Mario working for SNK chapter 3- the first project
The year is 1994, and Mario has been fairly happy with his new job in SNK. He's basically being doing a bit of back stage work, and a lot of paperwork and hasn't done any game appearances so far except for a small appearance in "Blues Journey" in a stupid lizard costume, and in "Burning Fight" as one of the irrelevant bad guys, but Mario doesn't give a shit, as he's getting paid for actually attending SNK. After years of loyal service, accepting bribes to go to work and consecutive arse kissing, Mario finally gets his big break debut today. Oh, and he's also appointed himself as SNK's own FBI (female body inspector). We now go into Mario's apartment, and our Italian stud has just woken up from a drug-fuelled sex romp with Streets of Rage's Blaze Fielding. The stud plumber is too mashed to remember anything since yesterday.
Mario- oh, shit. What a headache! I must've been on that Magic Mushroom shit (turns to his head to see Blaze Fielding in his bedroom, completely nude) oh baby have I reeled in a beauty or what? OH Yeah. Now I can brag to my friends that I've fucked the girl from Streets of Rage.
Blaze wakes up, and is horrified to see where she's ended up. She is slowly recovering from the effects of last night, albeit with some truly fucked up memories, a strong one including her being caressed by Mario with a magic flute. Enraged at the moustache-wearing, dungarees wearing, sex crazed Italian lunatic, Blaze jumps him and beats him senseless, German suplexing him through a table before throwing a mini-fireball at him and quickly getting dressed and quickly leaving the room.
Blaze- bastard! Don't come near me again. I gotta get home, what'll I say to Axel, I can't say that I spent the night being fucked by a plumber.
Being dazed for about 5 minutes, Mario soon recovers from his recent beating. Not soon after does the postman arrive. The postman is that famous kid called paperboy, who is famous for being a paperboy. He's for some reason or another now changed his name to Postboy
Postboy- A Letter for a Mr. Mario Mario.
Mario- Paperboy? What are hell you doing as a postman?
Postboy- oh this? This is just for some extra cash. Despite dodging speedy cars, being chased rabid dogs in front gardens, and hitting targets with newspapers, the paperboy job just wasn't challenging enough. I needed something to give me a little boost of adrenaline.
Mario- and you chose to be a postman?
Postboy- hey! Don't knock the duties of the postmen. Do you know the dangers of going into the front garden of a house and delivering the mail, how fucking vicious those dogs are? And on top of that, we aren't even covered with health insurance or rabies shots. Besides I wanted to make enough cash to take papergirl out to one of those poncey ass restaurants, to increased my chances to post my mail through her letterbox, if you know what I mean.
Mario- yeah, yeah. Now please hand me my mail.
Postboy- sorry about that. Here you go, Mario. See ya.
Mario- let's see... bills, bills, bills, a letter from Luigi¸ a death threat from Bowser, hey what's this?
It's a letter from Mr. Kawasaki, asking him to come to work early, of course Mario is pissed off that he has to work over the weekend, but is influenced by the big wad of cash that the SNK boss put in the letter to persuade him to come. Mario heads off to hi place of work for another day of paperwork in the office. On his way, he sees Sonic and Tails driving in their low rider (with the same design pattern as Tails' plane in Sonic 2) smashing neighbours' letterboxes with baseball bats, and sees a magical brawl between Magic boy and that guy from Magical drop. We now arrive to the building, where Mario is talking to the SNK chairman. The chairman is looking pretty happy to see Mario (unlike Shigeru, who usually turns his head in disgust) The room is the same except there's a picture of Ryu, Akuma and Ken placed on a dartboard, along with various sharp objects sticking out of the photo, with the words "Die, Capcom, Die!!" and "DOWN WITH REHASHES".
Kawasaki- Mario, you've been here for almost a year, and you've been pretty loyal and hardworking, It's time to give you an opportunity.
Mario- you mean I get to become SNK's new mascot?
Kawasaki- hell no, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna put you on the shelf, unlike Capcom who usually only use Ryu, Ken and Akuma. And yet they still manage to become so popular. Damn those bastards. (Clenches his fists in anger, and cursing the name of Capcom) anyway I'm gonna give you an opportunity by letting you star in your own game. It's no KOF or Fatal Fury, but it'll be a good start for you.
Mario- Alright!! (Does the little win pose he does when he collects a sunshine in Mario sunshine)
The following night, and Mario is in the La illusions bar, with his newfound colleagues, Mai Shiranui, Ralf Jones, and Terry Bogard, all celebrating the fact that Mario has finally been given his big break.
Terry- 3 cheers for Mario.
ALL- HIP, HIP HOORAY
Mai- congrats, Mario (kisses him, much to Mario's pleasure)
Mario- HAHA. Hooray for me. Hooray for. Hold on what's happening there?
On the other side of the pub, we see the Teenage mutant ninja turtles and the Battle toads in a seriously heated argument. They are pissed, and look very, very aggressive.
Leonardo- you fly swatting assholes ain't shit compared to us. We're the original green Mother fuckers. You just stole our image. Only when shell freezes over, will you be able to kick our asses.
Rash- whatever dude. You're only tough cause you got weapons and coloured bandanas. Like a fucking bunch of gangsta turtles
Michelangelo- dude, you are like totally out of our league. You can't even do half the stuff we do in our games. Even the Bronx learnt to fear us.
Zitz- at least we don't have a flea bitten shit stained rat as our master. We have a fucking birdman with an I.Q. of 5566 in our corner as well as the Double Dragon bros watching our backs. What do you have, a fucking no-hope pussy thug with sports clubs and a gay hockey mask?
Donatello- Don't fucking Dis Master Splinter or Casey Jones. If you wanna fight, then bring it on, mother fuckers.
Pimple- okay then, let's go.
Raphael- yeah! Watch me stick my Sais up your asses!
Turtles- TURTLE POWER!!
Battle toads- uh, TOAD POWER?? Sorry, but we haven't got any catchy one- liners.
So the argument ends, as both the Battle toads and the Turtles begin to fight. As they slug it out the way only amphibians and reptiles can. Neither teams are spared from being slammed about, punched, kicked, thrown, hit by weapons, or attacked by various special moves. 5 minutes into fight, and Casey Jones, Jimmy and Billy Lee, Master Splinter, that Bird guy, Big Blag, the Shredder, and the Dark Queen join in the fight throwing chairs, bottles, various furniture, and customers and staff stupid enough to get in the way. After the fight ends, leaving members either sent to hospital or sent to the Southtown police station, Mario and the SNK crew got fed up and fucked off back to their homes.
The next day, and Mario and the SNK crew are in the SNK studio. SNK director, S. Itoh talks to Mario about the game project and to go over the idea if need to.
S. Itoh- so are you clear on everything?
Mario- yes, but why am I wearing a yellow armoured suit and a pilot's helmet?
S. Itoh- (sigh) Listen up carefully. The game is called "Top Hunter" a platform game that involves guns, robots and you are now playing a rogue bounty hunter known for kicking asses for profit and fun. Your character name is Roddy, and your sidekick and "little bit on the side" is Cathy.
Mario- cool. Hopefully I'll able to use some badass one-liners.
Cathy- hi. I'll be your new partner.
Mario looks at Cathy, in amazement and lust.
Mario- MAMAMIA!! You can pull me in anytime.
S. Itoh- OKAY! AND ACTION!
So Mario starts to play his role as Roddy in "Top Hunter". I'm not gonna bore you with any more details other than it's similar to a cheesy action film, but after they released the "watered down" version for US and European sales, they went on to redo a "Japanese version" containing more violence, gore, hentai-style sex and a lot of swearing to go with it.
After the project was finished, while many arcade players overseas (mainly young kids and a few nerdy game junkies, as well as a few chibi fan boys), Mario and Cathy left for a back alley to "get to know each other better". On that same street, there was a drive-by shootout involving Samus Aran, Fox McCloud and the 2 boys from Gunstar Heroes, and a hardcore wrestling match between Buzz from Pit Fighter and Muscle Power.
And so ends another weird chapter of Mario's adventures with the SNK roster. Don't go away, kids, cause they'll be more next time as soon as someone gives me some ideas on what it'll be, and when it'll be.
Note- Battle Toads are a group of ass kicking amphibians, recruited by a bird-like professor (can't remember his name) who starred in their own games on the SNES and Genesis consoles. I don't know about you lot, but I feel that they were heavily based on the Teenage Mutant Turtles. Later on Billy and Jimmy Lee teamed up with the Toads in a pretty good crossover game called "Battle Toads Vs. Double Dragon. For those who haven't seen the Turtles, Master Splinter was the Sensei of the turtles, and Casey Jones was a badass vigilante who wore a hockey mask and was armed with various sports clubs, Think of him as the Bronx's version of Vega (though Casey came first), and the Shredder was the main villain, looking more like a spiky samurai. For those who don't know about the battle toads, Big Blag was a giant Rat that usually eats you and spits you out, and the Dark Queen was the Main Villain, looking more like WWF's Chyna in a Dominatrix outfit.
Note2- Top Hunter was an old platform game from SNK on the NEO GEO, it was kinda like an earlier, more toned down version of Metal Slug. It was okay for what it was, but the graphics and game play just looked too "Mario /Nintendo-ishly cute" for an SNK game. S. Itoh was an SNK producer for Real Bout Fatal Fury Special, and burning fight was basically a Final Fight ripoff, with much better graphics and sound.
Note3- does anybody ever played Paperboy? If not then you've missed out on a bit. Paperboy was a game where you play as a kid delivering the newspapers on different streets whilst trying to avoid various obstacles. Simple, but fucking addictive.
Note4- Gunstar heroes was another early 90s shoot em up for the Mega drive, and was easily one of the best. You could jump, kick, throw, slide, and dive. That game made a lot of SNES gamers jealous (and believe me, that didn't happen often).
The year is 1994, and Mario has been fairly happy with his new job in SNK. He's basically being doing a bit of back stage work, and a lot of paperwork and hasn't done any game appearances so far except for a small appearance in "Blues Journey" in a stupid lizard costume, and in "Burning Fight" as one of the irrelevant bad guys, but Mario doesn't give a shit, as he's getting paid for actually attending SNK. After years of loyal service, accepting bribes to go to work and consecutive arse kissing, Mario finally gets his big break debut today. Oh, and he's also appointed himself as SNK's own FBI (female body inspector). We now go into Mario's apartment, and our Italian stud has just woken up from a drug-fuelled sex romp with Streets of Rage's Blaze Fielding. The stud plumber is too mashed to remember anything since yesterday.
Mario- oh, shit. What a headache! I must've been on that Magic Mushroom shit (turns to his head to see Blaze Fielding in his bedroom, completely nude) oh baby have I reeled in a beauty or what? OH Yeah. Now I can brag to my friends that I've fucked the girl from Streets of Rage.
Blaze wakes up, and is horrified to see where she's ended up. She is slowly recovering from the effects of last night, albeit with some truly fucked up memories, a strong one including her being caressed by Mario with a magic flute. Enraged at the moustache-wearing, dungarees wearing, sex crazed Italian lunatic, Blaze jumps him and beats him senseless, German suplexing him through a table before throwing a mini-fireball at him and quickly getting dressed and quickly leaving the room.
Blaze- bastard! Don't come near me again. I gotta get home, what'll I say to Axel, I can't say that I spent the night being fucked by a plumber.
Being dazed for about 5 minutes, Mario soon recovers from his recent beating. Not soon after does the postman arrive. The postman is that famous kid called paperboy, who is famous for being a paperboy. He's for some reason or another now changed his name to Postboy
Postboy- A Letter for a Mr. Mario Mario.
Mario- Paperboy? What are hell you doing as a postman?
Postboy- oh this? This is just for some extra cash. Despite dodging speedy cars, being chased rabid dogs in front gardens, and hitting targets with newspapers, the paperboy job just wasn't challenging enough. I needed something to give me a little boost of adrenaline.
Mario- and you chose to be a postman?
Postboy- hey! Don't knock the duties of the postmen. Do you know the dangers of going into the front garden of a house and delivering the mail, how fucking vicious those dogs are? And on top of that, we aren't even covered with health insurance or rabies shots. Besides I wanted to make enough cash to take papergirl out to one of those poncey ass restaurants, to increased my chances to post my mail through her letterbox, if you know what I mean.
Mario- yeah, yeah. Now please hand me my mail.
Postboy- sorry about that. Here you go, Mario. See ya.
Mario- let's see... bills, bills, bills, a letter from Luigi¸ a death threat from Bowser, hey what's this?
It's a letter from Mr. Kawasaki, asking him to come to work early, of course Mario is pissed off that he has to work over the weekend, but is influenced by the big wad of cash that the SNK boss put in the letter to persuade him to come. Mario heads off to hi place of work for another day of paperwork in the office. On his way, he sees Sonic and Tails driving in their low rider (with the same design pattern as Tails' plane in Sonic 2) smashing neighbours' letterboxes with baseball bats, and sees a magical brawl between Magic boy and that guy from Magical drop. We now arrive to the building, where Mario is talking to the SNK chairman. The chairman is looking pretty happy to see Mario (unlike Shigeru, who usually turns his head in disgust) The room is the same except there's a picture of Ryu, Akuma and Ken placed on a dartboard, along with various sharp objects sticking out of the photo, with the words "Die, Capcom, Die!!" and "DOWN WITH REHASHES".
Kawasaki- Mario, you've been here for almost a year, and you've been pretty loyal and hardworking, It's time to give you an opportunity.
Mario- you mean I get to become SNK's new mascot?
Kawasaki- hell no, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna put you on the shelf, unlike Capcom who usually only use Ryu, Ken and Akuma. And yet they still manage to become so popular. Damn those bastards. (Clenches his fists in anger, and cursing the name of Capcom) anyway I'm gonna give you an opportunity by letting you star in your own game. It's no KOF or Fatal Fury, but it'll be a good start for you.
Mario- Alright!! (Does the little win pose he does when he collects a sunshine in Mario sunshine)
The following night, and Mario is in the La illusions bar, with his newfound colleagues, Mai Shiranui, Ralf Jones, and Terry Bogard, all celebrating the fact that Mario has finally been given his big break.
Terry- 3 cheers for Mario.
ALL- HIP, HIP HOORAY
Mai- congrats, Mario (kisses him, much to Mario's pleasure)
Mario- HAHA. Hooray for me. Hooray for. Hold on what's happening there?
On the other side of the pub, we see the Teenage mutant ninja turtles and the Battle toads in a seriously heated argument. They are pissed, and look very, very aggressive.
Leonardo- you fly swatting assholes ain't shit compared to us. We're the original green Mother fuckers. You just stole our image. Only when shell freezes over, will you be able to kick our asses.
Rash- whatever dude. You're only tough cause you got weapons and coloured bandanas. Like a fucking bunch of gangsta turtles
Michelangelo- dude, you are like totally out of our league. You can't even do half the stuff we do in our games. Even the Bronx learnt to fear us.
Zitz- at least we don't have a flea bitten shit stained rat as our master. We have a fucking birdman with an I.Q. of 5566 in our corner as well as the Double Dragon bros watching our backs. What do you have, a fucking no-hope pussy thug with sports clubs and a gay hockey mask?
Donatello- Don't fucking Dis Master Splinter or Casey Jones. If you wanna fight, then bring it on, mother fuckers.
Pimple- okay then, let's go.
Raphael- yeah! Watch me stick my Sais up your asses!
Turtles- TURTLE POWER!!
Battle toads- uh, TOAD POWER?? Sorry, but we haven't got any catchy one- liners.
So the argument ends, as both the Battle toads and the Turtles begin to fight. As they slug it out the way only amphibians and reptiles can. Neither teams are spared from being slammed about, punched, kicked, thrown, hit by weapons, or attacked by various special moves. 5 minutes into fight, and Casey Jones, Jimmy and Billy Lee, Master Splinter, that Bird guy, Big Blag, the Shredder, and the Dark Queen join in the fight throwing chairs, bottles, various furniture, and customers and staff stupid enough to get in the way. After the fight ends, leaving members either sent to hospital or sent to the Southtown police station, Mario and the SNK crew got fed up and fucked off back to their homes.
The next day, and Mario and the SNK crew are in the SNK studio. SNK director, S. Itoh talks to Mario about the game project and to go over the idea if need to.
S. Itoh- so are you clear on everything?
Mario- yes, but why am I wearing a yellow armoured suit and a pilot's helmet?
S. Itoh- (sigh) Listen up carefully. The game is called "Top Hunter" a platform game that involves guns, robots and you are now playing a rogue bounty hunter known for kicking asses for profit and fun. Your character name is Roddy, and your sidekick and "little bit on the side" is Cathy.
Mario- cool. Hopefully I'll able to use some badass one-liners.
Cathy- hi. I'll be your new partner.
Mario looks at Cathy, in amazement and lust.
Mario- MAMAMIA!! You can pull me in anytime.
S. Itoh- OKAY! AND ACTION!
So Mario starts to play his role as Roddy in "Top Hunter". I'm not gonna bore you with any more details other than it's similar to a cheesy action film, but after they released the "watered down" version for US and European sales, they went on to redo a "Japanese version" containing more violence, gore, hentai-style sex and a lot of swearing to go with it.
After the project was finished, while many arcade players overseas (mainly young kids and a few nerdy game junkies, as well as a few chibi fan boys), Mario and Cathy left for a back alley to "get to know each other better". On that same street, there was a drive-by shootout involving Samus Aran, Fox McCloud and the 2 boys from Gunstar Heroes, and a hardcore wrestling match between Buzz from Pit Fighter and Muscle Power.
And so ends another weird chapter of Mario's adventures with the SNK roster. Don't go away, kids, cause they'll be more next time as soon as someone gives me some ideas on what it'll be, and when it'll be.
Note- Battle Toads are a group of ass kicking amphibians, recruited by a bird-like professor (can't remember his name) who starred in their own games on the SNES and Genesis consoles. I don't know about you lot, but I feel that they were heavily based on the Teenage Mutant Turtles. Later on Billy and Jimmy Lee teamed up with the Toads in a pretty good crossover game called "Battle Toads Vs. Double Dragon. For those who haven't seen the Turtles, Master Splinter was the Sensei of the turtles, and Casey Jones was a badass vigilante who wore a hockey mask and was armed with various sports clubs, Think of him as the Bronx's version of Vega (though Casey came first), and the Shredder was the main villain, looking more like a spiky samurai. For those who don't know about the battle toads, Big Blag was a giant Rat that usually eats you and spits you out, and the Dark Queen was the Main Villain, looking more like WWF's Chyna in a Dominatrix outfit.
Note2- Top Hunter was an old platform game from SNK on the NEO GEO, it was kinda like an earlier, more toned down version of Metal Slug. It was okay for what it was, but the graphics and game play just looked too "Mario /Nintendo-ishly cute" for an SNK game. S. Itoh was an SNK producer for Real Bout Fatal Fury Special, and burning fight was basically a Final Fight ripoff, with much better graphics and sound.
Note3- does anybody ever played Paperboy? If not then you've missed out on a bit. Paperboy was a game where you play as a kid delivering the newspapers on different streets whilst trying to avoid various obstacles. Simple, but fucking addictive.
Note4- Gunstar heroes was another early 90s shoot em up for the Mega drive, and was easily one of the best. You could jump, kick, throw, slide, and dive. That game made a lot of SNES gamers jealous (and believe me, that didn't happen often).