Title: Without A Paddle

Author: DnKS - giRLs

Rating : not more than PG we suppose…

Pairing : Tezu-Fuji

Disclaimer: ….(don't want to write 'em because it's too painful)

Chapter 1 - By The Shore of The Lake

The wind was whirling around him with the mingled colors, yet there was no one could tell what the color really was. But as he stood there, feeling the wind enwrapped him, he saw the color of the wind. It wasn't white as everyone else would say, nor plain as the others would prefer. For him, it was blue. So deep of blue, like the inner part of the sea, like the outmost layer of the sky.

And it was so much blue like the lake before him.

One would not find out what the similarity between wind and lake, but for him, they were so much looked alike. He felt lost everytime he gazed at the lake, and so he did feel with the wind. The blue that shone ethereal light upon his soul, that blinded him in never-ending bliss.

Though he could not deny that there was another reason why the color of blue seemed to affected him so much. The reason that was connected with a certain prodigy he knew so well. So damn well yet also he still could not state that he even knew a slightest bit of his true heart and feeling.

He smiled over his thought. His gaze drifted around his surrounding, trying to catch a glimpse of the one that had disturbed his thought for the time being. His search didn't come to fail, for he saw his object of admiration only meters away from him. He too seemed to be drowned in his own thoughts. Considering for a moment, he then walked aproach the other youth.

"How is it?" he asked as soon as he reached his spot right beside his friend.

The young beauty beside him tilted his head to have a better look at him. He felt his breath was taken as he saw the fair complexion of the boy next to him. He could feel the other's breath, could see the other's smile, could sense the other's aura. It was so much, he was being drowned.

"The lake?" the soft voice speak to him.

"Everything." he said.

His companion did speak none as the answer. He merely turned his attention back to the infinite lake. Those blue eyes snapped open and for a split seconds, the depth of those eyes seemed to intoxicating him.

"It's not right…" he said. "It's not right, don't you think so, Tezuka?"

The said person did not give his answer straightaway. They cherished the silence that fell between them, let the wind do its work. It played with their hair, yet it also did more significant effect in their hearts.

Tezuka looked aside and found his mate trembling slightly.

"It's cold…" he heard his friend say.

Without even a second he gave for thought, he wrapped his coat around the other's slim figure. His hands remained on the other's waist while he murmured.

"You're so small."

He grabbed the other's hand gently. He gathered the fingers in his palms and held them dearly.

"Your fingers are so small…" he said with a very soft voice that he found it nearly like a whisper. "You are so fragile. You never think about yourself…you even forget to bring a coat along with you this time, and not only this time. You can easily get sick. You're so small…"

His voice trailed off. He needed more than seconds to find them back.

"How can I ever leave you if you still remain like this?" he said. "How can I… tell me, Fuji… how can I? I…just cannot imagine what will happen to you if I leave you."

The boy near him, named Fuji, shrugged.

"But you've done that. You've left me back then," Fuji said. "Now you are back, you have the decision, whether you want to leave again or not."

Tezuka could not look to Fuji's eyes anymore. He felt as if Fuji's eyes could pierce his soul with the intensity of his gaze.

"But I've decided to leave," he said.

Fuji shook his head. Apparently avoiding eye contact with him.

"Then you can see what you have done to me," he said. Voice still soft but there was no smile anymore on that face. The lack of smile made Tezuka shiver. Was it all his fault? He had never thought before that his decision to leave could do so much of things to Fuji.

Fuji was after all the one he had promised of having his heart for evermore.

"But now I'm back." He said.

Fuji smiled. "Yes, you're back. Yet I still can not stray my sadness of your departing. It has been too long, a whole year without your presence. A whole year in disguise has done a permanent damage to my heart. You're back, my body and soul rejoice the blessed time, but why does my heart starts aching even more than before?"

Fuji sighed and turned his gaze. Being faced to the scene, Tezuka could do nothing to ease the pain that became even clearer on Fuji's eyes. He fought so hard not to let himself drown again in those appaling blue eyes. They were always full of expression, as long as Tezuka could remember. But that time, he caught something unfamiliar there, an expression he had never seen before.

It was as if Fuji scared of something. Though scared was not the most proper way to describe the pain he saw there. It was something far deeper than that. There were sadness as he heard Fuji had described it earlier, pain, longing, afraid, love, even happiness if it was possible. All of them mingled to become the mixture Tezuka was looking at the moment.

"What have I done?" Tezuka heard his own voice speak aloud his mind without his permission.

"You have left me," Fuji answered calmly. "And somewhat, you came back. But I'm too afraid of losing you again so I can't bring myself to face you."

"Knowing that I will leave you again soon…" Tezuka said.

"Yes," said Fuji. "Because eternity can only happen in fairy tales. Living happily ever after is too far for us to reach. And there is nothing like infinity in our case."

Tezuka extended his hand and reached his lover's cheek. It awarded him a gasp of surprise from the other's lips as he did so. But he care less. His hand cupped the darling warm cheek of Fuji. The touch was more than every words that had passed betweem them. He felt Fuji relaxing to his touch, and he too did not let his mind to be occupied with other things else than the feeling of Fuji's skin against his hand.

Too long he had been dreaming of this sensation. Fuji was not the only one who feel the pain. He too felt it down in his heart. That aching part of his heart was crying him to stop, knowing that would be only hurt them more. But nothing could make him to pull back his hand from the place it was then settled.

"There are, Fuji," said him softly. How he wished to wash away that pained look on his lover's eyes. How he wanted those eyes to reflect only love as they had been in the past.

"There is eternity, in which we have been loving and craving for each other. There is living happily ever after, as long as you still hold my heart and I yours. There is infinity, for everytime I gaze into your eyes, seeking the love that you always keep there," Tezuka continued. "They do exist and forever will."

Fuji bit his lower lip and threw a very sharp look to Tezuka. "Then why do I still feel so sad, so lonely, so empty,so…"

His voice failed him. The next thing happen was Tezuka held the slender body of his lover very close to his heart. He brought them to a rather tight embrace. Too long thay had never been in that state. Yet the memory of each other's warmth was still vivid in their mind.

Tezuka closed his eyes, inhaling the scent that he had missed for a year. His fingers soon found its way to comb Fuji's hair, the way they used to do back then. His mind might forget, but his body sure wasn't.

"How can I ever leave you again after I know what I have done to you?" Tezuka said.

Fuji chuckled a little in Tezuka's embrace. He raised his head and looked through the keen eyes beyond him.

"Say anything, but I know you will leave me again no matter what," he said. "As you always say, what is the thing that you consider as the most precious item in your life?"

"You know the answer," he said. "Tennis and you."

"See? Tennis comes first before me." Fuji said. "You will leave, there is nothing I can do to stop you. You will be at the top, and that time, I will never let you go again."

Fuji said it with a smile but Tezuka found the smile to be the sad one. He knew it was his fault. He was so selfish towards Fuji, but they both knew that he must leave. If he decided to stay with Fuji as the reason, it would hurt the other's pride. He knew there was no way Fuji would use himself as something to stop Tezuka from achieving his goal. Even though his stupid dignity had made him in an endless misery, he would endure it without complain and keep his smile to encourage him. But when Tezuka still had Fuji as his source of support, Fuji had none. The boy never let himself depend on someone, not even Tezuka, the one he had confessed and comitted all of his love to.

Fuji might say that he didn't want Tezuka to leave, but Tezuka knew better. He knew for sure that Fuji would be the one who hate him the most if he stopped his step and remained behind.

"You will wait, right? Until the time when there is nothing more precious for me else than you?" Tezuka said. One year of separation seemed not to make their love fading. It was even stronger than before. At least, that was exactly Tezuka felt when he sensed Fuji's warmth against his chest.

"Just…don't take it too long…" Fuji said. "I'm easily getting bored of waiting."

Tezuka smiled. Soon after that, he caught Fuji's lips with his own. Their kiss was light at the beginning, but soon it heated up. They deepened the kiss, worrying not the fact that they might hurt the other.

Tezuka felt Fuji leaning closer to him. He tightened his embrace around Fuji's slim waist. They stared at each other for a brief second, before they started the kisses all over again. Tezuka sealed Fuji's lips, let nothing even air to enter the contact they made. He felt the other boy shifted but he care not. His tongue was seek for entrance, which Fuji complied very gratefully. Their tongues were batling, clashing to each other. They were hoping if eternity really did exist, let it be then to be sealed by time.

But they soon parted out because of the lack of air. Still, their hands were hoding each other's body so lovingly.

"The day has just begun," Fuji said.

"Not only an ordinary day," said Tezuka. "It is our day. Or to be more precise, let's put this as your day."

Tezuke felt Fuji's head rested on his chest. The soft hair of his lover blocked his view, but he didn't mind.

"Somewhat I feel like taking a trip with a boat," he heard Fuji say."We are by the shore of the lake after all. And I too never have that kind of trip yet. What do you think, ne, Tezuka? Should we give it a try?"

Tezuka kissed the topmost part of Fuji's head before he answered.

"The day is yours to do."

-end chapter 1-

well,that's the first installment.
please, feel free to let us now what is your opinion about this story
as , death threads, poisoned things, rotten vegs, and all are highly appreciated