Mario working for SNK chapter 2- seeking employment elsewhere
The year is still 1993. After having gotten the sack from Nintendo for being "X-rated" and for his many embarrassing and scandals, (one of them involving him, Princess Peach in a fetish leather outfit, a Magic flute, and a sledgehammer suit, and some tomato ketchup), Mario decided if he's gonna last long, he's gotta find a job and fast. He's sitting on a park bench (the park from the 3rd stage of streets of rage 2), and is reading "The Newspaper for unemployed videogame characters looking for jobs" and is wondering what else he could do.
Mario- this is an outrage. How's a family friendly Italian superstar like me supposed to find employment elsewhere? Let's see, here we go. "Wanted new character for new beat em up apply within" sound good to me.
The next day, Mario goes to the place where he hopes to find employment. Unfortunately for him, the company is Midway, creator of the blood-soaked Mortal Kombat, and Mario is way out of their league. That doesn't stop our moustache-wearing hero from handing in his CV to MK creators, Ed Boon and John Tobias.
Ed- hmm, let's see now. Star of Mario games, as well as other insanely cute titles, Hates turtle-shelled dinosaurs, loves climbing through pipes and spying on Princess Peach in the shower. Addicted to "magic mushrooms (tm)", grows "fire plants (tm)" in his back garden...
Mario- so what do you think? Pretty impressive, huh?
John- well...... No. where looking for an "hardcore in yer face, I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck" type of employee. With the exception of your "Magic mushroom scandal, your just well too moral for our likings.
Mario- WHAT?? Hey, that's not my fault. Nintendo forced me to be all-cute and innocent, cause they threatened to expose my three-in-a-bed sex with Princess Zelda and Bowser's daughter.
John- err, your sharing a little too much there, any way, I'm afraid I can't accept this CV. See ya.
Mario- NOOO!!
Back to the "streets of rage" park type bench, and Mario, after being refused other jobs decided to drink himself silly. And just when you thought that things couldn't get any worse for our Italian scallywag, trouble appears, in the shape of a handful of street thugs (the ones from Streets of rage). They approach Mario, with a sly grin on their faces. They're also carrying various streets of rage type weapons.
Galsia- hey tubby. What ya got on ya?
Mario- nothing. Now piss off.
Donovan- Ooh be nice. Where's your giving spirit?
Mario- I don't have one. Now leave me alone
P. Signal- oh didn't your mama tell you that it's better to give than to receive.
Mario- ooh go stick that lead pipe up your arse.
Beano-okay then. If that's the way you want it. (pulls out one of his many knives) he's not laughing so let's put a smile on his face. HUHUHUHU HAHAHA
They generic beat-em up gangsters proceed to beat the shit out of Mario. They jump on top of him and beat him a good few times. Big fat gang member Big Ben proceeds to squash our hero, but fortunately Mario, moves out of the way at the last moment and runs like hell for it, leaving behemoth Big Ben to end up crushing his fellow gangs members. The ones that weren't crushed chased after Mario. Fortunately for Mario, he was so depressed and so drunk before hand that he and accidentally ended up wearing a Tanooki suit, and quickly turns into a statue. The gang members due to the fact that most of them have a 3rd-grade education, are too stupid to notice him, and they don't realise that they've just walked past him a good few times. With the gangsters gone, Mario retreats back to his apartment.
Mario- MAMAMIA! What's a Mario brother to do to get some work here. I haven't had work in over 3 days.
And if you think that it can't get any worse, a letter was sent to his flat, and it reads:
Dear Mario,
Since you've failed to pay the rent for the last 4 months, I have decided to evict your lazy ass, unless you can find the rent money within the next few months, I'll give you till next week to get the fuck out of my apartment.
Disrespectfully yours,
J. Fun Gus
Landlord
J.F-G
Mario, if he wasn't pissed off already is now shitting himself with frustration
Mario- Oh fuck, I need the money, and fast, but what to do?
So Mario goes refers back to the "The Newspaper for unemployed videogame characters looking for jobs (tm)". This time he finds something eye catching.
Mario- Wait a minute. "New character work for up and coming game company, and to star in new sequel to up and coming game series. Experience not necessary, nor is being a former Capcom star, anyone is welcome. Shifts are cool, and pay is fucking great. APPLY NOW, you'll kick yourself in the head for missing out on an opportunity such as this." DAMN RIGHT I'LL APPLY!! Finally I'm employed, and I'll be paid fucking loads. Shigeru can take his game boy and shove it up his ass, along with my plunger. Okay, then the address 5th street and 2nd Ave. HERE WE GOOOO!!!!
Excited and ready to work, Mario rushes to 5th St and 2nd Ave in the speed faster than Sonic on steroids after he drank a cup of Laxative Hot Coco. He soon discovers that the company he's applying to is called SNK; formerly famous for old NES RPG, Chrysalis, for Arcade classics like, Ikari Warriors, and Psycho Soldiers, and Now that famous for up and coming games like Fatal fury, Art of Fighting and Samurai Showdown. He arrives to the Receptionists office, but to his disappointment, he finds a fuck load of people queued up to the reception desk for an interview. In case anyone cares, the receptionists are Mature and Vice.
Mario- Oh no you don't! This time, this job's mine. (pulls out a Koopa turtle, which bowls over the mile-long queue of people, then rushes to the reception). Hello, (looks at their name tags, and at the same staring intensely at their breasts) Mature isn't it? I'm here for the interview.
Mature- (filing her nails whilst looking at the latest issue of SNK woman weekly, featuring Mai Shiranui's top beauty tips) well right this way then. Vice, send him up to the office.
Vice- Okay then. Follow me, short moustache wearing Italian guy.
Mario the follows Vice up the stairs to the Boss' main office. Since he hasn't had a fling since Princess Peach and Bowser' daughter, Mario can't help but stare blankly at Vice's comfortably round arse (but who could blame him, what a view from where he is) and since he's pretty short himself, he could even see under her skirt, and if anybody cares she ain't wearing anything underneath. Anyway, after minutes of walking up the stairs (there's a lift, but for some reason or another Vice is paid extra to walk up the stairs), the 2 finally make their way to the top floor (which is pretty set out to look like a Neo Geo Land/ Head office combo), where they walk past a room where SNK employee of the month and soon to be videogame legend Terry Bogard, and a few SNK stars hang out at break time. Terry is entertaining the employee with his humorous theory on videogame's popular platform character.
Terry- Believe it or not, but this theory is true about Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog is Black.
Ryo- yeah right, Terry, and I'm a clone of Ryu and Ken put together.
Terry- I'll insult you on that later, Ryo, but anyway, it's true. Why, well because 1. He's a fast runner, 2. he can jump high, 3. he's a fast runner, especially when he wears those sneakers, that he steals from the TV boxes. 4. He's got a Funky hairdo, 5. He collects gold rings, and which self- respecting brother wouldn't collect gold rings? 6. He's got trendy ass sneakers, 7. His voice actor for the Sonic cartoon series was Black, and 8. He's constantly being harassed by a fat, bald, psychotic white guy. This a much better theory than when I did that little joke about Pepe Le Pew being arrested for smoking skunk.
The rest of the SNK crew laugh at Terry' intake on Sonic the Hedgehog. Even Mario and Vice couldn't help but Laugh at the thought of Sonic actually being a black guy.
Mario-So that explains everything. The funky hairdo, the sneakers, hell l even saw him and Tails once drive by in a Low rider once and Playing "Slam" By Onyx. And they were even wearing do-rags, and FUBU jeans.
Vice- wow, that actually happened? I heard that he once did a rap using his "Carnival night zone theme", and he once battle rapped against Knuckles Well anyway, here's the office. Good luck
Mario steps into the office looking even more nervous than Oliver twist before asking for a second helping for gruel. The interviewer is none other than SNK big boss, E. Kawasaki. Kawasaki sits at his desk, in his chair (which is shaped like one of those you'll sit on whilst playing Daytona in an Arcade) surrounded, with a Neo Geo style Laptop, and various SNK Merchandise (do I detect a recurring theme here?). he sits, with a "welcomes you with open arms" expression. Mario sits on the other side of the desk.
Kawasaki- hello, and welcome to the wonderful world of SNK. My name's Mr. Kawasaki, the man in charge of all this that goes on in SNK. So what's your name? Mario isn't it? Yes the fallen star of Nintendo. Well, how are you doing?
Mario- fine, sir. How's it for you?
Kawasaki- oh, so-so. I've just been on tour in the USA advertising the new NEOGEO (tm) console. Have you seen it? If you have, then you'll know it's the shit. I'm hoping that this'll be rolling in the Yen for years to come.
Mario- Oh, the NEOGEO (™). I remember something like that being advertised in "Console monthly ™" for one odd reason, you used a hotdog commercial in the advert. Anyway, I heard that SNK was all the rage in Japan, I've seen many people wearing "Terry Bogard" baseball caps, and I've even slept, uh spoke with some Mai Shiranui groupies. I'd love to be on the rising bandwagon that's SNK.
Kawasaki- sounds enthusiastic, welcome aboard.
Mario (confused)- what? Just like that? Aren't you gonna ask why I want this?
Kawasaki- do you want the fucking job or what?
Mario- yes, sir.
Kawasaki- good! When can you start?
Mario- well I can't start work for the next few weeks due to a little headache and migraine that started from when I was hitting those "?" block in the old NES days and...
Kawasaki- I repeat when can you start (slips a fistful of money in Mario's pocket.)
Mario (dollar signs start to appear in his eyes)- right away. I can tell I'm gonna love working here. Viva la SNK!
Kawasaki- That's the spirit. Welcome to the team (they shake hands).
And so Mario finally finds employment in a company called SNK. And is ready to work, after being "given" that fistful of cash as motivation. But what role will he play, and what games will he appear in? Find out next time, as soon as I figure out the whole theory on Sonic the Hedgehog. Phew, it ended up longer than I expected it. I hope you liked it?
Note 1- For those who don't know Streets of Rage, it was another early 90s beat-em up from Sega, and probably one of the best of all time, and one of the few that doesn't use the "rescue the hero's girlfriend, who's been kidnapped for no particular reason" plot (Although one of the Streets of Rage stars was kidnapped in the second Streets of rage). The following thugs featured from Streets of Rage were:
Galsia- the "Generic one" with ginger hair and wears a blue Jacket/jeans combo. The first enemy, and sometimes known to carry knives around with him.
Big Ben- Fat guy wearing a cap, and braces. He's known to spit fire, and falls on top of you if you try to throw him.
Donavan- Bald Black guy in dark sunglasses, common enemy, usually carries a lead pipe with him. Sometimes catches you out with those cheap uppercuts.
P. Signal- Blue Mohawked punk in a yellow trenchcoat. Known for his sliding kicks. And for throwing you from behind.
Beano (AKA Jack or Soya)- Knife-wielding punk guy stereotype with black spiked jacket and a white Mohawk. Known for his stereotypical "Evil laughter"
Note 2- the theory of Sonic the hedgehog being black was just a thought that I had in my head for a few months now, I mean think about it, how many brothers do you know who don't wear gold rings, wear trendy sneakers, and have jazzy hairdos? The voice of Sonic from the "Sonic the Hedgehog" cartoon series, which were around during the early 90s was done by Jaleel White, who's also incredibly famous for playing Steve Urkel from Family Matters. And for all who've seen Steve Urkel, you'll pretty much know that he's black. The "Being chased by the bald, psychotic, white guy" theory (the white guy being Dr Robotnik/ Dr. Eggman) were references to the skinheads and the National front, who were a group of racists hell bent on causing misery to other ethnic minorities, mainly blacks. My dad always told me about the days of when he fought the national front, and won back in the 70s. And forgive me for the PEPE Le Pew joke.
Note 3- For the NEO GEO fans who remember, the "Hotdog" advert was taken from one of SNK's most memorable adverts for the NEO GEO in the early 90s. It went along the lines of "if you're still playing on a SNES, or the Genesis, then you're nothing but a wiener, but if you're playing on a NEO GEO, then you're a REAL HOTDOG!!" It was basically done to send a message to show customers how technologically superior to the other consoles like the SNES and the Genesis.
Note 4- for those who care, in Super Mario Bros. 3, the Tanooki suit (which had the same features as the racoon leaf) had the ability to turn into a statue for a short while, in which in the mean you were invulnerable for a short while. Bowser's Daughter was one of Bowser's 7 kids who served the "end of level boss" role. She basically looks like a turtle with fangs, fingernails, lipstick and a Giant hair bowtie, which questions Mario's tastes and sexual preferences in women, and why Bowser hates Mario so much.
The year is still 1993. After having gotten the sack from Nintendo for being "X-rated" and for his many embarrassing and scandals, (one of them involving him, Princess Peach in a fetish leather outfit, a Magic flute, and a sledgehammer suit, and some tomato ketchup), Mario decided if he's gonna last long, he's gotta find a job and fast. He's sitting on a park bench (the park from the 3rd stage of streets of rage 2), and is reading "The Newspaper for unemployed videogame characters looking for jobs" and is wondering what else he could do.
Mario- this is an outrage. How's a family friendly Italian superstar like me supposed to find employment elsewhere? Let's see, here we go. "Wanted new character for new beat em up apply within" sound good to me.
The next day, Mario goes to the place where he hopes to find employment. Unfortunately for him, the company is Midway, creator of the blood-soaked Mortal Kombat, and Mario is way out of their league. That doesn't stop our moustache-wearing hero from handing in his CV to MK creators, Ed Boon and John Tobias.
Ed- hmm, let's see now. Star of Mario games, as well as other insanely cute titles, Hates turtle-shelled dinosaurs, loves climbing through pipes and spying on Princess Peach in the shower. Addicted to "magic mushrooms (tm)", grows "fire plants (tm)" in his back garden...
Mario- so what do you think? Pretty impressive, huh?
John- well...... No. where looking for an "hardcore in yer face, I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck" type of employee. With the exception of your "Magic mushroom scandal, your just well too moral for our likings.
Mario- WHAT?? Hey, that's not my fault. Nintendo forced me to be all-cute and innocent, cause they threatened to expose my three-in-a-bed sex with Princess Zelda and Bowser's daughter.
John- err, your sharing a little too much there, any way, I'm afraid I can't accept this CV. See ya.
Mario- NOOO!!
Back to the "streets of rage" park type bench, and Mario, after being refused other jobs decided to drink himself silly. And just when you thought that things couldn't get any worse for our Italian scallywag, trouble appears, in the shape of a handful of street thugs (the ones from Streets of rage). They approach Mario, with a sly grin on their faces. They're also carrying various streets of rage type weapons.
Galsia- hey tubby. What ya got on ya?
Mario- nothing. Now piss off.
Donovan- Ooh be nice. Where's your giving spirit?
Mario- I don't have one. Now leave me alone
P. Signal- oh didn't your mama tell you that it's better to give than to receive.
Mario- ooh go stick that lead pipe up your arse.
Beano-okay then. If that's the way you want it. (pulls out one of his many knives) he's not laughing so let's put a smile on his face. HUHUHUHU HAHAHA
They generic beat-em up gangsters proceed to beat the shit out of Mario. They jump on top of him and beat him a good few times. Big fat gang member Big Ben proceeds to squash our hero, but fortunately Mario, moves out of the way at the last moment and runs like hell for it, leaving behemoth Big Ben to end up crushing his fellow gangs members. The ones that weren't crushed chased after Mario. Fortunately for Mario, he was so depressed and so drunk before hand that he and accidentally ended up wearing a Tanooki suit, and quickly turns into a statue. The gang members due to the fact that most of them have a 3rd-grade education, are too stupid to notice him, and they don't realise that they've just walked past him a good few times. With the gangsters gone, Mario retreats back to his apartment.
Mario- MAMAMIA! What's a Mario brother to do to get some work here. I haven't had work in over 3 days.
And if you think that it can't get any worse, a letter was sent to his flat, and it reads:
Dear Mario,
Since you've failed to pay the rent for the last 4 months, I have decided to evict your lazy ass, unless you can find the rent money within the next few months, I'll give you till next week to get the fuck out of my apartment.
Disrespectfully yours,
J. Fun Gus
Landlord
J.F-G
Mario, if he wasn't pissed off already is now shitting himself with frustration
Mario- Oh fuck, I need the money, and fast, but what to do?
So Mario goes refers back to the "The Newspaper for unemployed videogame characters looking for jobs (tm)". This time he finds something eye catching.
Mario- Wait a minute. "New character work for up and coming game company, and to star in new sequel to up and coming game series. Experience not necessary, nor is being a former Capcom star, anyone is welcome. Shifts are cool, and pay is fucking great. APPLY NOW, you'll kick yourself in the head for missing out on an opportunity such as this." DAMN RIGHT I'LL APPLY!! Finally I'm employed, and I'll be paid fucking loads. Shigeru can take his game boy and shove it up his ass, along with my plunger. Okay, then the address 5th street and 2nd Ave. HERE WE GOOOO!!!!
Excited and ready to work, Mario rushes to 5th St and 2nd Ave in the speed faster than Sonic on steroids after he drank a cup of Laxative Hot Coco. He soon discovers that the company he's applying to is called SNK; formerly famous for old NES RPG, Chrysalis, for Arcade classics like, Ikari Warriors, and Psycho Soldiers, and Now that famous for up and coming games like Fatal fury, Art of Fighting and Samurai Showdown. He arrives to the Receptionists office, but to his disappointment, he finds a fuck load of people queued up to the reception desk for an interview. In case anyone cares, the receptionists are Mature and Vice.
Mario- Oh no you don't! This time, this job's mine. (pulls out a Koopa turtle, which bowls over the mile-long queue of people, then rushes to the reception). Hello, (looks at their name tags, and at the same staring intensely at their breasts) Mature isn't it? I'm here for the interview.
Mature- (filing her nails whilst looking at the latest issue of SNK woman weekly, featuring Mai Shiranui's top beauty tips) well right this way then. Vice, send him up to the office.
Vice- Okay then. Follow me, short moustache wearing Italian guy.
Mario the follows Vice up the stairs to the Boss' main office. Since he hasn't had a fling since Princess Peach and Bowser' daughter, Mario can't help but stare blankly at Vice's comfortably round arse (but who could blame him, what a view from where he is) and since he's pretty short himself, he could even see under her skirt, and if anybody cares she ain't wearing anything underneath. Anyway, after minutes of walking up the stairs (there's a lift, but for some reason or another Vice is paid extra to walk up the stairs), the 2 finally make their way to the top floor (which is pretty set out to look like a Neo Geo Land/ Head office combo), where they walk past a room where SNK employee of the month and soon to be videogame legend Terry Bogard, and a few SNK stars hang out at break time. Terry is entertaining the employee with his humorous theory on videogame's popular platform character.
Terry- Believe it or not, but this theory is true about Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog is Black.
Ryo- yeah right, Terry, and I'm a clone of Ryu and Ken put together.
Terry- I'll insult you on that later, Ryo, but anyway, it's true. Why, well because 1. He's a fast runner, 2. he can jump high, 3. he's a fast runner, especially when he wears those sneakers, that he steals from the TV boxes. 4. He's got a Funky hairdo, 5. He collects gold rings, and which self- respecting brother wouldn't collect gold rings? 6. He's got trendy ass sneakers, 7. His voice actor for the Sonic cartoon series was Black, and 8. He's constantly being harassed by a fat, bald, psychotic white guy. This a much better theory than when I did that little joke about Pepe Le Pew being arrested for smoking skunk.
The rest of the SNK crew laugh at Terry' intake on Sonic the Hedgehog. Even Mario and Vice couldn't help but Laugh at the thought of Sonic actually being a black guy.
Mario-So that explains everything. The funky hairdo, the sneakers, hell l even saw him and Tails once drive by in a Low rider once and Playing "Slam" By Onyx. And they were even wearing do-rags, and FUBU jeans.
Vice- wow, that actually happened? I heard that he once did a rap using his "Carnival night zone theme", and he once battle rapped against Knuckles Well anyway, here's the office. Good luck
Mario steps into the office looking even more nervous than Oliver twist before asking for a second helping for gruel. The interviewer is none other than SNK big boss, E. Kawasaki. Kawasaki sits at his desk, in his chair (which is shaped like one of those you'll sit on whilst playing Daytona in an Arcade) surrounded, with a Neo Geo style Laptop, and various SNK Merchandise (do I detect a recurring theme here?). he sits, with a "welcomes you with open arms" expression. Mario sits on the other side of the desk.
Kawasaki- hello, and welcome to the wonderful world of SNK. My name's Mr. Kawasaki, the man in charge of all this that goes on in SNK. So what's your name? Mario isn't it? Yes the fallen star of Nintendo. Well, how are you doing?
Mario- fine, sir. How's it for you?
Kawasaki- oh, so-so. I've just been on tour in the USA advertising the new NEOGEO (tm) console. Have you seen it? If you have, then you'll know it's the shit. I'm hoping that this'll be rolling in the Yen for years to come.
Mario- Oh, the NEOGEO (™). I remember something like that being advertised in "Console monthly ™" for one odd reason, you used a hotdog commercial in the advert. Anyway, I heard that SNK was all the rage in Japan, I've seen many people wearing "Terry Bogard" baseball caps, and I've even slept, uh spoke with some Mai Shiranui groupies. I'd love to be on the rising bandwagon that's SNK.
Kawasaki- sounds enthusiastic, welcome aboard.
Mario (confused)- what? Just like that? Aren't you gonna ask why I want this?
Kawasaki- do you want the fucking job or what?
Mario- yes, sir.
Kawasaki- good! When can you start?
Mario- well I can't start work for the next few weeks due to a little headache and migraine that started from when I was hitting those "?" block in the old NES days and...
Kawasaki- I repeat when can you start (slips a fistful of money in Mario's pocket.)
Mario (dollar signs start to appear in his eyes)- right away. I can tell I'm gonna love working here. Viva la SNK!
Kawasaki- That's the spirit. Welcome to the team (they shake hands).
And so Mario finally finds employment in a company called SNK. And is ready to work, after being "given" that fistful of cash as motivation. But what role will he play, and what games will he appear in? Find out next time, as soon as I figure out the whole theory on Sonic the Hedgehog. Phew, it ended up longer than I expected it. I hope you liked it?
Note 1- For those who don't know Streets of Rage, it was another early 90s beat-em up from Sega, and probably one of the best of all time, and one of the few that doesn't use the "rescue the hero's girlfriend, who's been kidnapped for no particular reason" plot (Although one of the Streets of Rage stars was kidnapped in the second Streets of rage). The following thugs featured from Streets of Rage were:
Galsia- the "Generic one" with ginger hair and wears a blue Jacket/jeans combo. The first enemy, and sometimes known to carry knives around with him.
Big Ben- Fat guy wearing a cap, and braces. He's known to spit fire, and falls on top of you if you try to throw him.
Donavan- Bald Black guy in dark sunglasses, common enemy, usually carries a lead pipe with him. Sometimes catches you out with those cheap uppercuts.
P. Signal- Blue Mohawked punk in a yellow trenchcoat. Known for his sliding kicks. And for throwing you from behind.
Beano (AKA Jack or Soya)- Knife-wielding punk guy stereotype with black spiked jacket and a white Mohawk. Known for his stereotypical "Evil laughter"
Note 2- the theory of Sonic the hedgehog being black was just a thought that I had in my head for a few months now, I mean think about it, how many brothers do you know who don't wear gold rings, wear trendy sneakers, and have jazzy hairdos? The voice of Sonic from the "Sonic the Hedgehog" cartoon series, which were around during the early 90s was done by Jaleel White, who's also incredibly famous for playing Steve Urkel from Family Matters. And for all who've seen Steve Urkel, you'll pretty much know that he's black. The "Being chased by the bald, psychotic, white guy" theory (the white guy being Dr Robotnik/ Dr. Eggman) were references to the skinheads and the National front, who were a group of racists hell bent on causing misery to other ethnic minorities, mainly blacks. My dad always told me about the days of when he fought the national front, and won back in the 70s. And forgive me for the PEPE Le Pew joke.
Note 3- For the NEO GEO fans who remember, the "Hotdog" advert was taken from one of SNK's most memorable adverts for the NEO GEO in the early 90s. It went along the lines of "if you're still playing on a SNES, or the Genesis, then you're nothing but a wiener, but if you're playing on a NEO GEO, then you're a REAL HOTDOG!!" It was basically done to send a message to show customers how technologically superior to the other consoles like the SNES and the Genesis.
Note 4- for those who care, in Super Mario Bros. 3, the Tanooki suit (which had the same features as the racoon leaf) had the ability to turn into a statue for a short while, in which in the mean you were invulnerable for a short while. Bowser's Daughter was one of Bowser's 7 kids who served the "end of level boss" role. She basically looks like a turtle with fangs, fingernails, lipstick and a Giant hair bowtie, which questions Mario's tastes and sexual preferences in women, and why Bowser hates Mario so much.