Spybob Scalepants - Born Again, Moneybags
Rating: PG.
Author's Notes: This won't be a boring "cut and paste entire episode, convert it into novel, and put different characters into it", because I don't want people falling asleep on their keyboards. I write this episode of Spybob Scalepants in a way so that you can tell it's a parody, but you won't go "okay, now he's going to say, 'But it's cold, and old...'".
WARNING: Detailed description of moldy food in fanfic. Do not eat anything while reading!
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The mandatory parodied theme song, sung by some sugar high kids and Sgt. Byrd in a painting!
Are you ready, kids?
Heck yeah, Sergeant!
I can't hear you!
HECK YEAH, SERGEANT!
Oooooh....
Who lives in a portal under the sun?
Spybob Scalepants!
Who's purple, and scaly, and has lots of fun?
Spybob Scalepants!
If draconic nonsense be something you yearn,
Spybob Scalepants!
Then do lots of jumping jacks and feel the burn!
Spybob Scalepants!
Spybob Scalepants!
Spybob Scalepants!
Spybob Scalepants!
Spybob Scalepants!
Spybob Scalepants!
Do doodle de do de do....Dwooo!
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Born Again, Moneybags
A tale of a bear and his money...
In the land known as Avalar, Moneybags was now maintaining the easiest way to get rich quick over the torture of others; running a fast food joint! This steel structure of fattening foods and caffeinated drinks was known only as the Bungry Bear, named because Moneybags has a very bad penmanship in terms of painting large signs. The fat bear made his fast food environment as cheap as himself: overpriced food, no free napkins, and the salad bar's prices were outrageous. In fact, he was so cheap that the only reason people came back to this restaurant was to eat the food that Spyro prepared.
Spyro was working for the fat businessman because he was at the age in which he had to work for his money instead of searching the ground for pocket change. So now, he was working for Moneybags and was doing the humiliating, underpaying, but somewhat popular job of preparing Bungry Burgers. (Moneybags believed that because he named the restaurant a humiliating alliteration, he had to slap the misspelled word on all the food he sold)
Another person was working for Moneybags, and her name was Changeling Swiftclaw. Now, before the readers of The Realms of Chaos go "Oh no! She's going to steal the Gigas Crystals again!", Changeling is in a period where, despite having a large castle filled with servants, she had made up her mind that being a cash register was her dream. A bad cash register that has a snide attitude towards everyone she has to deal with, that is.
Another day of selling patties to customers was done, and Changeling was more then happy to announce it. "Eight O' clock! The happiest moment of the day!" The cat said as she flipped the "Open" sign that hung on the main entrance to its "Closed" side. She was pretty glad that another day of obeying instead of being obeyed was finally over, but Spyro didn't share her views.
"Eight O' Clock...The saddest moment of the day..." Spyro moaned in the kitchen. He was still clutching his spatula in one claw, and with his uniform hat hung askew on one horn, he looked pretty pathetic. Spyro didn't enjoy working with Moneybags, but he knew that closing time was when he was no longer paid. In his grief of no more money, he flopped on the floor and began to cry. But then, his grief was stalled when he noticed something underneath the burger grill out of the corner of his eye.
"It's a Bungry Burger!" Spyro said. It was indeed the patty of a hamburger, but life underneath the grill had turned the soft meat into a cold, hard husk of gray, tainted meat. It was coated with a thin layer of mold, and when Spyro picked up one of its sides, he noticed cobwebs and old bubblegum stuck to the bottom of the hamburger. The smell and the sight of the old burger were enough to make Spyro gag.
"Eww...This could've rolled under the grill years ago!" The dragon cook exclaimed. He reluctantly picked the patty off the ground, and noticed a few spiders crawl out of their meaty home. The meat felt icy cold underneath his fingers, and he can almost feel the parasites within it feasting inside.
"Oh, geez. This is disgusting! Doesn't Moneybags know that good hygiene is practiced for a reason!?" Keeping himself from blowing chucks, the dragon made a beeline towards the wastebasket. He wasted no time in flinging the patty like a Frisbee into the trash can.
WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!
The alarm above the trash can was set off, and Spyro was confused. Wasn't that only supposed to go off if the basket was full of garbage? A mechanical claw came down from the ceiling and pinched the moldy burger patty between it like a crane winning a stuffed animal from those rigged machines at the movie theaters.
Suddenly, Moneybags burst through the door, still holding his bloated gem sack in his right hand. "What's the meaning of-" He cut himself off with a gasp when he saw the obviously unfit meal hovering feet above the trash can.
"Someone tried to throw away a burger!" Moneybags gasped, as if he didn't notice the fact that this burger happened to have its own atmosphere of foul mist around it.
"Uh, Moneybags? I found that underneath the grill..." Spyro informed his boss.
"And tomorrow, a customer is going to find it underneath their bun." Moneybags retorted. He placed the well-past-its-prime patty into Spyro's hands, despite the pleading look in the dragon's face. Once again, the dragon found himself absorbing the foul stench and feeling the moldy crust of the burger.
"But, it's cold, and old, and so very full of mold!" Spyro choked, fighting back the rising vomit in his throat. The smell was doing things to his mind, like making him have the tendency to rhyme.
"You're not to make another burger until that one is sold!" Moneybags hissed like the greedy businessman that he was, all while keeping tempo to Spyro's little nausea-induced rhyme. He exchanged a glare with Spyro the fry cook. "Understood?"
The purple slayer of gnorcs, riptocs, and rhynocs couldn't help but nod. After all, what his boss said went. When Moneybags left the restaurant for the night, Spyro was alone to think about tomorrow, where he was to force a poor creature to ingest the unfit food in his hand.
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The next day, around the lunching hour, Spyro presented Changeling, who was behind the cash register and had just received an order, the prepared hamburger. He was very hesitant about it, and Changeling had no idea why, since she had left before the nasty patty discovery. The cat paid no attention when Spyro said, "Order up, Changeling."
"Hoo-ray." Changeling scoffed in boredom. She picked up the tray, but nearly threw up when she smelled the scent wafting from the prepared food. The bun seemed okay, but when she flipped the bun over, she was presented with an unsightly view of a greenish-gray hamburger with a foul mist rising from it. The sound of flies buzzing around the garbage droned in her ears.
"Uh, Spyro? I think you overcooked this one." The cat sorceress snapped. She handed the tray back to the dragon, facing away from the meal. "Make it again before I lose my lunch!"
The dragon could only roll his eyes and say, "Sorry, Changeling. I'd love to make a decent meal, but Moneybags ordered me to sell that food!"
Realizing their quandary, the cat considered the options. She could call the health inspector on this unfit meal forced onto the world, but then both of them would be out on a job. Since she didn't really care what happened to the customer's stomach, she said, "Well, maybe the customer won't notice." She then handed the person in front of her the tray. "Here you go sir. One Bungry Burger!"
"You receive my gratitude, turquoise-tinted feline!" Bentley the yeti said cheerfully. He was about to hand Changeling two gems when the scent of his meal caused him to fall unconscious to the floor. The thud of Bentley's body against the floor was enough to alert the customers in the restaurant of the food poisoning. Without another word, everyone cleared out of the Bungry Burger faster then Hunter when you feed him a bucket of sugar.
As Changeling stared at the yeti's body in horror, Spyro said sarcastically, "I think he did notice..."
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Three weeks later, Changeling, Moneybags, and Spyro stood in the empty building that was the Bungry Burger. If there wasn't a custodian that cleaned the restaurant every week, the place would've been covered with dust and cobwebs. Crickets chirped as dragon and ursine looked sadly at their once beautiful place of payment. Changeling didn't care about the lack of business as long as she got paid weekly via paycheck, but Spyro and Moneybags were distressed.
"I don't understand! We haven't had a customer in weeks!" Moneybags shouted to his only workers. He looked down towards the floor, to the Welcome mat in front of the door. "I wonder if the new place mats are scaring them off..."
No customers was one thing, but a boss unaware of the obvious customer repel was enough to make the feline sorcerer disgusted. The new place mats weren't even mildly threatening! "New place mats? It's that old Bungry Burger you keep trying to sell!" Changeling shouted, poking Moneybags' chest with a claw to emphasize her point. She narrowed her eyes darkly at him. "It's gone bad."
"Gone bad? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard since I was told that you could find over ten thousand gems just lying on the ground!" Moneybags chuckled. Spyro rolled his eyes, as he was the one that told him that he should stop asking small fees since he could find a year's salary in the dirt. "Spyro, bring me the 'bad burger' and let's see how 'bad' it is."
Spyro ran to the kitchen, and came back holding a rat cage with the old patty inside. Spyro had the arm holding the cage extended in front of him, as if the burger could attack at any moment. Changeling narrowed her eyes at the dragon, convinced that he had gone insane. Even Moneybags saw something was wrong with the situation in front of him.
"Uh, why is it in a cage?" Moneybags asked. Spyro glared at him as he held up the hand that wasn't holding the cage. Teeth marks and bandages wrapped around his fingers.
"It bit me." The purple hero said plainly. As soon as those words passed his lips, the patty began to snarl and bark like a caged dog. Changeling hid behind Moneybags, since she was afraid of mutated patties much more then she was afraid of any of the events that took place in The Realms of Chaos. Spyro shrunk back from the cage, as he knew that the mold growing around the patty also made durable teeth.
"Funny. I thought that heroes and villains were not afraid of fast food." Moneybags said as he neared the cage that held the patty inside.
"Well, actually, I heard that Crash Bandicoot is afraid of Taco Be-Hey! What are you doing?" Spyro was about to come up with a retortion when he saw Moneybags open the cage and place the patty in his hand. The old Bungry Burger snarled and snapped at Moneybags' nose, but since he had it firmly pinched between his thumb and index finger, it was unable to attack.
"You're not going to eat that, are you?" Spyro asked.
"Yeah! If you eat it, get sick, and die, no one's going to sign my paycheck!" Changeling added.
"You two are a bunch of sissies! No amount of time can spoil the deliciousness of a Bungry Burger!" Moneybags said as he calmed the mutant burger down. He examined it, as if a barking, snarling hamburger was a healthy part of his diet. "I mean, look at this fine piece of meat! It looks good enough to eat!"
Spyro and Changeling both looked at the gray, moldy meat with the cobwebs and old bubblegum hanging off of it, the cloud of algae floating around it, and the obvious swarm of flies buzzing around it. It still squirmed in Moneybags' hand, making bile rise to both of their throats. They looked at each other, at the patty, at Moneybags, and then at each other again.
"Yeah...good enough to eat..." Changeling falsely agreed.
Without anymore conversation, Moneybags took a bite out of the patty and immediately passed out from food poisoning.
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Immediately after Moneybags fainted into a fast food-induced coma, Spyro called the Hospital. Moments later, a team of fauns with medical degrees wheeled the corpulent bear on a stretcher towards the Emergency Room, with Spyro running beside them. The florescent lights glimmered upon the fat fast-food owner, revealing that his own healthy brown fur had turned a sickly grayish green from the poisoning. Several people in the hall saw this sight as a wonderful thing, as cheers of happiness reached Spyro's ears.
As the doctors neared Moneybags closer to his room, he found strength to request one thing from Spyro; to wrap his burger in a doggie bag, because he wasn't finished with it!
A few hours later, Moneybags was revived and was sitting up rather comfortably in a hospital bed. The bear couldn't help but smile, since he knew that he was going to escape from this white prison with a clean bill of health. A faun doctor wearing thick glasses, pocket protectors, and braces grabbed a notepad from the bedpost as he examined his chubby guest in front of him.
"Well, Mister...Hinihags, you sure gave us quite a scare earlier." The dorky just-got-out-of-medical-school faun said, pausing only to glance down at the paper to see what his name was. Course, it was very hard to read, as his glasses were covered with a fine secretion of sweat and ink caused from hours of sitting at a cubicle. Moneybags gave a hesitant cough.
"Erm, that's Moneybags, and can you tell me when I can leave this place of bad signatures and life-support systems?" He stated. He then put a claw inside his robe and started to itch at a spot on his lower back area. "Besides, this hospital's robe is itchy..."
"Well, if you don't want my opinion, Mister Binnyrags, I'll take a look at your results..." The faun paused to cough up a wad of spit on his glasses so that he can wipe away the cloud of ink and sweat that was clouding his vision. Moneybags cringed as the dorktor examined the results.
"Let's see..." All the color drained from his face as his eyes read the text. Every underdeveloped muscle in the faun's body went stiff as he read all the diseases that Moneybags had picked up when he digested the disgusting hamburger.
"Oh, no." His frail body shook like a leaf caught in a gale. Sweat began to pour down his face and the bottom right eyelid on his face start to twitch violently.
"Oh no! This is terrible!" The faun cried, going from dorky doctor to terrified schoolchild in a lab coat. Moneybags tentatively extended a claw towards the doctor.
"Is something the matter, Doctor Dweeb?" He asked in the most polite way possible. He placed a hand on the faun's shaking shoulder, and caused every muscle in the faun's body to react instantly. He pivoted on his hoof and stared at Moneybags with nearly all-white eyes.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" The faun screamed. He then bolted like a deer, slamming into several end tables and stools in his way. Papers scattered everywhere, and the entire room was filled with his terrified yells of fear and pain. Moneybags could only stare as several hospital officials had to carry the young faun, still screaming and shaking, into the insanity ward.
"That's...not a good sign..." Moneybags said after the room went empty.
Suddenly, the lights went dead. A ghostly whirlwind of green ectoplasm and mist swirled in front of Moneybags. Suddenly, the bear felt really alone in this big hospital room as high-pitched giggling filled the room. The gas manifested itself into a monkey wearing a Grim Reaper's cloak and carrying a ray gun. The monkey continued to laugh even as Moneybags started to inch out of his bed and make towards the exit.
"Bearemy Moneybags!" The primate harvester of souls squealed. He took out a ray gun taped to a cardboard scythe and shot it at Moneybags' feet, blocking his exit. The bear quivered in terror until he realized something was very wrong with this picture.
"Hey, wait a minute! You're Agent 9!" Moneybags shouted as he hopped back into his bed. The fact that someone he was selling for two thousand gems was posing as the Grim Reaper was even more surprising then the fact that Agent 9 actually knew his embarrassing first name.
"No I'm not! Can you see the cloak of death, the obviously real scythe that shoots harvesting lasers of death, and the fact that I appeared in this room without using the door? I am not this Agent 9 you accuse me of being, but rather the Grim Reaper!" The ghostly figure prated on without once pausing for breath.
"Yeah, but why are you here? I'm still alive!" The obese bear protested, but while he did so, he pinched his right wrist to feel for a heartbeat. You know, just to make sure.
"No, you're not! In fact, you're the opposite of alive! You've passed on! You're no more! You've ceased to be! You've expired and gone to meet your maker! You're a stiff! Bereft of life, you rest in peace! You're pushing up daisies! Your metabolic processes are now history! You're off the twig! You've kicked the bucket, you shuffled off your mortal coil, run down the curtain, and joined the bleeding choir invisible!" Agent Reaper prattled. He then pointed a sepulchral claw at Moneybags.
"YOU'RE AN EX-BEAR!" He proclaimed, completing the Monty Python reference. Moneybags, despite being British and being very familiar with this joke, couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. Grim 9 slammed his cardboard scythe down to the ground importantly, sending several lasers bouncing off the ceiling and around the room. "And thus, I've decided to take you straight to Hell with all the other bad Avalarian folk."
"Wait a minute! Why am I going to Hell? I'm not a bad bear!" Moneybags protested while cowering behind his hospital blanket. He ducked his head, narrowly avoiding getting his head blasted off his shoulders by a stray laser blast.
"Not a bad bear? NOT A BAD BEAR? Listen to me, bub. You're as bad as bad could badly get! Ripto, Gnasty Gnorc, and the Sorceress are getting a higher level of Hell then you are, believe me! Not even the deaths, the wars, and the evils they've caused can match up to your evil badness, buster!" Agent 9, err, I mean the Grim Reaper replied without taking a single breath.
"What do you mean?" Moneybags replied, just barely catching the point of what the monkey reaper was trying to say.
"Oh, I brought a little something just in case you were to ask that question, since a harvester of souls like me is bound to be faced with questions such as that!" At a speed that not even a blue hedgehog of video game fame could match, Agent Reaper dashed out of the door and brought in a glowing overhead projector.
"...Did you steal that from the custodian's office?" Moneybags queried.
"OF COURSE NOT! See the glowy greenness surrounding my overhead projector of ghostly doom? It's my overhead projector, and it has a slide of all the bad things you did." Grim 9 then switched on the device that you normally see in high schools and began to flip through pictures of Moneybags doing rotten things at such a speed that the machine began to smoke.
"Example: You sold your puppy to the black market when you were four, stole milk money from your fellow classmates, made a crime ring when you were eight selling illegal baseball cards and bubblegum, gambled with riptocs when you were fifteen to get free braces, sold Gnasty Gnorc's left kidney on E-Bay for several thousand dollars, always used fake coins and dollars in vending machines, delayed the pay checks of your workers Changeling and Spyro, took a bite out of a hamburger that's way past its prime because you didn't want to waste meat!" By that time, the overhead projector exploded from showing all those slides at that rapid pace speed.
"Want any more, bub? I GOT PLENTY!" The monkey hollered, still clutching pieces of his destroyed equipment.
"Erm, about that. I was wondering that since I still have a ways to go before I die of old age, could I get another chance? I really don't want to go to Hell just yet..." Moneybags tentatively said.
"Another chance? I'll give you another chance when penguins fly, scum!" The primate Grim Reaper shouted. Fortunately for Moneybags, Sgt. Byrd flew in and out of sight just outside the window. Agent Reaper narrowed his eyes while the bear pumped his fists in the air.
"Okay, you get that second chance. But you'll have to promise me one thing: you will be a good citizen, and never scam anything from anybody! You're going to be the opposite of what you are, which is a cheap old tightwad!"
"Actually, I'm not that-"
"Understood?" Agent Reaper barked, cutting off any future protests by his victim. The bear considered his options; go to Hell early or never touch another gem again. He could feel his heart sink when he realized that either way, he lost.
Finally, Moneybags nodded in agreement, and then was consumed by a flash of green light as Agent 9 the Grim Reaper zapped him with his laser gun.
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The next morning, the Bungry Burger was in a state of disrepair. It was now closed, due to the death of its manager, and the only employees of the restaurant were now rooting around the office of their deceased payer for a share of the profits. Changeling dug around Moneybags' desk drawer, while Spyro sniffled in the corner. Spyro wasn't sad at Moneybags' death, but rather, he was sad that he had to go back to the job at the Dry-Cleaners.
"Moneybags' nose hair clippers!" Changeling exclaimed as she pulled a small pair of gray scissors from her employer's desk. "I could use these." She added, giving some of the readers bad images of her actually using them.
"You shouldn't be rooting around Moneybags' stuff like that, Changeling." Spyro managed to cry out amid his tears. He sniffled, nearly bursting into waterfalls of despair as he added, "HE WON'T LIKE IT!"
Changeling folded her arms across her chest, pretty irritated by her fellow employee. "Spyro, you heard what Doctor Dweeb said. Moneybags isn't coming back." And after those words left her lips, she put on a stethoscope and started turning the combination on Moneybags' safe. "Now be quiet so I can listen to the tumblers in his safe."
But then, a miracle happened. The door was kicked open by a chubby foot just as Changeling found the first number in the combination. Moneybags in all of his glory stepped into his office, now wearing a brand new business suit and his fur all tidied up. He was still carrying a sack of money, but now it was empty thanks to the donations he made to charity. Spyro cried out in joy.
"Changeling, our provider of paychecks is back! Isn't it a miracle?" Spyro cried out.
"Well, it was a miracle." Changeling replied, tossing her thief kit aside. She pocketed the nose hair clippers in her robe as Moneybags explained his plight.
"Being sick gave me a lot of time to think. All my life, I've been saving money, collecting money, and touching money, but not anymore! You're looking at the new and improved Moneybags! I won't ask any more small fees from anyone! In fact, I'll even donate to charity and make things less expensive then they should!" Moneybags chirped cheerfully.
Changeling and Spyro couldn't believe their ears. Moneybags being generous was as realistic as Spyro trying to take over the world and Changeling being nice to someone. They exchanged glances, both of them fairly sure that Moneybags went insane.
"So, this means that you'll be giving instead of receiving?" Changeling asked hesitantly.
"You bet! In fact, I'll give so much that I won't have a cent to my name!" Moneybags replied happily. And with that, the bear rushed out of his office to do some costly renovations to his once cheap fast food joint. Changeling and Spyro stood there dumbfounded for several moments until Spyro stated the one thing that was on all the readers' minds.
"Wow, you can't get anymore out of character then this..."
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By noon, Bungry Burger was up and running again. Moneybags really didn't spare a single gem when he reopened his restaurant. He installed televisions at every table so that the eaters could watch movies while they ate. He made the salad bar and the drink bar absolutely free and even handed out free napkins. He even put free toys in the Silly Meals and made sure that everybody got replacements for their orders if they happened to drop their meal on the ground.
Moneybags himself patrolled the restaurant, making people happy by handing them money or handing them free stuff. Some of the people that were more familiar with him were skeptical at first, but after a while, they were chatting about how generous Moneybags was. He even scored some digits from some of the more ambitious ladies.
Moneybags walked up to Ember the dragon, who was carrying her food to her table. "Here you go, Ember. A free toy for your Silly Meal!" The bearish manager said as he handed the pink dragon a squeezy toy shaped like the Pillsbury Doughboy. Ember squealed excitedly.
"Thanks Mr. Bags! I thought you were a money-hungry, greedy, thieving, filching-"
"Stop!" Moneybags cut Ember off as she listed all the things bad about his past self. "Stop flattering my evil side!" And with that, he walked up to the cash register to check on his employees. Spyro was sitting at the cash register instead of Changeling, for a change of pace.
"Where's Changeling?" Moneybags asked his purple employee.
"She's taking a break in your office, or should I say, 'Employee Lounge'. She said she'd be ready to work again in a couple of hours." Spyro said. A customer gave an order, so Spyro had to hop from the cash register to the grill and back to the cash register every time someone ordered thanks to the cat's laziness. Spyro didn't seem to mind, though, because more work meant a bigger paycheck!
As Moneybags helped, gave free stuff, and was an all-around generous guy, Changeling walked out of the Employee Lounge, still dressed in a nightgown with little Gigas Crystals imprints sewed on the purple fabric. She stretched very cat-like before heading over to Moneybags. "Here, the mailman dropped this in your mailbox. He made such a racket too, disturbing my wonderful beauty sleep!"
The bear examined the letter. His brow furrowed in frustration. "Hmmm...The bill. I knew this was coming." He then took one of his claws and ripped the top open. When he saw the final total at the bottom of his bill written in bold red letters, his tone went from frustrated to sickly sweet.
"Only ten thousand gems. That's not so bad."
He then shooed Spyro away from the cash register so that he can see how he was to pay this outrageous sum. When he opened the keeper of money, he was greeted with only cobwebs and lint. His smile only got broader, although in the back of his mind, he was hollering and screaming in agony.
"And...There's no gems in here! What do you know?"
Changeling and Spyro exchanged glances once again. This really wasn't their day. "Wow, I'm worried about Moneybags for once." Spyro stated as he watched the bear laugh happily at the fact that he was probably going to owe money for the rest of his life.
"Me too. How am I going to get paid?" Changeling answered, once again thinking for herself before thinking for others. She walked over to the obese bear and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Gee, Moneybags, you're sure taking total bankruptcy real well."
Moneybags continued to grin, as if laughing at his own life. "Oh, I know this is just a bad dream. I'll wake up soon!"
Spyro and Changeling, now thoroughly convinced that their boss had lost it, both raised eyebrows. The sound of happy, non-paying customers fell dead on their ears as they tried to put two and two together. Spyro could only say, "A...dream?"
"Yeah. I'm still in the hospital, sleeping like a cub!" Moneybags answered. Spyro decided that this was the time to burst his bubble of delusional happiness.
"Uh, Moneybags? You checked out of the hospital hours ago!"
"Here's the bill." Changeling replied, handing him another letter that probably had another sum of ten thousand gems inside. Moneybags' smile faltered when he realized that this nightmare was in fact a reality.
"You mean, I'M AWAKE!?" The bear cried. He then fell to his knees and screamed loud enough for everyone within a five mile radius to hear. The walls rattled, some of the windows shattered, and the fodder outside died from the force of the sound wave. Every customer in the restaurant stared at Moneybags, and some of them slowly made for the exit.
Suddenly, Moneybags went into a berserk rage. He started taking back all the free stuff he gave to everyone. As Ember and Flame played with their action figures, the bear ran in front of them and snatched their toys away while screaming that they were a bunch of freeloaders. He then grabbed the drinks off of random tables and poured them back into the soda machine while hollering about no free refills. Then, the bear ripped the televisions off the walls and tossed them in a corner while yelling that the free show was over.
Amid all the confusion, Bianca the rabbit saw a red gem sitting on the ground. Since Spyro didn't even bother to pick it up, she reached for it. "This must be my lucky day!" The cream-colored rabbit replied as she grabbed the gem off the ground. She then felt a stinging sensation in her arm as Moneybags dug his claws into her flesh.
"Your luck just ran out, freeloader!" The bear hissed while foaming at the mouth. Bianca tried to pull away.
"Moneybags, you're crushing my wand-wielding arm!" Bianca protested, knowing fairly well that rabbits were lower on the food chain then bears. Moneybags then gave her a pretty agreeable argument through his bared teeth.
"Unhand the gem or the arm comes off!"
Suddenly, the lights went dead. The ghostly mist that had once haunted Moneybags' hospital chambers manifested in front of him. Moneybags, knowing that he was in deep doo-doo, let go of the rabbit's arm and watched as she fled in terror.
"Bearemy Moneybags! Your time is up!" Agent 9 yelled. He then proceeded to laugh insanely, while Spyro and Changeling wondered why Agent 9 was the harvester of souls. Moneybags tried to hide his wrongdoings by hiding the hand that had some traces of bunny blood on its claws behind his back.
"What do mean my time is up? I wasn't cheap today!" Moneybags protested. "Just ask any of my employees! They're sure to back me up!"
"He almost tore Bianca's arm off for a gem." Changeling replied snidely. She didn't care if Moneybags went to Hell, just as long as she got to see his final scream of agony.
"Thanks, Changeling. I knew I could count on you." Moneybags sarcastically replied. He looked at the ghostly specter monkey and sighed. "Well, a deal's a deal. I hope they have gems in Hell..."
Grim 9 was about to harvest Moneybags' black soul when Spyro butted in. As much as he hated Moneybags, he knew that if Moneybags died, no one would ever give him another lock pick or the items he needed. Especially since he didn't know where Moneybags actually hid his wares.
"Wait! You can't take Moneybags! He's the sweetest, kindest, non-skin flinted, most generous bear in Avalar!" Spyro lied. Changeling fell to the floor and started laughing her tail off, but Moneybags was grateful. The Grim Reaper that happened to be The Professor's star pupil set Moneybags down and floated towards Spyro.
"He'd sell your soul for a couple of gems! In fact, I'll probably get a deal on your soul if I had Moneybags sell it to me!" The ghost replied, jabbing a claw into Spyro's torso. Spyro took the moment to stand on his hind legs, just to fold his arms across his chest.
"I bet my soul he wouldn't."
"All right then. Moneybags, help me settle a bet this dragon betted upon me. Would you trade Spyro's soul for all the gems I have in my left pocket? Come on, come on, hurry up and choose!" Agent Reaper chattered breathlessly. Moneybags put his hand underneath his chin in thought.
"That depends...How many gems are we talking about?" The bear replied. Spyro then realized how big of a mistake he made.
"Moneybags!"
The Grim Reaper started to dig into his left pocket. He took the moment to dump out everything that wasn't pocket change out of his pocket, including bombs, laser containers, and pictures of various women posing in bathing suits. At last, he found a gold gem. "I'll give you...exactly ten gems."
"I'll take the money." Moneybags replied immediately. Spyro felt his heart sink.
"MONEYBAGS!!!"
The Grim Reaper dropped the gem into Moneybags' hand. "Here you go, Moneybags. Ten gems. It's been wonderful doing business with ya!" And with that, Agent Reaper wrapped his cold, dead hand around Spyro's body and whisked him straight to Hell. The little dragon's screams still echoed through the air.
Changeling stared dumbfounded at the air where Agent 9 just floated. Lying about Moneybags' conscious was one thing, but having Moneybags sell Spyro to the Grim Reaper was another thing. She felt downright insulted when the bear had the nerve to walk up to her while still holding the gem he won.
"Look, Changeling. Money!"
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but how could you sell Spyro for only ten gems?" Changeling hollered. Moneybags looked down at his gold gem.
"Do you think I could've gotten more?" He asked. Changeling then said the most out-of-character things she's said all day while narrowing her eyes at the only person in the world that was greedier then her.
"He stood up for you and you sold him out..." She pointed a claw at the fat bear and said the one sentence that would never come out of her mouth in normal circumstances. "YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!"
Suddenly, the realization sunk in. Tears welled up in the bear's eyes. "You're right! I didn't learn anything from this story! I lost my best provider of money!" With a grunt of dissatisfaction, he tossed the gold gem onto the floor. "I don't want this foul gem! I want Spyro back!"
As soon as those words left the greedy bear's furry lips, Agent 9 reappeared in all of his ghostly glory, with the exception of the fact that his Grim Reaper robes have been reduced to ash and that his fur was singed in some places. He set Spyro down in front of Moneybags and Changeling. "Here, take him!"
"You heard what I said about the money?" Moneybags asked. Agent 9 shook his head.
"Heard what you said? I was too busy suffering from this little fire-breather around! As soon as I took him down to Hell, he started breathing fire on me, started ramming me with his horns, and started yelling insults to my mother! Take him back, he's a fate worse then an eternity in the Pits of Eternal Flame!" The Grim Reaper prated, again without taking a breath.
"Yeah, well that goes to show that you don't mess with the greatest hero in the Dragon Realms!" Spyro boasted. He sent a fireball flying straight at the ghostly monkey, and gave the Grim Reaper good reason to leave. The ghostly mist disappeared, and light returned to the restaurant.
"Now, about selling your soul for pocket change..." Moneybags began, but he was silenced by a rather fiery growl by Spyro. The bear was backed against a wall by the dragon's dangerous wrath.
"If you even consider selling me to the Grim Reaper for any sum at all, I'll be sure to make your life very, VERY miserable for all eternity. No paycheck is worth going to the center of Avalar. Understand, you fat bear?" The dragon barked. Moneybags nodded vigorously in agreement, and immediately Spyro's mood changed from very mad to extremely happy. As the day ended, Spyro said the one sentence that Moneybags did not want to hear as he suffered from the backlash of bankruptcy and the selling of souls.
"Good, now I would like to have my paycheck."
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THE END!
What was left of the moldy Bungry burger crawls across the credits screen, laughing insanely while it leaves a slime trail filled with maggots and worms.
OR IS IT?
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Author's Notes: I never intended this to be serious, so any fourth wall breakings, shameless plugging to the serious fanfic The Realms of Chaos, and Monty Python references were strictly for entertainment.