa giggled.

"Video game! Video game! Different than Slaying!" Xander protested as he executed a perfect flying kick to Lisa's torso.

"Xander? Are you free?"

Xander looked up to see Giles standing in the doorway.

"Go ahead. I'm kicking your ass anyway," Lisa said with a snicker.

"You pause that game missy, because when I get my second wind…"

"I'll just kick your ass again."

"No respect, no respect," Xander grumbled good-naturedly as he ruffled Lisa's hair and the girl's giggle shot up to eleven on the loudness scale. He got up, wincing from the stiffness of sitting too long in one position, and hobbled over to Giles.

"Not here. I'd rather speak to you in private."

Xander shrugged and followed Giles through the kitchen and into the courtyard. He eased himself on the steps and watched Giles pace. "Easy there. You're gonna wear a hole in the ground."

"Xander, I've been thinking…"

"That's what you do," Xander interrupted. "Not a big announcement there, Giles."

"If you would let me finish," Giles snapped. He sighed. "Sorry. This has been a stressful time for all of us and the prospect of going into our first en masse battle since Sunnydale has not been balm for jangled nerves."

"Ms. Tikri must be driving you bats," Xander commented. When the Watcher gave him an irritated look, he mimed zipping his mouth shut.

Giles sighed and fought a smile. "It has been a stressful time, but I've been noticing more and more how stress sometimes brings out the worst and the best in some people."

"You're just noticing this now?" Xander asked. "Where the hell have you been? Even if seven years of nonstop shit raining down on your head didn't give you this big revelation, the last year should've pounded it through your skull."

"No need to get testy."

Xander winced. "Sorry. It's just that whenever someone starts a conversation like this, bad things are going to follow."

"Not in this case, at least I hope not." Giles watched Xander thoughtfully. "I know in our informal structure, we're all technically Watchers, including the Slayers with some experience. Sooner or later, we need to formalize the Council and its membership, if only to handle some of the difficult questions we face."

"Formalize," Xander repeated. He sighed and looked down to study his hands. "I'm not going to like this, am I?"

"That's just it. I don't know."

"You know, I thought about leaving," Xander admitted. "Just go off and live a normal life because I can, but…"

"But…" Giles urged as if he were hanging on Xander's every word.

Xander returned his gaze to Giles and admitted what had been bugging him about their brave new world since they landed in Cleveland. "I'm not in love with some of Robin's ideas and sometimes, I don't know, sometimes I think everyone is so busy looking at the big picture that they forget about all us little people trapped in the middle."

"I would think that our friends from the future might be loath to call you one of the 'little people.'"

"I'm not going to have my life dictated to me," Xander snarled.

"Yes. You never did let fate, destiny, or prophecy get in your way," Giles mused, thoughtful look back on his face. "Funny how I forgot that."

"Yeah, well, that's me. The ultimate screw-up," Xander shrugged.

"A screw-up who saved Buffy when she was sixteen even when every reliable prophecy insisted that she die," Giles commented.

Xander shifted uncomfortably under the unexpected compliment.

"The thing is, despite what little you know, I don't believe you will let it dictate your life."

"But I don't know anything about me, remember? Bastard enchanted that damn journal so I could only read what he thought I should read and nothing more," Xander said. "And what I read told me nothing, well, about me anyway."

"You also know that you become a Watcher and that Catherine is a direct descendant."

Xander convulsively swallowed. "Okay, those two things and one other thing, which I'm not getting into, but I don't know how I get there or even if I should go there."

Then Giles did the oddest thing: he eased himself onto the step next to Xander and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "A sensible attitude," he quietly said.

Xander's eyes narrowed as he turned to face Giles. "What's going on? You're suddenly looking at me like I'm Watcher material, aren't you? Is it because of the whole…"

"Frankly, I was thinking you were Watcher material since we got to Cleveland," Giles said with a wave of his hand. "But I didn't want to bring it up until you found your feet. We've all had some terrible losses, you especially, and no one was in any position to make any decisions."

"And I am now? Giles? I'm not even sure how I feel about what I know," Xander protested. "You're practically pushing me in a direction that I'm not sure…"

"Suits you, yes I know," Giles admitted. "And I'm not pushing you. It's your decision and you can change your mind at any time. I'm asking you to think about it."

"You must be desperate."

"I think you mean lucky."

Xander was pretty sure he looked as surprised as he felt.

"The fact is, the old Council always did concern itself with the big picture, the sweep of history, and the never-ending war against the darkness. Individual Slayers, individual Watchers were all interchangeable. We could all be replaced. A Slayer dies, a new one is Called. A Watcher dies…"

"..or is fired."

"…or is fired," Giles agreed with a smile, "and a new one is sent in to take his or her place. People don't matter. Emotions don't matter. Opinions don't matter. The greater good, or what the Council perceives is the greater good, that's what matters."

"Remind me again why I didn't like your Council buddies."

"Which is why we need you," Giles said. "Your insistence on individuals is a point-of-view that was sorely lacking. It's one that's doubly need now."

"I don't see why," Xander shrugged. "Slayers are even more replaceable now than they were before, that's if you follow Robin's and maybe even Buffy's reasoning."

"There may be more Slayers out there, but they are still people, something which tends to get lost while we focus on the big problems. Yet it seems to me you haven't forgotten. Much as you irritate Robin, you bring always bring up a number of salient points that are with listening to."

"And the fact that I irritate Robin isn't a nice bonus in your mind?" Xander asked slyly.

"Perish the thought. I always listen to both of you with the most impartial of minds and carefully weigh what you both have to say."

"Even if Robin would've been right at home with the old Council and I would've been shown the servant's entrance if I knocked on the front door," Xander responded with a grin.

"You would not have been shown the servant's entrance. They would've never let you on the grounds in the first place." Giles's responding grin was enough to tell Xander he was only sort of joking. "And that would've been their loss. I just don't want it to be ours."

"I'll think about it," Xander promised. "I really don't know right now."

"Take as long as you need," Giles said. "Whatever your answer, even if there's no answer at all, the offer will always stand." Giles stood up and brushed off his pants. "I must be getting inside. That awful Tikri woman wants to hear details about Buffy's early days as a Slayer and how you and Willow got involved."

"And you're just loving every minute," Xander stated.

"Certainly not," Giles sniffed. "I am merely trying to set the record straight. The misconceptions these people have about us are simply abominable."

"An outrage for the ages helped along by a little undiluted Faith," Xander agreed. Just as Giles was about to enter the door, he added, "Giles? Thanks. I will think about it, you know." Strangely enough, he realized that he actually meant it.

Giles ducked his head and Xander could almost imagine an indulgent smile on the man's face. "I have every confidence that you will. And you don't need to thank me. I think you should reserve the thanks for that extraordinary man you see in the mirror."

TBC…