Continued from.
Fuyutski: What are you all looking at.oh.
Fuyutski looks at the picture to see a baby's body, but the same Gendo face, where a cute and adorable baby face should be.
Fuyutski: GAH!
~~ A Kool-Aid and an Ice tea later AKA 19 hours later ~~
Gendo (opening his eyes): Ugh.my head.(Looks around and hears people talking as if they were all on break) Ow!
Maya (Looking down): Damnit! I tripped over him again.crap, he's awake.
Kaji: (looks up at the commander) crap.. Back to work everyone! (he then puts on his pants and walks away)
Gendo: my head hurts, I'm going to lie down and watch the dukes of hazard...
Rei (out of no where): they canceled that show. Apparently it was linked with stupidity. We now use it for tactical warfare.
Gendo: which Rei are you?
Rei: (looks at the palm of her hand and reads) 54 out of tank C.
Gendo: So you don't have a soul, only #2, right?
Rei: Yes.
Gendo: (Bitch slaps Rei number 54).. Ahh that felt good.. Fuyutski, you know the drill.(Gendo painfully walks to the little elevator thingy that goes anywhere like Willy Wanka's )
Rei54: (looks worried as out of no where Kouzou flies out of the shadows. carrying a brown wig and a lab coat in his hand and whisks Rei54 away to the playboy mansion hidden under Gendo's desk.) NOOOO!!! GOD NOOOOooo!
~~ Later at that place thingy ~~
Gendo: (reading a Robert Browning book) 'The year's at the spring, And day's at the morn; Morning's at seven; The hill-side's dew-pearl'd; The lark's on the wing; The snail's on the thorn;.' Well that explains our slogan. This just proves Kozo has been stealing everything! My past Girl friends in college, my books, my pants, MY sunlight, Even my breath mints.(now talking in a schizophrenic / Gary Coleman voice) but when I got my wife, Yui, he had to try to take her, she was never hot enough for him to do.but I loved her.but when I got her for my own, HE joined my company, I thought if I changed the name from Gehrin to Nerv he would get lost and think that Starbucks 2 blocks down was where he was suppose to be. But he followed Nanako, WHY! OH WHY!? Rei didn't cause her to kill herself fast enough.so Kozo decided that if he couldn't have her no one could and had me make that purple piece of crap but he screwed me! Just like my hamster during Y2K.Drank all of my mountain dew.But the joke is on him, I'll have her back. And then have all my mountain dew; (now shaking his fist at the ceiling) TAKE THAT MR. NIBLES!! DRINK ALL MY MOUTAIN DEW IN Y2K WILL YA!?!?.I hurt inside now.I need some peanuts and I think I'll go kick some puppies while I'm at it.........Did you just touch my butt?
Maya: (on the other side of the library in shock that the commander has now finally flipped due to a head concussion) wha--?
~~ In some horrible dimension ~~
"So you're telling me that Asuka is..?" "Wark?" "Don't play dumb with me damn you penguin!" "Wark! Wark!" Shinji then throws the tied up penguin across the room that is lit with only one light bulb, a table, and two chairs. "Is she a mail order bride or not?! You fucking penguin!?" ".." The penguin has downcast eyes and reluctantly talks, "...Wark." "Now we are getting somewhere." Shinji smiled as he walked to the back of the room
Rei on the other hand was displeased as to she didn't get to be the bad cop.
~~ Da next day wit da Gendo.yo ~~
Gendo: mmmm my hands smell mighty fine today!
Maya: ^ so if I dance at the 'hurray ole' then maybe I can get enough money to buy that Cadillac I'm wanting.. Hmmm that bastard Gendo doesn't pay me enough but I stay cuz that doctor is one hot mama! ^
Gendo: The hell?
Maya: What?
Gendo: (Shrug)
Fuyutski: ^Man, I'm craving a slurpy, one of those cheeseburger hotdogs and some of that Gendo.^
Gendo: (Thinking) Hmmm.I love those hotdogs.(Outloud) SAY WHAT?! (Runs away screaming and flailing his arms)
All NERV Personnel(look at the command post at Kozo):.....
Fuyutski: hmm?(shrugs)
A/N: You know at 7-11 they used to/ maybe still do have those hotdogs that were also cheeseburgers.damn those were good.*drools*
Ritsuko (Shaking her head): I told you that the Astatine in his coffee would affect him one day.
All: (Sigh)
(Shinji, Asuka, and Rei walk in)
Shinji (Pointing back): What's wrong with my father?
Misato (Walking up to him): Let's just say that, drugs are bad, and leave it there.
Maya: Well, shouldn't someone check on him?
Makoto: I vote for Rei!
Everyone raises his or her hand for that vote.
(My computer just did a grammar check and said that instead of 'their' it should say 'his or her'.damn sexist women. I'm a girl too, I just feel that women who are like 'I wanna become first women president' they try too hard to prove that they are just as good/ better than guys, thus screwing everything up.damn I need to shut up.)
Rei: Damnit. (Walks toward the direction Gendo ran off)
Shigeru: That was easy.ya know I don't feel the slightest bit guilty for my guitar hitting him and knocking him out.
Shinji: Ya know, I don't think that the chemicals in his drinks are the cause of his sudden insanity-I mean, there would have been an affect within the first hour, this is something else.
Misato: What you mean?
Shinji (Sigh): What happened to my Father yesterday?
Makoto (Excited that he knows the answer): He was hit in the head with a guitar and passed out!
All: Oh.
Shinji: so are you getting what I'm saying?
Ritsuko: So because of the head bash, he's gone insane?
Shinji: Good for you (Gives her a treat)
Ritsuko: YAY! I did good! \o/
Shinji: (sighs and looks down very very sadly) I think I'll go and hide in a corner and wait for someone to step on me..(walks away realizing that all of Nerv was either: a crack baby, hit in the chest with a piece of metal and can't have kids so her biological clock is driving her to insanity, or was droped on the head numorus times)
~~ Gendo in the Cafeteria that you never knew was there ~~
Gendo (Hiding underneath a table): He didn't say that.he didn't say that.it's all in my head.
Rei walks in, sees the commander and sighs.
Rei (Sitting next to Gendo): What's wrong?
Gendo: I heard it. I heard it. I heard it. I heard it.
Rei (Annoyed...or what you can call annoyed): Heard what, Ikari?
Gendo: I heard Kozo, I heard him, he said it, he said it. (Starts weeping)
Rei (Getting curious): What did he say?
Gendo: He said, and I quote, 'Man, I'm craving a slurpy, one of those cheeseburger hotdogs and some of that Gendo.' (Starts crying some more)
Rei (shocked): ^Oh my dear lord in heaven.^ he couldn't have said that.could he.you must be hearing things, Fuyutski would never say that, right infront of you at least, right?
Gendo (Sniffling and acting like a little kid): Right.
~~ Control tower ~~
Makoto (Reading a comic book): All my life I've collected comic books. I've got every comic you could think of. Even.
Shigeru: No! Don't say it!
Makoto: American comics.
Asuka faints, while Ritsuko looks sick, and Maya starts doing a religious chant.
If saying that he had American comics wasn't enough, he grabbed one and waved it infront of everyone.
Maya (Putting up her hand): Step back, Satan!
Gendo and Rei walk in to find all this.
Gendo: and I thought I was crazy.
Misato: ^'The Misato song' plays. (Ya know when Shinji and Pen-Pen eat breakfast it plays that weird song-that song)^
Gendo glances around as if trying to listen to something, but cuts short when he hears Kaji talking.
Kaji: ^Should I get the surgery, or not? Hmmm.^
Gendo (O.o): Don't tell me that none of you heard that?
Ritsuko: .O What the hell are you talking about? ^Just say 'can I run some tests on you commander' and he'll be all mine.^ Yes, maybe I should run some tests on you commander, to see if you are feeling well.
Gendo (Pointing to her): No! I know your evil plan! (Crawls in a fetal position)
~~ Somewhere else with some other time, cuz I'm tired of writing bout Gendo, though I luv him ~~
Ritsuko: You know I don't do this kind of stuff.
Kaji: But you're a doctor! Doctors do surgeries! Please.
Ritsuko: Maybe, but not that surgery!
Kaji: Dangit! Now my life has no meaning! (Cries)
Ritsuko: Well, ok.
Kaji: Thanky thanky! ^_^ (Strips down for surgery)
Misato walks in at this time and sees Kaji and Ritsuko.
Misato (Steam coming out of ears): What the hell is going on?!
Kaji: I can explain!
Before Kaji can explain, you see Misato twitching and her eyes rolling backwards, and then glares at Kaji all demon-like.
Misato (Pulling out gun): Explain my ass! (Shoots at Kaji)
Ritsuko: .
~~ Later at Misato's Apartment ~~
Misato: Oh looks like I gots a message! (Clicks button on message machine)
Kaji (On message machine): Hello, I know your there, but just don't wanna pick up, I just wanna say that-well this is kinda hard, but umm.A man's life can be either good or bad, but a women's. Well that's different, so I decided that the life I live now is gonna end, it was nice being your boyfriend Misato. Bye.
Misato (Weeping): God! No! Why! (Phone rings, she answers it) Hello?
Maya (On other end): Yea! Misato! I just got news-
Misato (Sniffling): Yea, I know, Kaji got the surgery.
Maya: No! He's dead!
Misato: What?! Who killed him?! (Gets flash back of her demon killing Kaji) Oh. (Blankly hangs up the phone)
Shinji (Coming into room): What happened? I heard yelling?
Misato: Nothing.
Shinji: Are you sure?
Misato: Yes.
~~ NERV Hospital Later ~~
Gendo (Waking up staring at the ceiling): This ceiling looks familiar.so familiar.oh yea, this is where Rei #2 and me used to do it. But why am I here.In this hospital bed?
Shinji (Sitting in a chair in the room): Jeez, you talk to yourself a lot. And I really didn't need to know that. I mean-who do you think I think about when I'm in the shower?!
Gendo (Looking over to Shinji): What are you doing here?
Shinji: (gets up real casually) I care for you, though you may be mean, I still care for my father ^Just suck up to him and that Rei collection will be all mine! ^ Oh yea, there's an angel coming, so get your butt outta bed and command!
Gendo: I just woke up, and what do you mean-with my Rei collection?!
Shinji (Glancing back and forth):^crap gotta think of somethin' gotta think of something.Rei's plug suit.mmmm wait! Regroup! REGROUP!^
Gendo:.
Shinji: .
Gendo:.have you been going through Ritsuko's secret collection again?
Shinji (Nervous): Um.I think that they gave you too much medicine.and besides! You make me do shit whenever I just wake up in a hospital bed!
Gendo: Fine. (Gets outta bed, but is naked, and walks to the other end of the room to fetch his clothes.)
A/N: You see, my guess is that they actually have you naked in hospitals because the nurses just don't get what they use to at home.
Shinji: Oh my god! (Convulses) Get some friggin clothes on! (Covers eyes) ^Must think Girl based thoughts! Must think about Rei! Crap that didn't help! Now its just her head on his body!^ DDDDDAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNN!!!!
~~ Down at the Catwalk ~~
Everyone is in their plugsuits, yes even Shigeru. (A/N: Nah I'm just messing wit you people!)
The Eva pilots got in their entry plugs thingies that everyone-and I mean everyone at NERV forgets the name almost everyday.
Then suddenly! *insert Batman theme here*
Shinji: (singing with Shigeru playing on the guitar over the intercom) Pressure!underpressure, comin' down on me!..mmpapabet! (alarms sound and the face of his dead mother comes up on the screens of all the complex) MOM!?..ummm that thought I just had about that girl.well.ummm..crap.
Yui: Gendo!
Gendo: (in the fetal postion crying out due to the things people are 'saying') GAH! (jumps up about a meter) y-yes..?
^and old 80's tune is playing like a radio in the command post^
Yui: I'm tired of your crap! When do I get a day? I just need one day to relax and take in the view! ^look at that cute ass of yours^ I mean when?! Its always synchrantion test this-or angels attack that! When do I get a day off?! And what the hell was that about with making the kids go into the entry plug naked?!
Makoto and Shigeru: Heeheehee. ^we have the tapes! Ya!...i wonder what we are getting on ebay for those things?^ (suddenly the two are looking up things on ebay)
Fuyutski: Come on Yui. Think about it, you saw how all the UN couldn't do shit against the First angel, and as the rule of anime serise combat: always send the weakest in first, so if they couldn't do it then how in the hell could they do it now, we need you.^I hope she bought that shit...damn I wish I was shinji..then I could be inside that woman's--^
Gendo: NO! she's MY bitch!GAHHHHHH!!!!! MAKE IT STOP! WHERE THE HELL IS THAT MUSIC COMING FROM!?!? DIE KOZO! (punches Fuyiski in the face and bunches into a ball in his chair rocking back and forth)
All the Tech crew except Shigeru: (stare at him oddly, doubting his sanity)
Shigeru: (looks around uneasily) .I'm gonna go hit the bathroom.(Looks around and sprints for the door) ^You'll never catch me! ^
^suddenly the music begins to fade away ^
Shinji: ^man..I wish I had something to do in this thing..I know! I can have Ritsuko keep me company I'll just say "my plug suit is malfunctioning again, can you calibrate it?" yeah that will work..hehehe ^ Hey Ritsuko, can yo-
Gendo: (interrupts Shinji) Oh come on that's just stupid Shinji! I should have killed you when I had the chance!
Shinji: (looks around and starts crying)
Gendo: .hehehehehehe.. hahahahahaha. MUHAHAHA!!!
Everyone looks at Gendo who is now standing up in his chair laughing, even 01 has turned her head in wonder.
Gendo: What to do?! I know! (Presses button labeled 'Knock Shinji out' which is standing at the end of the other buttons labeled 'Kill Shinji' 'Anvil' 'Destroy world' and 'Nachos' buttons.
Shinji: Wow! I can't believe my mother mar-ggglllllrrrrrrr.. (Out cold)
Asuka: .hmmm.so Rei, I heard you went to a concert the other day.who'd you see?
Rei: Metallica
Asuka: I see.
Ritsuko: ^damn..I wish Maya could take my place..mmm that Maya, love to get a piece of that.(Gendo is now looking on in horror)..maybe I should of told Gendo I have herpes (Gendo is now checking his pants)..oh well.he'll find out soon enough hehehe.^ sir. I think we should retire 01 for today, besides I need to talk to you in your office.(looks around seductively).alone.
Gendo: (is now running for the cafeteria, leaving Misato to run the show) GAHH!! EVIL IS ABOUT!
~~ In the Cafeteria ~~
We see Kaji sitting alone.once again. how the hell he is alive beats me.I'm guessing it had something to do with those watermelons of his.no one to have sex with.seeing that its his sole purpose is to have sex with women.Gendo then came running in.
Gendo: The madness!..the madness..
Kaji (Ignoring Gendo): ^--Now that Ritsuko wont do the surgery on me, and I'm not getting anything from Misato.I guess I'll kill myself.either that, or I can take up on Asuka's offer.but isn't that pedophilism.wait-this is Japan! I can have sex with a seven year old and no one would give a damn! ^ YES! IT ALL WORKS OUT PERFECTLY!
All in the cafeteria: ^the hell? ^
Some tech: ^wow, I never knew that blackmail was so much fun! ^
Soda machine: ^dear God! Let me out! I'm a mute stuck in a soda machine! Why oh why!? ^
Gendo is now bug eyed staring at everyone oddly
{~ And now a pointless sex scene ~}
~~ Deep in the dark bowels of NERV next to a very interesting porn collection ~~
"Oh yea.Gendo, that's what I want.right there.o-o-o-yes! Mmmmmm. oh god yes!"
"Do you really think that I should be doing this?" Gendo asked as he rubbed his wife
"Oh dear God yes! Oh Gendo I Love you so much! ahh that's so good!"
"I so love being with you"
"Are you sure we can O! Yes! Um do this in mmmm public?"
"I don't mind any chance I get to be with you is pleasurable Yui"
"You have no idea what you do to me Gendo"
Just then Shinji walked in "--I need to talk to Mom. I need some help with a girl and- OH MY GOD!"
"Oh, uh Hi Shinji" Yui sheepishly greeted her son.
"Hello Shinji."
"What were you doing dad?"
Just then Gendo turned around with a can of Turtle wax in hand "Just waxing my wife"
Shinji simply just backed away and then sprinted to the only safe place he knew of: The bottom of a 16 wheeler's tire.
Ok, the next chapter will be up either later today or tomorrow! So be happy! Yata! ~~ Skidlebop
Fuyutski: What are you all looking at.oh.
Fuyutski looks at the picture to see a baby's body, but the same Gendo face, where a cute and adorable baby face should be.
Fuyutski: GAH!
~~ A Kool-Aid and an Ice tea later AKA 19 hours later ~~
Gendo (opening his eyes): Ugh.my head.(Looks around and hears people talking as if they were all on break) Ow!
Maya (Looking down): Damnit! I tripped over him again.crap, he's awake.
Kaji: (looks up at the commander) crap.. Back to work everyone! (he then puts on his pants and walks away)
Gendo: my head hurts, I'm going to lie down and watch the dukes of hazard...
Rei (out of no where): they canceled that show. Apparently it was linked with stupidity. We now use it for tactical warfare.
Gendo: which Rei are you?
Rei: (looks at the palm of her hand and reads) 54 out of tank C.
Gendo: So you don't have a soul, only #2, right?
Rei: Yes.
Gendo: (Bitch slaps Rei number 54).. Ahh that felt good.. Fuyutski, you know the drill.(Gendo painfully walks to the little elevator thingy that goes anywhere like Willy Wanka's )
Rei54: (looks worried as out of no where Kouzou flies out of the shadows. carrying a brown wig and a lab coat in his hand and whisks Rei54 away to the playboy mansion hidden under Gendo's desk.) NOOOO!!! GOD NOOOOooo!
~~ Later at that place thingy ~~
Gendo: (reading a Robert Browning book) 'The year's at the spring, And day's at the morn; Morning's at seven; The hill-side's dew-pearl'd; The lark's on the wing; The snail's on the thorn;.' Well that explains our slogan. This just proves Kozo has been stealing everything! My past Girl friends in college, my books, my pants, MY sunlight, Even my breath mints.(now talking in a schizophrenic / Gary Coleman voice) but when I got my wife, Yui, he had to try to take her, she was never hot enough for him to do.but I loved her.but when I got her for my own, HE joined my company, I thought if I changed the name from Gehrin to Nerv he would get lost and think that Starbucks 2 blocks down was where he was suppose to be. But he followed Nanako, WHY! OH WHY!? Rei didn't cause her to kill herself fast enough.so Kozo decided that if he couldn't have her no one could and had me make that purple piece of crap but he screwed me! Just like my hamster during Y2K.Drank all of my mountain dew.But the joke is on him, I'll have her back. And then have all my mountain dew; (now shaking his fist at the ceiling) TAKE THAT MR. NIBLES!! DRINK ALL MY MOUTAIN DEW IN Y2K WILL YA!?!?.I hurt inside now.I need some peanuts and I think I'll go kick some puppies while I'm at it.........Did you just touch my butt?
Maya: (on the other side of the library in shock that the commander has now finally flipped due to a head concussion) wha--?
~~ In some horrible dimension ~~
"So you're telling me that Asuka is..?" "Wark?" "Don't play dumb with me damn you penguin!" "Wark! Wark!" Shinji then throws the tied up penguin across the room that is lit with only one light bulb, a table, and two chairs. "Is she a mail order bride or not?! You fucking penguin!?" ".." The penguin has downcast eyes and reluctantly talks, "...Wark." "Now we are getting somewhere." Shinji smiled as he walked to the back of the room
Rei on the other hand was displeased as to she didn't get to be the bad cop.
~~ Da next day wit da Gendo.yo ~~
Gendo: mmmm my hands smell mighty fine today!
Maya: ^ so if I dance at the 'hurray ole' then maybe I can get enough money to buy that Cadillac I'm wanting.. Hmmm that bastard Gendo doesn't pay me enough but I stay cuz that doctor is one hot mama! ^
Gendo: The hell?
Maya: What?
Gendo: (Shrug)
Fuyutski: ^Man, I'm craving a slurpy, one of those cheeseburger hotdogs and some of that Gendo.^
Gendo: (Thinking) Hmmm.I love those hotdogs.(Outloud) SAY WHAT?! (Runs away screaming and flailing his arms)
All NERV Personnel(look at the command post at Kozo):.....
Fuyutski: hmm?(shrugs)
A/N: You know at 7-11 they used to/ maybe still do have those hotdogs that were also cheeseburgers.damn those were good.*drools*
Ritsuko (Shaking her head): I told you that the Astatine in his coffee would affect him one day.
All: (Sigh)
(Shinji, Asuka, and Rei walk in)
Shinji (Pointing back): What's wrong with my father?
Misato (Walking up to him): Let's just say that, drugs are bad, and leave it there.
Maya: Well, shouldn't someone check on him?
Makoto: I vote for Rei!
Everyone raises his or her hand for that vote.
(My computer just did a grammar check and said that instead of 'their' it should say 'his or her'.damn sexist women. I'm a girl too, I just feel that women who are like 'I wanna become first women president' they try too hard to prove that they are just as good/ better than guys, thus screwing everything up.damn I need to shut up.)
Rei: Damnit. (Walks toward the direction Gendo ran off)
Shigeru: That was easy.ya know I don't feel the slightest bit guilty for my guitar hitting him and knocking him out.
Shinji: Ya know, I don't think that the chemicals in his drinks are the cause of his sudden insanity-I mean, there would have been an affect within the first hour, this is something else.
Misato: What you mean?
Shinji (Sigh): What happened to my Father yesterday?
Makoto (Excited that he knows the answer): He was hit in the head with a guitar and passed out!
All: Oh.
Shinji: so are you getting what I'm saying?
Ritsuko: So because of the head bash, he's gone insane?
Shinji: Good for you (Gives her a treat)
Ritsuko: YAY! I did good! \o/
Shinji: (sighs and looks down very very sadly) I think I'll go and hide in a corner and wait for someone to step on me..(walks away realizing that all of Nerv was either: a crack baby, hit in the chest with a piece of metal and can't have kids so her biological clock is driving her to insanity, or was droped on the head numorus times)
~~ Gendo in the Cafeteria that you never knew was there ~~
Gendo (Hiding underneath a table): He didn't say that.he didn't say that.it's all in my head.
Rei walks in, sees the commander and sighs.
Rei (Sitting next to Gendo): What's wrong?
Gendo: I heard it. I heard it. I heard it. I heard it.
Rei (Annoyed...or what you can call annoyed): Heard what, Ikari?
Gendo: I heard Kozo, I heard him, he said it, he said it. (Starts weeping)
Rei (Getting curious): What did he say?
Gendo: He said, and I quote, 'Man, I'm craving a slurpy, one of those cheeseburger hotdogs and some of that Gendo.' (Starts crying some more)
Rei (shocked): ^Oh my dear lord in heaven.^ he couldn't have said that.could he.you must be hearing things, Fuyutski would never say that, right infront of you at least, right?
Gendo (Sniffling and acting like a little kid): Right.
~~ Control tower ~~
Makoto (Reading a comic book): All my life I've collected comic books. I've got every comic you could think of. Even.
Shigeru: No! Don't say it!
Makoto: American comics.
Asuka faints, while Ritsuko looks sick, and Maya starts doing a religious chant.
If saying that he had American comics wasn't enough, he grabbed one and waved it infront of everyone.
Maya (Putting up her hand): Step back, Satan!
Gendo and Rei walk in to find all this.
Gendo: and I thought I was crazy.
Misato: ^'The Misato song' plays. (Ya know when Shinji and Pen-Pen eat breakfast it plays that weird song-that song)^
Gendo glances around as if trying to listen to something, but cuts short when he hears Kaji talking.
Kaji: ^Should I get the surgery, or not? Hmmm.^
Gendo (O.o): Don't tell me that none of you heard that?
Ritsuko: .O What the hell are you talking about? ^Just say 'can I run some tests on you commander' and he'll be all mine.^ Yes, maybe I should run some tests on you commander, to see if you are feeling well.
Gendo (Pointing to her): No! I know your evil plan! (Crawls in a fetal position)
~~ Somewhere else with some other time, cuz I'm tired of writing bout Gendo, though I luv him ~~
Ritsuko: You know I don't do this kind of stuff.
Kaji: But you're a doctor! Doctors do surgeries! Please.
Ritsuko: Maybe, but not that surgery!
Kaji: Dangit! Now my life has no meaning! (Cries)
Ritsuko: Well, ok.
Kaji: Thanky thanky! ^_^ (Strips down for surgery)
Misato walks in at this time and sees Kaji and Ritsuko.
Misato (Steam coming out of ears): What the hell is going on?!
Kaji: I can explain!
Before Kaji can explain, you see Misato twitching and her eyes rolling backwards, and then glares at Kaji all demon-like.
Misato (Pulling out gun): Explain my ass! (Shoots at Kaji)
Ritsuko: .
~~ Later at Misato's Apartment ~~
Misato: Oh looks like I gots a message! (Clicks button on message machine)
Kaji (On message machine): Hello, I know your there, but just don't wanna pick up, I just wanna say that-well this is kinda hard, but umm.A man's life can be either good or bad, but a women's. Well that's different, so I decided that the life I live now is gonna end, it was nice being your boyfriend Misato. Bye.
Misato (Weeping): God! No! Why! (Phone rings, she answers it) Hello?
Maya (On other end): Yea! Misato! I just got news-
Misato (Sniffling): Yea, I know, Kaji got the surgery.
Maya: No! He's dead!
Misato: What?! Who killed him?! (Gets flash back of her demon killing Kaji) Oh. (Blankly hangs up the phone)
Shinji (Coming into room): What happened? I heard yelling?
Misato: Nothing.
Shinji: Are you sure?
Misato: Yes.
~~ NERV Hospital Later ~~
Gendo (Waking up staring at the ceiling): This ceiling looks familiar.so familiar.oh yea, this is where Rei #2 and me used to do it. But why am I here.In this hospital bed?
Shinji (Sitting in a chair in the room): Jeez, you talk to yourself a lot. And I really didn't need to know that. I mean-who do you think I think about when I'm in the shower?!
Gendo (Looking over to Shinji): What are you doing here?
Shinji: (gets up real casually) I care for you, though you may be mean, I still care for my father ^Just suck up to him and that Rei collection will be all mine! ^ Oh yea, there's an angel coming, so get your butt outta bed and command!
Gendo: I just woke up, and what do you mean-with my Rei collection?!
Shinji (Glancing back and forth):^crap gotta think of somethin' gotta think of something.Rei's plug suit.mmmm wait! Regroup! REGROUP!^
Gendo:.
Shinji: .
Gendo:.have you been going through Ritsuko's secret collection again?
Shinji (Nervous): Um.I think that they gave you too much medicine.and besides! You make me do shit whenever I just wake up in a hospital bed!
Gendo: Fine. (Gets outta bed, but is naked, and walks to the other end of the room to fetch his clothes.)
A/N: You see, my guess is that they actually have you naked in hospitals because the nurses just don't get what they use to at home.
Shinji: Oh my god! (Convulses) Get some friggin clothes on! (Covers eyes) ^Must think Girl based thoughts! Must think about Rei! Crap that didn't help! Now its just her head on his body!^ DDDDDAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNN!!!!
~~ Down at the Catwalk ~~
Everyone is in their plugsuits, yes even Shigeru. (A/N: Nah I'm just messing wit you people!)
The Eva pilots got in their entry plugs thingies that everyone-and I mean everyone at NERV forgets the name almost everyday.
Then suddenly! *insert Batman theme here*
Shinji: (singing with Shigeru playing on the guitar over the intercom) Pressure!underpressure, comin' down on me!..mmpapabet! (alarms sound and the face of his dead mother comes up on the screens of all the complex) MOM!?..ummm that thought I just had about that girl.well.ummm..crap.
Yui: Gendo!
Gendo: (in the fetal postion crying out due to the things people are 'saying') GAH! (jumps up about a meter) y-yes..?
^and old 80's tune is playing like a radio in the command post^
Yui: I'm tired of your crap! When do I get a day? I just need one day to relax and take in the view! ^look at that cute ass of yours^ I mean when?! Its always synchrantion test this-or angels attack that! When do I get a day off?! And what the hell was that about with making the kids go into the entry plug naked?!
Makoto and Shigeru: Heeheehee. ^we have the tapes! Ya!...i wonder what we are getting on ebay for those things?^ (suddenly the two are looking up things on ebay)
Fuyutski: Come on Yui. Think about it, you saw how all the UN couldn't do shit against the First angel, and as the rule of anime serise combat: always send the weakest in first, so if they couldn't do it then how in the hell could they do it now, we need you.^I hope she bought that shit...damn I wish I was shinji..then I could be inside that woman's--^
Gendo: NO! she's MY bitch!GAHHHHHH!!!!! MAKE IT STOP! WHERE THE HELL IS THAT MUSIC COMING FROM!?!? DIE KOZO! (punches Fuyiski in the face and bunches into a ball in his chair rocking back and forth)
All the Tech crew except Shigeru: (stare at him oddly, doubting his sanity)
Shigeru: (looks around uneasily) .I'm gonna go hit the bathroom.(Looks around and sprints for the door) ^You'll never catch me! ^
^suddenly the music begins to fade away ^
Shinji: ^man..I wish I had something to do in this thing..I know! I can have Ritsuko keep me company I'll just say "my plug suit is malfunctioning again, can you calibrate it?" yeah that will work..hehehe ^ Hey Ritsuko, can yo-
Gendo: (interrupts Shinji) Oh come on that's just stupid Shinji! I should have killed you when I had the chance!
Shinji: (looks around and starts crying)
Gendo: .hehehehehehe.. hahahahahaha. MUHAHAHA!!!
Everyone looks at Gendo who is now standing up in his chair laughing, even 01 has turned her head in wonder.
Gendo: What to do?! I know! (Presses button labeled 'Knock Shinji out' which is standing at the end of the other buttons labeled 'Kill Shinji' 'Anvil' 'Destroy world' and 'Nachos' buttons.
Shinji: Wow! I can't believe my mother mar-ggglllllrrrrrrr.. (Out cold)
Asuka: .hmmm.so Rei, I heard you went to a concert the other day.who'd you see?
Rei: Metallica
Asuka: I see.
Ritsuko: ^damn..I wish Maya could take my place..mmm that Maya, love to get a piece of that.(Gendo is now looking on in horror)..maybe I should of told Gendo I have herpes (Gendo is now checking his pants)..oh well.he'll find out soon enough hehehe.^ sir. I think we should retire 01 for today, besides I need to talk to you in your office.(looks around seductively).alone.
Gendo: (is now running for the cafeteria, leaving Misato to run the show) GAHH!! EVIL IS ABOUT!
~~ In the Cafeteria ~~
We see Kaji sitting alone.once again. how the hell he is alive beats me.I'm guessing it had something to do with those watermelons of his.no one to have sex with.seeing that its his sole purpose is to have sex with women.Gendo then came running in.
Gendo: The madness!..the madness..
Kaji (Ignoring Gendo): ^--Now that Ritsuko wont do the surgery on me, and I'm not getting anything from Misato.I guess I'll kill myself.either that, or I can take up on Asuka's offer.but isn't that pedophilism.wait-this is Japan! I can have sex with a seven year old and no one would give a damn! ^ YES! IT ALL WORKS OUT PERFECTLY!
All in the cafeteria: ^the hell? ^
Some tech: ^wow, I never knew that blackmail was so much fun! ^
Soda machine: ^dear God! Let me out! I'm a mute stuck in a soda machine! Why oh why!? ^
Gendo is now bug eyed staring at everyone oddly
{~ And now a pointless sex scene ~}
~~ Deep in the dark bowels of NERV next to a very interesting porn collection ~~
"Oh yea.Gendo, that's what I want.right there.o-o-o-yes! Mmmmmm. oh god yes!"
"Do you really think that I should be doing this?" Gendo asked as he rubbed his wife
"Oh dear God yes! Oh Gendo I Love you so much! ahh that's so good!"
"I so love being with you"
"Are you sure we can O! Yes! Um do this in mmmm public?"
"I don't mind any chance I get to be with you is pleasurable Yui"
"You have no idea what you do to me Gendo"
Just then Shinji walked in "--I need to talk to Mom. I need some help with a girl and- OH MY GOD!"
"Oh, uh Hi Shinji" Yui sheepishly greeted her son.
"Hello Shinji."
"What were you doing dad?"
Just then Gendo turned around with a can of Turtle wax in hand "Just waxing my wife"
Shinji simply just backed away and then sprinted to the only safe place he knew of: The bottom of a 16 wheeler's tire.
Ok, the next chapter will be up either later today or tomorrow! So be happy! Yata! ~~ Skidlebop