Part 57: Not Exactly the A-Team

The mood on the battlefield had subtly shifted to a festive affair. Instead of a fight, they had a Slayer rodeo.

Buffy zipped between the different groups as they drove the dirt creatures to areas that just happened to be near water spigots. Part of her mission was to check up on everyone; part of it was to warn the others not to give in to temptation and start letting the water flow. She wanted to take these guys by surprise and she didn't want to chance that the Slayer squad's sudden interest in running water would give away the plan.

As she trundled over to what she'd dubbed the Key Group because of its proximity to the crypt, Giles fell into step next to her. "I dare say, Buffy, luck does seem to be on your side."

"Let's not count our monsters before they melt," Buffy said as she bounced over to the spigot. "All we know is they don't like water. If it doesn't work we might end up with killer mud pies."

"This afternoon it was Astroturf, tonight it's gooey goodness," Andrea giggled. She stopped. "Ummm, not that I'm planning to actually eat killer mud pies."

"Just keep them corralled," Buffy said with a resigned air.

Giles chuckled as Andrea wandered off. "At long last, you get to experience my pain."

"Your pain?" Buffy asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Rambunctious youngsters with a penchant for mangled metaphors," Giles clarified. "At least you didn't say 'count our hatched chickens before we break eggs to make an omelet.'"

"Oooooh, that's a good one!" Buffy grinned. "I'm totally gonna use that in conversation really soon."

"Hopeless," Giles sighed as he hid his grin.

Buffy leaned over and conspiratorially added, "I even promise to give you full credit."

"I do beg you not to bother."

At that moment Buffy spotted Kennedy speeding across the lawn with a coiled hose around her shoulder.

"Cavalry is here!" Kennedy announced as she dumped the hose at Buffy's feet.

Giles immediately began hooking the hose up to the spigot.

"Are the others ready?" Buffy prompted.

"Which is why cavalry's gotta run. More hoses and buckets to deliver," Kennedy breathlessly explained. She tossed a half-wave, half-salute at Buffy and rendered a cheery, "See ya!" before taking off again.

"The woman does know how to make an entrance," Giles said good-naturedly as he stood up. "Well, do the honors?"

"Love to," Buffy said formally as she lifted the hose and took aim. She made sure to squeeze the rubber tight with one hand so the rushing water would be trapped until she was good and ready to let loose.

As Giles began turning on the spigot, Buffy called out, "Yoooo-hoooo! Dirt guys!"

This echoing call got the echoing response of female snickers. More than a few Slayers began grinning as they began driving the creatures closer to Buffy and her secret weapon.

When Buffy judged her adversaries were close enough, she let the trapped water loose with a shout of, "Surprise!"

Suffice to say there was a certain amount of crumbling in the opposing forces, coupled with scrambling panic, followed by the realization among the Slayers that they could now punch through their former tormenters.

To make a long story short, there was gleeful revenge to be had by all, up to and including the largest and most impressive mud fight in Cleveland's troubled history.

It was a long, tense trek. Faith was torn between checking Robin every five seconds, keeping Willow from acting too fruit loops, scanning the darkness for a potential threat, and keeping an eye on Charlie behind her as he helped Robin over the rough spots.

Once they reached the stairs, Charlie set Robin down. A few quick words hammered out a plan: Willow could barely walk, which meant Faith had to carry her. She couldn't be trusted alone, which meant Charlie had to go with to keep an eye on the witch while Faith went back to retrieve a waiting Robin.

After repeated 'don't moves' and 'yell if there's troubles' to Robin, they started up the stairs with Faith wearing Charlie's headlamp and Willow slung over her shoulder in a classic fireman's carry. Charlie did his best to keep up by going up the stairs on all fours.

Willow was practically deadweight as she giggled and mumbled something Faith tried desperately not to hear as they climbed the narrow stairs. She could sense Robin below, still grumbling that he swears he won't move. She hoped nothing would hurt him before she could get back down to him.

Yeah, it was over between them, but hell, she still cared whether he lived or died. Maybe he had a point about Slayers and Watchers and maybe not. The point was he thought he was right and she had to live with it. Maybe it was kind of a sign of growth that as unhappy as she was about it, she wasn't tempted to force him to change his mind or make him regret it. She just hoped that someday they'd be able to look each other in the eye without remembering that someone somewhere had royally screwed the pooch. She wondered which one of them would be thinking that they got a raw deal when they looked back on that fight in the kitchen.

She was still just selfish enough to hope that it wouldn't be her.

"How are you doing?" Charlie whispered.

Faith didn't look over her shoulder. "Are you sure Robin'll be all right by himself down there?"

"Willow's more likely to go wandering off than Robin," Charlie reminded her. "Even if Robin got to his feet, he won't get far."

She knew that. She just hated that how she'd been backed into making decisions since she walked into the dark. Every single decision was either/or with very little and. All of it was based on who is less hurt than someone else and who could survive five fucking minutes without her watching their back. She wondered if there also wasn't some subtle balancing act going on between who was less expendable than someone else, a subconscious weight that said Willow was less expendable than Dawnand Andrew. That Robin was more important to save than Xander. That she was more important than any of them because she's the one hauling ass when she's got nothing more than a few bruises to show for her pain.

But if she was dancing on the seesaw, she damn well knew that she wasn't dancing alone. Xander could be here instead of her and he practically shoved her in this direction by being something resembling logical.

The scariest thing about all this was the fact that if she stuck around and stuck it out, she would be dancing between checks and balances her entire life. Didn't matter what the personal relationships were between herself or anyone else. The fact is, the people back there with the Grail and the people dealing with the monsters were trusting her to not fuck up, even though a few of them knew just how badly she could fuck up without even trying.

Fuck. Maybe Robin does have a damn good point because she can't help but wonder if, on that deep-down level that she can't bear to look at, the journal and Catherine and Ruda and the –rah-sen bullshit and the screwed-up future hinted at in Willow's laughter was maybe pushing her to make thisdecision instead of that decision.

When Faith finally reached the top, she told Charlie to halt for a second so she could get the lay of the land. Doing her best to hold Willow in one place with one hand, she took that final step up and poked her head over the lip of the sarcophagus. She was extremely grateful when she saw that the crypt was exactly the way she left it, including no surprise visitors. With any luck, B already had things under control and it'll be easy breezing when she opened that door to the outside world.

Happy the coast was clear, the Slayer practically dragged the witch over the lip of the sarcophagus and turned to help Charlie, only to find that the doc was doing just fine without her.

"I'm so proud of you."

Faith turned immediately back to Willow. Her voice sounded so…odd.

"Look at you," Willow regarded her with watery eyes, "you're such…when did you become an adult?" The redhead reached out a trembling hand and tenderly brushed aside a strand of Faith's hair and tucked it behind her ear.

"Now, now, I've a right to be worried," Willow continued, as a gentle finger slid down Faith's cheek and came to rest under her chin. "You look so much like your grandmother when she was your age." Willow giggled in a voice that hinted at the ghost of a much older woman. "Did I also mention you've got your grandfather's personality?"

Faith took a step back. Willow didn't seem threatening, but she'd just gotten a first class lesson in how this shit could turn on a dime.

"Your grandparents…" Willow closed her eyes as if she were fighting back tears. "They'd be proud of you." She opened her eyes and gave her a sad smile. "You didn't know your grandmother and you were so young when your grandfather passed, so I guess you'll have to take my word on that."

Faith froze, fascinated as Willow tilted her head and added, "I loved both of them you know. I loved them both so much and I just wish they were here to see you now." Maybe it was the trick of the light or maybe it was the ghost of what will be shining through, but Willow seemed so much older than she was. "They'd be worried, but they'd be proud of you. I know that. But this is your time and I know you'll be all right."

Faith opened her mouth to speak, but Willow moved and gently laid a trembling hand on her right arm. "I have a surprise for you. Now. Close your eyes."

"I don't think that's such a hot idea," Faith protested in a whisper.

"Shush! I said close them." Willow reached out and covered Faith's eyes with the palm of her hand. "Now, hold out your hands."

"I don't beeeelieve this," Faith muttered, her heart racing. Just the same, morbid curiosity forced her to do what Willow said. Robin was forgotten. The fact that Charlie was in the room was forgotten. Everyone working out the deal with the Grail, Xander and the Slayers waiting in the darkness below, Buffy and her people fighting outside, it all seemed unreal, like a story that was happening to someone else.

"Now, open your eyes."

Faith did as she was told. She half-expected to see something and was disappointed when her open palms remained as empty as they were when she first held them out.

Charlie interrupted. "I don't think…"

"Shush," Faith hissed. She could feel a string tugging her forward and she was powerless to resist. Just a moment, one little moment and I'll…

What? Depended on what waited at the other end of the string, she supposed.

Willow was rubbing her hands over the surface of something. "Your grandfather really did know his wood. I still can't believe how beautiful these carvings are."

Xander? Had to be. He was the only one she knew who was a freak about wood. He was all about the hardwood floors in the house, going on and on about rock maple and how they needed that high gloss finish so Slayers running riot through the rooms wouldn't do too much damage.

"I always thought he missed his calling," Willow continued. "He should've created things like this instead of…" Willow looked at her, a small hint of an old sorrow reflected in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I still…the fact he died alone so the others could get that cure out…I still feel guilty that I wasn't there to at least…I know I shouldn't but…"

Someday he'll be some Slayer's first. Goddamn Kennedy for putting that thought in her head. Goddamn Giles for making that possibility a possible reality.

Willow shook her head, brave smile back in place. "Open it," she whispered.

Charlie shuffled nervously behind her, but didn't say anything.

"Don't wanna," Faith whispered back.

Well, whoever she was supposed to be did open the box because Willow's smile turned beatific. "Now that sword…" she laughed and shook her head. "Your grandmother marched right into that lair and wonit from the keeper in a bet." The Witch tapped her head knowingly with a finger. "Your grandmother liked to pretend she was Slay hard play hard, but when she set her mind to it she knew how to sneak through the back door when the front door was barred."

Willow reached into what Faith assumed was the box, grasped something with two hands, and lifted it, stumbling under the nonexistent weight. "Beautiful, isn't it," Willow said as she gazed with awe up at the invisible sword in her hand. "Take it."

Faith just stood there, palms still outstretched because she didn't know how to grab swords she can't see.

Willow stepped away, since whoever she was talking to had taken the sword, and linked her hands behind her back. "I can see you feel the power." She chuckled indulgently. "No, your grandmother never did wield it. I asked her once why and she told me that it wasn't hers." Willow tilted her head. "I suppose it did belong to the keeper she won it from, but she was very clear that the sword was not for her but for you."

Faith swallowed hard.

Charlie groaned. "Faith, please…"

"Shush!" Willow waved. "I can't answer. It's a story I can't tell. Let an old witch keep her secrets, hmmm?" There was a twinkle in her eye. "I can tell you that she said someone told her it wasn't hers and that I'd know whose it was when the time came."

Faith could feel the cold shivers crawl up her back. Oh, yeah. She knew who told her the sword wasn't hers, and it wasn't no sword keeper either.

Willow mimed taking the sword into her hands and laying it in the box. "Funny how I only just now figured out what Faith meant," the redhead muttered. Her head came up. There was a twinkle in her eye and a mischievous smile gracing her lips. "Now your grandmother…end of the day she turned out to be a real hero. Only one of us that got public acknowledgement for being a hero."

And there it was: proof positive that some day she was going to have a last battle.

Willow chuckled. "Your grandmother never did do things by halves. Running into that mess the way she did…saved some people against all odds but still…"

"Oh futch," Charlie breathed. "Faith, please…"

Willow's face got serious. "I miss her. I miss him. More than ever these days but…" She gave Faith a sad smile. "I'll see them both soon enough and I'll tell them all about you."

Faith opened her mouth, although she wasn't entirely sure what she could possibly say.

"Now, now," Willow engulfed her in a hug, "allow me to be misty, eh?" She drew back and studied Faith's face. "You're a good girl, Kayleigh. You come from good people who were brave and strong and you are so much like both of them. You'll get this bastard. Wait and see." Willow exploded in laughter. "I can too swear like a…"

The witch suddenly jerked away and began yelling, "Andrew! How many times have I told you not to leave the ancient-y books on the floor? Do you know how much they cost? See? The pages are all ripped because Buffy stepped on it!"

Faith could only stand there like a mook as Willow talked to someone named Johanna about teaching Andrew a lesson about respect for property. She could still feel the weight of an invisible box holding a not-yet-existing weapon in her outstretched palms.

"Are you okay?" Charlie asked her.

Now there's the question of the hour. Scratch that: it's the goddamn question of the fucking century.

"Faith?" Charlie prompted.

Live fast, kick ass, and don't leave skid marks when you go. A motto that— and Faith had to admit this— served her maybe not too well, all things considered. Lacking anything better to live by, well, it was at least a philosophy she could hang her hat on.

Except…

Except…

Right here and right now in this crypt, holding this gift in the palms of her waiting hands, with tomorrow lurking on the other side of that crypt door, living for the moment wasn't enough. It wasn't nearly enough.

It was never going to be enough again.

"Lanoire-rah?" Charlie's voice sounded small and distant.

And if it wasn't enough for her, it wasn't enough for anyone else, was it? The future belonged to everyone, didn't it? And what you did right here and right now could give the future to someone or take it away.

And once you take someone's future away, how the hell do you give it back?

She felt a small touch on her shoulder. "Lanoire-rah-sen?"

"I'm fine." She dropped her hands, clenching them into fists so hard that the nails bit into the palm of her hands.

"I was worried," Charlie voice flooded with relief. "You went away for moment."

"Just a moment," Faith echoed. "Kayleigh. One of mine?"

"I can't tell you that," Charlie said quickly, but his guilty face gave her the answer she suspected.

"Will you be all right? With her?" Faith nodded in Willow's direction. The witch was miming something, as if she were picking things up and putting them on a shelf.

"No danger. You best get Robin," Charlie assured her.

Faith lightly leapt on to the edge of the crypt to prepare for another descent, but Charlie's voice halted her for a moment.

"I'm sorry, you know," the doctor looked genuinely sad, "it's not all bad. What Willow said…you've just heard the worst bits about…well, you know."

Faith looked down at the palms of her hands and for a moment she could almost see that lovingly created wooden box and that thing-of-beauty weapon. She wanted to laugh so long and so hard and never, ever stop.

Somewhen, somehow, and against all odds someone, maybe even more than one someone, was going to love her just because. That was worth everything she had just to have that much.

It was a selfish thought, true. But damn, it did feel some kind of good.

"Doc, if that's the worst the future has to offer then bring it on." She flashed the doctor a wicked grin and leapt away before Charlie could say anything more.

Crazy as it may sound to people who weren't Faith, she could only think as she bounded down the stairs, Hey! Check me out, ma! Top of the fucking world!

This is the part where I call myself an idiot.

What the hell was he thinking?

Why, no, Faith. I think you should grab the wounded and run. I'll just stand here like a lump and let something evil snack on my steaming entrails. What steaming entrails? Why, the steaming entrails that will be all over the place when something evil rips my guts out. I've already been stabbed in the gut once. Don't need a repeat. Have you ever been stabbed in the gut? It sucks the big one…

Somewhere in his panicked mental babble, he realized he was having an imaginary screaming hissy fit with an imaginary Faith who damn well did know what it was like to get stabbed in the gut. Since they both got stabbed by supernaturally strong whatevers, it was going to come down to who got stabbed with the bigger point-y thing.

Yeah, well, you got stabbed with a pussy knife! I got stabbed with a sword. Okay, not a sword, but a really big knife! Top that one baby!

Oh, wait. She got a coma. He got a dirty bandage and a chance to loudly bitch that he wanted to be gay.

Yeah, well…at least you've got both your eyes!

Ha! Let's see her beat that on the my-battle-scars-are-worse-than-your-battle-scars hit parade.

Dear god. He's already beginning to sound like his mother's father. I was at Anzio you little prick! Don't tell me burning your hand hurt!

You know? That whole thing about getting a vasectomy? Sounded better and better the more he poked at it.

"Xander?" Vi tentatively asked.

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Why? Don't I look fine?"

"It's just, ummm, you're kind of smiling. Crazy flakes smiling."

"Vi? My scariest relative on this or any other planet, plus some of her best friends, are staying the week at our humble home and spending mucho quality time with us. I deserve parade for holding on to the tiniest of tiny threads of sanity I've got left."

"You're ranting."

"Yes. Yes I am. I've earned this rant," Xander huffed. "Ergo, I rant, therefore I'm still sane. Sort of."

Vi considered that a moment. "Oh. Well. As long as you're fine then."

"Now that that's settled…"

Whatever Xander was about to say was cut off by a screeching roar.
(OW! OW! OW! OW!)

"You know," Vi nervously licked her lips, "I'm amazed we sorta forgot about the snake."

"Yeah, well, nothing a like little uproar and a few injuries to distract you from the little things," Xander said grimly.

Vi blinked at that. "That snake is a little thing?"

"Not so much, which means we better get to it then," Xander said absently. "Yo! Ladies! Anything?"

"There's movement," Barbara said nervously as she backed away from her cave opening.

"What?" Xander strode over to her, crossbow at the ready while he grabbed a bolt with his free hand. "When did it start?"

"I'm not sure." Barbara seemed embarrassed. "I got kinda distracted what with Willow and the spell, and Faith and you arguing about who was going to get Robin and Willow out, plus with all the roaring and noise and…"

"Ooooh! Way to go Barbara!" Sally shouted sarcastically. "Way to stay on the case!"

"Hey! I didn't hear you shouting a warning!" Vi snipped back at Sally while Lisa shouted a "yeah" to back Vi up.

"Ladies! Not now! Bigger problems!" Xander snapped. He turned to Barbara and could see the Slayer literally shrinking in on herself, as if she was something resembling worried that he'd land on her like a ton of bricks for not saying something sooner. "Look, Barbara, I'm not going to say it's okay because it's not. If our friend's made a break for it, our sitch just got a whole lot more complicated."

Barbara looked down and nodded.

"But I understand, okay? Besides, you aren't the only one who got distracted by everything." Did he sound reassuring? God, he hoped he sounded reassuring, because he didn't feel reassured at all. Even his not-at-all-Slayer hearing could pick up movement and growling in the echoes. "Let's just concentrate on the problem we've got right in front of us."

"How?" she asked.

There's Barbara looking at him with her big green eyes asking him that question. For the millionth time since he landed in Cleveland, Xander seriously wondered when the hell people started looking at him like he was an adult, because right about now he felt like he was fifteen again and dealing with vampires for the first time.

"Just listen for a sec and see if you can pinpoint where mouse-breath might be lurking." He turned around and faced the three other ashen-faced Slayers and added in a slightly louder voice. "Same goes for the rest of you."

"Ummmm, Xander?" Lisa asked as she took a step back.

"We all need to really listen."

"Xander?" Barbara tugged at his sleeve.

"Maybe between the five of us…"

Sally drew her sword. "Xander, I think…"

"Let me finish! I was going to say that between the five us we might be able to triangulate where that thing is."

Vi darted forward, grabbed Xander by the arm, and dragged him forward. "Would right behind you be a good enough guess?"

Xander jerked around just in time to see a very large forked tongue flick out of the cave. "Oh shit! Nice warning guys!"

ROOOOOOOOWL!
(Walnut brain! You. Are. Going. Down.)

As the snake thrust its head through the opening, Xander could see that patches of its skin were rubbed raw and that it was bleeding from countless places. He figured rage must've been fueling the thing because the injuries sure as hell didn't seem to slow it down.

He retreated behind the girls and began loading the bolt. "Wait for an opening before you attack," he hissed. "No running right into that thing's teeth."

"Aim for the eyes, right?" Vi asked. She winced. "Ummm, sorry about that."

"Vi? Eyes are always a good place to start," Xander grimly replied while he took aim.

He would've had a clear shot, but the snake had ideas that didn't involve sitting pretty and letting itself get seriously clobbered by a one-eyed guy with a crossbow and four Slayers with swords.

With a drawn-out hiss, the snake charged straight for them.
(Wonder if you'll keep running after I bite your head off Walnut Brain.)

The five combatants scattered rather than risk getting scooped up in the snake's open jaws. When Xander felt he'd put enough distance between himself and the snake he turned, aimed…

…and noticed the snake was looking right at him.

SSssssssssss.
(Know what pisses me off? You smell like you'll taste like dead, wet, rotten rat.)

Xander let loose with a bolt.

The snake charged.

He missed.

Xander zigged and barely avoided getting turned into lunch by a mere two feet.

He spun around and noticed that he was close enough to the snake to see yet another new detail. "Terrific," he muttered as he stumbled backwards, juggling the crossbow as he reached over his shoulder to grab a new bolt. "Hey guys! Looks like this thing's got superfast healing. There's new scales already growing in."

RUUUURSSSSSS.
(And your voice? Gets. On. My. Nerves. You squeak worse than a mouse.)

The snake was busy orienting itself for a new angle of attack when Sally and Barbara zipped over to their target. He noticed that the two Slayers were worrying at the still bleeding areas just behind the snake's head with their swords.

"Lisa? Vi? You okay?" Xander asked as he looked desperately around.

"We're good," Vi shouted as she trotted over to him with Lisa in tow. "We're trying to figure out the best way to get at this thing. Not too sure swords are going to do more than get it angry."

GROWL!
(Owwwww! Hey! That hurts! Behave!)

Xander muttered a string of curses under his breath as he loaded his crossbow, took aim…

…and Sally stepped right into his line of fire.

"Damn it!" Xander shouted as he moved to get into a position that wouldn't take out a Slayer.

Yeah, good luck with that. Barbara and Sally are all over… "Barbara what the hell are your doing?" he yelled.

Barbara had somehow, don't ask him how, managed to get on top of the thrashing snake just behind its head. She held on a few seconds before she was unceremoniously tossed in his direction. Xander, Vi, and Lisa jumped out of the way as she landed with a grunt on the gravel ground.

"You know? I'm really sick and tired of getting tossed around," she snarled. "I suck at this Slayer thing."

Xander would've offered something reassuring had the snake not decided to make a run for their happy little group.

Five minutes of scrambling later, Xander once again found himself the focus of the snake's less-than-fuzzy intentions.

HIIIIISSSSSSSSS.
(For the record? I'm going to win.)

"Unh, Xander?" Vi's voice echoed from an unseen shadow. "Is it me? Or does that snake really want you?"

"Suuuuuuure. Why not?" Xander rhetorically asked as he skittered to the right. He was not comforted to see the snake make a darting motion in the same direction, all while keeping its visible eye on his person. "Demon magnet man strikes again," he added bitterly

"Maybe it hates you because you got it stuck in the tunnels?" Lisa asked as she ran by the snake's nose and swiped at it with her sword. She twisted backwards when the snake rewarded her efforts with a snarl and a tongue flick.
(Ooooo, but you smell gooooood.)

"Nope. I'm pretty sure my aftershave is involved." Xander carefully scanned the area and saw the triple cave openings to his left. Terrific. Right on my blind side. I hate having one eye. Figuring there was nothing for it, he attempted to skitter to the left, only to see the snake dart in the same direction and a little closer to his position. He growled with frustration. "I've decided. Change my aftershave. I should go with Old Spice instead of that Calvin Klein stuff Dawn says makes me stink good."

RUUURRRRRL!
(That explains the dead, wet, rotted rat smell.)

"Use Old Spice, you'll drive everyone away," Vi remarked as she appeared out of the shadows and moved over to Xander's blind side.

"What's wrong with Old Spice?" Xander asked as Vi grabbed him and yanked him away from yet another attempt on his life.

Vi began slowly herding him towards the cave openings. "It stinks. It reminds me of a boy that used to make fun of me. Plus, I'm allergic."

"Okay, how about something bug spray-ish. Think Off makes Demon Off or Demon Be-Gone?"

GROOOOOWWWLLLLL.
(DO YOU TWO EVER SHUT UP?!?!)

"Yike!" Vi and Xander shouted and stereo.

"CHARGE!" Lisa, Sally, and Barbara shouted as they descended on the snake's head, whacking and smacking for all they were worth.

It at least bought Vi and Xander some breathing room.

"We've got to get you out of here," Vi said quickly. "That snake is really out to get you."

"Yup. It sure is, which is why I've cooked up a cunning plan."

"Please tell me it involves you running for safety?" Vi pleaded. "I really don't want to have to break the news that I let you become snake food."

Xander's head snapped around and he fixed Vi with a deadly glare. "Let's get one thing straight: you don't 'let' me do anything, hear?"

Vi hunched her shoulders. "Sorry. I didn't mean to…what I mean is, that snake really is aiming for you and I couldn't stand it if you were hurt."

"Getting hurt's part of the game, Vi," Xander said quietly. "If you stick around you're going to have to learn that and fast."

Vi gave him a hesitant nod.

The snake chose that moment to try and run over the three pests between it and Walnut Brain. The three attacking Slayers were forced to scramble closer to Vi and Xander in an effort to form a human shield while Vi dragged Xander closer to the three cave openings.

"Vi!" Xander shouted in exasperation. "Let me go!"

"But…"

"Now!" Xander roared.

Vi loosed her grip just enough to let Xander wiggle out of it. He hustled over to his human shield with Vi hot on his heels.

"Right. Quick plan guys. Vi! Stop trying to grab me and listen for a second, will you? We're going to make the snake's obsession work for us."

"How?" Sally asked.

"I'm going to play bait."

"Bait?" Barbara's eyes remained fixed on the snake, which had stopped charging. Its eyes remained fixed on them as its coils restlessly undulated and slithered. Xander could swear that monster was considering a new line of attack.

"But…" Vi began a protest.

"No buts." The tone in his voice managed to kill all debate. "See those caves behind us? I'm going to try to lure it back in there. Maybe try to get it stuck again."

"You only have two choices," Lisa pointed out. "You probably won't be able to get it to follow you down the cave you went in before."

"You guys went down the other two. Did they narrow at all?" Xander asked.

"Ours did. A lot," Vi said. "But it's not smooth running. We had to climb all over the place."

"Okay. Good. That's good," Xander nodded. "Vi, I'm going to run into the same cave you did. Make sure the snake sees me do it. Hold it just long enough to give me a good head start. Then, I want all three of you to back off and let it chase me."

"But…" Vi began again.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but we're not having a lot of luck even hurting that thing," Xander interrupted. "Sooner or later one of us is pulling a Jonah unless we stop it from actually moving so we can kill it once and for all. Does anyone have a better idea? No? Okay then. Vi? Which tunnel?"

Vi tried one more protest. "I don't like using you as bait. It's wrong."

"Yeah, well, if you used me as bait without asking, you'd have a point. Since I'm volunteering, wrongability doesn't come into play."

Vi shook her head and finally capitulated. "You're the Watcher."

"I don't want to even know how you found that out," Xander flatly.

"Hey! Watcher Xander!" Barbara grinned.

"Yayness!" Sally cheered.

"Does this mean I have to let you win when we play video games?" Lisa giggled.

The snake started a feint, which was good enough to get Sally, Barbara, and Lisa to scatter and for Vi to make one more attempt at dragging Xander to the caves.

"Okay, okay. I'm going," Xander huffed. "Remember: make sure it sees me 'escape.' Got it?"

"Got it," Vi saluted while the other three Slayers began running interference with the snake.

"Vi…" Xander warned.

"Let it see you. Make sure to hold it long enough to give you a good head start. Let it go."

Xander glared at her while Vi gave him a pinball smile.

"Make sure you do," he ordered. He jogged over to the cavern entrance Vi indicated and shouted, "Yo! Rat breath!"

RUR!
(Ho-ho! Gotchya!)

"I'm out of here!" Xander shouted. He turned and scrambled into the entrance.

GROWL!
(Coward! Get back here and fight!)

Vi tightened her grip on her sword and jumped into the fray. Between swings she announced, "Guys, change of plans."

"Change of plans?" Barbara asked.

"But Vi, Xander said…" Lisa began.

"Xander is dead meat if this thing catches him," Vi cut her off. "We're Slayers. Our job is to keep him safe. Got it?"

"Fine," Sally agreed as she aimed for and missed the snake's nostril. "So what's the new plan?"

There was very Slayer glint in Vi's eyes. "Kick. Its. Ass."

"Kick its ass!" the other three Slayers roared.

And then the four pressed in for the kill, swinging their swords every step of the way.

TBC…